Avoidance

StoryG27

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Is it really such a bad thing?

I do not, will not watch military movies and/or tv shows. Too close to home. Evokes too many feelings I barely manage to keep contained anyway. My grandmother died yesterday. She was in her 90's. I know I was lucky to have known her, to have clomped around in her high heels and had tea time with her. I was lucky to have spent the time I did with her. She had an amazing life, there is nothing to mourn, but my family disagrees, which is fine. I just don't want to be told that because I don't want to share all these feelings about this and other instances and all the going ons in my life that I am falling into "a pattern of avoidance."

You know what, so what if I am? Is there really anything wrong with wanting to minimize your worries and woes and concentrate on the good? Why on earth does my family think this is unhealthy?
 

lostgirl

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I don't think it's unhealthy. I think it's the opposite, actually. Why put yourself through the emotional ringer for no reason. Your grandmother had a great full life.. you should celebrate her life.. not mourn her death. I don't watch military movies or shows out of preference why should I be allowed that and you not allowed the same option???

Hang tough, SG! I think you're doing amazingly well. *hugs*
 

Matera the Mad

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Tell 'em they are afflicted with "morbid fascination" -- a :tongue for their drag-downs.

I keep from going too deep into depression by not watching/listening to news broadcasts (it is recommended by experts!). The Internet is bad enough.
 

StoryG27

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Tell 'em they are afflicted with "morbid fascination" -- a :tongue for their drag-downs.
hehehe, yes, now I can have my own term for them.

I keep from going too deep into depression by not watching/listening to news broadcasts (it is recommended by experts!). The Internet is bad enough.
I actually rarely watch the news too. I get what I need from the 'net, and yeah, it's bad enough.

I might be in my own little world, but it's okay, they know me and like me here. :D
 

lostgirl

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I actually rarely watch the news too. I get what I need from the 'net, and yeah, it's bad enough.

I might be in my own little world, but it's okay, they know me and like me here. :D

That makes two of us then.. if it doesn't pop up on the yahoo homepage when I check my mail as a featured item, news doesn't get read or watched by the likes of me. I'm happy in my ignorance.. LOL
 

StoryG27

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I don't think it's avoidance. I think it's called self-perseverance :D
I actually said this to my mom today. My exact words were, "What you call avoidance, I call self preservation."
 

StoryG27

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I avoid you too, Ray. . .well, I should anyway. :D
 

StoryG27

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No assimilation in this thread, Ray. NO.
 

Joe270

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I don't think it's avoidance. Of course, I might be a touch biased because I'm very similar.

I won't watch anything to do with 9/11. It's still way too early for me to see that as entertainment. No tv shows, no movies, no news 'flashbacks'. I can't stand to see even a split second of footage from that day.

So I understand your choice for entertainment. Perhaps it's that you aren't so jaded as to see war and it's associated suffering as fodder for entertainment of the masses.

Sounds damned reasonable to me, StoryG.

I'm very sorry for your loss, but I greatly respect your celebration of her life, and your joy for being a part of it. You are so lucky to have someone who touched your life in such a special way. You honor her by maintaining and passing on your memory of her.

Don't question yourself, the life she lived deserves to be celebrated.
 

Susie

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Dear Story, sure sorry about your grandmother's passing. She sounds like she was a wonderful lady. Sometimes avoidance is the only way we can cope and definitely not a bad thing. Our thoughts & prayers are with you and yours. :Hug2:
 

astonwest

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Unfortunately, some people like to create their own drama and live in it (your family), and some people prefer not to (yourself).

Given the choice, people should avoid being stuck in dramatic circumstances.
 

KTC

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You're doing it right, SG. Your way is the right way for you and don't let anybody tell you any different. You have a lot on your plate with your husband serving. I wouldn't want to watch those types of movies either. And I'm sorry for your loss...my grandmother was THE most important person in my life. I thought she had a wonderful life...and a full one. She was in her mid-90s when she passed on. I was SO completely blessed to have known her...and to have danced with her at teatime...but in my own shoes. I believe in soulmates differently than other people do...to me, they are the people you just fall into sync. with so completely that the line of you and them is blurred...I don't see them as lovers only...but those you love inexplicably. My grandmother was a soulmate for me. Did I mourn her death? Not really (though I selfishly wish I could still have time with her)...I knew she danced through life and I know she is dancing still. Don't beat yourself up for thinking differently than your family. We are all unique in our beliefs and ideas...your way is the right way.
 
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Perks

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SG, you've more than demonstrated a capacity for feeling things to the bone. If you are in a self-protective mode, I would ask why someone wouldn't want you to be?

You're not broken. I have to wonder if your grandmother wouldn't agree with your assessment.

Don't let them get to you.
 

