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DL Hegel
05-31-2008, 11:10 PM
Before I was married---I went out to actually LISTEN to a band. I had a guy come up after he eyeballed every woman's hiney in the place(seriously he planted himself by the door and bum--watched ) He said that he didn't know how to come up and talk to me and my friend. Then he said "hi I'm Elliot--but don't hold it against me--I was born with it--ha-ha"
Now you can imagine what my response was-- to sum it up-- by the end--i realized --he had no sense of humor--a quick temper--and was not fond of me:D

Let's hear the worst pickup lines(you used or were used on you)

Liam Jackson
05-31-2008, 11:16 PM
"Mind if I bite you on the butt and develop lockjaw?"

Eskimo1990
05-31-2008, 11:26 PM
My ex used this one. Though not on me.

You want a number?
How about a four?

As in I'd like to foooouuuurrrrkkkk you.

It also didn't work. lol...weirdo ex.

Round John Virgin
05-31-2008, 11:41 PM
From the late Tennessee Ernie Ford, this isn't exactly a pickup line, but some yokel trying to impress his blind date:

For a fat girl, you sure don't sweat much.

StoryG27
06-01-2008, 07:08 AM
Ok, here's the OVERUSED cliche lame lines I used to hear my brother repeating to the mirror,
"Did it hurt?"
"Did what hurt?"
"Your fall from heaven."

"That dress looks great on you, but it'd look better on my floor."

"If you're here, heaven must be missing an angel."

He had some other REALLY dorky ones and I can't remember them. I just texted him and told him to send me some because I know his have to be the worst. He's funny.

Williebee
06-01-2008, 07:16 AM
Do your eyes bother you?

Cuz, they're driving me crazy.

Fraulein
06-01-2008, 07:38 AM
Yesterday at work, a twenty-something year old male customer tells me, "You have beautiful eyes." He didn't even say hello first. So my response to him was: "That's what they say." After I said that, he jerked his head back a little and then closed his eyes for a split second. It was funny. I don't think he was expecting that kind of response.

StoryG27
06-01-2008, 07:42 AM
Ok, my bro answered me. I knew he had some doozies.

"Is your daddy in jail? For stealing the stars from the sky and putting them in your eyes."

"Do you believe in love at first sight? Or should I walk past you again?"

"Do you have a band-aid? I scraped my knees falling for you."

"Do you have a map? 'Cuz I'm getting lost in your eyes."

__________________________________________________ ___
Oh the poor dear man! Thank God he is pretty!

Ladies and gentlemen, I present my bro: the man who can't get through his own corny pick up lines without laughing.
http://i78.photobucket.com/albums/j120/scmarrott/022308_1310a.jpg?t=1212291669

sassandgroove
06-01-2008, 07:56 AM
Oh the poor dear man! Thank God he is pretty!it took a second read for me to realize this wasn't a pick up line. Good thing because it conjured a very strange image.

StoryG27
06-01-2008, 07:58 AM
LOL, yeah sorry about that.

StoryG27
06-01-2008, 08:01 AM
Oh geesh. He just sent me more.

"I'm not Fred Flintstone, but I can make your bed rock."

"You remind me of a ticket. You have FINE written all over you."

"Can I have your number? 'Cuz I lost mine."


______________________________________
Great he's going to be texting me all night with these stupid things now. Gotta love him!

It's a miracle he's ever had a girlfriend!

sassandgroove
06-01-2008, 08:01 AM
ok- I just asked my husband if he knows any bad pick up lines. ( we were fixed up, so no lines between us.)

"If I said you have a nice body would you ....get naked?"

StoryG27
06-01-2008, 08:03 AM
*snert*

Yes, from the good ol', "If I told you that you had a beautiful body would you hold it against me?" ;)

Hehehehe. Either I'm tired or these are so lame they are funny.

sassandgroove
06-01-2008, 08:05 AM
hey, you got it! :D

SPMiller
06-01-2008, 08:21 AM
Not sure if this counts as a pick-up line, but here goes:

Back in college I met this girl at some sort of university function. She told me she was doing an interpretive dance in about an hour, and I should come watch her.

Well, something else distracted me--can't remember what now. I didn't go.

