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View Full Version : Help and Advice, please. Learned friends!



Write4U2
07-16-2008, 11:01 PM
Didn't know exactly where to post this, so I chose the Roundtable. I need advice on a few lines in my MS related to correct form for British aristocracy. Please tell me if I am using the correct form:

(Narrator is saying this)...his wife, Lady Elizabeth Hayles-Townsend, was a British aristocrat, making the family fair media game.

(An American friend is saying this) “Lady Elizabeth was always first to arrange charity events. She had a thriving decorating business among socialites who she prodded to help with her philanthropic interests.”

(Narrator is saying this) The British press, as well as the American press, droned on about the tragedy. Of particular interest was that Elizabeth was a British aristocrat. They hauled out stories on Peerage to show when and why Lady Elizabeth Hayles-Townsend’s family received a title.


(British press interviewer) “Ms. Chandler,” asked Calvin Chaser, “How well did you know Lady Elizabeth Hayles-Townsend?”

(A classmate from college) “Elizabeth and I were students together here at Oxford, actually. Elizabeth stopped by to say hello when she and her daughter, Hayley, were here on a recent visit to the university. It was brilliant to see Elizabeth and talk over old times. We were such good friends. Mind you, Hayley was thrilled that she had been awarded a Rhodes scholarship.”

(The son of a titled British friend of the deceased)

“Mum, have you watched the news today about Lady Elizabeth Hayles-Townsend and her husband, John Hamilton?”

“I’m so sorry, Mum. They say her daughter is still in a coma. Hope she pulls through. Elizabeth’s death must be a dreadful loss for you. I know you're mourning the friendship that could have been.”

Finally, I want to convey that the woman in the doorway had a masked expression. She gave away none of her feelings as she stood there. she hid behind an expressionless face. Like a sheet or veil over her face. Not exactly sinister but bordering on it. (She is my antagonist - the baddie of the book.)

Peter hung up the receiver and pressed his fingertips against his eyes. Aware of a faint musky scent in the room, his attention was drawn to the doorway. Startled to see Zara Chandler standing there, he wondered how long she’d been listening to his conversation.

1. Her face was cloaked.
2. Her face wore an enigmatic expression.
3. Her face gave away none of her thoughts or feelings.
4. Her face ...


“Are you ready for me?” she asked.

waylander
07-16-2008, 11:23 PM
Didn't know exactly where to post this, so I chose the Roundtable. I need advice on a few lines in my MS related to correct form for British aristocracy. Please tell me if I am using the correct form:

(Narrator is saying this)...his wife, Lady Elizabeth Hayles-Townsend, was a British aristocrat(lose this), the daughter of the Earl of xxyy making the family fair media game.



(An American friend is saying this) “Lady Elizabeth Lizzy was always first to arrange charity events. She had a thriving decorating business among socialites who she prodded to help with her philanthropic interests.”

(Narrator is saying this) The British press, as well as the American press, droned on about the tragedy. Of particular interest was that Elizabeth was a British aristocrat. They hauled out stories on Peerage to show when and why Lady Elizabeth Hayles-Townsend’s family received a title. the origin of the Earldom of xxyy


(British press interviewer) “Ms. Chandler,” asked Calvin Chaser, “How well did you know Lady Elizabeth Hayles-Townsend?”

(A classmate from college) “Lizzy and I were students together here at Oxford, actually.An aristo at Oxford? They're generally too dim to get inLizzy stopped by to say hello when she and her daughter, Hayley, were here on a recent visit to the university. It was brilliant to see Elizabeth and talk over old times. We were such good friends. Mind you, Hayley was thrilled that she had been awarded a Rhodes scholarship.”

(The son of a titled British friend of the deceased)

“Mum, have you watched the news today about Lady Elizabeth Lizzy Hayles-Townsend and her husband, John Hamilton?”

“I’m so sorry, Mum. They say her daughter is still in a coma. Hope she pulls through. Elizabeth’s death must be a dreadful loss for you. I know you're mourning the friendship that could have been.”

Finally, I want to convey that the woman in the doorway had a masked expression. She gave away none of her feelings as she stood there. she hid behind an expressionless face. Like a sheet or veil over her face. Not exactly sinister but bordering on it. (She is my antagonist - the baddie of the book.)

