Can I get a crit for my FBI proposal (partial)?!

MarkEsq

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I hope this doesn't run afoul of the rules but I am looking for some help from all you non-fiction writers - I have posted a couple of the section of my book proposal here:

http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=69

The book is the biography of an FBI profiler I am writing and I will love you forever (or at least, long time) if you offer criticisms and/or suggestions.

Many thanks!

Mark