Later, she came up and asked why I wasn't in the audience. Embarrassed, I apologized for my absence, and immediately followed with:

"Maybe you can perform for me tonight in private."

Aaaaand I'll stop the story right there...

StoryG27
06-01-2008, 08:24 AM
hey, you got it! :D
Sweetness, of course I got it, I pratcially have a PhD in corny pick up lines and their variations. :D


Miller, that is funny! Sounds like it worked. ;)

SPMiller
06-01-2008, 08:30 AM
A gentleman does not kiss and tell.

But I will say I never got to see that dance.

MoonWriter
06-01-2008, 08:44 AM
My cousin went on a cruise with friends. She took a break from dancing one night and went outside to look at the moonlit ocean. A guy came out, leaned on the railing by her, and asked, "So, are you from around here?" She ended up marrying him. Still a pretty bad pick up line.

Storygirl - with a physique like that, I can't imagine your brother would have to say much to get a girl's attention.

StoryG27
06-01-2008, 08:48 AM
A guy came out, leaned on the railing by her, and asked, "So, are you from around here?" She ended up marrying him. Still a pretty bad pick up line. LOL! That line would totally work on me. If it makes me laugh and is original, I'll turn to instant mush.


Storygirl - with a physique like that, I can't imagine your brother would have to say much to get a girl's attention. Yeah, like I said, thank goodness he's pretty. :D

sassandgroove
06-01-2008, 09:01 AM
it wasn't bad really - but it is a fun story.

WHen I was in high school my friend wanted to go to the annual tractor pull. Her dad didn't want her to go alone so he paid for my ticket. I am not sure how her going with me helped but in his mind I was a good influence, I guess. So as soon as we get there she of course dumps me for the real reason she wanted to go- her boy of the month. So I'm standin' round, thinkin I've seen one tractor pull one sled, I don't really need to see any more. His friend is standin' around to and says, "You're pretty, I'm gonna talk to you." Well now, how could I refuse that? We talked a little bit then he walked me home. I could tell he was interested, but I was moving in a few months and I didn't want to start anything. I hope he found a good woman.

Monkey
06-01-2008, 09:07 AM
There's a GREAT Weird Al song that's nothing but terrible pick-up lines. It starts out

I don't have a library card, but do you mind if I check you out?

and has great one-liners like

There just aren't enough "oh's" in smoooooth to describe how smooth I am...'

It's one of my favoritist songs of all time. :)

I used to have a friend with a nice body who joked that all he had to say to a girl was, "Hey, nice shoes. Wanna f***?"

So on the night that I met the man I eventually married, he and I and a bunch of my friends were sitting around talking. I wanted to let my friends know that I really liked this new guy (yanno, the one I later married), so I turned to New Guy and said, "Hey, nice shoes...".

I didn't finish the line, but much to my embarrassment, he'd heard it before. I had thought my arrogant buddy had made it up; it had never occurred to me that New Guy might be in on the joke.

So, yeah, he turned three shades of crimson, laughed, and hid his face. My friends laughed like crazy. I thought I'd blown it with New Guy...but as you can tell by my avatar, things actually went pretty well. :D

That doesn't change the fact that THAT has to be the WORST pick-up line EVAH.

escritora
06-01-2008, 09:20 AM
I was laughing at a joke I made (yes, I do that), and a guy said, "You've got great gums."

Yeah, I slept with him. Don't judge. ::smile::

lakotagirl
06-01-2008, 05:52 PM
I worked in shipping in a large plant. One young truck driver would always try to talk. He got in the way trying to help too. If he knew that I was the one who had his ticket, he would sneak out to the dock and lock his truck in and put the ramp in so that I wouldn't have to get off my forklift to do it.

I told him several times that he would get banned from the plant if he were caught outside the driver's lounge. He didn't listen.

One day, I pulled his ticket and headed back to the back dock where he was backing his truck in. Before he could get inside, I locked the truck in and was putting the ramp down. Since I weighed a little less than most the shippers, I had to jump up and down to get the ramp to lock down. When it locked into place, I turned and he was standing right next to me.

He said "If you would marry me, you wouldn't have to work here. You could just stay home and have my babies."

I stood with my mouth open trying to think of something to say. Finally I just said. "I have a son about your age."

