Question for the married women.

I wanted to take his name. Don't know why really. I guess I'm just a bit of a traditionalist. Now if I'd had an established career under my maiden name before he came along, I would've kept that. But as I was just plain old Mandy who hasn't made it big as a writer yet, I was happy to go with his.

I don't associate my identity with my last name, only my first. Maybe because I always figured I'd take my hubby's last name... something of a traditionalist in that way myself.

When I got married, I left behind the family home and the family name to start my own family (still holding at two members!) with hubby.

But I didn't take his first name. I am *NOT* Mrs. Ryan Dickson. I am Ms. Clair Dickson. (The Ms./Mrs. rant is for another time. ;-)

Err . . . what if you're married to a spouse of the same sex and it isn't male?

I felt too strange about giving up my name, and I don't understand why women should automatically have to take the man's name. How about a few men taking ours for a change?
I have to say though my husband wasn't too thrilled about it, and it's still a point of contention. We are four years into marriage and I said I would change it if he really wanted me too, and he said it was 'too late now.' Talk about sulky.

I am no longer married, but I was once. So, I won't take your married women poll. But, I will answer your question.

I was not so attached to my father's surname for personal reasons. Thus, I was happy to leave the old and move to the new name. When I divorced, I kept the married last name as it does fit on checks and the like when I have to sign stuff rather nicely, in comparsion to the Polish moniker I had prior.

Christine

I didn't change my name for over a year after we got married, and then I only did it because we had a baby.

I also didn't add him to my checking account for three years, even though his paychecks were direct deposited there. It was my own mother who pointed out, "What if something happens to you? He can't get to his own money!" Ah, mother. Yet again, you foil my evil plans.

Second marriage, learned a lot from the first burn and did not enjoy the fight for my name. Or my money.

My friend Ming-Na took her husband's last name in her personal life but professionally, she kept her maiden name until it became a bit too confusing for her children, so she finally dropped the last name professionally. Most other friends took their husbands' last names.

A gay friend of mine combined his and his partner's last names (with a hyphen). Obviously their relationship isn't really "legal" but that's what they did.

I'm not helpful. Happily unmarried, but I voted for taking Orlando's last name.

katiemac said:

I'm not helpful. I voted for taking Orlando's last name.

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I think he should take my last name. Orlando Wong has a really nice ring to it, don't you think?

I took my husband's last name, because at the time, I didn't feel very attached to mine. My parents weren't married to each other when I was born, so I took my mom's maiden name. I never really felt like it was mine, so I was happy to take my husband's name.

I took hubby's name because I wanted to.

I've heard of husbands taking their wives names. Paul Waaktaar from A-ha is now Paul Savoy.

I happily changed my last name. I'll rep you what it was, if you want to know.

I was all too happy to change my maiden name. I hated my maiden name from the time I was old enough to care about it until the day I got married. I still hate it. It amazes me that my SIL (brother's wife) took it willingly. She must've been high...

Of course, my husband's name often requires explanation as well (A lot of people think he's Asian and their heads almost essplode when I explain that the name's Irish, but he isn't. ) but I'll take it any day of the week...

I took my hubby's name when we married, but 36 years ago that was the thing to do. I don't even know if they had it where a woman kept her maiden name. I would do the same thing today.

I liked his last name better than mine.

Like Susie, I got married 36 years ago. It was the common practice to take the man's name. Today I would keep my maiden name. But I use my maiden name as my middle name.

MM

I'm not married but one of my sisters has been, 3 times. The first two, she took her husband's (husbands'? That's a question for the grammar area) last names, but for the third marriage she kept her second ex-husband's name. If that makes sense.

If I get married I don't know what I'll do. On the one hand, I'm not particularly fond of Mr Me's surname. On the other, it might be nice to stop getting, "K. K., huh? Hope your middle name's not Karen."

Geez, what a mess everything will be if everyone starts hyphenating. Just imagine six generations from now.

"Do you, Mark Peters-Cunningham-Matthews-Smith-Lopez-Chu take Lisa Slater-O'Donnell-Sledd-Yurt-Fletcher-Banks to be your lawfully wedded wife?"

When my partner said she cannot wait to bear my surname, I surprised her by saying I wanted our names hyphenated. She asked me why (a hint of disappointment in her voice). I told her there's a stigma attached to my surname, and I'm appropriating hers and combining it with mine to form a brand new name so that everyone knows which bloodline is mine. She still may bear my surname but the children must have hyphenated names.

Bartholomew said:

Geez, what a mess everything will be if everyone starts hyphenating. Just imagine six generations from now.

"Do you, Mark Peters-Cunningham-Matthews-Smith-Lopez-Chu take Lisa Slater-O'Donnell-Sledd-Yurt-Fletcher-Banks to be your lawfully wedded wife?"

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You can't hyphenate more than two names. The father's surname is considered dominant.

I kept my maiden name for various reasons.
Not wanting to lose my identity was not one of them. The academic papers I already had published, those were part of it. The fact that "Shweta Smith" sounds really fake for publication purposes and "Shweta Narayan-Smith" sounds like a Lois McMaster Bujold character is another. Though on the Bujold track, changing our name to Naismith was a concept that amused us.

Anyhoo, I haven't noticed any link between maiden name and identity, so I voted for the eggplant

I kept my name. I didn't want to have to explain to my patients that I was now Dr NewLastname, not Dr Rima, change my business cards, change the name on my license, etc. It surprises me a little that women still change their names as often as they do.

Bartholomew said:

Geez, what a mess everything will be if everyone starts hyphenating. Just imagine six generations from now.

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It's worked just fine in Spain.