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Shadow_Ferret
06-10-2008, 05:53 PM
Here's an interesting story that pretty much sums up my feelings of Father's Day. (http://www.omaha.com/index.php?u_page=1219&u_sid=10353385)

It seems Mother's Day is revered. Mothers are treated like queens. They get weepy, sentimental, LOVING cards. They get great gifts. They're taken out to dinner.

Moms are Gods.

Dads? We're shleps. Nothing more. Seen any commercials? Or sitcoms? The dad is the overweight, inept, lazy dope. He injures himself trying to fix things and makes the problem worse. He's treated worse than a doormat by the family.

And what do we get for Father's Day? A tie. Or a grilling apron. Big whoop.

You know what? I'm sick of it. I do as much work around the house as mom. I raise the kids just like mom. It's time dads were respected as much as mom.

JimmyB27
06-10-2008, 06:07 PM
I didn't buy my mother a gift for Mother's Day this year, if that makes you feel any better.

Fraulein
06-10-2008, 06:07 PM
You can blame Homer Simpson for that tv stereotype. He likes donuts, too. :D

Joycecwilliams
06-10-2008, 06:13 PM
I haven't read the article yet, although I agree with you. Maybe Father's should be more vocal about what they want for Father's Day. I always ask my husband what he wants... and he tells me nothing... so I rack my brain and I am sure the stuff I come up isn't what he really wants. I want him to say.. "Wow!" but it never happens.

My husband has been wanting to go to Niagra Falls for the past year. So I thought Father's Day weekend. It would be perfect. Wrong...

His mom is having some problems and he is going to visit her this weekend..

I honestly do not have a clue now what to get him..

I also don't have a lot of money...



Here's an interesting story that pretty much sums up my feelings of Father's Day. (http://www.omaha.com/index.php?u_page=1219&u_sid=10353385)

It seems Mother's Day is revered. Mothers are treated like queens. They get weepy, sentimental, LOVING cards. They get great gifts. They're taken out to dinner.

Moms are Gods.

Dads? We're shleps. Nothing more. Seen any commercials? Or sitcoms? The dad is the overweight, inept, lazy dope. He injures himself trying to fix things and makes the problem worse. He's treated worse than a doormat by the family.

And what do we get for Father's Day? A tie. Or a grilling apron. Big whoop.

You know what? I'm sick of it. I do as much work around the house as mom. I raise the kids just like mom. It's time dads were respected as much as mom.

C.bronco
06-10-2008, 06:13 PM
My son gave me a sweet card and a geranium. My husband didn't give me anything.

melaniehoo
06-10-2008, 06:15 PM
I don't give gifts for either occasion. I just send them my love. :D

Fraulein
06-10-2008, 06:17 PM
I also don't have a lot of money...What does he like? Maybe you could get a dinner to-go from his favorite restaurant and whatever beverage he really enjoys (soda, tea, beer, etc.).

Shadow_Ferret
06-10-2008, 06:17 PM
My son gave me a sweet card and a geranium. My husband didn't give me anything.
You're not his mother, are you? :tongue

My kids got my wife some good gifts. Gifts I went out and bought and had them sign.

I don't give gifts for either occasion. I just send them my love. :D
Love and respect. That's all we ask.

stormie
06-10-2008, 06:19 PM
Dads? We're shleps. Nothing more. Seen any commercials? Or sitcoms? The dad is the overweight, inept, lazy dope. He injures himself trying to fix things and makes the problem worse. He's treated worse than a doormat by the family.

I feel for dads on that one. I even pointed it out to my husband. Strangely, he doesn't find it as offensive as I do. The moms all look great--thin, pretty, hair perfectly in place, while the dads have beer guts along with the can of beer in their hand. And yep, they're looked down upon--lovingly, of course!--by their kids and wife.

Every day should be Mother's Day and Father's Day.

Joycecwilliams
06-10-2008, 06:36 PM
What does he like? Maybe you could get a dinner to-go from his favorite restaurant and whatever beverage he really enjoys (soda, tea, beer, etc.).

He doesn't like to eat out (or get take out).. He's a alcoholic (in recovery 27 years)... so nix the beer...

A case of Pepsi? :)

Fraulein
06-10-2008, 06:55 PM
He doesn't like to eat out (or get take out).. He's a alcoholic (in recovery 27 years)... so nix the beer...