He turned beet red and I could tell he was mortified.

When the truck was loaded, I went back to the shipping office and told them to NEVER give me one of his tickets again. I would load two trucks in exchange for someone else to take the one ticket.

It wasn't because I didn't like the kid. He was cute. But most truck drivers had stupid pickup lines that I could banter with. Some of them even tried to help put the ramp down, but would back off when I told them to get back into the lounge. This kid was serious (I think). It made me uncomfortable.

James81
06-02-2008, 06:02 PM
"With or without you, I'm having sex with you tonight"

stormie
06-02-2008, 06:13 PM
When I was a teenager and waitressing, one of the older kitchen guys (who was known to be strange) said to me, "You have nice elbows."

James81
06-02-2008, 06:22 PM
When I was a teenager and waitressing, one of the older kitchen guys (who was known to be strange) said to me, "You have nice elbows."

At least he thought your elbows were nice. I told a girl once that she had pointy elbows and it drove her crazy. lol

Kitrianna
06-02-2008, 06:26 PM
I don't have a phone number...can I have yours?

Joycecwilliams
06-02-2008, 06:32 PM
When everyone still smoked... a guy kept coming up to me at a dance and ask me for a match.

He did this about 5 times.. and he was cute.. but never said anything. He got his light and walked away.

On the 6th time I told him. "I don't have any more matches."
And he said... "Well I have a lot, come and see me to get them."

Yeah I went out with him..

James81
06-02-2008, 06:43 PM
When everyone still smoked... a guy kept coming up to me at a dance and ask me for a match.

He did this about 5 times.. and he was cute.. but never said anything. He got his light and walked away.

On the 6th time I told him. "I don't have any more matches."
And he said... "Well I have a lot, come and see me to get them."

Yeah I went out with him..

:roll:

I'm definately going to have to remember that one. I could totally see myself doing that one.

stormie
06-02-2008, 06:47 PM
:ROFL: This thread should come with a coffee alert. Now I have to go clean off my keyboard.

Kitrianna
06-02-2008, 06:49 PM
Here's another one that I've had used on me several times...
"If I said you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?"

Joycecwilliams
06-02-2008, 07:07 PM
Here's another one that I've had used on me several times...
"If I said you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?"

My husband would always say that to me. Along with "Next to me, I like you best."

Joycecwilliams
06-02-2008, 07:07 PM
:roll:

I'm definately going to have to remember that one. I could totally see myself doing that one.

Glad I could help with your dating life.. :)

Kitrianna
06-02-2008, 07:12 PM
That one I always got from a friend/coworker who knew I was married, but it never stopped him from trying...go figure.

DL Hegel
06-02-2008, 08:35 PM
Some guy came up to me and said hi I am--and spouted off some long joke name--with way too many vowels---"bless you." He laughed--I didn't go out with him but i did talk to him--a good sense of humor always won points with me.

DL Hegel
06-02-2008, 08:38 PM
That one I always got from a friend/coworker who knew I was married, but it never stopped him from trying...go figure.
I had a coworker who was married and was constantly saying things to me--until one day i said "how would feel if someone said that to your daughter?" He got really P.O. but quit hitting on me:D

Kitrianna
06-02-2008, 08:47 PM
That wouldn't have worked on these guys...at the time I worked on a carnival (so did the hubs). Great guys, would defend you from any stalker (yes we had guys who stalked us), but theywouldn't stop trying to get a piece of tail and I guess they thought mine was pretty cute.

lakotagirl
06-02-2008, 10:11 PM
I did have one truck driver that turned out to be a really good friend of both my husband and I. He was Mexican. He was cute. He always had a line. (He must have read this forum cuz he used quite a few of them posted.)

One day he touched me. Just on the arm. He stopped me as I was walking past him. since I was in shipping, I always had my box cutter on me. I had it in my hand before I turned to face him.

I said "Mexican's are supposed to be really good with knives. You think you can beat a Native American?"

First he appologized. Then he laughed. He laughed the whole time I was loading his truck.
When I was done, he appologized again and said that he didn't mean to scare me.

He also made deliveries to my husband's business. I'm lucky enough that my husband trusts me and doesn't see other guys as threats. I told my husband to give him some shit about trying to pick me up and almost getting scalped.

