I can't take it anymore

gettingby said:

But what's the point of being good if you just aren't good enough?

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Wow, this echos my sentiments and angst.

My first submission, the agent wanted the full, read it, liked it, said she went back and forth on deciding to represent me or not, then decided not. I have never had a rejection hurt like that. I can't tell you how many requested fulls and partials I have sent out, only to add another rejection to the pile. It sucks.

I wish I had some miracle advice to pull you through this, but I don't. I've just got a boatload of empathy for you. I've tried to quit writing four times, but it's hard to give up. I'll give up for months at a time, but I always come back to it, knowing full well what I'm getting myself into. I wish I could say it's gotten better, but it's pretty much been more of the same. It still hurts, it still sucks, I'm just more used to it.

I hope it gets better for you.

gettingby said:

5 months of agent searching

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What someone else said on another thread about "stamina" being a writer's most important attribute.

If agents are requesting your work and saying it's important, then you're already ahead of the game. You've got to give it at least a year.

It's okay to sit at home and recover. It's okay to curse the publishing industry in the privacy of your study or bedroom. It's even okay to drown your sorrows in your pick-me-up fluid of choice. It sucks mightily, having fulls rejected, and you have every right to feel what you feel and to vent about it.

I don't know if this is your breaking point - only you know that. But if I may make a suggestion for tomorrow (not today, today is your day to relax and not think about all this)? Try writing something fun. I have these tiny projects that I call "writeups", where I describe races or magical artifacts and then email them to a friend of mine who's very much into gaming. He likes that stuff a lot, so he translates it into game mechanics and sends me back my writeup with all his Shadowrun and D&D notes, which make me feel better. At least someone likes my work and was able to use it. Maybe you could write poetry or blog posts or something similar, just to keep that tiny spark of joy alive until you're feeling well enough for the next round of queries.

Whatever you decide, I hope you feel better soon.

This is my kind of post, thanks for taking the lead. I'm at a low point too. nothing to do but grit your teeth and wait for the upswing. If you feel like quitting, give it a rest for a while (I'm taking my own advice right now).

The problem is that I actually write for a living (non-fiction) and my fiction woes are spilling over into my non-fiction. I'm going to shut up now. This is your thread and just wanted to chime in that you're in equally bummed company.

Don't give up gettingby! It will happen! They say the only book that can't be sold is the one that is never submitted.

I know exactly how you feel, but don't give up. You have gotten a lot of interest so it will happen.

It might be better to go out tonight to get your mind off of it. In fact, don't think about your book this whole weekend either, then on Monday, start out fresh and query like crazy!

I don't have any advice for you, gettingby, just a . Hope it helps a little bit.

On a road as difficult and daunting as this one, you must choose carefully what you carry: your ever-distant dreams, or your sorrows. Both are heavy, and in truth--both could, in the end, reward you with nothing. It's the chances we take and the struggles we push through that give us what few victories we may have, though. And should you die along the road whilst having never reached your goal, you'll have fought your way to the end--loving every step you took past the naysayers who stood blocking your path. At the gates--whatever their hue and whoever their owner--when asked what noble deeds you did with your life, you can say; "I died in the relentless pursuit of my dreams, wasting no passing second--and if that is not noble enough for you, than to hell with you, too!"

We're all here in this muck, and from time to time we all look backwards at the other roads we could have chosen. Don't forget, you're not alone in the struggle, and many if not all of us have felt the same way. Push on, step forward and someday, the clouds will fall away to the sunshine--even if all that brought it through was the realization that you should be proud in merely setting off down this path.

I'm curious--you say you've gotten lots of requests followed by rejections. Are you getting any solid explanations of why that's happening? Maybe some specific feedback could help you tailor your approach a little more, increase your chances of success. It sucks to be "close, but no cigar." It would be nice if someone could tell you what change would push it over the top.

Or maybe it's just a matter of persistence, you just haven't found the right place yet. But before you give up, consider getting some more feedback.

Gettingby, I don't know what kind of nonfic your manuscript is, but I was just re-listening to an agent panel on a CD from a conference I attended last year, and every single one (there were 6) said they were looking for topical, narrative nonfiction like Sea Biscuit and some others I can't remember. Hmm... I guess I don't read much nonfic unless it's for research. Is your book narrative nonfiction?

Wasn't there a Cosmo article a couple of years back on 7 sure-fire, can't miss ways to thicken one's skin? Oh, wait. They pulled it for fear of having to pay excessive royalties to George Hamilton. I forgot.

You know, I've never seen an analysis, but I have to believe the house odds in Vegas favor success there versus the publishing industry. Most assuredly, the deck is stacked against every writer. It's fickle to run talented authors and their well-crafted stories up against the bane of: requires right time + right place + right attention span + right presentation + right feeling. How to counter that? There is no formula to do so that I've heard of, other than sage advice of persistence, fortitude, and perseverance. Easy enough to say but darn hard to do when it feels like the head-high bloody spot on the brick wall just keeps growing bigger.

