View Full Version : Side effects, while rare, may include:

07-17-2008, 08:37 AM


Dry mouth



Dreams of dancing naked with Rosie O'Donnell

Voting for the late Pat Paulsen as a write-in presidential candidate

Speaking with a Flemish accent

Adam Israel
07-17-2008, 08:57 AM
Enlarged earlobes

Death by electrocution


Hairy fingernails


07-17-2008, 09:27 AM
Sexual dysfunction.

Getting published.

07-17-2008, 10:40 AM
Delayed beeping

Inability to harmonize

spontaneous caustic commentary


07-17-2008, 11:42 AM
If you experience signs of discomfort, or your liver falls out of your ass, discontinue use and contact your doctor immediately.

Jenan Mac
07-17-2008, 05:20 PM
Do not operate heavy machinery while using. (on bottle of Viagra)

07-17-2008, 05:24 PM
Do not operate heavy machinery while using. (on bottle of Viagra)

Guess they have a 'one large tool per customer' policy >.<

07-17-2008, 07:35 PM
turning into a medley of unflattering rainbow colours

developing fins

spontaneous urges to whistle "Grandma got run over by a reindeer" while your boss is making his daily rounds :)

07-17-2008, 09:00 PM
skin problems
abrupt changes of opinion
laughing at one's own bad jokes
tendency to sing unfunny parody lyrics (for example, "Bomb, bomb, bomb Iran...")


07-17-2008, 09:08 PM
an urge to wear polyester and walk down a street singing falsetto with your twin brothers

07-17-2008, 09:37 PM
Over use of AW may cause you to animate yourself when talking to real people.

*she says as she finger quotes the word animate*

07-17-2008, 09:38 PM
The urge to run naked through a cornfield.

07-17-2008, 09:50 PM
Cravings for lutefisk, menudo or balut.

Phoning tobacconists with the old "Do you have Prince Albert in a can?" prank call.

Thoughts of going to Disneyland and asking "Where's Bugs Bunny? Where's the Road Runner?"

07-17-2008, 09:55 PM
My father's description of The Pill (in the 1970's):

Causes weight gain, acne, altered libido, depression, breast tenderness, increased blood pressure, nausea, vomiting and facial skin discoloration.

Side effects: Prevents pregnancy.

07-18-2008, 02:58 AM
Seek medical attention if your eyes pop out of their sockets and careen around the room like a multi-ball round of pinball.

Discontinue use if you start believing reality TV is the same thing as reality.

Do not administer to children under the age of 12. Although this product poses no health threat to children under the age of 12, why should they get any relief? They don't even pay taxes, much less help with the rent!

07-18-2008, 03:09 AM
My favorite, from weight loss drug Alli:

You may feel an urgent need to go to the bathroom. Until you have a sense of any treatment effects, it's probably a smart idea to wear dark pants, and bring a change of clothes with you to work
You may not usually get gassy, but it's a possibility when you take alli. The bathroom is really the best place to go when that happens.

07-18-2008, 04:31 AM
may cause drowsiness. if drowsiness occurs while driving, pull over. YIKES! like that talking heads song--sleeping on the interstate.--s6

Matera the Mad
07-18-2008, 05:28 AM
Do not take with a grain of salt, and discontinue use altogether if you are caught ripping your clothes off and running out the door crying "Hoon, hooooon!"

Matera the Mad
07-22-2008, 06:04 AM
Has been known to cause adverb reactions in persons taking Versetal or Rhymetrin.

Discontinue use if severe pronunciation occurs.

07-22-2008, 06:14 AM
Excess flatulence.

Matera the Mad
07-22-2008, 06:43 AM
Dribbling ink
Run-on plots
Inflammation of the hucklebone

07-22-2008, 10:37 AM
May cause:

skipping to my lou;

severe allergic reaction to Judy Garland movies;

strong desire to fondle Brad Pitt; and

dysfunctionality of tongue in cheek syndrome.

07-22-2008, 05:50 PM
old age may cause whole years of your life to fade to one or two unpleasant experiences--s6

07-22-2008, 06:30 PM
Transitioning from non fiction to fiction may cause desensitization of nerve endings and misconceptions of reality.

07-23-2008, 02:54 AM
Side effects may include

stump grinding,

tendency to switch political affiliations,



07-23-2008, 02:59 AM
Imagining that you are the Decider.


07-23-2008, 03:48 AM
If you experience an erection lasting more than four hours, make a few movies.

07-23-2008, 05:06 AM
Side effects can be
thoughts of suicide
decreased credit rating
painful boils
hairy palms

07-23-2008, 05:21 AM
Side effects can be
hairy palms
Diminished Eyesight (http://www.amazon.com/Can-Just-Till-Need-Glasses/dp/0931948819/)

Matera the Mad
07-23-2008, 05:54 AM
Morbid fascination with rabbits
Earwax decay

May also cause bitrot when applied to computers.

