Common Courtesy Take 2

Kitrianna · Jun 16, 2008

Ok, I know that I've ranted about this before, but this last week has renewed my perspective. Previously it was concerning people's library manners which, while annoying, poses no real threat to anyone's health, safety or to society in general.

As some of you know, I've tore up my ankle pretty good and have been on crutches for a little over a week which has caused me to use the buses more frequently when I am in town, not normally a big deal. This morning when I got on the bus, I encountered a situation that I never have before and one which I hope that no one else does who has a physical impairment (permenant or temporary).

The signs at the front of the bus inform people that the first few seats are supposed to be reserved for those who are eldery or handicapped as they are easier to access and allow these people to be seated quicker and allow the bus to begin moving again safely.

When I boarded the bus, this area was filled with able bodied people who couldn't even be bothered to ask if I would like their seat (there were plenty of available seats beyond them), let alone move a row or two back. Instead I had to try to get to a seat a couple rows back and ended up injuring myself further because the bus driver assumed that someone would have let me sit down up front and began moving (he stopped the bus when he realized that they had not). Obviously I am a touch (ok alot more than a touch) peeved about this.

I always try to sit as far back as I can when I am healthy so I don't have to worry about taking a seat that is needed by someone else and I even move for small children and mothers with babies when some men won't.

My question is for all of you, is it becoming normal for people not to give a royal rat's pituty about their fellow man?

Roger J Carlson · Jun 16, 2008

My wife and I went to Disney last year. Every evening, I ended up standing on the bus ride back to the hotel because I had given my seat to someone older or more infirm. I'm 50 years old (and still in very good shape, so it wasn't a hardship). One thing I noticed, however, is that very few people in their 20s or 30s did the same. Yes, I think it's more common.

James81 · Jun 16, 2008

Kitrianna said:
My question is for all of you, is it becoming normal for people not to give a royal rat's pituty about their fellow man?

Yes.

get me a drink while you are up.

Kitrianna · Jun 16, 2008

We need more people like you in this world. Glad to hear that someone else looks out for others.

johnnysannie · Jun 16, 2008

Kitrianna said:
My question is for all of you, is it becoming normal for people not to give a royal rat's pituty about their fellow man?

Unfortunately, yes.

gypsyscarlett · Jun 16, 2008

Unfortunately, yes.

I used to work in retail, so I know all too well how rude people can be.
Customers would come in, demand (not ask) that I find a book for them. I would- and I'd hand it to them. They'd take it, and without a word of thanks, walk away.
Me? I'd say in my sweetest voice, "You're welcome." I'd say it totally straight, no sarcasm, as if I'd heard them say thank you.
Sometimes, they'd turn back, confused and then embaressment would actually come over their face as they "got it" and then they'd mumble a thank you.
So my advice to you? As you get off the bus, say in your sweetest voice to those people, "It was very kind of you to offer me a seat. Thank you." And just leave. Maybe, just maybe, it will get one of them to think.

Oh, and I hope you heal quickly!

Kitrianna · Jun 16, 2008

Unfortunately while I think your advice is great gypsy, I have the courtesy to let everyone get off ahead of me so that I don't hold them up. I may have been on crutches many times, but getting up and down stairs and off and on buses scares me.

James81 · Jun 16, 2008

Kitrianna said:
We need more people like you in this world. Glad to hear that someone else looks out for others.

Thank you Kit. I appreciate that.

mscelina · Jun 16, 2008

Crutches are scary. They're a pain in the...*ahem!* ... armpits as well. Hope your recuperation goes smoothly.

There is no such thing as common courtesy any more. No one holds the door for elderly people who are loaded down with grocery bags (except me), no one says 'please' and 'thank you' and 'excuse me' any more. ( I do have a remedy for that, though; if someone doesn't thank me for their drink at the bar, I say "You're welcome" in a pretty flat voice. The regulars love it, because they know that if I don't get a hurried "Oh, I'm sorry. Thanks!" from the customer, then I'll slow the customer down on the drinking rate.

