Not Sure What Makes Me Feel Worse

Oh, man. This is why I don't tell anybody about my writing. Good luck figuring out how to get Gramps to let you live your own life.

I understand why you'd be upset.

But I also understand what your grandfather means. He was only trying to help, and whether you like it or not, whether they were good or not, he probably spent a good amount of time on the synopsis and query letter.

People don't write stories for themselves. I like to use the analogy that people write books for the same reason people tell ghost stories around the campfire. Do you know anyone who sits all alone by a campfire and tells stories to himself?

We all get tired of rejection at some point, and I do think (at least from the way you described the situation) you are giving up (in a way.)

You said it very well when you said "evolution of thought" was a political gab. Sounds impressive, but means next to nothing.

I'm not trying to pressure you into anything. I guess I'm just curious as to why you'd decide not to pursue publication, and quit writing altogether. To be frank, if you had the tenacity to write a novel and edit it, why in the world would you just drop it all?

Awww, don't be too hard on your grandpa! Gosh, look how much he believes in you! He thinks you're good enough to go out of his way to send your stuff out! What a sweet guy. Even if you don't decide to pursue your writing, let him down easy. He sounds like a nice guy.

Grr. So sorry this happened to you. I don't know what I would do if someone else tried to sell my stuff, even in my name. Were the rejections personalized, or just the form letter type? If personalized, you might take a chance and let them know what happened, send a revised query, and go from there.

*HUG* Hang in there. I know you're coming back to us after a hiatus, and I hope that you'll keep writing and honing your craft. Don't let Grandpa bother you too much. Everyone needs someone to believe in them, even if they are a little misguided.

I wish I had someone who believed in my writing like that. You're lucky. But yeah, those closest to us can be the most annoying at times. Believe it or not, this is a story you will recall fondly in years to come. Don't get into a fight, be mature and thank him, but ask him politely not to do it again.

What a dilemma! Great to have your grandpa believe in you - bless - but a tough one for you to handle.

Maybe you could tell him something on the lines of: you will try for publication when you feel you're good enough, but meanwhile you want to spend time learning and improving your writing so you have a better chance of success. That would leave him with hope, and maybe even further pride in you.

Oh wow. What a situation. How sweet to have a grandpa who believes in you and wants to encourage you, but yikes! Good luck when you have your talk.

It's a hard slog and easy to get discouraged or lose your goals. The day-to-day realities of the work involved for little reward are enough to make you forget your passion, for sure. Hang in there! I think writing is one of those things that if you want to do it, you will keep coming back to it. Maybe fighting tooth and nail, but you'll be drawn back.

While I'm sure he had your best interests in mind, that would bug me too. Especially with an outdated query and synopsis. But maybe he was thinking it would land you an acceptance and give you the boost you needed? Sort of like how Stephen King's wife fished CARRIE out of the trash and that's what got him published.

I understand your frustration but it sounds like he was just trying to help.

OK, Gramps is sweet and all, but this would send me right over the edge. This is my profession and my reputation and my choice of what to do. I'd tell Gramps I love him and am glad he believes in me, but I claim this territory for myself.

Maybe you could find a way that Grandpa can help you continue your writing. Maybe he can beta read or something. He's not going to be around forever. That doesn't necessarily mean you need to change your decision to not persue writing with the vigor you once did.

He obviously believes in you and it probably is killing him that you've given up on your dream. (People who care about us sometimes take those things hard.)

This is a hard time for the both of you, I'm sure. Maybe you should consider telling grampa that you haven't given up, but you need to focus on some other things more than your writing for now. You'll get back to writing when you can, but it's on the backburner. It'll soften the blow of you not working on the next best-selling pulitzer prize novel, and maybe then grampa won't feel he needs to step in.

Best of luck. Whether your passion returns for writing, or for something else, I think it's important to find something that you love to do. Hopefully you find where your passion skittered off to. Check under the bed. Sometimes my motivation ends up under my pillow. I find it after a nap...

