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JennaGlatzer
04-11-2005, 10:44 AM
Okay, here's a spot to give away ideas you don't plan to use.

A while back, my brother and I got into a deep discussion about relationships. He's 26 and has Down syndrome and has never really had a girlfriend and is scared to death of anything sexual because all he knows about sex is what he's seen on... ahem... TV. So I asked him if he wanted me to buy him a book about it. Yes, he definitely did.

So I went on a search for a book that would explain the basics about flirting, kissing, sex, etc. but found nothing nearly appropriate for him. Plenty of "here's what puberty is about" stuff (he's well beyond that), how to pick up chicks and get them in bed (um, no), and religious perspectives on relationships (not what he needs right now).

I wrote to a couple of publishers that publish disabilities-related material, but no one has anything like this in the works. So I'm tossing the idea out there. Hook up with a psychologist or someone who specializes in developmental disabilities and write a book for all the mentally disabled people out there who are ready for a relationship. It's a huge issue and challenge in this community, and there really "oughtta be a book."

Anyone else have ideas they want to toss out there?

Gehanna
04-11-2005, 03:43 PM
I think this is an exceptional idea!! You have nailed an issue that very much needs to be addressed.


Oh ohhh... I just mounted my high horse of advocacy. I'll avoid going off on a tangent of why I support this idea otherwise I'll be here all day.



Sincerely,
Gehanna

MadScientistMatt
04-11-2005, 04:22 PM
Jenna,

It doesn't address the issue of disabilities, but have you taken a look at "Intimate Connections" by Dr. David Burns? This book does have a lot about how to practice flirting for the terminally shy and deal with relationships. One cavaet - it does sometimes talk about how to do something without questions about whether it is morally right, so at some points it may very well read like the "um, no" sort of book you mentioned earlier. I've found this one quite helpful myself. Just a thought about a book that may be able to help him before somebody comes up with a book that addresses such topics for those with disabilities.

jdkiggins
04-11-2005, 04:27 PM
Jenna,

This is one of the most wonderful ideas I've seen in a long time. I used to frequent the McGuire Home near where I live and I'm acquainted with several families who have children with Downs and other disablilites.

There is a definite need for a book of this nature.

Kudos to Paul. He is a very handsome young man in his tux!

Joanne

JennaGlatzer
04-11-2005, 04:38 PM
Thanks so much for the suggestion, Matt! Going to look it up right now.

And thanks to Gehanna and Joanne for backing me up on the idea. :) Now... who's gonna write it?

(P.S. Gehanna, I'd love to hear more about why you support the idea. Join me in the Office Party or Take It Outside board if you want to open a new topic about it.)

wurdwise
04-11-2005, 04:49 PM
Jenna, has your brother seen the movie, "The Other Sister?" One of my favorites, I've seen it at least three times.

And yes, your idea is a great one, though I'm not far enough along in my career to write it, and besides, like you said in your celeb bio thread, if I did decide, by the time I got it done, someone would have already written it!

But I like this thread, it's a great idea. I have been saying since I started writing full time two years ago, that nearing 50, I will never find the time to write half the stories I have in my idea file. So, I am gonna go check it out now and post some of them hear. (warning, my imagination is out there) but anything I post here is anybody's for the taking.

I'll be back!

1. Theory that gays and lesbians are a part of a master plan to prevent a population explosion-(disclaimer, this has no negative connotations on my part, I have many gay and lesbian friends, not biased, this idea sprung from a discussion on another group and someone even suggested this possiblity, which I thought was ridiculous, but still thought was a good idea for a wild story)


2. Neighbor listening through wall w/glass-wholesome TV star is closet wife beater, psycho.


3. Godís factory, only so many blueprints, why so many people look alike


Well, I have many more, but they are all personal experience related, and the few that aren't, I can't seem to part with. Anyway, maybe somebody can work with one of these.

Kevin Yarbrough
04-11-2005, 09:52 PM
Good idea Jenna, on the book you mentioned and on this thread. I have a High Functioning Autistic son and a book like that could help him when he gets older.

As for throwing out a story idea that I won't use, here is one. Think Phillip K. Dick when you read it.

Knowledge

In the distant future, in a one goverment world, the one thing that should be free isn't. In the future Knowledge is the ultimate power, but unless you are one of the Elite, the class that controls everything, it is forbidden. To be caught with more knowledge than you are suppose to have is an automatic memory swipe. The Intelligence Police are always on the prowl.

What would happen if two men suddenly become the smartest men on the planet? What if one of them is so evil that he would use his knowledge to hurt everyone in his path? Memebers of the Elite and the Intelligence Police learn that he is in control of enough knowledge that he could destroy the world. It happend fifty years ago and that is why the rules of who can have knowledge and who can't were put in place. But what if they only know of one guy, and he is the wrong one?

I have others that are to stupid to share or that I can't part with. Hey, I'm young and need all the stories I can get if I want to do this for a living.

pepperlandgirl
04-11-2005, 10:13 PM
I'm going to post this, though I still might "use" it eventually. I doubt anybody else would be interested, lol, it's a little "out there."