We became friends and remained friends until he moved to Texas.

MoonWriter
06-03-2008, 12:08 AM
Lakota - This is not a pickup line. Just wanted to say that everytime I look at your photo, I think you're saluting. I know it's the horse's ear, but it takes me a second to remember. Beautiful horse, btw. Carry on.

alleycat
06-03-2008, 12:13 AM
I know the worst rejection line I ever heard:

"I'm planning to be sick that weekend."

I can take a hint.

soleary
06-03-2008, 12:20 AM
I guy came up to me, holding up six fingers. I said, "What's that?" He replied, "The number of digits in my salary." I looked at him and asked, "Does that line ever work for you?" What a jerk!

alleycat
06-03-2008, 12:21 AM
I guy came up to me, holding up six fingers. I said, "What's that?" He replied, "The number of digits in my salary." I looked at him and asked, "Does that line ever work for you?" What a jerk!
You should have showed him a finger back! Only one. ;-)

Seaclusion
06-03-2008, 12:22 AM
I guy came up to me, holding up six fingers. I said, "What's that?" He replied, "The number of digits in my salary." I looked at him and asked, "Does that line ever work for you?" What a jerk!


He was just kidding you. It was actually his IQ.

Richard

lakotagirl
06-03-2008, 12:28 AM
Lakota - This is not a pickup line. Just wanted to say that everytime I look at your photo, I think you're saluting. I know it's the horse's ear, but it takes me a second to remember. Beautiful horse, btw. Carry on.

Yeah, I know it's not a pick up line ... I sure miss those! See what happens when you get old? :cry:

I never noticed Tanner's ear until you pointed it out. Wait! I am saluting. Wait! That's just Tanner's ear. Wait! Tanner's saluting because my hands were busy.

MoonWriter
06-03-2008, 01:05 AM
It's not that you're old, Lakota, 'cause you still got it. I'd say the wedding ring and the box cutter wouldn't encourage many hits.

mscelina
06-03-2008, 01:10 AM
One night, I was working at the bar and it was BUSY. I'm going through, grabbing beer bottles off the tables, and I guy I'd served SIX TIMES brushed up against me and asked, "Say, do you come here often?"

My response?

"I work here, a*sh*le, and if you're too drunk to remember who the lone bartender is then you're cut off."

lakotagirl
06-03-2008, 07:06 AM
One night, I was working at the bar and it was BUSY. I'm going through, grabbing beer bottles off the tables, and I guy I'd served SIX TIMES brushed up against me and asked, "Say, do you come here often?"

My response?

"I work here, a*sh*le, and if you're too drunk to remember who the lone bartender is then you're cut off."

Perhaps he meant "Do you come to THIS TABLE often?" Yep! that's probably what he meant!

Men! Ya just gotta love em! :e2woo:

SPMiller
06-03-2008, 07:21 AM
This isn't so funny as my other stories, but once I forgot the "nice shoes" part and I just said, "Wanna fuck?"

(Can I use that language in OP? Are we family-friendly?)

lakotagirl
06-03-2008, 07:24 AM
Maybe we should ask the guys what lines worked the best?

Fraulein
06-03-2008, 07:25 AM
Ok, my bro answered me. I knew he had some doozies.

"Is your daddy in jail? For stealing the stars from the sky and putting them in your eyes."

"Do you believe in love at first sight? Or should I walk past you again?"

"Do you have a band-aid? I scraped my knees falling for you."

"Do you have a map? 'Cuz I'm getting lost in your eyes."

__________________________________________________ ___
Oh the poor dear man! Thank God he is pretty!

Ladies and gentlemen, I present my bro: the man who can't get through his own corny pick up lines without laughing.
http://i78.photobucket.com/albums/j120/scmarrott/022308_1310a.jpg?t=1212291669
He's such a nerd! ;)

Susie
06-03-2008, 08:21 AM
When I was in my twenties, a long, long time ago, a guy came up to me and said, "What's your sign?" He was not my type and I couldn't help it, but I said, "Closed." :)

