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Joycecwilliams
06-16-2008, 07:27 PM
We took custody of our grandchildren four years ago.

I immediately put them in counseling. However 1 month after they arrived and two weeks after counselling began, my than 13 year old granddaughter tried to committ suicide by taking 125 asprins. She had 2 attempts prior to her living with us. I took her to the hospital, she was sent to another one with a mental facilty, and then to a children's mental hospital.

She was put on anti depressent and does well when she is on them, and continues conselling.

She is now 17 and getting ready to go away to college when she graduates next year.

However for the past month she has not taken her medication, and she was absolutely horrible this past weekend. Argumentative, non communicative, and she wants to be alone, doesn't want anyone touching her. And to be truthful. I am afraid of her at times. I am also afraid she is going to hurt herself.

What is bothering me, is she does this all the time. Stop taking her meds... and then I end up being the brunt of her anixety and depression. I am sick of it.

I have met with her counsellor numberous times, we have discussed this problem, and I even went so far as to put her pills in a case, one for each day.

I am sick and tired of the whole deal. I don't know what else to do. How can she go away to college and be behaving like this... I worry about her well being.

I want to run away...

Jcomp
06-16-2008, 07:31 PM
Sorry to hear of this joyce. I have no sage advice, but can only hope and pray for the best for you and your granddaughter.

James81
06-16-2008, 07:35 PM
I'm sorry to hear this too, but I'm just wondering if she is behaving like this simply for the attention you give.

I would imagine IF she wanted to kill herself, she would have found a much more suitable method by now.

I don't mean that to sound insensitive to your situation (it definately must be difficult), but perhaps the solution is to back off and give her some space.

What I mean, is to approach her from a different standpoint. Instead of being her grandmother/parent, start approaching her as a friend. Instead of trying to "save her", try to understand her. That kind of thing.

HeronW
06-16-2008, 07:44 PM
Drugs that even out the moods can have side effects in children & young people (to age 25 or so) that aren't as noticible in those in their 30ies-50ies. Also there can be a tolerance built up, a conflict with certain foods/drinks, a change in something as prosaic as the 'inert' ingredients that act as binders or the outer coverings of the pills.

There's also cycles of 'I feel good so why should I take the pills anymore' or 'yeah, some of the issues the pills take care of but they make me feel worse [in other areas] so why keep taking them?'

Perhaps a change in doctors and in meds could help, doing simple meditation like tai chi, possibly even a food allergy elimination--food allergies are more than breaking out in hives.

Good luck and my thoughts will be with you & her.

Angela_785
06-16-2008, 07:57 PM
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I wonder if she understands why she goes off her meds, and if it's something that she's discussed with her counsellor. I'll keep you both in my thoughts. :)

stormie
06-16-2008, 08:03 PM
Oh, gosh, Joyce, do I feel for you. (Like that helps you any!) But, as you might know, for her to suddenly stop taking the meds, she's doing even more harm--emotionally and physically--than if she eased off of them.

I know she's an older teen now, but would she go in for some type of reward system if she takes her pills? Get her a pill case, the kind with the days of the week (and one for morning, one for evening and mark them) then if she takes them (and you see her taking them) she gets something extra she likes. Rent a movie, buy something small....

She also might need to change psychiatrists and therapists.

And I think you know, she will only be admitted to a mental health hospital if she is a threat to herself or others.

melaniehoo
06-16-2008, 08:04 PM
Good luck Joyce.

pconsidine
06-16-2008, 08:10 PM
This is going to sound pretty heartless, but the only thing you can do is let her go. I say this as someone who's been on medication pretty much constantly since I was three. I know for me, the only thing that really taught me to take care of myself was landing in the hospital for a week when I was a freshman in college. If I had been taking my medication regularly, it wouldn't have happened, but I had developed a real passive-aggressive streak by then and that was the result. Ironically enough, when I got out of the hospital, I was put on twice as much medication as I was before.

