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View Full Version : If Bush resigned today, this is what his speech would be.....



Robert Toy
08-27-2008, 11:47 AM
http://i98.photobucket.com/albums/l253/RT_2006/B1.jpg

Normally, I start these things out by saying 'My Fellow Americans.' Not doing it this time. If the polls are any indication, I don't know who more than half of you are anymore. I do know something terrible has happened, and that you're really not fellow Americans any longer.
I'll cut right to the chase here: I quit. Now before anyone gets all in a lather about me quitting to avoid impeachment, or to avoid prosecution or something, let me assure you: There's been no breaking of laws or impeachable offenses in this office.

http://i98.photobucket.com/albums/l253/RT_2006/B2.jpg

The reason I'm quitting is simple. I'm fed up with you people. I'm fed up because you have no understanding of what's really going on in the world. Or of what's going on in this once-great nation of ours. And the majority of you are too damned lazy to do your homework and figure it out.
Let's start local. You've been sold a bill of goods by politicians and the news media. Polls show that the majority of you think the economy is in the tank. And that's despite record numbers of homeowners, including record numbers of MINORITY homeowners. And while we're mentioning minorities, I'll point out that minority business ownership is at an all-time high. Our unemployment rate is as low as it ever was during the Clinton administration. I've mentioned all those things before, but it doesn't seem to have sunk in.

http://i98.photobucket.com/albums/l253/RT_2006/B3.jpg

Despite the shock to our economy of 9/11, the stock market has rebounded to record levels and more Americans than ever are participating in these markets. Meanwhile, all you can do is whine about gas prices, and most of you are too damn stupid to realize that gas prices are high because there's increased demand in other parts of the world, and because a small handful of noisy idiots are more worried about polar bears and beachfront property than your economic security.
We face real threats in the world. Don't give me this 'blood for oil' thing. If I were trading blood for oil I would've already seized Iraq’s oil fields and let the rest of the country go to hell. And don't give me this 'Bush Lied; People Died' crap either. If I were the liar you morons take me for, I could've easily had chemical weapons planted in Iraq so they could be 'discovered.' Instead, I owned up to the fact that the intelligence was faulty.

http://i98.photobucket.com/albums/l253/RT_2006/B4.jpg

Let me remind you that the rest of the world thought Saddam had the goods, same as me. Let me also remind you that regime change in Iraq was official US policy before I came into office. Some guy named ' Clinton ' established that policy. Bet you didn't know that, did you?
You idiots need to understand that we face a unique enemy. Back during the cold war, there were two major competing political and economic models squaring off. We won that war, but we did so because fundamentally, the Communists wanted to survive, just as we do. We were simply able to outspend and out-tech them.

http://i98.photobucket.com/albums/l253/RT_2006/B5.jpg


That's not the case this time. The soldiers of our new enemy don't care if they survive. In fact, they want to die. That'd be fine, as long as they weren't also committed to taking as many of you with them as they can. But they are. They want to kill you, and the bastards are all over the globe.
You should be grateful that they haven't gotten any more of us here in the United States since September 11. But you're not. That's because you've got no idea how hard a small number of intelligence, military, law enforcement, and homeland security people have worked to make sure of that. When this whole mess started, I warned you that this would be a long and difficult fight. I'm disappointed how many of you people think a long and difficult fight amounts to a single season of 'Survivor.'

http://i98.photobucket.com/albums/l253/RT_2006/B6.jpg

Instead, you've grown impatient. You're incapable of seeing things through the long lens of history, the way our enemies do. You think that wars should last a few months, a few years, tops.
Making matters worse, you actively support those who help the enemy. Every time you buy the New York Times, every time you send a donation to a cut-and-run Democrat's political campaign, well, dang it, you might just as well FedEx a grenade launcher to a Jihadist. It amounts to the same thing.

http://i98.photobucket.com/albums/l253/RT_2006/B7.jpg

In this day and age, it's easy enough to find the truth. It's all over the Internet. It just isn't on the pages of the New York Times or on NBC News. But even if it were, I doubt you'd be any smarter. Most of you would rather watch American Idol.
I could say more about your expectations that the government will always be there to bail you out, even if you're too stupid to leave a city that's below sea level and has a hurricane approaching.

http://i98.photobucket.com/albums/l253/RT_2006/B8.jpg

I could say more about your insane belief that government, not your own wallet, is where the money comes from. But I've come to the conclusion that were I to do so, it would sail right over your heads.
So I quit. I'm going back to Crawford. I've got an energy-efficient house down there (Al Gore could only dream) and the capability to be fully self-sufficient. No one ever heard of Crawford before I got elected, and as soon as I'm done here pretty much no one will ever hear of it again. Maybe I'll be lucky enough to die of old age before the last pillars of America fall.

http://i98.photobucket.com/albums/l253/RT_2006/B9.jpg

Oh, and by the way, Cheney's quitting too. That means Pelosi is your new President. You asked for it. Watch what she does carefully, because I still have a glimmer of hope that there are just enough of you remaining who are smart enough to turn this thing around in 2008.

So that's it. God bless what's left of America . Some of you know what I mean. The rest of you, kiss my Connecticut born and Texas bred ass.

dpaterso
08-27-2008, 12:05 PM
If Aaron Sorkin wrote the speech for him, sure.

-Derek

maestrowork
08-27-2008, 04:24 PM
Too eloquent to be believable.

Starwise
08-27-2008, 04:26 PM
F*CKIN' AWESOME.

