So what if writing is my only ambition in life?

Yeah, I can relate.

I have a B.S. in Engineering and have been working an Engineering job for 4 years...and the first real opportunity I get to get the fuck out of this job and Engineering in general, I am taking it and am essentially going to waste my college education.

My trouble, like you, is that the only thing I am really passionate about is my writing (well and my kids, but you can't make money off them unless you sell them on the black market).

So it's all-go, no-quit for me until I become a lavish millionaire off my writing and/or inherit 11ty billion dollars from some distance rich relative.

No education is wasted, ever. And having a sheepskin is something that is always in your back pocket, should you ever need to whip it out. Like when sending something to an editor or agent, that will always be a part of you and worthy of respect.

I can't relate (to directly answer your question). Once I left home at 17, I never went back except to visit (no, it wasn't a rejection of them; I left the state and moved frequently).

You're not paying rent and you're a college graduate. Is it possible they're upset that they may feel you're freeloading? Is it possible that they feel you're not doing enough to pay off the debt and move out on your own?

You're being true to what you feel is right for you, but do THEY feel you're doing right BY THEM? Just because you're not doing any bad stuff (like drugs) doesn't necessarily feel you're doing GOOD stuff.

Perhaps a happy medium: a part time job so you can pay them rent and pay off the debt quicker, and one that leaves you plenty of time to do what you love: write.

Of course, the answers to the questions are none of my business and I don't expect an answer. The questions are solely for you to consider.

Good luck and congrats at finding what it is that you love to do. Too many people never find it.

I'm living down the profound disappointment of most of my friends and family, working a menial secretary job at a university, when everyone expected I would become a professor at a university. Bottom line, I dropped out of a PhD program almost 15 years ago, because I realized I didn't want to become an academic slave. I just wanted to write. I've been happily doing that ever since, while various friends have gone onto bigger and better careers. I don't mind at all. My husband and I live pretty modestly, but I'm intensely happy because I'm doing what I want. Hell, this week I feel like I'm getting somewhere with the writing--two short story sales--but even if I weren't, I'm still enjoying writing more than I would enjoy having the kind of high responsibility job that people call a "career." Careers take time and energy I'd rather spend on writing.

Good luck.

Oh yeah, I relate. I've worked at a crappy low paying job for years and am taking steps toward being able to make at least a good percentage of my income through writing. I have a BA in English
An economic guru I love (N. N. Taleb) says that in order to open yourself to the maximum chance of "good things" happening, you have to get out into an area where a lot of people interact. You need to expose yourself to a community. Sitting in a back-room typing is part of writing (the biggest part) but in order to be "in the community" (for example of "young New York writers," or of "Chicago SF writers,") you actually need to get out there. I am hoping to use the book I am writing to get me to the next stage. It will not make me rich, but perhaps it will open a door for me.

No one becomes good at anything unless they work at it single-mindedly. You can do it with a job-- but oh the luxury of a few months with no work! Especially if that work does not really do much more than pay "subsistence" wages.

Life is not worth living without a little happiness. Looking down the barrel of poverty and wage slavery after a college education is pretty nerve-wracking. I certainly can relate. I came from a poor family, where no one had ever graduated from college before. I was appalled to find that in the real world, college really does not lead to "the good life" as my parents thought. All you can do is work your heart out at the skill that you think will best lead you to the life you want. Its like becoming a singer or any other "entertainment" career -- for in the long run that is what it is. 1 out of 1000 might get their foot in the door. You have to be good with a capital "G," Most people who set out to do it, fail. In a way, working at it full time is no better than working at it part time. But being able to withdraw from the real world for a time is not only good for the soul, but also great for the skill-set, as long as you use the time to your advantage.

Almost everyone I know is in your position (as was I for a long time). Most of my friends (along with myself) are actors or writers or both. They have jobs they hate in order to make money to live off of, and jobs that also allow them a schedule to be able to work hard on their passion. It's a tough life, a tough road, one which, let's be honest, may never come to anything. But for me I'd rather do this, than work some job that consumed all my time, did not allow me to act or write because of that, but make more money. I'm pretty happy. And I pay all my bills on time and still have enough to go out with friends (nothing extravagant of course).

It's tricky because you are still dependent on your parents for a roof over your head, but so long as you are paying your own way, you'll be fine.