A case of Pepsi? :)
A cold case of Pepsi. :D

TerzaRima
06-10-2008, 07:34 PM
Shadow, not everyone feels that fathers are shleps! I adore Father's Day because I love spoiling my dad. He's so appreciative of everything and so easy to shop for. In contrast, Mother's Day is something of a Maaloxfest.

althrasher
06-10-2008, 07:37 PM
My dad lives about 1,500 miles away.

Makes gift-buying much easier.

Mel
06-10-2008, 07:47 PM
We always treated Father's Day as important as Mother's Day. Past tense because our dad passed away a few years back. He was our center, the glue that held us together, not that way so much now.

We'll be going to our youngest child's house and he'll cook out if it stays nice. Will the other kids show up? We'd be more shocked than surprised if any of them did. But, my husband and I love and appreciate what the youngest does for us, as in always there and shows his love all through the year.

The first time my husband bought a Mother's Day present for me I asked him if I was his mother. So, no, we don't buy for each other on those occasions.

Time spent with a parent is enough of a gift, as far as I'm concerned.

Toothpaste
06-10-2008, 08:20 PM
I am very lucky. My parents don't care about those kind of made up holidays. I never have to get either of them anything. My mom has made it very clear that she cares about her birthday and anniversary. That I should acknowledge those. Otherwise, they just think those holidays are silly.

I tend to agree.

KTC
06-10-2008, 08:24 PM
Here's an interesting story that pretty much sums up my feelings of Father's Day. (http://www.omaha.com/index.php?u_page=1219&u_sid=10353385)

It seems Mother's Day is revered. Mothers are treated like queens. They get weepy, sentimental, LOVING cards. They get great gifts. They're taken out to dinner.

Moms are Gods.

Dads? We're shleps. Nothing more. Seen any commercials? Or sitcoms? The dad is the overweight, inept, lazy dope. He injures himself trying to fix things and makes the problem worse. He's treated worse than a doormat by the family.

And what do we get for Father's Day? A tie. Or a grilling apron. Big whoop.

You know what? I'm sick of it. I do as much work around the house as mom. I raise the kids just like mom. It's time dads were respected as much as mom.

I agree. It'll never happen though.

KTC
06-10-2008, 08:28 PM
And to be clear... I'm not talking gift-grab. I'm tired of seeing men being betrayed as the yits of the world. Like you said... commercials. Yes. They drive me nuts. There was a paper towel one on the other day, I looked at my wife and she said, "Oh boy... here we go..." And I went. It was this sing song shit about the kid making a mess, the dog making a mess, the husband making a mess. Inept to the max... Yep. That's us. Useless no goods.

althrasher
06-10-2008, 08:31 PM
And to be clear... I'm not talking gift-grab. I'm tired of seeing men being betrayed as the yits of the world. Like you said... commercials. Yes. They drive me nuts. There was a paper towel one on the other day, I looked at my wife and she said, "Oh boy... here we go..." And I went. It was this sing song shit about the kid making a mess, the dog making a mess, the husband making a mess. Inept to the max... Yep. That's us. Useless no goods.

It's sexism both ways. If I have kids and a husband, I don't really want to be depicted as the one who picks up all the wreakage they leave behind.

maestrowork
06-10-2008, 08:52 PM
I flew 2500 miles to spend Father's Day with my dad. I'm taking him to a fancy lobster dinner. And I'm giving him a DVD of a movie he's loved since he was a kid.

I love my dad.

Jcomp
06-10-2008, 09:34 PM
I can't be too mad about the sitcom dads. They're there to give the everyday slob the impression that you can pull a pretty blond wife even if you're as ugly and unfunny as Jim Belushi. If anything, ladies are getting robbed of eye candy...

NeuroFizz
06-10-2008, 09:36 PM
Father's Day is a total joke, and there are a number of potential reasons. For one possible reason, just go to the Propositioning a Married Woman thread or The Girlie Thread and see what kind of attitude women have about their husbands (I believe some of these same women have posted about their caring for their fathers and husbands in this thread). I know the husband isn't the wife's father, but the kids pick up on the kind of attitude expressed in those two threads on the other 364 other days of the year. Which do you think has a larger impact on how they will eventually treat their father (and how the girls will eventually treat their husbands)? The Father's Day joke starts at home, not in the greeting card companies and the businesses--they just sell what is in demand.