07-23-2008, 07:54 AM
the sudden urge to learn how to use a gun

07-23-2008, 07:59 AM
spontaneous loss of the liver

07-23-2008, 08:44 AM
Strange voices telling one what to do.

07-23-2008, 05:12 PM
the need to howl like a wolf whenever you're in an exclusive restaurant

07-23-2008, 06:51 PM
treating your socks like puppets in public spaces... without washing them first.

07-24-2008, 05:33 AM
[May cause:]

silly walk syndrome
death by chocolate

Matera the Mad
07-24-2008, 06:34 AM
May cause cessation of neverending stories if taken too frequently.

Do not type over 120 wpm or handle heavy plots.

If loss of clipboard information occurs frequently, see your physician in a friendly light.

07-25-2008, 02:16 AM
Side effects may include

Over or under eating

heavy or shallow breathing

runny or dry nose

mania or depression

hot or cold flashes

flushed face or extreme paleness

crying or dry eyes

07-25-2008, 02:27 AM
Once after a car accident I was told, You've suffered, or are suffering from shock. You may have dizziness or a headache, and perhaps some nausea. "If you have trouble waking up, come see us."

07-25-2008, 03:43 AM
An erection lasting more than three hours.

Hold on I thought thaT was a good thing! :ROFL: Try walking around in public!

Matera the Mad
07-25-2008, 06:35 AM
If you experience twenty or more of these side effects in the course of an hour, call your undertaker.

07-25-2008, 07:20 AM
May cause OAD (http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?p=1703421#post1703421). Check underwear frequently.

Matera the Mad
07-26-2008, 04:59 AM
May cause running off at the mouth, verbosity, or sentence fragmentation in susceptible individuals.

May result in exaggerated marysueish behavior if taken with fan-fiction.

Do not apply to internal dialog.

07-26-2008, 04:56 PM
Scratch that. If you experience an erection lasting more than four hours, walk out in public.

07-26-2008, 10:36 PM
Discontinue use if your behavior causes others to experience severe irritation.

Your doctor may prescribe a larger dosage, just because it's fun to see what happens.

Prolonged use may make you believe you really can prepare one of Rachael Ray's "30-Minute Meals" in thirty minutes.

07-26-2008, 11:49 PM
May cause ego inflation.

Matera the Mad
07-28-2008, 05:50 AM
Do not take any other medication without first consulting your beta reader.

May exacerbate chronic apostrophitis.

07-28-2008, 08:17 PM
Seek immediate psychological help if Dr. Phil starts making sense.

07-29-2008, 07:21 PM
Succumbing to television preachers promises and instructions will cause depleted bank accounts (yours, not theirs) and a continuance of all the illnesses and bad luck you were suffering from when you initially pledged your money .

07-29-2008, 08:58 PM
May also cause fainting.

Matera the Mad
07-30-2008, 08:08 AM
Discontinue use if you see more than one man in black at your door.

07-30-2008, 08:34 AM
Side effects may also include an overabundance of cats, minor to severe caffiene dependency, the inability to put down your laptop computer, and/or a strong desire to write in a notebook while driving

07-31-2008, 04:39 PM
Side effects may also include inattentiveness in other activity other than this one

07-31-2008, 07:44 PM
Women who are pregnant should not take this medication unless they don't mind having a child who is bummed out that The Osmonds are no longer touring.

08-03-2008, 03:39 AM
Growing an extra toe
Hairy intestines
Scitzophrenicly eating bananas
Urge to dance naked at Walmart
Excessive gas

08-03-2008, 03:40 AM
Do not take this medicine with water. Like with other medications, this can make you spontanesouly combust.

08-05-2008, 12:55 AM
Excessive use may lead to excessive use.

Matera the Mad
08-06-2008, 05:25 AM
* Cessation of desire to read fan-fiction
* Lessening of comma usage
* Varying degrees of disillusionment
* Allergic reactions to participial phrases

08-06-2008, 05:45 AM
mutton chop sideburns

08-06-2008, 05:56 AM
Literary agents may notice in queries the odor of desperation.

08-06-2008, 02:20 PM
An erection lasting more than three hours.

Hold on I thought thaT was a good thing! :ROFL: Try walking around in public!

If you do experience an erection lasting longer than three hours, f**k going to see your doctor, go see a professional. >.<

08-06-2008, 02:45 PM
May cause anomalous patches of hair growth with unique ecosystems that will be declared endangered and be protected by Greenpeace.