I found ways to meld writing into making a decent living. I went into corporate communications and used that as a springboard to designing/developed classroom and web-based training courses. It gave me a creative outlet and put a decent amount of food on the table at the same time. I could have continued my freelancing, but I put that on hold to pursue my MA and PsyD. If I hadn't wanted to go through more college, I would have continued my freelancing in tandem with the bill-paying job.

Think about ways you can leverage your writing, the degree, or a combo thereof into a making a decent living in a job that offers at least some creative outlet.

Parents typically want their kids to be happy and successful. But they define "happiness" and "success" for themselves and expect their kids to be much the same. When you're not, it's awkward.

My definition: as long as you smile more than frown and aren't a drain on society in any way, you're golden. Just gotta sort out being happy for yourself and find it, and don't let anybody frown on it, even if they birthed you.

not worry about living up to expectations. Can anyone relate?

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I can totally relate. I was a "young person of promise," I believe is how they describe it, back in my college days. I was writing regularly, and getting a few pieces published (I lived just outside Manhattan during the last burst of intellectual ferment in the 1970s, so there were plenty of come-and-go fringe paper zines back then to publish in...). Dropped out of college, and was a grade-A fuckup for about 10 years. Cleaned up, kicked my drug and booze habit (though I still enjoy an occasional cocktail, I no longer need one, if you understand what that's like), got a respectable job for the foremost company in the computer industry, became a programmer, left and founded my own software shop, did real well, went back into the corporate fold and did even better. By every possible metric, I was a total success. Then, about 4 years ago, something happened (my wife calls it my "brain problem") and I started writing furiously, madly, and haven't stopped. And after the first year (when most of what I wrote was utter crap), I started getting things published. So I started taking my "author copy" and mailing it to my dear old mother. She would call every time she got one, gushing and excited, and one time she said something that hit me right between the eyes: "I always knew you'd get back on track and make something of yourself." I guess at age 53, I'm the ultimate "late bloomer." But sometimes I think of how anxious she must've been all those decades, wondering if I'd ever get back on track and make something of myself.

Ha. Hahahaha. I scoff.

I have not one, but two useless degrees, a B.A. and an M.M. Not only that, but I currently no longer work in the industry I got those degrees in! With most of my friends thtat seems to be the rule these days - pre-meds working in social services, musicians going to law school, actors designing video games, composers building websites. Other than my husband and one doctor friend, I can't think of a single person that pursued a career in the same arena as their college major.

Moreover, I have a lot of friend who are still drifting. Their parents are freaked out to say the least, because to THEM living this kind of life is terrifying. But they don't have to live it, you do. Besides, you sound like you're young. Youth is bouncy.

I'm studying Literature as a career My entire life revolves around literature right now, and I love it.

Just a wild guess here, but I don't think your parents are so much upset about this:

michelle25 said:

I went to college, got a B.A., and am now working a job that someone straight out of high school could do. But I don't care because I'm writing and I'm happy. But my parents are upset that they spent money to send me to college for nothing.

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As they are about this:

my parents are letting me live with them again for free after the guy I lived with in L.A. for a year charged over ten grand on my credit card and is in prison for other crimes. I'm paying for it 'cause I knew he was doing it and didn't stop him 'cause he promised to pay me back and never did...

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Your parents paid for you to go to college, to get an education, and if they're anything like my parents all they wanted to do was make sure you were a successful, self-supporting adult. But in return you make some really, really stupid choices. And instead of working your butt off to correct those choices, you're now... living at home, for free? They pushed you out of the nest; you came back.

I know exactly what it's like to have your parents disapprove of your career choices, but you know what? If you're living on your own, being a responsible adult, it doesn't matter what they say. If you're living on your parents money, however, you've chosen to be a child again, and what they have to say matters because you're living in their house.

Do what you need to get out on your own - THEN complain.

So what if writing is my only ambition in life?

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Count yourself lucky. First, you have an ambition. Many people go through life without any. Second, you are focused. Many people (like me) are all over the place.

And who cares what other people say? It's your dream and go for it. You have only yourself to answer to.

JoNightshade said:

Do what you need to get out on your own - THEN complain.

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I totally agree, and I've been through this myself not too long ago so I know how it feels. I moved back in with my mom to go to grad school, but after I got my M.Ed I realized I didn't want to teach. I also didn't actually want to do anything else except write.

When I finally got off my butt, moved out of my mom's house and got a reasonably decent job, my writing improved tremendously in quantity and quality. I no longer had to deal with guilt on a daily basis--it really saps creative energy--plus my time was entirely my own.

