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View Full Version : My First Query Letter/ What Do You Think?



Blonde1
07-10-2008, 10:41 PM
O.K. everyone, here it is ...... my first Query Letter. Please tell me what you think. Please be kind as I bruise somewhat easily. :)


Dear Lisa Hagan,

I have written an autobiography based upon my life in and out of the Florida and Virginia Foster Care Systems throughout the nineteen sixties and seventies. I was born into a very large family with an Irish mother and German father. I had three older sisters and one small brother. We were removed from our parents the first time in Virginia. When we were placed back with them, they moved all of us to Florida. Both my mother and father were alcoholics and abused us terribly. When the Florida police removed us from them the first time they explained that there were padlocks on the refrigerator and cabinets so that we were not able to get any food. We did not have running water, or electricity. The neighbors complained that we were always home alone and that we kept begging them for food. During the many years I spent in foster care I was sexually abused many times, as well as, physically and verbally abused. I remember that while these incidences occurred, I would always blame myself. I would tell myself that if I had not done this, or that, then it would never have happened. I spent five long years being moved from one foster care home to another because I could not behave in the manner that was expected of me. There were very few families that were willing to take in a little girl who was both emotionally and sexually abused with bad behavioral problems. Those families that were willing to take me were the very same ones who would do the abuse. When I was finally adopted at eight years of age, my new parents were not informed about the abuse, nor were they told of any of my behavioral problems. This led to many fights and disruptions in my new family’s home. The behavior I exhibited, hitting myself so hard that I would bruise, biting myself and tearing my flesh until I bled, both scared and mortified them. My new brother could not cope with these disturbances and began acting out in ways that confused our parents. As we grew older, my brother and I could not get along. He began drinking and doing drugs and at the age of twenty-two killed himself by running into a tree at eighty-five miles an hour. My adopted father had been an alcoholic during the time of my adoption and continued the abuse that I had received while in foster care. My mother, a very religious zealot, could not cope with our household, so she ignored all that was happening around her. I have since then put myself through college and I continue to work with “at risk youth” through the County of Henrico, Virginia.

Although my memories of this time in my life are sharp and accurate, I sued both Virginia and Florida for my records. I have detailed information in regards to my history. Many of the abuses were not explained other than to suggest that it did take place.

My goal with this autobiography is to “open the doors” of the foster care system and perhaps help others who may have or may be experiencing the same situations as I have.


Thank you for your time and patience in this matter,

veinglory
07-10-2008, 10:55 PM
Some suggestions, feel free to ignore them but I feel the query does not describe the book as a commodity.

Dear Lisa Hagan,

I am submitting for your consideration [title] a [number] word autobiography and expose of the Florida and Virginia Foster Care Systems throughout the nineteen sixties and seventies.

I was born into a very large family with an Irish mother and German father. I had three older sisters and one small brother. We grew up rebounding between the custody of alcoholic parents and a series of abusive foster homes. When I was finally adopted at eight years of age, my new parents were not informed about the abuse or my behavioral problems including self-mutilation. As we grew older, my brother and I could not get along. He began drinking and doing drugs and at the age of twenty-two died in a car accident. My adopted family ultimately continued a now familiar pattern of abuse. However [whatever caused your escape from the cycle of abuse] allowed me to put myself through college and I have gone on to work with “at risk youth” through the County of Henrico, Virginia.

My goal with this autobiography is to “open the doors” of the foster care system and to show how [hope, whatever other elements] allowed me to [overcome, survive, transcend] a potentially devestating childhood [or something like that].

[Biography, background research, qualifications]

Thank you for your time and consideration of this query,

p.s. most non-fiction agents/publishers have a specific query format to guide what they want to see?

veinglory
07-10-2008, 11:21 PM
Please post in only one forum.

http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=108994