View Full Version : Worst writing of 2008 - Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest

08-14-2008, 06:18 PM
Perhaps this should go in another forum thread, but I'm postin' it here:


I'm rather fond of the runner-up:

'Toads of glory, slugs of joy,' sang Groin the dwarf as he trotted jovially down the path before a great dragon ate him because the author knew that this story was a train wreck after he typed the first few words."
-- Alex Hall, Greeley, Colorado

Plot Device
08-14-2008, 06:22 PM
My vote is this should go into Roundtable. It ranks right up there with the sheer genius of:

"The camel died quite suddenly on the second day, and Selena fretted sulkily and, buffing her already impeccable nails--not for the first time since the journey began--pondered snidely if this would dissolve into a vignette of minor inconveniences like all the other holidays spent with Basil."


I feel silly now. This is the exact same contest.

DEFINITELY port to Roundtable, guys!

(And change the title of the thread to read "2008 Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest".)

Lyra Jean
08-14-2008, 06:31 PM
I like the mechanic line and how love touches you like a greasy hand.

08-14-2008, 06:34 PM
Yeah, I'd love to have the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest thread in here (and it is a current event) but I agree it's better placed in Round Table. Hang on to your hats.

08-14-2008, 07:15 PM
My all-time favourite is the 1984 winner (http://www.bulwer-lytton.com/lyttony.htm):

The lovely woman-child Kaa was mercilessly chained to the cruel post of the warrior-chief Beast, with his barbarous tribe now stacking wood at her nubile feet, when the strong, clear voice of the poetic and heroic Handsomas roared, "Flick your Bic, crisp that chick, and you'll feel my steel through your last meal."

02-23-2009, 11:01 PM
Any winners or runners-up on the boards? I'm working on entries for this year's contest.

I'll confess - one of my entries was selected a few years ago.

Dale Emery
02-24-2009, 12:34 AM
My submission several years ago resulted in the automated reply: "We will give your submission the consideration it deserves." LOL


02-24-2009, 02:20 AM
I'm more of a fan of the Lyttle Lytton Contest