Now I've found a great job that doesn't pay much but allows me plenty of time to write, and it's got good benefits and is actually tangentially related to my degrees. So don't just settle for whatever you can find; keep actively looking for a better job. It will help your writing career in unexpected ways.

My parents are okay with shipping me off to study writing in college. They know I'll get a job to pay off my debt afterward, but they know my ambitions, so they're cool with it.

And so mostly, I'm cool with them.

Be it right or wrong, the fact that you started this thread leads me to think you aren't too certain of your life choices up to now. Logic tells me that if you were 100% certain you wouldn't have any impulse or need to ask the opinions of others. That's how it seems to me.

In any event, while the ONLY thing you want to do is write, and apparently live, as you see it, the life of a writer, do you not at some point have to ask yourself if you have the ability to write and get published? Or is this not important to you? When does one stop considering themselves "lucky" to be writing if one never gets published? When does the "ambition" to write fade into a harsh reality? When does one realize that being "focused" is nothing more than being unfocused about their life as it is? When does one start to "care", if at all, about what other people say? And so on. I'm not saying this applies to you, for I do not know, but I often wonder about these things.

I'm don't think you should give up writing, but I do think you have to put things in perspective.

No one can write 24 hours a day, seven days a week.

If you wanted to get a full time or part time job you certainly have the time to do so and not have it affect your writing in any way. In fact, being somewhat involved in a world outside of writing may enhance your perspective about things you want to write. Forget your college years, they are over and done with and you basically have no use for what you learned. But since you are living with your parents and they are paying your fare, it seems to me that you should consider doing something to help out and show good intentions -- without having to give up writing?

It ain't true that full-time jobs don't sap creative energy. For me, they completely drained it. When I got home, all I wanted to do was zone out to video games, eat, and go to sleep. So, there might be a good reason to avoid full-time employment.

Part-time, however, is doable.

Other than one friend of mine, I'm the only person I know who's working in the field I studied. If I were to find something else, not in that area, I could probably get my school debt paid off faster. So, you win some, you lose some.

A lot of people have asked me over the years if I'm going to write full time once my fiction career takes off. Personally, I'd never be able to do that. I have to have a day job, both for my pocketbook and my sanity. However, for people who do see themselves doing that, one of the things you need to take into consideration, is the feasibility of that lifestyle.

SPMiller said:

It ain't true that full-time jobs don't sap creative energy. For me, they completely drained it.

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Same here.

after my BA in English I got a Masters in Teaching. I LOVE my day job, but it does take away from my time and energy. However, since I write YA and I teach high school, it also gives me lots of readers and contact with high school life. I'm very satisfied, but for the first few years teaching sapped ALL my creative energy and I didn't write anything- even during the summers.

My writing is one of the very few things in life I care about. It's the only thing I feel I can do moderately well, so of course, my life and emotions are wrapped up in it. I can't imagine not writing, even though the very thing I adore doing is the same thing that pains me a lot. (I write for myself, but a big goal is to entertain others--I honestly see no other use I have in life--and I'm not really succeeding because people don't really care to read any of it. The way I see it, why put so much effort into this if I'm the only one who cares?--I could just as easily be writing total drek and it would make the same amount of difference to others.)

The thing is, nobody in my family seems to view writing as being of any worth unless you're making money from it. Seeing as I'm not seeking publication, what I do is thus worthless and unimportant. Never mind the fact that even if I WERE to get published, they still wouldn't read it--at least if it's published it matters. (Case in point, my aunt got a book published--my parents kept talking and talking about it--and my mother bought a copy and neither of them is going to read it but at least it was published and is making money, right?)

So I kind of know the feeling. I have so much love and excitement for this thing I do but nobody else seems to care or even consider it worthwhile, so that's really painful.

SPMiller said:

It ain't true that full-time jobs don't sap creative energy. For me, they completely drained it. When I got home, all I wanted to do was zone out to video games, eat, and go to sleep. So, there might be a good reason to avoid full-time employment.

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Or at least, the wrong full-time employment.

From December to April of this past year, I was temporarily promoted to a new position. I. Hated. It. I came home exhausted, stressed, angry, and wanted to do anything except write. And writing had always been my way of unwinding, of recharging after a long day at work.

Since April, I gladly accepted a demotion to my old position and am happier for it. My energy is back, work isn't so stressful, and writing is fun again.