Though I understand what's at stake here, if she doesn't learn to take her medication of her own free will, she'll always be just one step away from a fall. All you can do is set proper boundaries to make sure you're not on the receiving end anymore.

Perks
06-16-2008, 08:11 PM
Joyce, I just read a book and interviewed its author and it might be some use to you. It's called Mommy I'm Still In Here (http://www.amazon.com/Mommy-Im-Still-Here-Children/dp/1933016493/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1213632620&sr=8-1). I don't know that your granddaughter is bipolar, but this book would be, I think, helpful in your situation. It's profound.

Take care, lady. And good luck.

Inky
06-16-2008, 08:13 PM
At 17, suddenly stopping meds, wanting to be alone, not touched...was their a boyfriend and either they broke up--or worse?

My parents never knew about my boyfriends--or that they existed. They never knew my sophmore year was spent watching my best friend & MY boyfriend of one year making out, walking hand-in-hand....all the while, any chance Ms. Snatch 'Em Up got to shoot me a smirk, she took it!

Could be nothing more than hormones, peer pressure, boy trouble--even the 'no one's ever asking me out, but all my friends have boyfriends, what's wrong with me??--to the above posters mention that: if I feel okay, why continue with the meds?

Unfortunately, as the 'mom' we're forever targeted by at least ONE of our kids as their enemy, the source that is 'ruining their life'! They haven't learned the finesse yet of realizing that a bad hair day isn't really anyone's fault.

My best to you, as you're in a tricky situation full of stress over making the right/wrong decisions...what to say, what not to say....gads, I feel for you!

jst5150
06-16-2008, 08:41 PM
First, Joyce, best to you on this. It's a difficult position to be in.

I heard some great advice this morning. The person said, "You're a parent up until about age 12. After that, you're an adviser. The peer group takes over as the parent."

Again, best to you, Joyce.

mscelina
06-16-2008, 08:48 PM
Joyce,

I've pretty much been in the same situation. When my first husband and I divorced, we had an agreement that he would take the girls first (he was already diagnosed with MS) while he was able to care for them, and that I would take over when they hit their teenage years. Long story short, he got sicker quicker than we thought and signed a power of attorney to his dad, which effectively made his parents the guardians of my kids. (they didn't like me--long court battle, but anyhoo...)

Three years ago, it was brought to my attention that my younger daughter was in trouble. Drugs, serious depression, suicide attempts--you name it. The grandparents (insert what I really think of them HERE) decided that she was incorrigible and turned her into the police. So she was entered into the juvenile probation system, after a stint in a psych hospital. Through the whole time, I'm begging--PLEADING--for them to give me custody of her. They refused.

Finally, when she was 17, I got a phone call in the middle of the night. She'd snuck out of the house (she'd been grounded for 2 years by this point) and they didn't know where she was. (at Walmart at 2 am buying a Halloween costume for school) So, they called the cops. The next morning at school, she was arrested for probation violation.

I rolled into town after an all-night drive from Ohio. By five pm, I'd had a lawyer draw up a custody transfer and the grandfather and judge signed off on it. The next morning in court, my girl didn't see Grandpa waiting outside; she saw ME. The judge released her to my custody (anything to get another kid out of the system), I took her to her grandparents' house and had her packed up and on the way to Ohio in half an hour.

Now that you're filled in: last year was the most difficult year of my life. These 'guardians' hadn't taught my child anything. She was narcissistic, couldn't handle authority save with hysterics followed by a profound depression, had no business being enrolled in the advanced classes she was taking because what suffices in Kentucky does not suffice in Ohio. We'd ripped her from her comfortable environment; the friends fell by the wayside and did (thank God!) the obsessive compulsive boyfriend. She had to start all over again in her senior year of high school, and through it all she was being taught, incessantly, the social skills and the basics of survival in the real world.

It was very hard. I'm still working on her now. But, I have her calmed down to the point where she enters nursing school in a couple of months and at least using a reasonable decision-making process MOST of the time.

Last year, my daughter threatened suicide. I promptly took her to the ER, and they put her in the psych room for evaluation. She learned that in THIS house, no one would disregard her calls (whether real or bogus) for help.