Ok, Thomas Jefferson and John Adams travel through time and solve mysteries. They can only travel back in time and it's after their respective presidencies.I could see it working for young readers and for adults. I figure it'll be a great way to explore Histories Mysteries, write biographies about two great men, explore their love/mostly hate relationship, and give American history and civics lessons. Also, it would just be plain fun.

Unfortunately, when I try to explain this, everybody laughs at me and when they see my face, they add, "Oh my god, you're serious?!" I would really love to do it one day.

reph
04-16-2005, 11:20 AM
Jenna, disability advocacy orgs can recommend material (books, videos) that amounts to sex education for people with disabilities, but I think the content is more like helpful hints on technique for para/quadriplegics. They may also have something for those whose disabilities are mental. If your brother simply wants to know how people do it, or if he's interested in dating etiquette, what's to prevent you from explaining things to him?

JennaGlatzer
04-16-2005, 09:48 PM
Reph, I tried talking about it with him myself, but he got really uncomfortable. We do talk about it little bits at a time, but eventually he gets freaked out and stops listening. He'd rather read about it privately than be face-to-face talking about it. I really did go on a heck of a search for any material that might be appropriate for him, and there's nothing like what I'm searching for.

brokenfingers
04-16-2005, 09:52 PM
I can't speak for your brother, but I can tell you that men in general get uncomfortable speaking about certain things with women. Especially if they need help.

Any of you women ever try to get your man to admit he was lost - much less read a map???

Just the way we're wired I guess...

Celeste
04-17-2005, 12:13 AM
Okay, here's a spot to give away ideas you don't plan to use.

A while back, my brother and I got into a deep discussion about relationships. He's 26 and has Down syndrome and has never really had a girlfriend and is scared to death of anything sexual because all he knows about sex is what he's seen on... ahem... TV. So I asked him if he wanted me to buy him a book about it. Yes, he definitely did.

So I went on a search for a book that would explain the basics about flirting, kissing, sex, etc. but found nothing nearly appropriate for him. Plenty of "here's what puberty is about" stuff (he's well beyond that), how to pick up chicks and get them in bed (um, no), and religious perspectives on relationships (not what he needs right now).

I wrote to a couple of publishers that publish disabilities-related material, but no one has anything like this in the works. So I'm tossing the idea out there. Hook up with a psychologist or someone who specializes in developmental disabilities and write a book for all the mentally disabled people out there who are ready for a relationship. It's a huge issue and challenge in this community, and there really "oughtta be a book."

Anyone else have ideas they want to toss out there?


Hmm... That's a great idea, Jenna!

I have a 20 year old sister who has Down Syndrome also.

She spends a lot of time here at my house with me and we've had the same talks. She talks about her 'boyfriend' from school and how she wants to get married and have kids, etc. She gets so excited talking about everything she wants to do. Sometimes, I sit back and just watch her and wonder what goes through that head of hers.

That's interesting. And a great idea!

A while back, I started writing a children's adventure story dedicated to my sister. She wants to do so much, but she's so restricted by her disability. I tell her she can do anything she sets her mind to. I try not to let her think that she's restricted. My parents do.That's what gave me the idea to write this story for her.

My parents are getting a divorce. My dad and me have always tried to keep her active and involved in things, but it's my mother that restricts her. So, with the divorce going on right now, she's been staying with me because my dad works and there's a PPO on my mother to stay away from the house. So, with her here, I've been having a lot of the same talks with her. Sometimes, I don't know quite how to answer her. But I try to keep her as positive about her future as I can.

Didn't you write a book about Downs?

celeste

veinglory
04-17-2005, 12:21 AM
On a rather different note I would love to see a book that covered a whole gambit of sexual topics -- so I don't have to keep pretending I understand all about shemales and felching. Please just some unadorned information that isn't propaganda or porn.

pepperlandgirl
04-17-2005, 12:28 AM
I don't know if I'll write the book, veinglory, but I can help you a bit right now. Do not use the term "shemales." It's as offensive as "fag" or "retard."

Celeste
04-17-2005, 12:32 AM
Originally posted by Jenna

Now... who's gonna write it?


This is something I'm going to give some serious thought. I've done a lot volunteering at my sister's school and have spent a lot of time through the years with the kids.

Monday, I think I'm going to call my sister's school and ask her teacher a few questions about this topic. See if they know of any reading material that addresses this.

I don't know how it is in NY, but where I'm from Downs kids graduate at 21. Is your brother still in school?

celeste

veinglory
04-17-2005, 12:42 AM
I don't know if I'll write the book, veinglory, but I can help you a bit right now. Do not use the term "shemales." It's as offensive as "fag" or "retard."

case in point

Celeste
04-17-2005, 01:05 AM
Jenna, has your brother seen the movie, "The Other Sister?" One of my favorites, I've seen it at least three times.



Yes! The Other Sister with Juliette Lewis is a great movie.

If your brother hasn't seen it, it'd be a great movie for him to watch. My sister loves it.