StoryG27

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Sounds damned reasonable to me, StoryG.

I'm very sorry for your loss, but I greatly respect your celebration of her life, and your joy for being a part of it. You are so lucky to have someone who touched your life in such a special way. You honor her by maintaining and passing on your memory of her.

Don't question yourself, the life she lived deserves to be celebrated.
Couldn't have said it better. Thank you.

Dear Story, sure sorry about your grandmother's passing. She sounds like she was a wonderful lady. Sometimes avoidance is the only way we can cope and definitely not a bad thing. Our thoughts & prayers are with you and yours. :Hug2:
:Hug2:to you to Susie.

Unfortunately, some people like to create their own drama and live in it (your family), and some people prefer not to (yourself).

Given the choice, people should avoid being stuck in dramatic circumstances.
I do feel that my family often thrives on drama.
You're doing it right, SG. Your way is the right way for you and don't let anybody tell you any different. You have a lot on your plate with your husband serving. I wouldn't want to watch those types of movies either. And I'm sorry for your loss...my grandmother was THE most important person in my life. I thought she had a wonderful life...and a full one. She was in her mid-90s when she passed on. I was SO completely blessed to have known her...and to have danced with her at teatime...but in my own shoes.
In your own shoes? Well, to each his/her own. :D Thank you Kevin. You always have a nearly poetic way to get your feelings across and make me feel better.
This was an incredible post.
SG, you've more than demonstrated a capacity for feeling things to the bone. If you are in a self-protective mode, I would ask why someone wouldn't want you to be?

You're not broken. I have to wonder if your grandmother wouldn't agree with your assessment.

Don't let them get to you.
Exactly. I DO feel things, like you said, to the bone. If I choose to skim some emotions rather than dive to the depths, I have that right, I've earned it. My grandma was always laughing, always finding the positive side of things. I'm taking my cue from her this time, and it's okay if my family mourn and feels sad, but I am not going to be told there's something wrong with me just because I do it different.
 

CaroGirl

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It sounds like you have a healthy coping strategy that works for you. Tell everyone else to back off. In a nice way, of course; I'm sure they're just concerned about you.

Sorry about the death of your grandmother. No doubt you'll miss her.
 

Tink

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SG, stick to your guns. There has been soooo many funerals in my family the last couple of yrs. It got to where I would say, "No, I can't." I send flowers/money/cards/etc. to the ones that need it but I can't keep attending funeral after funeral. My little brother was killed in 2003 and in that same yr. we attended 5 more funerals and I went on anti'depressants and nerve meds. for awhile. Whenever the phone would ring I got to where I would actually shake and get sick to my stomach because somewhere deep down inside I was afraid that it was going to be more bad news.
My condolences about your Grandmother. I like that you would rather celebrate her life...I admire that in you.
Some of my family thrives on drama...and I have been to funerals where the deceased should be celebrated such as your Grandma but some of my family is pulling at their hair and passing out at the casket. It's crazy and embarrressing to say the least.
You are in a situation that is truely hard with your husband gone and all and your family needs to recognize that you need to 'Self-Preserve' yourself and respect that and help you or the least they could do is simply let you deal with situations like this in your own way without judging you.
Right now 'YOU' and your children need support and understanding.
My prayers are for you, your children, your husband and that your family will come to understand your 'NEEDS'!
 

Haggis

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You've been avoiding making me that sammich I asked for. Get yourself back on the bus and get to it! :D
 

Pagey's_Girl

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SG, I'm sorry about your grandmother. :(

You're not avoiding anything; you're choosing not to dwell on it, which to me seems quite healthy.
 

Kitrianna

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Sorry to hear about your Grandma SG, but she sounds like she was a wonderful person. I applaud you for celebrating her life rather than mourning her passing.

For future reference (considering how sketchy things have been the past few days for me), I don't want anyone mourning if anything happens to me. I will haunt you if you do!
 

Seaclusion

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SG, very sorry for your loss. I'm glad you have your way to cope. I avoid things that upset me also (military movies, 9/11 references, Rodney King, the list is endless). there is nothing wrong with keeping your sanity.Have a beer.

Richard
 

sheadakota

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SG, so sorry about your Gram, Your post could have ben written by me- I don't even get a paper delivered and I never watch the news.

I just found out my dad has cancer, his surgery is next week and yes I will be there and help take care of my mom who has dimentia- but my siblings keep calling me to talk about all the 'what ifs"

It will be what it will be- talking about it won't change a thing except make us all worry more- they think I am being callous by not wanting to discuss it and yes they think I am avoiding the issue- so not true- but why talk about what you can't change!

Anyway sorry to derail your thread a a little, but I just wanted to let you know I don't think anything is wrong with it and as you can see from the responses, you are far from alone.