Peter hung up the receiver and pressed his fingertips against his eyes. Aware of a faint musky scent in the room, his attention was drawn to the doorway. Startled to see Zara Chandler standing there, he wondered how long she’d been listening to his conversation.

1. Her face was cloaked.
2. Her face wore an enigmatic expression.
3. Her face gave away none of her thoughts or feelings.
4. Her face ... was unreadable


“Are you ready for me?” she asked.


Lose the underlined stuff
My versions in blue

Write4U2
07-17-2008, 12:16 AM
Thanks, Waylander. I'll make changes. Now I have to figger out the Earl of XXYY!

Mr Flibble
07-17-2008, 12:26 AM
Oh it gets right complicated (http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=106730&highlight=lord+hare). But that thread should help.

Write4U2
07-17-2008, 12:52 AM
All righty then; can I create an Earl? Can I name my character's father, the 6th Earl of Portsmouth?

Mr Flibble
07-17-2008, 12:56 AM
Ahem, the 6th Earl of Portsmouth was one Newton Wallop, who would have been known as Lord Portsmouth. :)

How about Earl of , oh I don't know, Sutton Hoo. Or Nether Whallop. They aren't taken:)

waylander
07-17-2008, 01:10 AM
All righty then; can I create an Earl? Can I name my character's father, the 6th Earl of Portsmouth?


Earl of Cirencester
It's an old town, and there have been Barons of Circencester, but never Earls

Write4U2
07-17-2008, 01:34 AM
Ahem, the 6th Earl of Portsmouth was one Newton Wallop, who would have been known as Lord Portsmouth. :)

How about Earl of , oh I don't know, Sutton Hoo. Or Nether Whallop. They aren't taken:)

Oh, I quite like the Earl of Sutton Whallop, my dear. Does that work? (This is spoken with a very snooty accent, you see!)

Mr Flibble
07-17-2008, 01:35 AM
As it doesn't exist, you're fine Lord Sutton Whallop :)

Write4U2
07-17-2008, 01:36 AM
Earl of Cirencester
It's an old town, and there have been Barons of Circencester, but never Earls

And that would be all right, to create an Earl of a real English town?

Write4U2
07-17-2008, 01:38 AM
As it doesn't exist, you're fine Lord Sutton Whallop :)

soopa-doopa!

Mucho thankos! You're both great!

Mr Flibble
07-17-2008, 01:51 AM
And that would be all right, to create an Earl of a real English town?

What do you mean my dear chap? Sutton Hoo and Nether Wallop are real English towns!

I'd say you're fine to pick a town you like the sound of and see if it's had an earl before. If not, Bob's your Uncle.

Write4U2
07-17-2008, 01:56 AM
What do you mean my dear chap? Sutton Hoo and Nether Wallop are real English towns!

I'd say you're fine to pick a town you like the sound of and see if it's had an earl before. If not, Bob's your Uncle.

Whoo Hoo! See how little I know, and me, going to London to visit the queen some friends...:snoopy:

Thank you dear lady/chap! (I'm covered!)

waylander
07-17-2008, 02:14 AM
What do you mean my dear chap? Sutton Hoo and Nether Wallop are real English towns!

Scarcely big enough to be called towns, villages rather, though Nether Wallop has an airbase

waylander
07-17-2008, 02:15 AM
Whoo Hoo! See how little I know, and me, going to London to visit the queen some friends...:snoopy:


Bring an umbrella

blacbird
07-17-2008, 02:40 AM
What do you mean my dear chap? Sutton Hoo and Nether Wallop are real English towns!

Along with Hook Norton and Chipping Norton. And I've been to Nether Wallop.

caw

Write4U2
07-17-2008, 03:39 AM
Along with Hook Norton and Chipping Norton. And I've been to Nether Wallop.

caw

OH! I've been in Chipping Norton. It's in the Cottswolds. I traveled all over Oxfordshire. My book takes place in Oxfordshire, London and New York.

Write4U2
07-17-2008, 03:40 AM
Bring an umbrella

Ewwwww. Shock. Shock. I'm from Arizona!