She took off overnight because I couldn't tell her what to do. She came home three hours later to find her stuff bagged up on the porch. She learned that in THIS house, I will tell her what to do.

And when it came time for her meds, I checked her as thoroughly as the nurses in One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest.

I was tough on my daughter, but I gave her the freedom to make her own mistakes and learn from them. It sounds to me like your granddaughter is experiencing separation anxiety. She's flashing back to the trauma of coming to you three years ago, and now might be associating that with her upcoming trek to college. DO NOT IGNORE THIS. It is a genuine cry for help. If she's still in counseling, try to schedule a separate appointment with her counsellor to address your concerns. The counsellor needs to know these things without her sitting next to you and glaring at you for 'ratting her out.' Inform the counsellor that you want the situation addressed immediately. Period. (I did this last spring) You're paying for the counselling, right? It may be that she needs a spell in a place where she can be evaluated more thoroughly--and where they can build her meds back up to the level where they are prescribed to be. If she stopping taking the meds, this kind of emotional reaction might be attributed to the levels of those meds going down in her bloodstream. *normal disclaimer--not a professional blah blah only a mom who's gone through the same thing you did*

She needs to get excited about something. She may be afraid to go to school because she thinks she'll faill--totally possible considering her meds and diagnosis. Offer her additional summer study if she wants it. She may not WANT to go to school period. Give her alternatives.

The main thing though is to get her back on her meds. Until that regulates, you won't be able to get to the root of what's bothering her. And, if you're afraid to be around her and are sick of getting dumped on (yeah, been there done that--I was the worst mom in the world last year; this year she kind of likes me :) ) then you need to get things moving on this immediately. It may take a 4-8 day stay in the hospital to get her regulated again--but it makes a HUGE difference.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{big hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}

If you want more specifics, feel free to pm me, Joyce. I think our stories parallel wuite closely, and if anything I learned can help I'll be happy to pass it on. :) You're a strong woman; you'll find a way.

stormie
06-16-2008, 08:57 PM
What mscelina said is so true. Every word of it. It's a hard road, but don't give up. Please don't give up, no matter how bad it gets. And no matter how old they get, when there's mental illness, they need someone to lean on, no matter how they rebel. And they need to know you love them.

Joycecwilliams
06-17-2008, 12:13 AM
JComp
Sorry to hear of this joyce. I have no sage advice, but can only hope and pray for the best for you and your granddaughter.

Thanks...

I'm sorry to hear this too, but I'm just wondering if she is behaving like this simply for the attention you give.

I would imagine IF she wanted to kill herself, she would have found a much more suitable method by now.


I don't mean that to sound insensitive to your situation (it definately must be difficult), but perhaps the solution is to back off and give her some space.

What I mean, is to approach her from a different standpoint. Instead of being her grandmother/parent, start approaching her as a friend. Instead of trying to "save her", try to understand her. That kind of thing.

She has a lot of space.

I am not the kind of parent to be friend... I wasn't brought up that way, I didn't raise my kids that way, and I can not change who I am. One time she got mad at me because I didn't want to sleep in her bed with her. I sleep with my husband. This is a topic that we have discussed with her counsellor... numberous time. I am constant contact with her entire mental health team.


I would imagine IF she wanted to kill herself, she would have found a much more suitable method by now.

I don't mean that to sound insensitive to your situation (it definately must be difficult), but perhaps the solution is to back off and give her some space.

What I mean, is to approach her from a different standpoint. Instead of being her grandmother/parent, start approaching her as a friend. Instead of trying to "save her", try to understand her. That kind of thing.

I'm not the type of caregiver that hovers over her. I told her last year. If you want to be an adult, you are going to act like an adult. I gave her the responsiblity to to be in charge of re ordering her meds when she needed them. She had been doing very good at that... until May.

I can't let her not take her meds. It creates havoc in the entire house, not only for me but for her brother, and my husband. A person with a mental illness upsets the entire family dynamics.

