Women WANT to be treated like crap

You sound kind of bitter.

It's not that women want to be treated like crap. It's that many women believe that their love can "save" the man who treats them like crap.

It's stupid, but my experience says it's true.

Captshady said:

I'm convinced that what women SAY they want out of men is complete, and total bull crap. They SAY they want a sensitive, caring man that will take care of them, protect them, be a partner in life, etc but life has taught me that women want a challenge in the rough drinking man that gives them attention when and only when he feels like it.

A bunch of you will respond with "not me" and from this moment on, I'll never believe that lie again.

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I never said that. I'm a firm believer in "Save A Horse [Ride A Cowboy]."

My cousin was sexually abused as a baby - now she looks for men that beat her.

My ex-hubby hit me once - thats how he became my ex.

Everyone is different but yes, it does seem like some just keep going back for more.

* buys Captshady a drink*

If I tried treating my wife like crap I'd end up picking my gizzards off the floor.

Captshady said:

In my experience, it wouldn't be wise to say "thank you" for the drink. If I'd like to see you again, I should say "thanks, no go get me a sandwich"

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Don't forget to slap her on the ass, too. Geesh.

ETA: You know what I think? I think you married someone who was, uh, less than nice, shall we say? Then, you start seeing the same kind of thing all over the place, women who put up with crap, and it's just not fair, is it?

Sort of like buying a car. You buy it, and before that, you hardly ever see one. After you buy that make and model, you start seeing them EVERYWHERE YOU GO.

In other words, if you're looking for women who put up with crap, you're going to see them, and see a lot of them. Your eye will skip right over people that don't fit that description, because it doesn't fit with your experience.

That's my two cents.

<-- *knows when to keep his yap shut*

It probably works in reverse as well. Some men may enjoy being treated badly by women.

Ridiculous! There's no such thing as "women want..." or "men want...". Treat enough women like crap and eventually you'll find one who likes to be treated that way.

What Cranky said. It helps if you'd rather be alone than with a jerk, though. Many women (and men, for that matter) can't say that. One of my good guy friends is one of the nicest guys I know, yet he keeps dating psycho beeyotches. He admitted that he can't stand being alone, so that's why he settles. I know a lot of people who simply aren't comfortable without someone, anyone, in their lives. I'm not one of them -- I adore my solitude.

Funny, MeowGuy says that a big reason he loves me is because I don't need him. That goes both ways.

As a younger man, I heard nothing but female friends say they wanted a funny and sensitive guy. I heard complaint after complaint about arrogant playas who cheated, blew them off, forced sex, "borrowed" money, and much more.

And yet every woman I dated left me a little less sensitive and a little more sarcastic.


I think it may also be an age factor too - before 25, some women are still really girls (and men are boys until at least 40). Some are all about flash and excitement, and while they may not realize it, they are attracted to superficial things. Danger and mystery can be confused for raw male sensuality, and panties just fly off. On the flip side, if they act responsibly when younger, there can also be a tendency to consider all the wild passion they missed out on, and still go down a bad path with more experience.

CaptShady, I can certainly sympathise with how you are feeling, but don't let the behaviour of a couple of women make you bitter.

I sometimes feel bitter about past relationships and the number of friends I've had who were mistreated by their menfolk...I hear myself starting to say 'Oh, Men are all so...' But then I remember all the good blokes out there... I shouldn't tar you all with the same brush. And we women aren't all the same either, although a lot of us do seem to have father issues and silly notions that we can change a man.

Oh, and regarding the whole "he's good-looking, I'm fat and bald" part...

Patrick Stewart and Yul Brynner are/were bald, but they are/were pretty hot. Of course, if either of them had said, "Women like being ill-treated" I wouldn't have found them so attractive.

Captshady, I know you're pissed and it sounds like you've got a reason to be, but I have a different take on the evolution of these attitudes. I don't think women want to be treated like crap. In fact, those words strung together in that order are absurd.