08-06-2008, 09:00 PM
A small percentage of patients may experience actual symptom relief.

08-06-2008, 09:02 PM
Frequent postings to Internet discussion fora.

08-06-2008, 11:18 PM
This product may be taken as long as needed, but as with all medications of this type, there is a small risk of engaging in Emo Philips (http://www.emophilips.com) impersonation.

Matera the Mad
08-07-2008, 06:23 AM
In rare cases, may inhibit pun generation


08-07-2008, 09:51 PM
May cause irrational behavior in politicians thus making them appear normal.

08-07-2008, 11:19 PM
Porfortner's Syndrome, inflammation of the claven and minor irritation of the flurpenoids have been reported in patients who regularly hyperschlurvenate when kranching microjeebies.

Matera the Mad
08-08-2008, 06:25 AM
Discontinue use at the first sign of provergenistation.

09-29-2008, 09:00 AM
Side effects may include crouching, snorting, snarfeling and eating dirt.

Discontinue if you are unable to open the childproof bottle.

09-29-2008, 09:33 AM
Side effects may include believing that you can be President of the United States because you were chairman of your neighborhood Tulip Festival Committee last year.


09-29-2008, 11:08 PM
Side effects, while rare, may include nausea, dizziness, headache, irresisitable urges to play air guitar to "Smoke On The Water," abnormal fantasies about the neighbor's Doberman Pinchser, the inability to spell Doberman Pinscher, believing one is God and/or Jimmy Page and the urge to sing show tunes while dancing nekkid under the sprinklers on your front lawn while wearing a balloon animal on your head.

Dale Emery
09-30-2008, 12:34 AM
May cause a rift in death's design.

09-30-2008, 01:08 AM
Side effects include the belief that you understand Democrats and Republicans. Do not use during an election year.

10-02-2008, 07:43 PM
Contact your health care provider immediatley if you experience a sudden overwhelming urge to consume mass quantities of burritos, as this may be a sign of a rare but potentially fatal and/or flammable side effect.

10-02-2008, 08:55 PM
May cause outbreaks of sensible conversations if mixed with large quantities of alcohol and inhibit projectile vomiting.

10-02-2008, 10:27 PM
Warning: Side effects may include believing that you're a bus.

10-03-2008, 07:51 AM
May cause swelling of the lips so bad that people will wonder if you were a plastic surgeon's experiment.

10-03-2008, 12:01 PM
Side effects may cause you to want to play parcheesi with every member of the opposite sex you meet.

10-03-2008, 09:34 PM
Warning: May cause you to morph into Jocelyn Wilderstein.

10-03-2008, 10:26 PM
Do not take this medication if you drive machinery, drink alcohol, have a history of heart disease, diabetes or a yearning to live more than one more day.

10-05-2008, 05:42 AM
Do not take while driving, drawing, writing, or breathing. Side effects may include spontaneous urges to play bumper cars, drawings of happy smiley-faced flowers, too many plot holes to count, and the lungs filling with grape jelly.

10-06-2008, 09:54 PM
Side effects may include breaking out in a rash shaped like a map of Pakistan.

11-27-2008, 12:24 AM
Side effects may include watery eyes, defecating from the ears, singing in French and an uncontrolled urge to vote for and donate to the Republican Party. If symptoms persist, bathe for 20 minutes in hot water and Epsom salts while holding a clock radio before seeing a doctor.

Albedo of Zero
11-27-2008, 03:15 AM
Total shutdown may occur in the midd_

11-27-2008, 07:24 AM
Side effects may include: Mitochondrial decomposition and bleeding from you hair.

11-27-2008, 01:13 PM
Inability to tap-dance.
Ability to tap-dance.
Crush on Fred Astaire.
Aversion to Ginger Rogers.

11-28-2008, 11:01 PM
Itchy feet
Itchy buttocks
Knee buckles

11-29-2008, 02:56 AM
may cause painful fusion of one or more digits

11-29-2008, 03:13 AM
...may induce painful torsion, tongue lolling and uninhibited drooling.

12-26-2008, 06:17 AM
cattle mutilations
factoid spouting
toe tapping

12-26-2008, 08:19 AM
symptoms may include an insatiable urge to lick asbestos shingles--s6

12-27-2008, 02:03 AM
itchy ears
parmesian sweat
Orphan Anne syndrome

12-27-2008, 03:21 PM
May cause impatience or amplify the annoying tones of others' voices. If a dose must be taken in the presence of your mother-in-law, prevent head injury by maintaining adequate distance from brick walls.

01-12-2009, 06:42 PM
Making spontaneous motor boat noises in your drink glass at restaurants.

Singing fiddle-dee-dee in line at the market.