It's about two young mentally disabled adults who fall in love. The mother isn't too fond of the idea. The mother is just real protective and tries to keep her daughter guarded. The young girl rebels against her mother and gets her own apartment, has her boyfriend, etc.. while the family is struggling with her sudden independence. The movie shows the two young adults facing sexual issues for their first time. It's a great movie. I highly recommend it.

celeste

WVWriterGirl
04-17-2005, 08:03 AM
On a rather different note I would love to see a book that covered a whole gambit of sexual topics -- so I don't have to keep pretending I understand all about shemales and felching. Please just some unadorned information that isn't propaganda or porn.

Try www.urbandictionary.com (http://www.urbandictionary.com) - they have definitions (sometimes unreliable) that aren't covered in more "conventional" dictionaries.

WVWG

WVWriterGirl
04-17-2005, 08:06 AM
Reph, I tried talking about it with him myself, but he got really uncomfortable. We do talk about it little bits at a time, but eventually he gets freaked out and stops listening. He'd rather read about it privately than be face-to-face talking about it. I really did go on a heck of a search for any material that might be appropriate for him, and there's nothing like what I'm searching for.

Is there a trusted male figure (perhaps your husband?) that could explain matters to him until you can find literature on the subject? You and he could go over what can and can't be discussed prior to the discussion with your brother, and perhaps your brother would be more comfortable talking to a male that isn't your dad. Like someone above said - perhaps it's the fact that your a girl and he's a boy that's making him uncomfortable and therefore, unreceptive. Having a guy lead the discussion and answer his questions may make him a little more comfortable with the situation, and give him enough information to quell his curiosity until you can get some reading material for him.

WVWG

reph
04-17-2005, 12:10 PM
Jenna, wasn't this kind of education your parents' job in the first place? How does it fall to you? (Can of worms, maybe.) Anyway, people often feel creepy about discussing sex with near relatives. I think WVWGirl's idea is excellent: find a man he trusts. Or if he's still embarrassed, a book on the subject for young teens. I don't see why he'd need a book written for a special population.

Yeshanu
04-22-2005, 01:32 AM
Quote: a book on the subject for young teens. I don't see why he'd need a book written for a special population.

Reph, the problem is that he's not a young teen. He's a fully grown adult, and so has needs and questions that wouldn't be addressed in a book by that age group.

One of the things that we tend to pussyfoot around is the fact that no matter how much they want it, people with disabilities will never be able to do some of the things their more "normal" peers can do. A case in point is a friend whose step-son at sixteen could not understand why he couldn't go out and get his license like his older step-brother. Or why his friends graduated at eighteen, but he was kept in school until he was twenty-one.

Or why he may never be able to father children.

So yes, people with developmental disablilities need books just for them on the topics of sexuality and relationship building, so that they can have a relationship that's as fulfilling as it can be.

I'm just getting into that problem, as my autistic son is fourteen. I'll ask my friend if there are any books she might recommend, and if not, I'll start researching...

And if there are any books out there for parents of children with disabilities, I'd like to know that too. One of the problems we parents have (and that goes for parents of so-called "normal" children just as much as it does for parents of developmentally challenged children) is balancing protection with freedom to experiment, get it wrong, and grow from the process. And all along, we have the fear that our children will be exploited, as a child who cannot express himself verbally, or who only knows that sex=pleasure, is very vulnerable to being abused.

Blessings,

Ruth

Yeshanu
04-22-2005, 03:31 PM
I talked to my ex about this last night, and he had two words for me -- write it!

After thinking and praying, I've decided to give it a go. I live in a city where the university hosts a sexuality conference every year, and a few of the professors are experts on the subject of sexuality. I have friends who have been through or are going through the same sort of thing that Jenna is. It doesn't hurt that I have a B.A. with an emphasis in psychology, or that my Master of Divinity and Master of Pastoral Studies emphasized ethics, most notably sexual ethics.

So I have the access to the experts that I'll need to write such a book, and I have the desire, and I now even have the time. Any help anyone on this board can provide would be very much appreciated, especially if you have written a non-fiction book before.

What process did you use? Are there books out there about non-fiction book writing that you could recommend?

Ralyks
04-23-2005, 06:36 PM
One I thought of the other day and may still use, though I am probably too lazy to do so...

A man wakes up from a coma after 15 years. His younger brother tells him not much has changed in the U.S. in that time--things are still pretty much the same. Then they get in the brother's car and the coma victim makes a crack about it being kind of tiny, and the brother says, "This is the largest one they allow." He then hands his brother a helmet, which the coma victim looks at quizzically. His brother has to explain that it is now required by law to wear a helmet when driving, for safety reasons. And so it goes as the changes continue to surprise the coma victim...It's a story about the incremental growth of government, about the spread of beuraucracy until every minute detail of life is defined by government regulation...things do not appear to have changed to the brother who has been awake these past 15 years because new regulations were enacted year by year, after people had grown accustomed to the last one, but to the brother awakening from the coma, a lot appears to have changed. It's about the slow erosion of freedom, and the tendency of people to accept constraints provided they are gradual.