But the bus thing? Annoying. When I lived in the city, it didn't matter how crammed full the bus was, the men and able-bodied young women absolutely would NOT relinquish their seats to someone who was standing and shouldn't have been. I was the schmuck who sacrificed my seat to an octagenarian with a walker--and usually ended up on my feet for the rest of the ride. It's some sort of skewed sense of entitlement that has infiltrated our society, an attitude that "I deserve this and no one else does" that's reflected in interactions between strangers all the time on the streets and in the stores or public facilities all over the country. Unfortunately, the only way to fight it is to teach our kids better at home.

Common courtesy is stressed in this house. Now, if I can just get them to believe that the best usage for "Excuse me" isn't after they belch at the dinner table, I'll be okay.

James81 · Jun 16, 2008

mscelina said:
Common courtesy is stressed in this house. Now, if I can just get them to believe that the best usage for "Excuse me" isn't after they belch at the dinner table, I'll be okay.

They shouldn't be saying "excuse me" after burping at the dinner table anyway.

The proper response is "My compliments to the chef."

tjwriter · Jun 16, 2008

Kitrianna said:
My question is for all of you, is it becoming normal for people not to give a royal rat's pituty about their fellow man?

I see more and more of this and I just want to smack people upside their heads. Or maybe knock all their heads together. Something.

I'm just the type of person that will offer you the shirt off my back if I think you need it. I'll hold the door open for anyone, which seems to embarrass old men, but whatever. I even went as far as to grab a box of cereal off the top shelf for an old woman because she couldn't reach and was flippin' out over it, turning circles in the aisle. Just like a smile or a 'hello' can make someone's day, proper manners go toward a better world.

There is nothing wrong with showing common courtesy and manners to any and all ages and abilities. My two year old knows how to use please and thank you, and even used excuse me appropriately when she bumped into someone in line while out with my mother. Surely a grown person could do the same.

Perhaps you should have looked pointedly at one of them with the comment, "I can see that you're not old, so what's your impairment?"

Roger J Carlson said:
I'm 50 years old (and still in very good shape, so it wasn't a hardship).

He doesn't look a day over 45, don't let him fool you!

Kitrianna · Jun 16, 2008

LOL tj, but that would have required forming a coherent thought, let alone a sentence at 7am (I didn't sleep well last night...thunderstorms). Roger, I have been thinking about this all day and you say that the lack of courtesy is raging amongst people in their 20's and 30's, but I am in my early thirties (some say I act much older) as is Kthrok. He gets frustrated when the women he works with try to open the door for themselves. I am not allowed to get my own door when he was around. James, there is nothing wrong with teaching children to excuse themselves when they burp, some don't consider it a compliment to the chef.

It is very refreshing to see that I am not some throwback to a forgotten age and that there are others who are upset at the way people treat each other. I wish that there were more of us.

JimmyB27 · Jun 16, 2008

I am considerate, I just never get the chance to prove it. The other day a heavily pregnant woman got on the train, looked my way, and turned to find a seat at the other end of the carriage. She could have had mine! Then I'd have felt good all day for having done a nice thing for someone.
Selfish cow.

Soccer Mom · Jun 16, 2008

I don't think it's quite as bleak as folks have made out. I see people do courteous things every day. People hold doors and give up seats and let folks merge into traffic. It's the rudeness that stands out, but there are plenty of polite people out there.

Maryn · Jun 16, 2008

I'm getting to be such a hard ass in my older years. When I was 33, at my due date, and unable to get a seat on the subway because healthy 20-somethings had to sit, the only person ever to get up and give me a seat was a homeless guy I'd seen jump the turnstile. I told him, good and loud, that he was the only person on board with any courtesy. A couple months later, traveling with my colicky daughter (who loved the subway), I saw him and showed him the baby. I could tell he was touched that I'd remembered his kindness.

Anyway, nowadays I wouldn't bite my tongue if I were on crutches. Those seats are reserved for people like you--nudge some able-bodied bozo with a crutch and say, nice and loud, "Excuse me, I need a handicapped seat you're sitting in. Now."

