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Marisa Louise
04-25-2005, 11:50 AM
WHEREVER YOU WANT TO: think up-tempo; electric guitars, some muted drums, an itty bitty bit of a sort of techno sound to it, a sort of static background so it sounds a little tattered, torn and edgy and a little violin for some sort of different funk...probably a bit of crisp piano as well.

If I slid into your room
Would you let me get to you?
Would you let me see your soul through
All the slivers that you hide
Of the fears you keep inside
If I told you that I want you?

'Cause I know that
You know that
I want you;
And if you breathe in,
I'll breathe out
The whole night through.

'Cause I'd sell my soul to you,
And I'd walk on glass for you.
I'll press my skin on you.
I'm telling you take me
Wherever you want to!

If I said it was alright,
Would you keep me in your sight?
Or would you run away when
All my doubts are stripped aside
And if I told you that I lied
When I said I didn't want to?

'Cause I want now
More than then
What I shouldn't do
And if you let me
I'll let you... (giggle)

'Cause I'd sell my soul to you
And I'd walk on glass for you.
I'd press my lips on you.
I'm begging you take me
Wherever you want to!


Alright, so I don't really "write" music because I have no idea how to write a note or what I'm singing, nor do I play any instruments, except by ear. So, I write lyrics and I sing tunes and melodies that happen to come in with them. This particular one just came as a song one night. Generally I write a poem and a year or two later I read them, a melody pops into mind, and then I edit and record vocally.

I have a problem creating a bridge for this song and many others in particular, and finding a propper way to "end" the song. If you could all let me know your thoughts on the lyrics or how to create a bridge appropriate for the song, it would be great!

I don't see an option for adding a recorded attachment, BUT, here's what I "hear" for this song: It's kind of rock-ish. It's got electric guitars, some muted drums, an itty bitty bit of a sort of techno sound to it, a sort of static background so it sounds a little tattered, torn and edgy and a little violin for some sort of different funk...probably a bit of piano as well.

I could try to re-record the vocals I came up with so that they sound half-way decent and post a link from yousendit.com or something, but perhaps you all can do with what I've given ya' so far.

Thanks a bunch in advance for your input! I'm craving critique!!!!! :)

Marisa Louise
04-25-2005, 12:34 PM
Whoops!

I just realized that "the place to share" would be in the "Share Your Work" board, eh?

write4details
05-05-2005, 08:00 AM
Not bad. Actually I thought it was the usual sappy chick song at first, but it grew on me. Sort of Avril Lavignish by the end there, huh?

I think if you look at this lyric later you will maybe think what I do, that you are doing better with "take me wherever you want to" and even "walk on glass" than the early lines about seeing the soul.

A lyricist who can't perform or write is going to be frustrated, but it's not the end of the world. Some really great songs were written by one writer turning in lyric sheets for a partner to put to music. Bernie Taupin for Elton John for one, Robert Hunter's songs for the Grateful Dead. Add to that all the teams like David/Bacharach, Rogers/Hammerstein and you can see that there are ways to go.

But how? Obviously the best way is to meet a great musician who would just love to punch your words up into songs. If you have a little money, you can hire that, in fact.

If you have a tune in mind and are hot to use it, it gets more complicated. Again, there are people who do this for you, and they can do it from a casette of you singing the lyrics.

A nice thing to have is a lead sheet...lyrics with a melody line and chords--or even just lyrics and chords. If you can work that out on a guitar or piano it helps. If not, it's a very easy thing to get done. Any decent musician can quickly lay a chord structure down on your melody. Again, if you have friends you don't need money.

Not all songs need bridges. And a LOT of songs seem to end up nowhere on the paper, but finalize fine when sung.

If a bridge suggests itself fine: if not don't worry about it. Generally a bridge is called that because it brings the song back around to the chord that starts the chorus of verse, but using a different melody line or tossing in some different chords. Sometimes bridges are pretty startlingly "alien" to the rest of the song...I always marveled at the "silver girl" bridge in Paul Simon's "Bridge over troubled water". But don't worry about not having one.

To combine those questions, sometimes songs end up in a coda or sorts that is sort of a bridge to nowhere at the end. For instance, at the end of your song the singer could be doing a fade out like this:
Take me, take me anywhere
Take me, take me everywhere
Take me, take me I won't care
Take me, take me