- Joined
- Aug 24, 2007
- Messages
- 356
- Reaction score
- 80
Hello everyone. I'm looking for betas for my 94,200 word sci-fi/thriller, The Lexlemari Secret: The Human Preservation Project.
Up until around last October, I worked on this MS for about 6 years straight. It's now in its 9th Draft (actually 7th draft since I don't count the first 2 anymore. I had absolutely no clue what I was doing back then.) The last draft I did was about 8 months ago--heavy editing and grammer fixes with my Elements of Style in hand--so it should be pretty polished now in that department (I hope). I then heeded the advice I'd seen in my writing books and here on AW. I put it away and began working on other things and I'm so glad I did. I've written 8 short stories (a format I never tried before) and the rough draft of another MS during that time. It's been a big help and I'm ready to go back to my very first baby and finish things up with my new experience.
So, I know I have at least a couple problems with the MS, character descriptions being one of them, but I'd like some input and perspective from even fresher eyes than mine.
I understand committing to a full length MS can be burdensome, especially if you can't get into the story or if you find it needs a ton of work. So below is a late draft of a query letter for it. If that interests you and you'd like to see more but not fully commit yet, feel free to PM me and ask for a few chapters/1st 50 pages. If you don't get interested in the story I'll understand. If you do get interested, then I'll send the rest.
P.S. It's light on the sci-fi technical stuff. It's not like a Heinlein book where you need to bring out your old math and physics books to understand what the hell is going on (Ugh, I'll never read Number of the Beast again).
Alas, the query:
A million humans are taken from Earth by a coalition of three alien races when it becomes apparent a third world war is about to begin that would decimate mankind, but it was all a lie.
Phillip Garcia—taken to the host planet Vertisia until Earth has “healed”—lives with his Vertisian girlfriend who chose him for Preservation due to his burgeoning telepathic abilities (a trait more common among her people). He lives a relatively good life and is permitted to use basic technologies to learn about their culture, history and other subjects, but only if he does it at home. And while most humans are consigned to living in parcels of old cities which are walled off and designated as “Human Towns,” Phillip is even allowed to roam freely among Vertisians.
It is during an excursion through the city, however, that a Vertisian citizen sees him hovering over a beaten and dying Vertisian man. Just before the man dies, Phillip is given a stolen disc containing a secret that would crush both of their societies. He’s accused of the murder and goes on the lam with a horrible truth in his possession. Humanity was destroyed, but not by the war of which both races were told. In fact, it was caused by the benevolent but elusive Lexlemari, who lead the effort to preserve humanity, but who were really trying to preserve their millennia old secret. Two sects of Vertisians pursue him to retrieve the disc. But while one faction wants to help Phillip release the information before more worlds are destroyed the same way, the other wishes to kill him and anyone with knowledge of the secret to preserve the Vertisian alliance with the Lexlemari.
Thanks for your time everyone. I hope to hear from you soon.
Alex
P.S.S. Not looking for sugar-coated critiques. Brutal honesty would be greatly appreciated.
Up until around last October, I worked on this MS for about 6 years straight. It's now in its 9th Draft (actually 7th draft since I don't count the first 2 anymore. I had absolutely no clue what I was doing back then.) The last draft I did was about 8 months ago--heavy editing and grammer fixes with my Elements of Style in hand--so it should be pretty polished now in that department (I hope). I then heeded the advice I'd seen in my writing books and here on AW. I put it away and began working on other things and I'm so glad I did. I've written 8 short stories (a format I never tried before) and the rough draft of another MS during that time. It's been a big help and I'm ready to go back to my very first baby and finish things up with my new experience.
So, I know I have at least a couple problems with the MS, character descriptions being one of them, but I'd like some input and perspective from even fresher eyes than mine.
I understand committing to a full length MS can be burdensome, especially if you can't get into the story or if you find it needs a ton of work. So below is a late draft of a query letter for it. If that interests you and you'd like to see more but not fully commit yet, feel free to PM me and ask for a few chapters/1st 50 pages. If you don't get interested in the story I'll understand. If you do get interested, then I'll send the rest.
P.S. It's light on the sci-fi technical stuff. It's not like a Heinlein book where you need to bring out your old math and physics books to understand what the hell is going on (Ugh, I'll never read Number of the Beast again).
Alas, the query:
A million humans are taken from Earth by a coalition of three alien races when it becomes apparent a third world war is about to begin that would decimate mankind, but it was all a lie.
Phillip Garcia—taken to the host planet Vertisia until Earth has “healed”—lives with his Vertisian girlfriend who chose him for Preservation due to his burgeoning telepathic abilities (a trait more common among her people). He lives a relatively good life and is permitted to use basic technologies to learn about their culture, history and other subjects, but only if he does it at home. And while most humans are consigned to living in parcels of old cities which are walled off and designated as “Human Towns,” Phillip is even allowed to roam freely among Vertisians.
It is during an excursion through the city, however, that a Vertisian citizen sees him hovering over a beaten and dying Vertisian man. Just before the man dies, Phillip is given a stolen disc containing a secret that would crush both of their societies. He’s accused of the murder and goes on the lam with a horrible truth in his possession. Humanity was destroyed, but not by the war of which both races were told. In fact, it was caused by the benevolent but elusive Lexlemari, who lead the effort to preserve humanity, but who were really trying to preserve their millennia old secret. Two sects of Vertisians pursue him to retrieve the disc. But while one faction wants to help Phillip release the information before more worlds are destroyed the same way, the other wishes to kill him and anyone with knowledge of the secret to preserve the Vertisian alliance with the Lexlemari.
Thanks for your time everyone. I hope to hear from you soon.
Alex
P.S.S. Not looking for sugar-coated critiques. Brutal honesty would be greatly appreciated.
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