One time last year, I was in bed for 4 weeks with a bad back. She went and told her counselor that I wasn't giving her enough attention. When I told her counselor I was not able to move she said.. well she didn't tell me that. Which is a problem... she lies... about everything.. Which is another issue I have spoken with her and her counselor about... numberous time. I won't let her drive my car for that reason, and she knows it. I can't trust her.


I struggled with the taking the pills/not taking the pills thing for YEARS. I can't even define my reasons now. One thing comes to mind in this specific case, though. She may be internally freaking out about going away to school. When pressures enter the life of someone in 'our' shoes, we tend to NEED to react. The fight or flight sensor is screwed for our type. If she's anything like me... she's dropping her meds out of fear of the unknown she is about to step into. She has a rut in her mind that tells her she can't do this... it's too big to take on. What does she do? Stop taking her meds to change the focus in her life. This causes drama... interaction with those around her that may be negative, but also enough to take the focus off of her fears of NOT SUCCEEDING in this new school situation.

I'm just speculating, of course. And I know how fed up you are... I have seen that kind of fed up... I've stared at it from this end. Walk away and get a breather of some sort. But don't let fed up become give up, whatever you do. We need people to fight for us when we're too stubborn to do it ourselves. I really think that the fight to survive isn't a given for everyone. Even when you feel like she is doing stuff like this to get attention, etc... try to remember that it could be a very whacked form of communication from a very illogical mindframe. I went off meds more times than I care to count. I can't explain why... but I bet I can find a trigger for most cases. Going away to school would have been one,

Thanks KYC... I know there is a catalyst for this... but what it is I do not know. Sometimes I think it may have to do with her mother. The kids mom has been in the area for the past year. She had promised them earlier this year she was getting a three bedroom apartment so they could come stay with her... but she didn't. That is another entire ballgame.

She was also raped by one of her "mother's" friends before she came to stay with us.. I believe this is where her suicidal thoughts come from, since she was 11 at the time.. Her counsellor has been working with her on this. I put in a call to her counsellor but she is on vacation this week.

So she has a lot of issues going on... besides the regular teen stuff.

My granddaughter is also overweight. She was going to weight watchers with me, but decided 1 month ago... she didn't want to go anymore. Since that time she has been putting on weight.... and has been sneak eating... I think at times this is due to the rape, since putting on weight keeps guys at bay... Again another issue that I we have talked about... with her consellor.. and nutritionist.

I would love to go someplace where I could get a breather. I went to visit my sister in April for that reason. Then when things got hectic again, I put in brick walk. I told my husband I loved pounding the bricks into the sand. It was healing for me. Now that is done and I am out of bricks and money for travel or otherwise.. I write as an escape, but it only works for an hour or two. I need more than that right now. I have three part time jobs.. and I go to a writer's group every two weeks. I am a trustee for the town and that gets me out a little, and I am on the board of the historical society and that gets me out. I also volunteer for Pug Rescue and that gets me out. Right now though I need more... I am seriously frazzled.

I walk and exercise, and lift weights..

I told my husband I felt like leaving, that I can't take it any longer.

I feel like I need a month in the Bahamas with cabanna boys. :)

Joycecwilliams
06-17-2008, 12:23 AM
At 17, suddenly stopping meds, wanting to be alone, not touched...was their a boyfriend and either they broke up--or worse?

My parents never knew about my boyfriends--or that they existed. They never knew my sophmore year was spent watching my best friend & MY boyfriend of one year making out, walking hand-in-hand....all the while, any chance Ms. Snatch 'Em Up got to shoot me a smirk, she took it!

Could be nothing more than hormones, peer pressure, boy trouble--even the 'no one's ever asking me out, but all my friends have boyfriends, what's wrong with me??--to the above posters mention that: if I feel okay, why continue with the meds?

Unfortunately, as the 'mom' we're forever targeted by at least ONE of our kids as their enemy, the source that is 'ruining their life'! They haven't learned the finesse yet of realizing that a bad hair day isn't really anyone's fault.