Gravity
06-10-2008, 09:49 PM
And to be clear... I'm not talking gift-grab. I'm tired of seeing men being betrayed as the yits of the world. Like you said... commercials. Yes. They drive me nuts. There was a paper towel one on the other day, I looked at my wife and she said, "Oh boy... here we go..." And I went. It was this sing song shit about the kid making a mess, the dog making a mess, the husband making a mess. Inept to the max... Yep. That's us. Useless no goods.

True dat, Mister C. But I don't see any major changes on the horizon. No wonder we're sitcom fodder. We fathers are the goofy bastards who work too hard at jobs we despise, suck it up and take it when life kicks us in the 'nads, die a little inside when our sons go off to war, and finally croak seven years earlier than our wives. But we take it, and we do it, because we're men, and that's what men do.

But hey, if it helps joints like Home Depot to picture us as helpless and inept and clueless so they can increase their bottom line...well, as my old drill sargeant used to say, "it is what it is."

Jcomp
06-10-2008, 09:51 PM
Father's Day is a total joke, and there are a number of potential reasons. For one possible reason, just go to the Propositioning a Married Woman thread or The Girlie Thread and see what kind of attitude women have about their husbands (I believe some of these same women have posted about their caring for their fathers and husbands in this thread). I know the husband isn't the wife's father, but the kids pick up on the kind of attitude expressed in those two threads on the other 364 other days of the year. Which do you think has a larger impact on how they will eventually treat their father (and how the girls will eventually treat their husbands)? The Father's Day joke starts at home, not in the greeting card companies and the businesses--they just sell what is in demand.

Well, there's that, plus there's sort of perception of male stoicism coming back to bite him. Many people remember Mother's Day and make a bigger deal out of it not because they truly want to, but because they feel like mom will bug out if she doesn't get a call, flowers, card, dinner, gift, etc. Whereas you sort of expect dad to never ask for much, and then it becomes a thing where you think he really means that you shouldn't make a big deal out of it for him.

Plus your pops (at least in my own experience and what I've observed of freinds' fathers and my married brothers) instills in you from a young age that you always treat mom with a certain reverence. Especially for boys. You might butt heads with your father, have the requisite falling out, all that jazz, but you don't go at moms like that. Never. That's what I was taught anyway, and I know that's how my brothers are. They don't tolerate backtalk in general, but it becomes less-than-zero tolerance if that sort of thing is directed at mom. Moms are special. Dads teach a lot of their kids that.

All that said, my mom was pretty good at making sure we all treated pops well. His birthday falls 10 days of Father's Day, so we usually just party it up for him on the Saturday prior. The gift he likes most is a big barbecue bash in the backyard, tons of friends over, lots of music and good times. For his 50th mom actually rented out a hotel ballroom, invited tons of fam and friends and we basically did a "This is Your Life" kind of thing. Tons of fun.

Hell with a Hallmark.

III
06-10-2008, 09:58 PM
Father's Day = go to church, go out to lunch, come home, get some nookie, take a long nap while the kids play, play with the kids at night. Which is exactly how I spend the other 51 Sundays out of the year (depending on football). It's good to be the king.

Fraulein
06-10-2008, 10:02 PM
Father's Day is a total joke, and there are a number of potential reasons. For one possible reason, just go to the Propositioning a Married Woman thread or The Girlie Thread and see what kind of attitude women have about their husbands (I believe some of these same women have posted about their caring for their fathers and husbands in this thread). I know the husband isn't the wife's father, but the kids pick up on the kind of attitude expressed in those two threads on the other 364 other days of the year. Which do you think has a larger impact on how they will eventually treat their father (and how the girls will eventually treat their husbands)? The Father's Day joke starts at home, not in the greeting card companies and the businesses--they just sell what is in demand.I could care less about my father, and I mean that in the most honest way. When I decided that I wanted to go to pharmacy school, my father's response was something like, "Oh, I make $70,000 right now." (He wasn't like that when I was growing up, which is odd to me.)

After he had said that, I felt like my relationship with him was so worthless and burdensome. Heck, he knew that I was struggling through school, and he had the audacity to say something like that even though he rarely helped me financially. It was like he was shoving his salary into my face and that he could care less about my future. Later on, he even told my sister that since I had gotten into pharmacy school, "It [was] all downhill now. She(referring to me) has what she wants."