But you know the odds in this are tough. Just like you know you've beaten a few already and notched some small wins of progress where multitudes will never make it even that far. Something drives you to do it. Hold onto that. Draw from it. Revel in each additional small win you score from here. And let see if those bloody sages were right.

Oh, and I agree... starting tomorrow.

BTW - there's an interesting Newbie Thread just posted that hints at how dire rejection can be: http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=110670

Hugs, gettingby. Staying home and sulking is okay; sometimes you need to wallow a bit before finding the strength to pick yourself up again.

You know what they say about how it's darkest before dawn? It seems the closer you get (glowing rejections), the worse you feel. But I believe this is the absolute worst time to give up. There's no way to tell how close you are to getting an offer, and maybe it gets really bad (the darkest) before it starts to get good (the dawn). So keep at it. If there are agents you haven't queried, then what are you doing? Get a letter out to them. Now.

There's an agent out there that is going to love your work and make you an offer. You just haven't found them yet. That's what you have to believe.

Yes, it is too much. Too much for today. Maybe even for the week. But not too much for you. Not permanently. I've been working for ten years on the book I'm marketing at the moment. It isn't my only work. But I can't even begin to tell you how many times it has been rejected. But I have faith in this idea and in my execution. And you must have faith in yours. It isn't about getting an agent, it isn't about getting published, it is about living. And when you are in play, you are alive. I daresay there are a lot of published, successful authors who are probably 'dead'.

Too much for today. But you will feel better tomorrow. Or maybe you won't feel better until Monday. Or next Friday. Then you'll pick yourself up, and get back in the game.

-MM

These quotes sometimes help me. And sometimes they don't.

I want to remind you that success in life is based on hard slogging. There will be periods when discouragement is great and upsetting, and the antidote for this is calmness and fortitude and a modest yet firm belief in your competence. Be sure that your priorities are in order so that you can proceed in a logical manner, and be ever mindful that nothing will take the place of persistence.
-- Publisher and philanthropist Walter Annenberg in a letter to his son.

Life is not holding a good hand; Life is playing a poor hand well.
-- Danish proverb

The road to happiness lies in two simple principles: find what it is that interests you and that you can do well, and when you find it, put your whole soul into it – every bit of energy and ambition and natural ability you have.
-- John D. Rockefeller III

It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled, or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena; whose face is marred by the dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions and spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best, knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who, at worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly; so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory or defeat."
-- Theodore Roosevelt (Paris Sorbonne,1910)

Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties. And at the same time: Confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
-- Admiral James Stockdale

Gettingby -

Oh, god, I feel for you. Been there. Am still there.

Perhaps you need some beta reads? Or a different presentation/strategy?

PM about it.

Gerringby,

Oh man, that sucks. I'm so sorry. Someone I can't remember (Uncle Jim maybe?) said the writer starts with rejection, lives with rejection, dies with rejection. It's part of a writer's life. And it still sucks.

It sucks, doesn't it? Especially when you're surrounded by people who are having more luck than you are (why no, I don't turn green with envy every time someone here posts about getting an agent or a book deal...not at all ).

My best advice is to take a few weeks off. Forget about publishing, agents, all of it. Sometimes you really just need a vacation to clear your mind.

It can be very, very hard to keep going sometimes. I think it was Samuel Johnson who said "the life of a writer is a dog's life".

Narrative non-fic is my area, and I've been battling hard with wondering if anyone will ever give a blue patootie about my writing. And I was sitting in a pretty cozy black pit over it yesterday when . . . I got my first-ever request to see more from an agent.

So there you are. I don't know if there's a point where a writer just stops. I think writers never really quit, because it's unquittable. Singers need to sing, artists need to paint, writers need to write. The fate of the artist in any media is to always need to DO it. But we also need validation and audience.

I hope you find the strength to keep going.

gettingby, have a good sulk and then get back into the subbing saddle. That is, unless there's some other passion you'd rather pursue. Then go for that, but settle for nothing less than passion.

I, myself, am good to slog on at least until Blizzard releases Diablo III.

This is one of those cases where our own Uncle Jim's advice becomes so valuable:

'While you're subbing out your book go write another, better, book.'

This is great advice for two reasons:

1.) It gets your creativity focused on something new, something you can become excited about.
2.) It increases your chances of becoming published. Every book you write and submit increases your chances. Maybe your first book has been rejected 100 times but your second, third, or fourth book gets picked up. Keep writing and be patient because, if that book does well, your agent will more than likely ask 'So...what else have you got stuffed in a drawer?'

Your prior unpublished works now get a second chance.

ETA: Uncle Jim's advice on how to get published is right there in my sigline, for your convenience.

Yay Gettingby, that is awesome!!! My fingers and toes are crossed for you!! Keep us updated!!

OMG, Gettingby! That's fabulous! I'm so excited for you.