My best to you, as you're in a tricky situation full of stress over making the right/wrong decisions...what to say, what not to say....gads, I feel for you!


Hi Inky...

She has a boyfriend, they fight then make up. I really don't think he has too much to do with her decision, since she stopped last year, and the year before...

It is something else. In fact when she tried to kill her self it was father's day. So it's the same time of year, and something I think that happened before she came to live with us.

Her biological father has mental illness, as does his mother.. so I don't know... maybe it's heredity.

thanks for your thoughts..

veinglory
06-17-2008, 12:30 AM
Staying on meds is a struggle for many people for the reasons others mentioned. But vulnerable people sometimes need a little monitoring. Perhaps something like 'seeming to let her go' is more appropriate. Like, promise not to hover so long as she keeps in touch at some agreed frequency even if it is just am email a week or a phone call a month. Then research the support services at the college. Then if she deteriorates you will have some way to know and someone to contact about it. If she is going into a dorm this is a pretty routine issue for them but you might want to check what their privacy regulations are--i.e. what questions they would be able to answer if you called them. Undergraduate years are risky and I have seen plenty of kids hit serious trouble of various sorts from bulimia to untreated melanoma due to being released into the wild without any checks from anyone. So, fly be free, but have a strategically positioned mattress--just in case. That's my 2c :)

soleary
06-17-2008, 12:46 AM
Best of luck, Joyce. I would suggest you write about it so that you can monitor how you're feeling. Also, if it is available, see a therapist. You need to keep your mental health a priority, and this seems to be an incredibly stressful situation. My heart goes out to you.

Daimeera
06-17-2008, 04:50 AM
My best guess is that she's feeling overwhelmed and doesn't really know what to do. Maybe she's given up. I know that when I was at my most suicidal, I took myself off meds because I hoped it would give me the final push I needed. Didn't work, put myself back on them, but they were never really the right combination.

I saw a different psychiatrist a few years later and he, unlike my previous one, actually listened to me when I said I didn't feel as good as I should. He got me on a combination of meds that has kept me stable since. I wonder if it would be worth talking to a different psychiatrist and finding out if different medications might work better?

A change in therapist might help if she's not making any progress. Has she ever indicated that she feels incompatible with her current one, or like they don't really click? I know there's a difference between not cooperating because you don't click and not cooperating because you just don't want to, but it strikes me as being worth asking about.

I can understand the frustration. I'm coming from the other side--the daughter who is (was, I hope) sometimes hard to get along with and for many years, self-destructive. It really came down to feeling completely overwhelmed and alone. A good therapist, and a psychiatrist who actually listened to me and trusted me to know what I was talking about, rather than treating me like a child helped.

You might want to treat her like an adult, but she isn't one. Not yet. She's been through a lot from the sounds of things. And changes in eating, going off meds, all that--that's a reaction to something. I can't say what, and clearly you can't either--and that's not your fault. But as painful as it is to you, it's not directed AT you.

I know it's frustrating. Please though, try to hang in there. I wonder if maybe the pressure to be an adult is scaring her, making her feel totally overwhelmed. She sounds like she's shutting down.

Best of luck to both of you. Mental illness is a tough nut to crack (no pun/offense intended).

Appalachian Writer
06-17-2008, 05:10 AM
Joyce,
Sorry to hear about this. Even though we do the very best we can, sh*! happens. You know my circumstances, so I, like mscelina, speak from experience. Although all the advice here is good, KTC and mscelina have probably both hit the nail on the head. There is a catalyst, something that set her off. Is it her weight problem? Is it the boyfriend? Maybe she doesn't want him anymore, but she's afraid to let go because she thinks there won't be anyone else. At 17, girls are often fatalistic, thinking what they have now is all they'll ever have.