On the other hand, when it comes to my grandfather who is my mother's father, I adore him. He has been much more of a father figure to me than my father was. When I decided that I wanted to go to pharmacy school, my grandfather said, "I think that's a really good idea. You would have a nice job, and you could even open up your own pharmacy one day."


So... I think the way that people feel about the men in their lives depends on how their relationships go.

Fraulein
06-10-2008, 10:29 PM
It's ok Neurofizz. Hallmark never has what I'm looking for anyway. Sometimes the blank cards are the best cards.

There are plenty of great fathers out there. My father just so happens to fall into the bad father category. My brother is a new father. I should send him something this year. He works really hard for his family.

Shadow_Ferret
06-10-2008, 10:41 PM
The change happened sometime in the 80s. Fathers used to be highly respected in the 60s and 70s.

Father Knows Best
Make Room for Daddy
Leave it to Beaver
The Brady Bunch
Happy Days
8 is Enough


The father always had excellent advice for the kids. He was the go-to guy in the family.

I think the downward spiral toward shlepdom started either with Married with Children or The Simpsons.


I could care less about my father, and I mean that in the most honest way.
...
So... I think the way that people feel about the men in their lives depends on how their relationships go.

Well, to be honest, my father passed away in February and we weren't on speaking terms. My only regret is that my kids never got to know their grandfather, but my feelings toward my dad do not translate into my feelings for all dads or how dads should be treated.

Jcomp
06-10-2008, 10:45 PM
The change happened sometime in the 80s. Fathers used to be highly respected in the 60s and 70s.

Father Knows Best
Make Room for Daddy
Leave it to Beaver
The Brady Bunch
Happy Days
8 is Enough


The father always had excellent advice for the kids. He was the go-to guy in the family.

I think the downward spiral toward shlepdom started either with Married with Children or The Simpsons.

There were still some good dads in the 80s, early 90s. Cosby. Phillip Banks on Fresh Prince. Carl Winslow on Family Matters...

...hmmm, maybe it was just all the black dads that were still good role models...

sassandgroove
06-11-2008, 01:16 AM
Mr. Groove says Claire treated Cliff like he was one of the kids on the Cosby Show. I see things differently than Mr. Groove- so may be she does. But he is a good role model for a father.

Anywho-Shadow my man, tell your wife how you feel. She'll be the one helping your youngins prepare for Father's Day.

I agree that men are portrayed as inept and slobs. It irks me too. I love my dad and my husband. I admire them. I look up to them. I haven't seen the threads Fizzy pointed out, but I assure you I don't see my men as bafoons.

I went to the post office today to mail my dad's card and gift. He lives far far away so I can't do much else but call on the day. He gets a dvd, my mom just got flowers. She was all happy, yes, but I think dad is making out better. :D

emeraldcite
06-12-2008, 08:17 PM
I think this commercial for a van (http://youtube.com/watch?v=yHpog0xUKTU) pretty much sums up the anti-dad-ism that's going on these days.

Now, I'm off to change a diaper.

eveningstar
06-12-2008, 08:29 PM
And to be clear... I'm not talking gift-grab. I'm tired of seeing men being betrayed as the yits of the world. Like you said... commercials. Yes. They drive me nuts. There was a paper towel one on the other day, I looked at my wife and she said, "Oh boy... here we go..." And I went. It was this sing song shit about the kid making a mess, the dog making a mess, the husband making a mess. Inept to the max... Yep. That's us. Useless no goods.

That paper towel commercial bothers me, too. My husband does the cleaning in our house. Commercials are a minefield of gender stereotyping.

I try to get my parents something little for Mother's Day and Father's Day, mostly out of habit. I don't do cards, so I save myself the Hallmark headache.

sassandgroove
06-12-2008, 09:43 PM
I think this commercial for a van (http://youtube.com/watch?v=yHpog0xUKTU) pretty much sums up the anti-dad-ism that's going on these days.

