I wouldn't be as bothered by rejection that is typical of the publishing industry if what I wrote wasn't so personal. I'd just go on to the next thing like everybody else. But I can't move on from this 'baby' of mine - my memoir. Your thoughts?
Michelle, I want to put my arms around you and tell you ever so tenderly what it took me decades to learn: Nobody else, not even legions of people, can make you feel validated and accepted. That's totally an inside job.
That being said, I understand your pain, and your feeling that the rejection of your manuscript is a rejection of your essential self, but hey! Publishers are cutting back like crazy. It's almost impossible to make money in publishing these days as an author or publisher, unless you get a best-seller. The odds of producing a best-seller are only slightly better than winning the Powerball lottery.
Those publishers are making a business decision while you are looking for validation. You may have written a killer story with lyrical prose, but if it doesn't fit with what people are buying, they aren't going to invest money in getting it out there! They can't afford to. And ... if they did, and nobody bought it, would that make you feel better? People are busy and their reading time is dear. You shouldn't take it personally if their attention is elsewhere. Would you buy my book just to make me feel good? (Please do! I will! I promise!
)
Print out a couple of copies of your manuscript and give them to very trusted people. Not to literary critics, but to people with heart and compassion. People who will tell you what a great thing you did, putting it out there on paper. That was a brave thing indeed. Feel that, know that, and move on with strength and power, because
you finished a book! It doesn't matter whether publishers decide it's a good investment or not. Damned few people ever
finish a manuscript!
IMHO, success as a person is measured more in terms of love and joy than selling books. I wish you tons of love and joy.