Do you need to run away? (Yes, Thelma and Louise, remember?) In reality, No. She is crying out in her way. She is sitting in her room thinking about how horrible her life is. She is thinking, maybe even about suicide. She is thinking about all the times she's failed and expecting failure in the upcoming college year. She is thinking, Why bother? I'll fail anyway. It's no use. Happiness is not for me. I'll betcha I'm right. I've worked with kids around her age for a long time, and I've seen it over and over again. It's the worst kind of self-destructive thinking.

After everything you've been through, it's difficult to muster the courage one more time. But soon, she'll even out, she'll go back to her meds with some encouragement, and she'll realize that you are the best thing that's ever happened to her. She might resent your being her white knight right now, but she'll come around. You should get in touch with her counselor asap. You should set up a private meeting to voice your concern and to talk about the behavior issues, and you should follow the counselor's advice, no matter how hard it is. One day, your granddaughter will be a grown woman, God willing, and she'll need to know what is and is not acceptable. She'll learn from you. She'll learn from your efforts, no matter what the challenge, and she'll know that those efforts are born in the love you have for her. Frustration is a terrible thing, the feeling that you've failed her somehow. I know that feeling, but I also know, as you've told me, there is hope and help. Keep hoping. Seek help.
Lots of love,
Appy

C.bronco
06-17-2008, 05:23 AM
Well, I love ya kiddo.

She probably has some anxiety about moving away, though most likely will not admit it. I'd just let her know that if she ever changes her mind and wants to commute as a day student that it would be just fine.
High school kids don't always realize that not moving out for college is a fine alternative.

If that's not the case, I send you my prayers and best wishes.

Most colleges now have great support services for mental health and easing the transition.

Yanno where to find me if you need to unload.
Love, .bronco.

Shweta
06-17-2008, 05:33 AM
I have no advice, Joyce. Just :Hug2:

Don Allen
06-17-2008, 05:44 AM
At 17, suddenly stopping meds, wanting to be alone, not touched...was their a boyfriend and either they broke up--or worse?

My parents never knew about my boyfriends--or that they existed. They never knew my sophmore year was spent watching my best friend & MY boyfriend of one year making out, walking hand-in-hand....all the while, any chance Ms. Snatch 'Em Up got to shoot me a smirk, she took it!

Could be nothing more than hormones, peer pressure, boy trouble--even the 'no one's ever asking me out, but all my friends have boyfriends, what's wrong with me??--to the above posters mention that: if I feel okay, why continue with the meds?

Unfortunately, as the 'mom' we're forever targeted by at least ONE of our kids as their enemy, the source that is 'ruining their life'! They haven't learned the finesse yet of realizing that a bad hair day isn't really anyone's fault.

My best to you, as you're in a tricky situation full of stress over making the right/wrong decisions...what to say, what not to say....gads, I feel for you!


I too suspect something weird here.... There is no vacum when 17 year old girls are involved. She's keeping something from you... She's in a relationship, and she's being pressurred... You have become an obsticle...
She punishs both her and you by not taking the meds.

Don't take the B.S answer that Nothings wrong..... Find out, if you have to go to her friends, better yet threaten her with going to her friends, then tell her the two of you can work out anything, Rent Juno and make her watch it with you even if you've boith seen it before....

Joycecwilliams
06-17-2008, 06:08 AM
I too suspect something weird here.... There is no vacum when 17 year old girls are involved. She's keeping something from you... She's in a relationship, and she's being pressurred... You have become an obsticle...
She punishs both her and you by not taking the meds.

Don't take the B.S answer that Nothings wrong..... Find out, if you have to go to her friends, better yet threaten her with going to her friends, then tell her the two of you can work out anything, Rent Juno and make her watch it with you even if you've boith seen it before....

Hi Don

I don't think that is the problem. Her boyfriend moved 2 months ago and they talk on the phone.. he is 2 states away. I called her consellor last week because every friend she has, she has gotten into an arguement with.. all with the same complaint. "They don't listen to me." Last night she got into an arguement with her boyfriend on the phone, saying he doesn't listen to her...

She is pushing everyone away which is a danger sign. Her therapist is on vacation. I am going to call and get an emergency session with someone...