Now, I'm off to change a diaper.
Wow- I knew what ad you meant before I clicked on it. I hate that ad. If those were my kids I'd be tellin' to get the hell out of the van I paid for and I'd be takin' their cards and DVD's and anything else they have and putting their lazy butts to work, mowing the lawn, taking out the trash, doing the dishes (By hand, the dishwasher is broken if they ask.), changing the beds sheets, folding laundry and putting it away, cleaning the toilets, scraping mold out of the grout in the shower, re caulking the tub, mopping the kitchen, wiping out the refrigerator, cleaning the window, dusting the ceiling fans, cleaning out the dog crate, painting the basement, organizing the closet, etc.

And when they ask why DADDY doesn't have to help, I'll say DADDY works hard all day to pay the mortgage, health insurance and pay for that VAN in the drive way so DADDY gets to sit on the couch with a beer and pizza. I'll sit next to him.:)

Mom'sWrite
06-12-2008, 09:57 PM
ya know, not all dads are seen as cartoon characters within their families. Father's Day was always the ultimate holiday for my dad. He ignored his birthday, couldn't remember his wedding anniversary, Christmas was more about the food and family sitting around the same table but Father's Day was The Big One. And we showered him with affection every time. Every time.

This will be our first Father's Day without him. I can't describe the sense of loss.

So for all the dads who are feeling underwhelmed by the FAther's Day nonevent, I'm sending you all the hugs that my dad would have gotten. Watch out, because that's a lot.

Lyra Jean
06-12-2008, 10:05 PM
I was raised in a single parent family. My dad raised me and my brother pretty much by himself. He didn't get remarried again until I was in High School.

So all through school all I heard was how horrible and deadbeat fathers were and how awesome and fantastic moms were. Now I have a good relationship with my mom now as I understand why they got divorced but let's just say it was a little rocky at times. But on the whole good.

The one time I was really pissed was I was looking for a card to get my dad for Father's Day and I saw a card for a single mother to give her on Father's Day thanking her for being both parents. I have yet to find a card on Mother's Day for a Dad. And I'm the kind who goes to the card displays and reads the cards even though I'm not buying one.

This year for Dad's day I'm taking him the to the movie Theater to see Journey to the Center of the Earth 3-D and then probably go to a restaurant of his choice most likely Outback.

I love my Dad.

JoNightshade
06-12-2008, 10:25 PM
My Pop is the best in the whole world! (And yes, that is what I call him.)

I've always thought he was awesome but I think it took me a long time to appreciate him fully. I think part of the reason dads often get a bad rap is because their roles are often not as visible or up-front as mom's. For example, growing up, this is what I saw:

- Mom doing all the cooking and cleaning, packing my lunch, getting me clothes - and yeah, I knew she was the one who bought all my presents, even though she signed my dad's name next to hers. She was the one who would always listen to me, always be on my side, always hug me, always be sympathetic.
- Dad being gone most of the day and then coming home to sit on the couch and watch TV. Spending weekends in the garage or out windsurfing. Helping me make cool stuff for science projects. Showing me How Stuff Works. Telling me what the RIGHT thing to do is. Telling me to stand up for myself and not be a wuss. Arguing with me when I was an idiot. Teaching me how to drive my first car.

Now, when you look at that contrast, who do you think a kid would RATHER have? Well, the mom, of course. She's so NICE and WARM and always makes you feel good! But who is the person who made me a better person? Who helped me become a responsible adult? My dad. And now of course I recognize the reason he came home and collapsed on the couch every night was because he had just done 8 hours of hard labor in the hot sun (he's a carpenter). He needed time to relax and unwind on the weekends, and often that meant being away from everything, including me. But that doesn't mean he didn't love me any less than mom, and he was ALWAYS there when I needed him.

So anyways, as an adult, I understand how much he gave me. My Pop is the best. :)

NeuroFizz
06-12-2008, 10:51 PM
These last few posts have buoyed me more than y'all can imagine.

Lyra Jean
06-12-2008, 10:56 PM
I read the person who started Mother's Day was a real nutjob. Anna Jarvis is her name.

Who started Father's Day as a holiday.

ACEnders
06-12-2008, 11:06 PM
I don't give gifts for either occasion. I just send them my love. :D

Me too usually, except now my younger sisters are showing me up. With my mom anyway. At least this year they let me go in on her gift. I don't even remember what it is. I'm a horrible daughter.

sassandgroove
06-12-2008, 11:41 PM
I read the person who started Mother's Day was a real nutjob. Anna Jarvis is her name.

Who started Father's Day as a holiday.
I heard both days were started by the card industry. Now I want to know.