Shadow_Ferret
08-27-2008, 05:38 PM
I dont get it.

BenPanced
08-27-2008, 05:39 PM
When did this turn into P&CE?

Shadow_Ferret
08-27-2008, 05:43 PM
That, too.

Unique
08-27-2008, 06:26 PM
If he really wrote a speech -

It would be more like this:



nyah, nyah, ya missed me. you didn't catch me in time so now you can't catch me at all....so long, suckers! thankx for all the moola - ya fools.

Robert Toy
08-28-2008, 10:58 AM
If he really wrote a speech -

It would be more like this:
You making fun on me?

You sound like one of them Ghee Hodist, don’t make me drop a Nookleer bomb on you, hear?

Marian Perera
08-28-2008, 11:52 AM
Nu-cu-ler. It's pronounced nu-cu-ler.

Robert Toy
08-28-2008, 11:54 AM
Laura told me to say Nookleer

Unique
08-28-2008, 03:52 PM
This Laura says, 'Erase the word nuclear from your vocabulary, please. You don't have the mental wherewithal to be using words you can't even pronounce.'

Thank you. Have a nice day.

Robert Toy
08-28-2008, 05:14 PM
This Laura says, 'Erase the word nuclear from your vocabulary, please. You don't have the mental wherewithal to be using words you can't even pronounce.'

Thank you. Have a nice day.
Don't forget to thank all the mental giants who put him into office...twice!

Damn, that reminds me of an old Justin Wilson routine.

Shadow_Ferret
08-28-2008, 05:21 PM
Nu-cu-ler. It's pronounced nu-cu-ler.
He learned it from Jimmy Carter.


Don't forget to thank all the mental giants who put him into office...twice!

Yes, I'd like to thank all the Democrats who gave us NOTHING to vote for instead.

regdog
08-28-2008, 05:24 PM
This Laura says, 'Erase the word nuclear from your vocabulary, please. You don't have the mental wherewithal to be using words you can't even pronounce.'

Thank you. Have a nice day.

I don't know if Laura would say that for the past eight years she has struck as walk two paces behind Steppford Wife "I'll simply die if I don't get this recipe."

Condi might have told GWB to take nuculear out of his vocab.

Shadow_Ferret
08-28-2008, 05:43 PM
I don't know if Laura would say that for the past eight years she has struck as walk two paces behind Steppford Wife "I'll simply die if I don't get this recipe."
.
So, in other words, she was being a good First Lady.

shawkins
08-28-2008, 05:47 PM
I would have used this one too:

http://www.voccoquan.com/images/bush%20finger.JPG

Williebee
08-28-2008, 05:47 PM
He learned it from Jimmy Carter.

Difference is, Carter actually knew what it was, and how it worked.

maestrowork
08-28-2008, 05:49 PM
Difference is, Carter actually knew what it was, and how it worked.

But GWB has this button!!

http://jeffcaylor.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/05/img_3408.jpg

Shadow_Ferret
08-28-2008, 05:50 PM
Difference is, Carter actually knew what it was, and how it worked.
No, he didn't. If he did we'd be able to build new plants today. Instead we're stuck without that option in this time of crisis. Thinking nuclear power is evil is rather archaic.


Is it time to move this to PC&E yet?

shawkins
08-28-2008, 06:13 PM
No, he didn't.

Carter was more-than-ususally conversant with nuclear issues. He applied to be in the nuclear navy under Hyman Rickover, took some basic courses in reactor operation, and participated in the cleanup at the Chalk River Site accident. The stated reason for his opposition to nuclear power was to combat nuclear proliferation. (Prior to the fall of the Soviet Union, fissionable material was a lot harder to come by.)


If he did we'd be able to build new plants today. Instead we're stuck without that option in this time of crisis.

Actually, two new ones just broke ground in September and October of 2007, the first such in 30+ years.


Thinking nuclear power is evil is rather archaic.

Unless you like living in the dark. Oh, wait...


Is it time to move this to PC&E yet?

Any second now, I imagine.

Shadow_Ferret
08-28-2008, 06:16 PM
well....

He still couldn't pronounce it correctly.

Nyah! :tongue

regdog
08-28-2008, 06:19 PM
So, in other words, she was being a good First Lady.

:tongue

shawkins
08-28-2008, 06:29 PM
Unless you like living in the dark. Oh, wait...

Just to clarify, I completely agree with Ferret that building more nuclear plants is necessary and good.

ETA: and when talking about them Presidents should pronounce the word properly

regdog
08-28-2008, 06:46 PM
What Obama and McCain could say

http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l117/regdog/3c9e9c16.jpg

Shadow_Ferret
08-28-2008, 06:50 PM
http://punditkitchen.files.wordpress.com/2008/05/political-pictures-barack-obama-bat-signal.jpg

regdog
08-28-2008, 06:52 PM
http://punditkitchen.files.wordpress.com/2008/05/political-pictures-barack-obama-bat-signal.jpg

Finally SF has succumbed to an LOL and it's pretty funny too

Unique
08-28-2008, 09:33 PM
http://punditkitchen.files.wordpress.com/2008/05/political-pictures-barack-obama-bat-signal.jpg

Argh! They's stolen my words! I'm so tired of hearing that...

I AM NOT!

regdog
08-28-2008, 11:59 PM
http://punditkitchen.files.wordpress.com/2008/05/political-pictures-barack-obama-bat-signal.jpg






This guy r doin it right

http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l117/regdog/00640e07.jpg