I'm seeing red flags all over the place...

pconsidine
06-17-2008, 06:22 AM
It looks from the outside that you're doing everything you can. It might not feel like it, but I'd have to say you're doing a great job with a crappy situation. But I would reiterate that none of this means you have to accept unacceptable behavior (which I get the feeling is what's behind the need to vent).

This too shall pass.

Like a kidney stone, probably, but it'll pass.

Don Allen
06-17-2008, 06:23 AM
Wow!! That adds some dimension... She might be really turning inward,,, The "Nobody listens to me" is definitly a cry for help, but then it sounds like she either dosen't belive people are being sincere, or they aren't telling her what she wants to hear... do you suspect street drugs? I ask because my bi-polar sister in law has an episode and makes a bee line for a joint or coke to self medicate, and the change in her demeanor is Jeckell and Hyde... I do feel for you Joyce,,, because you get the creepy i can't trust you feeling under your skin, and you hate to live with that in under your own roof....

Joycecwilliams
06-17-2008, 07:28 AM
Wow!! That adds some dimension... She might be really turning inward,,, The "Nobody listens to me" is definitly a cry for help, but then it sounds like she either dosen't belive people are being sincere, or they aren't telling her what she wants to hear... do you suspect street drugs? I ask because my bi-polar sister in law has an episode and makes a bee line for a joint or coke to self medicate, and the change in her demeanor is Jeckell and Hyde... I do feel for you Joyce,,, because you get the creepy i can't trust you feeling under your skin, and you hate to live with that in under your own roof....

Hi Don
I am certain it is not street drugs. This is an ongoing problem since she came to live with us. I am going to start raising hell about her "treatment" she's been diagnoised with servere depression and post trauma stress. However I think it is something deeper... She never cries except if it's for herself, and she has never appologized for anything.... ever in the past four years unless it is filled with scarscasm.

I don't think she is bipolar I believe she was tested for that...

Thanks Don..

Matera the Mad
06-17-2008, 08:56 AM
It never hurts to get a second opinion, and a third, and -- whatever you can. Mental disorders are not as easily pigeonholed as a lot of people would like to think. The mind and body are not separate, and both are extremely complex. One thing that makes it hard for people to deal with their own illness is lack of self-knowledge. It can take many years and a lot of hard knocks for them to come to an understanding of themselves, if they survive. There is a horrible gray area called "Borderline Personality Disorder" where some are left after too many failed attempts to fight the symptoms. Maybe it is impossible in some cases to get a grip on the hurting person inside . . . maybe it is just a matter of finding the right key. I hope you can find some keys. Don't give up, but take time out to breathe when you have to.

Write4U2
06-17-2008, 11:10 AM
The 'let her go' advice is good. For some. The problem is it's impossible to know which ones it will work with and which ones it won't work with. It could result in death. I've seen it result in death. It's a huge gamble and there is no mathematical equation to help you figure out which one it will work on.

She has a history of attempted suicide, so I don't think letting her go is a good thing.

She may be, as they have said, attempting to tell you that she doesn't want to go away to school. She may fear change. That might be at the bottom of it. Just a guess. I know nuthing...

In any case, I feel for you. I have a son with OCD/Panic Disorder who doesn't want any authority over him. He left home several years ago, and I think he did it to spite me. I only see him when he wants money.

Don Allen
06-17-2008, 04:17 PM
Good luck Joyce, keep us up to date when you here something.

icerose
06-17-2008, 07:18 PM
Hi Don
I am certain it is not street drugs. This is an ongoing problem since she came to live with us. I am going to start raising hell about her "treatment" she's been diagnoised with servere depression and post trauma stress. However I think it is something deeper... She never cries except if it's for herself, and she has never appologized for anything.... ever in the past four years unless it is filled with scarscasm.

I don't think she is bipolar I believe she was tested for that...

Thanks Don..

It sounds almost like she's a sociopath, like she has no empathy, which could be from her traumatic experience.