Maryn, who no longer cares if everyone likes her

HeronW · Jun 16, 2008

There are a few good considerate people left, unfortunately they're going the way of the dodo.

astonwest · Jun 16, 2008

Soccer Mom said:
I don't think it's quite as bleak as folks have made out. I see people do courteous things every day.

I think it also has to do with the area of the country you're in.

brianm · Jun 16, 2008

Soccer Mom said:
I don't think it's quite as bleak as folks have made out. I see people do courteous things every day. People hold doors and give up seats and let folks merge into traffic. It's the rudeness that stands out, but there are plenty of polite people out there.

I agree.

Manners have changed with the times, but I still rise when a lady (or anyone for that matter) enters a room, pull out chairs, open doors, give up my seat for a lady or elderly person, and do most of what I was taught as a child. Although, I don't bow as much as I did in the past. It only looks like I do because of my lower back pain. :tongue

MarkEsq · Jun 16, 2008

I don't mean to rain on your rant, and I am disturbed at the lack of consideration you were shown, but this thread does remind me of Grandpa Simpson and his buddies at the old folks home complaining about how "them young 'uns" ain't like they used to be. I think every generation disparages the manners of the one below it but if the downward curve was as each generation claims, we'd be actively murdering each other by now.

Like SoccerMom, I see people doing nice things for each other every day. Okay, Like SoccerMom I live in Texas but we're s'posed to be bigger and meaner here so that can't be it! I think we'll always have courteous people (you lot) and discourteous ones (the lot you lot have run into).

Or I'm just a blinkered optimist.

WendyNYC · Jun 16, 2008

JimmyB27 said:
I am considerate, I just never get the chance to prove it. The other day a heavily pregnant woman got on the train, looked my way, and turned to find a seat at the other end of the carriage. She could have had mine! Then I'd have felt good all day for having done a nice thing for someone.
Selfish cow.

Be careful with that. My husband offered his seat to a pregnant lady one time and was loudly berated "I'm not pregnant! I'm just fat! You gotta problem with that?"

Write4U2 · Jun 17, 2008

Yeah!!

JimmyB27 said:
I am considerate, I just never get the chance to prove it. The other day a heavily pregnant woman got on the train, looked my way, and turned to find a seat at the other end of the carriage. She could have had mine! Then I'd have felt good all day for having done a nice thing for someone.
Selfish cow.

Really!!!! Don't you just hate it when someone won't let you do a favor for them? Bust@rdos! :rant:

JimmyB27 · Jun 17, 2008

WendyNYC said:
Be careful with that. My husband offered his seat to a pregnant lady one time and was loudly berated "I'm not pregnant! I'm just fat! You gotta problem with that?"

Hehe - That happened to a friend of mine when he was serving a couple at his pub.
But this woman was definitely pregnant - skinny all over, GIANT belly.

SpookyWriter · Jun 17, 2008

JimmyB27 said:
Hehe - That happened to a friend of mine when he was serving a couple at his pub.
But this woman was definitely pregnant - skinny all over, GIANT belly.

Maybe she got knocked up by a beer.

L M Ashton · Jun 17, 2008

tjwriter said:
Perhaps you should have looked pointedly at one of them with the comment, "I can see that you're not old, so what's your impairment?"

If you'd done that to me, I would have told you.

Ehlers Danlos Syndrome. It's a genetic collagen defect.

I'm only 40 and, by all appearances, I'm perfectly healthy and able. By all appearances. In reality, I'm in much worse shape than most 85 year olds with arthritis who've already had three hip replacements and, were I in, say, Canada, the US, or the UK, would easily qualify for disability and that blue wheelchair sticker thingie for my vehicle. And, because of appearances and looking all healthy and able, other people would likely yell at me - and often - for abusing the system. Because I look healthy and able. It's what others with hidden disabilities tell me happens to them.

I'm not saying that people don't have manners these days and I agree that it would have been helpful and polite if someone had moved for you, but I'm also saying that you can't always tell what's going on just by looking at someone.

tjwriter · Jun 17, 2008

Oh, I know plenty of people with something that is hard to distinguish with a glance, and often you can see people who are by no means impaired, but rather lazy.

Common Courtesy Take 2

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