I get that you are frustrated that he took things into his own hands, but at the same time, since you aren't interested in being published anyway, what do you care what the agents thought of the submissions? Look at it as a sweet gesture by someone who is really supportive of you. In fact you could probably just let him continue doing what he is doing as it won't harm your career in any way (again, seeing as your goal is to write for yourself therefore your reputation with agents doesn't matter. BTW it is perfectly fine to write for yourself, please don't feel that the only reason to write is to be published).

I will say what I said to JS in the other thread though. I don't really believe you. It sounds to me like you kept lowering your standards as you realised that it was much harder to get what you wanted. It was easier to do that, to meet your new standards, then have the goal of a pulitzer prize winning author. As you grew up, so too did your dreams. In a way. But I think you might have gone too far. You now just think you aren't the kind of person for whom such dreams can even possibly become a reality, you have had no positive experience (yet) in that way and that is your proof.

You may just need a break. Or you may need a pep talk. The fact that you were upset your grandfather did this is a clear sign you care. Look at your post. Your concern isn't the breach of privacy, but the bad query letter and synopsis. The unedited MS. The poor email address he chose. Your concern was being embarrassed in the industry. Like I said before, why on earth should you care if you don't want to be published? Who cares if some agents think you are crazy or unprofessional? And what if you had received a positive result, what if one of the agents wanted to take you on? Would you have said, "No thanks, I just want to write for myself."? There are people out there who would have. Would you though?

So I think you actually still do have those dreams, but they have been buried under adult practicality. I could be wrong, and I apologise if I am reading too much into your post, but I think you still have the passion.

I have a friend who thought being published etc was what happened to other people. Even though she is a very talented writer. Now that she has seen what has happened for me she is slowly starting to realise that maybe she could do it to. For real. The idea that there were practical steps that could be taken, and a relatively straightforward road to be published, just kind of blew her mind. But it's hard for her because she spent so much time convincing herself that she was just being a dreamer, she still knocks herself down at every turn. It's a habit for her.

It isn't easy. There is that annoying luck factor that is involved with anything from the arts. But getting published, achieving your dream, isn't something that happens to other people. It can happen to you too. It really can.

All that said, like i said before, if you want to write for the sheer joy of writing for yourself, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. I'm just not 100% sure that is what you truly want.

He definitely shouldn't have gone behind your back and done that, but since you went through his things, maybe you can chalk it up as "we're even now" and let it go -- it's done now.

You're right. You do have a right to make your own choices. If you honestly have no desire to try for publication, then he'll have to learn to respect that and make peace with the situation.

I have a suggestion that might help you -- and him.

What if you made him your campaign manager?

You edit your manuscript. Write a synopsis. A couple of query letters. Let him read them, especially the queries, for errors, clarity, etc. You teach Grandpa how to put together a list of people to contact from reputable sources, and once the mailing list has your seal of approval, he can snail or email out queries according to your instructions. Small batches, 5 or 6 at a time.

He'll have to keep a cool head to do this and not be the sort of person who will fire back nastygrams to the agents or editors that send out rejections. It's like fishing. You have to be patient, and wait, and not make waves or you'll spook the fish.

If you treat this as a fun endeavour with him and not a high-stakes competition, then you both win. You get the peace of mind of not having to see rejection slips that come in the mail (to your name, at his mailing address). He gets the satisfaction of knowing that he is useful, and helping his grandchild work towards an end goal.

The most important thing is your relationship with him. If you level with him, but do it calmly, without anger, then at least everything's out in the open and honest. If you undertake this project with him then you can treat it like going to play slot machines at the casino with him one weekend. You don't expect to get a thing out of it except a good experience with your Grandpa, but if you hit paydirt, then great.

Seniors especially need to feel important and valuable -- a lot of times after people retire, they feel worthless. This is a way he can make a contribution and help establish a family legacy (getting you published one day).

I agree with toothpaste on this one.

It's okay to be an ass sometimes so long as you know it's also okay to admit it and apologize. =)

(At least that's what I tell myself. XD)

I dig Gramps, as it sounds like his heart was in the right place even if he actions were not all that honest. He believes in you. I hope you can remember that. When you gave up, he tried to carry you.