I, however, don't think it's as much because of the impending college. If it has been happening year after year at the same time of year, that time of year is the end of school and it could possible be the anniversary of the incident. If it's consistent, then it's unlikely that it's anything new triggering it, rather an old wound.

And with her pushing everyone away, that is scary.

Good luck Joyce, I hope you figure it out.

Mela
06-17-2008, 07:37 PM
I feel for you Joyce - being 17 is bad enough - dealing with 17 and buried trauma to boot is horrible. I have no advice for you, since I've no experience with this sort of situation. It sounds as though you're doing everything you can and I truly hope you can get some down time from the situation to get yourself centered and whole again.

Just one thing comes to mind: I don't know how long it takes to uncover trauma - possibly a lifetime, in some cases - but as she gets older and realization comes to her more and more, it may be tougher to deal with this certain time of year and her episodes might become more moody and more dangerous. Maybe a different counselor would be more effective?

My thoughts are with you!

Joycecwilliams
06-19-2008, 06:42 AM
I just want to thank each and everyone of you who responded to my post, rep'd me, or sent me a private message. You will never know how much just venting and getting input from you folks have helped.

I wish I could give you all a big hug...

Things have settled down somewhat... but summer vacation for the kids starts tomorrow...

I've thrown myself back into my WIP as an escape... so there is a plus side to this.

Again, THANKS TO EVERYONE FOR THEIR SUPPORT...

Joe270
06-19-2008, 06:59 AM
However I think it is something deeper... She never cries except if it's for herself, and she has never appologized for anything.... ever in the past four years unless it is filled with scarscasm.

This, coupled with the suicide attempt drama, sounds like narcissism to me. I'm no expert, far from it.

If you have the money for a vacation, perhaps it would do some good to visit India, Bangladesh, or Mozambique. The struggle for life in those countries might wake her up.

Mexico isn't poor enough, and it is a beautiful country, so I doubt it would work as well.

It might cost a lot up front, but you might save a bunch in therapists.

Like I said, I'm no expert and this situation is best handled by one.

I hope only the best for you and yours.

Fraulein
06-19-2008, 07:16 AM
Joyce, I've been thinking about this thread for a couple of days. I didn't want to comment, because I don't know you or your granddaughter personally. However, if the questions that I ask help, then it's worth putting myself out there, right?

Questions:
Can your granddaughter devote herself to anything? Does she like to draw, sing, write, or read? Is there a way for her to excel at something so that she can be proud of herself without negatively affecting you in the process?

Joycecwilliams
06-19-2008, 08:30 AM
Joyce, I've been thinking about this thread for a couple of days. I didn't want to comment, because I don't know you or your granddaughter personally. However, if the questions that I ask help, then it's worth putting myself out there, right?

Questions:
Can your granddaughter devote herself to anything? Does she like to draw, sing, write, or read? Is there a way for her to excel at something so that she can be proud of herself without negatively affecting you in the process?

Yes, my granddaughter is an avid reader and writer. She was a radio reporter for her school this past school year. She also likes to sketch, use pastels and charcoal. I bought her a new sketch pad for her birthday on May 28. She has a lot of things she can be proud that she's accomplished.

stormie
06-20-2008, 04:17 AM
This, coupled with the suicide attempt drama, sounds like narcissism to me. I'm no expert, far from it. Unfortunately, there are many people who still feel this to be true. It isn't. It's a real cry for help.


If you have the money for a vacation, perhaps it would do some good to visit India, Bangladesh, or Mozambique. The struggle for life in those countries might wake her up.

It might cost a lot up front, but you might save a bunch in therapists. Hard to travel with someone who's going through a personal hell. Airports can test even the most sane person. She doesn't need a wake-up call, but a good therapist and psychiatrist. And to take her meds. Mental illness (which is what clinical depression is), is the same as having any illness. One needs a doctor versed in that particular illness and the appropriate meds. How many times does a person with high cholesterol find that the med they're taking makes them feel funny, or doesn't work the way it should. That's the same with psychotropic meds.


Like I said, I'm no expert and this situation is best handled by one.
Yes. :)