PDA

View Full Version : What If -



Unique
08-17-2008, 03:25 PM
I was reading this book - (really? just one?)

And I came across this passage:
How might your life have been different if there had been a place for you, a place for you to go to be with your mother, with your sisters and the aunts, with your grandmothers, and the great- and great-great-grandmothers, a place of women to go, to be, to return to, as woman?


How might your life be different?

I was stunned. I had no earthly clue and couldn't even imagine what it would be like - not even.

How about you? Guys - were your sisters and cousins like that? I don't know. There were so few of us and some of the ones - well, you didn't even want to know them. Because you didn't want to be like them. For whatever reason.

Thoughts?
Discuss.

Ol' Fashioned Girl
08-17-2008, 03:36 PM
I don't know... would I have been a better person if this 'place' had been available? I had plenty of aunts, a sister, untold numbers of cousins, but neither side of my mother's and father's families were close to us. Since I was the last of my parents' brood, born twelve years after the one before me, they were all gone and married by the time I was entering my teen years... the only female influence I had at that time was Mom, and she had problems of her own that didn't make it easy to be close to her. Maybe I would have been more likely to have kids if I'd been around more women. Or not. I don't know.

Good question! But it made me think too hard this early in the morning. :)

dianeP
08-17-2008, 03:47 PM
I guess, in a way, I did have a place like this. I'm the oldest of four girls (with a baby brother) and my mother is the second of five girls (with two brothers). I'm very close to my sisters and my mothers is close to hers.
My mother was a stay at home mom. So she was always there when I got home from school, always there to talk to. I also had a close bond to one of my aunts, living in the same apartment building as her when I first moved away from home. My grandmother lived on the next street.
I never really stopped to think what my life would have been had I not had all these women in my life. Until I read your post, I just took it for granted.
Thank you fo brining this up... I guess I should look at what I have with more gratitude.

nerds
08-17-2008, 04:30 PM
Feh.

The immediate women in my family lived in Dysfunction Junction, so, uh, no.

I never knew either of my grandmothers, but I gather there wouldn't have been much of a comfort zone there either.

I had one aunt who was the coolest, and I often wished I could have lived with her. She's gone now though.

Very interesting question but in my case I was better off with the menfolk who really raised me.

regdog
08-17-2008, 04:39 PM
The one thing I learned from several of the women in my family was exactly the kind of woman I never wanted to be.

I don't think any sort of "place" would have changed that

Southern_girl29
08-17-2008, 07:34 PM
I guess I was extremely lucky because I did have a place like that, and I grew up around a really great bunch of women. My mom's a little off, but the rest of the family is pretty good. My granny had five children, four of them girls. Out of eight grandchildren, six were girls. Every day after school and every day during the summer, I was at my granny's.

For four years before my granny died, all of my aunts and many of my cousins gathered over at my granny's house on Friday nights to eat and talk. It was mostly the females of the family. My husband called it our hen parties. I never thought I would enjoy something like that, but I did, and I miss it so much now that Granny's gone.

Pagey's_Girl
08-18-2008, 03:19 AM
I was never close to my father - we didn't get along well, and it got worse as I grew up - but my mom and I are very close. I was also close to both grandmothers, my aunt and one of my female cousins, so I guess I've had that place all along...

Judg
08-18-2008, 03:33 AM
I probably would have been girlier... At family gatherings I fled the hen party in the kitchen to discuss business and politics with the men.

I'm not sure I regret it. I'm comfortable with who I am.

Shadow_Ferret
08-18-2008, 05:24 AM
I dont' even understand. A place? To be with your mother?

Isn't that called "home?"

Seaclusion
08-18-2008, 05:26 AM
I dont' even understand. A place? To be with your mother?

Isn't that called "home?"

I'm with you. I don't get it either. This belongs in the girlie thread where they understand this stuff

Richard

Woodsie
08-18-2008, 05:30 AM
I grew up fending for myself, so I have attachment issues and issues with authority. Both of those things, I would imagine, exist in that sort of setting and the thought of being there doesn't sound pleasant at all.

rhymegirl
08-18-2008, 05:33 AM
I don't understand the question.

joyce
08-18-2008, 05:40 AM
The one thing I learned from several of the women in my family was exactly the kind of woman I never wanted to be.

