Typically, I am a very linear writer when it comes to short fiction. I start at point A and bring the reader to point B, C, D, etc throughout the course of the story.
I've been practicing a less linear structure but am struggling with deciding how to handle past tense, present tense, etc.
I think I have a good handle on grammar and am also quite well read, so I'll admit I am frustrated with my frustration! Perhaps I am over analyzing, but the more I read variations on what I've written the more I think they all sound correct. I'm hoping some fresh eyes can help me out.
Here it goes:
(For the sake of space, I'm truncating segments of the story, but the segments that are presented do follow each other in the order I've portrayed here.)
==== This is the present of the story ===
Eyes closed, maw open so wide the healing sides of his mouth cracked anew, dribbles of blood swirled in the beer and descended unnoticed down his gullet in the torrent of ale. Three gulps and it was gone. Three glorious, deep gulps. Eyes slowly opening, his mouth came to a close as his calloused hand squeezed tightly and crumpled the aluminum in a series of satisfying pops.
“Like a dying man,” said a voice.
“What?” was Terry’s reply.
==== This is in the past ====
He entered a room. Moments before he had been standing in a hallway lit by hanging chandeliers that were too cheap to be called chandeliers. The illumination gave the dated and water-stained wallpaper a sickly yellow pallor, which was no favor to the tenants and visitors of the apartment building. The tenement itself was four stories tall, squat and cube shaped and unremarkable in all respects. It was one of several buildings of its type in what was an area of the city mostly ignored.
He had knocked. He had manners of a sort after all. No one answered so he knocked again. There was still no answer, but he was expected so he tried the doorknob and wasn’t at all surprised when it turned freely.
=======
Can you see where I'm struggling? For example, in the "past", I begin with 'He entered a room', but then follow that with 'Moments before he had been standing in a hallway'. I've got past within past, but neither is the present. Am I using the correct tenses?
Similarily, in the "past", I have "He had knocked," but then have "No one answered so he knocked again." Should I have written "No one answered so he had knocked again"?
Let me know if my description of my problem isn't clear.
My gut tells me that if I'm in the "past" of my story I should be writing "had knocked, "had been", etc throughout, but it doesn't read properly to my inner ear when I read it.
I have to admit I feel silly for asking the questions, but I'm at an impasse so I appreciate anyone that reads this post and takes the time to give pointers.
I've been practicing a less linear structure but am struggling with deciding how to handle past tense, present tense, etc.
I think I have a good handle on grammar and am also quite well read, so I'll admit I am frustrated with my frustration! Perhaps I am over analyzing, but the more I read variations on what I've written the more I think they all sound correct. I'm hoping some fresh eyes can help me out.
Here it goes:
(For the sake of space, I'm truncating segments of the story, but the segments that are presented do follow each other in the order I've portrayed here.)
==== This is the present of the story ===
Eyes closed, maw open so wide the healing sides of his mouth cracked anew, dribbles of blood swirled in the beer and descended unnoticed down his gullet in the torrent of ale. Three gulps and it was gone. Three glorious, deep gulps. Eyes slowly opening, his mouth came to a close as his calloused hand squeezed tightly and crumpled the aluminum in a series of satisfying pops.
“Like a dying man,” said a voice.
“What?” was Terry’s reply.
==== This is in the past ====
He entered a room. Moments before he had been standing in a hallway lit by hanging chandeliers that were too cheap to be called chandeliers. The illumination gave the dated and water-stained wallpaper a sickly yellow pallor, which was no favor to the tenants and visitors of the apartment building. The tenement itself was four stories tall, squat and cube shaped and unremarkable in all respects. It was one of several buildings of its type in what was an area of the city mostly ignored.
He had knocked. He had manners of a sort after all. No one answered so he knocked again. There was still no answer, but he was expected so he tried the doorknob and wasn’t at all surprised when it turned freely.
=======
Can you see where I'm struggling? For example, in the "past", I begin with 'He entered a room', but then follow that with 'Moments before he had been standing in a hallway'. I've got past within past, but neither is the present. Am I using the correct tenses?
Similarily, in the "past", I have "He had knocked," but then have "No one answered so he knocked again." Should I have written "No one answered so he had knocked again"?
Let me know if my description of my problem isn't clear.
My gut tells me that if I'm in the "past" of my story I should be writing "had knocked, "had been", etc throughout, but it doesn't read properly to my inner ear when I read it.
I have to admit I feel silly for asking the questions, but I'm at an impasse so I appreciate anyone that reads this post and takes the time to give pointers.