What many people have is an addiction to the buzz of passion. When it happens automatically to propel people together, we call it chemistry. In entertainment and advertising this agitated state often figures prominently to advance drama because it is, in fact, very dramatic. But it's also short-lived in its most potent state. We live in constant vicarious arousal. We've come to think of it as normal and as if something is missing once it cools.

A close approximation of that feeling is the buzz of reunion. Many people have become so addicted to the oxytocin response that they will manufacture reunion scenarios (which can't happen without a rift) to simulate the original high.

It is, like any addiction, an affinity for a feeling - gone horribly wrong.

First of all, I'm sorry for your unhappiness, Cap. But your sample size for making those sweeping generalizations is n = 2. Beyond that, you have hardly made an unbiased sampling. We tend to see extreme examples (especially if we live them) when a large number of happy couples go unnoticed. As for the psychology behind these behaviors, I suspect the reasons are as varied as the individuals exhibiting them. I will agree with you, though. If you did a thorough survey of a cross section of our society, you'd be probably be swamped with "I'm not like that" responses.

Most important, though, is to avoid comparison. Let your BIL's relationship with this woman be what it is. Work on yours (or not) in isolation of what is happening with them or anyone else. Looking at what other people have or do is dangerous because we tend to see only the shallow water stuff. Then we compare that to the deep water stuff with our partners. It's easy to frolic when the water is shin-deep. You don't know what will happen to those people when they swim past the drop-off in their relationship. Work on you. Find your happiness.

GuRlz R M33n

MattW said:

GuRlz R M33n

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Duh

I think the whole women want to be treated like crap thing is so much crap.

What is true is that there is a large subset of both women and men for whom drama, danger, and strife are necessary parts of sexual attraction. Drama and danger get the heart pounding and the blood flowing, as do sex, and for some you can't have one without the other. The bad boy syndrome. (Or bad girl)

And as for physically attractive people having more success in attracting partners, (or at least one night stands) well, that may not be fair, but it's life. Very physically attractive people, both men and women, tend to hook up with others at the same level of attractiveness. In fact, most couples seem to be in the same ballpark, attractive-wise, at whatever level.

Men who are not particularly attractive at least have the opportunity to acquire wealth and/or power, which can act as a stand in. Not so much true with women.

No, life's not fair.

Captshady said:

My bro in law gets to treat women like crap and have them pining for him. The difference between he and I? He's good looking, I'm fat and bald. He treats women like crap, and I've never been able to pull it off.

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Sounds like your brother in law is manipulator. They can run their games for a while but it catches up to them. there is a movie with Martin Lawerence called "A Thin Line Between Love and Hate" Watch it and think of your bro--whole new view.

As for Men like your bro--they are women who use them for sport--if he keeps up like his is he will meet one just like him. and i would bet $50 she will flatten him.

Good guys don't finish last. The world full of good people but you have to look.

DeleyanLee said:

It's not that women want to be treated like crap. It's that many women believe that their love can "save" the man who treats them like crap.

It's stupid, but my experience says it's true.

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Yup. We want to "fix" somebody.

rugcat said:

And as for physically attractive people having more success in attracting partners, (or at least one night stands) well, that may not be fair, but it's life. Very physically attractive people, both men and women, tend to hook up with others at the same level of attractiveness. In fact, most couples seem to be in the same ballpark, attractive-wise, at whatever level.

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Furthermore, the divorce rate (or relationship failure rate) among the best looking celebrities is about zero, while that among overweight, average-looking people must be around 99%. Right?

Some men like to be treated like crap. I can think of three men in my circle of friends and family who serially date very narcissistic, bitchy, emotionally labile women. My only guess is that a guy like this initially likes feeling like the rescuer in the relationship, and then is all WTF? when he needs nurturing and doesn't get it from a woman like this.

In my experience (which is varied, but fairly limited), this happens when a person puts looks ahead of substance.