I don't think any sort of "place" would have changed that

This is how I feel. My family was very, very tiny. I only had one brother and we were never close. I loved my mother, but she made me feel bad about myself more than she ever made me feel good. I tried to be something totally different than her when it came to raising my own daughter.

With that being said, I always dreamed of what it would have been like to have a sister or sisters. I always imagined I wouldn't have felt so alone growing up. Now my best friend is my sister. It took years to find her, but she fills the woman void.

Neurotic
08-18-2008, 05:53 AM
If I understand the question right, it's a nice idea in theory. But all of my sisters are varying shades of basketcase, I have one aunt whose family claim to fame is she's the only woman of that generation not to have wet herself laughing in public and my grandmother was the snarkiest person I've ever met. I think the women in my family are better off separated.

I love my family. From a safe distance. ;)

rhymegirl
08-18-2008, 06:02 AM
Okay, if this is about how close a family do you have? Then the answer is I love my mother and I've always gotten along with her. My grandmother too when she was alive.

I have 3 sisters and we're very close. And we all live within half an hour of each other.

I also have a daughter; she and I are very close.

Was that the point of the question?

Unique
08-18-2008, 06:11 AM
Was that the point of the question?




Is this about how close a family do you have?


Yes and no. And there is no point. I was just wondering.

nerds
08-18-2008, 02:33 PM
I interpreted it as a "place" or "space" within which one would feel safe, loved, encouraged, welcomed, and valid. A nurturing extended family does create that space, greatly benefiting children of either gender.

I do think that women who are not provided this while they're little by the adult female members of the family have a different row to hoe. Our life template becomes what not to be rather than the stability of being able to follow good role models.

SLThomas
08-18-2008, 03:24 PM
Nope.

I've always enjoyed the company of men more than women anyways. I like the women of my family, but one on one and in small doses. A lot of them are major drama queens.

Unique
08-19-2008, 01:03 AM
Nope.

I've always enjoyed the company of men more than women anyways.
Well, me too. I'd rather talk about a carbuerator than what's on sale at the mall anyday.


I like the women of my family, but one on one and in small doses. A lot of them are major drama queens.

No drama queens at my house (Unless you count the cousins)(which I don't, because they're drama queens.)

But I'm not particularly close to - one & two. That's all there is.

My step mom told me she would have named me Matilda. I told her she would have died. Shortly after I passed puberty. Matilda? Me? oh, Lord. You got the wrong number. :p Great movie. Nice name. Not me.

maggieuc
08-19-2008, 01:16 AM
I'm with you. I don't get it either. This belongs in the girlie thread where they understand this stuff

Richard
Lol! I'm a girl and I don't get it!!!!!!

TerzaRima
08-19-2008, 01:37 AM
I'm a woman, and I don't think I get it, but just in case I do may I ask: Why do women need a place to be women?

I'm a woman all the time, wherever I am. Or did the author mean somewhere women can congregate to recite Anne Sexton, pray to the Goddess and dance around a bonfire fed by used tampons?

Now I feel a little queasy.

Jcomp
08-19-2008, 01:55 AM
I dont' even understand. A place? To be with your mother?

Isn't that called "home?"

Ha! And ditto...

Peachnuts
08-19-2008, 05:09 AM
Your quote made me think of the Red Tent.
I miss woman bonding.
I am the only daughter (2 bros) and I really do wish I could have had an aunt/Grandma/cousin type of close family. My life WOULD have been different.
We came from Europe so have no extended family here.
But having said that, I do love my life (most days).

Shweta
08-19-2008, 05:16 AM
This got me thinking about what my extended family might have been like if there were only the girls all spending time together.

And... nope. Thanks but no thanks. Sisters might be cool (and my Twinnie is awesome!) but I wouldn't trade my brother for one. I like the men in my family just as much as the women, and I wouldn't want to lose that ever. And I like the fact that the girl cousins and boy cousins always played together.

And nobody is every taking me anyplace that doesn't have my darling baby nephew! :D

Pagey's_Girl
08-19-2008, 05:34 AM
I think it's more about having a place where you always feel like you belong, no matter what, unconditionally. Not so much about gender.

Unique
08-19-2008, 02:29 PM
I miss woman bonding.


Well - some people get it.

Never had it -can barely imagine it.


Pagey's_Girl: I think it's more about having a place where you always feel like you belong, no matter what, unconditionally. Not so much about gender. That, too.