Come Back Kid
06-03-2008, 08:46 AM
Is this a line? One night on a business trip to Chicago, I was staying at the Marriott and went down to check the "traps." (The bar of course) After me and every other guy watched her complete the dance, I was second to her table. She turned the first guy down. As he was still standing there, I moved in for the kill, or whatever. It seemed she didn't want to hurt his feelings, so when I made my appeal, she said, " come back and ask me later." I never did.
A while after that, as she was leaving, she hesitated in front of me and said, "you didn't come back and ask me to dance." I replied, "Lady, I have a very fragile ego that can barely stand one rejection, so I know two would devastate me."
She turned out to be the love of my life and after twenty-four years of marriage, she still is.
I think she liked my shoes.
Jim

Inky
06-03-2008, 09:14 AM
Ok, my bro answered me. I knew he had some doozies.

"Is your daddy in jail? For stealing the stars from the sky and putting them in your eyes."

"Do you believe in love at first sight? Or should I walk past you again?"

"Do you have a band-aid? I scraped my knees falling for you."

"Do you have a map? 'Cuz I'm getting lost in your eyes."

__________________________________________________ ___
Oh the poor dear man! Thank God he is pretty!

Ladies and gentlemen, I present my bro: the man who can't get through his own corny pick up lines without laughing.
http://i78.photobucket.com/albums/j120/scmarrott/022308_1310a.jpg?t=1212291669
With that body, he doesn't need pick up lines. I'd go up to him and say: How can I love you if you don't lie down???



Sorry...snorfling & giggling. Guess I'm like your brother & can't keep a straight face. Can I lick him clean?
Gads! Did I say that?
Ooooh....can ye' imagine him in a kilt??? Hubbbbba hubbbbba.

I know, gross, this is your brother, right? My luck, he's 16 and I need to go wash my mouth out.

Inky
06-03-2008, 09:20 AM
I guy came up to me, holding up six fingers. I said, "What's that?" He replied, "The number of digits in my salary." I looked at him and asked, "Does that line ever work for you?" What a jerk!

I'd have held up my pinky.

'What's that?' he'd ask.
'The size I'm not interested in.'

Inky
06-03-2008, 09:23 AM
http://i78.photobucket.com/albums/j120/scmarrott/022308_1310a.jpg?t=1212291669

James81
06-03-2008, 05:21 PM
Think you could win a girl's heart quoting Winnie the Pooh?

Hey, baby, if you live to be a hundred, I hope that I live to be a hundred minus one day just so that I never have to live without you.

DL Hegel
06-03-2008, 09:51 PM
He was just kidding you. It was actually his IQ.

Richard
good one Richard:)

DL Hegel
06-03-2008, 09:53 PM
When I was in my twenties, a long, long time ago, a guy came up to me and said, "What's your sign?" He was not my type and I couldn't help it, but I said, "Closed." :)
:roll::ROFL:

StoryG27
06-03-2008, 09:53 PM
He's such a nerd! ;)
He really is! You have no idea. He's gorgeous, yes (it runs in the family, jk) but he and I will get together and we act like the biggest nerd/dorks in the universe!

Tink
06-03-2008, 09:56 PM
When I was in my twenties, a long, long time ago, a guy came up to me and said, "What's your sign?" He was not my type and I couldn't help it, but I said, "Closed." :)
:roll::ROFL::roll:...I love it, can i use it? Seriously the other day at the store a guy actually (in this day and age) asked me what my sign was and I have a hard time telling a lie but my answer was good enough to scare him off...I said, "Cancer, you know the one that is represented by the Crabs!"

StoryG27
06-03-2008, 10:01 PM
With that body, he doesn't need pick up lines. I'd go up to him and say: How can I love you if you don't lie down???



Sorry...snorfling & giggling. Guess I'm like your brother & can't keep a straight face. Can I lick him clean?
Gads! Did I say that?
Ooooh....can ye' imagine him in a kilt??? Hubbbbba hubbbbba.

I know, gross, this is your brother, right? My luck, he's 16 and I need to go wash my mouth out.

ROFLMAO! x 2

Actually he works VERY hard maintain his body and LOVES when people notice and admire his work.

And he is 33. (single, BTW)

Okay, this is bad but since someone asked what works (and yes this ACTUALLY worked for, um, someone who will remain unnamed) this TERRIBLE little skit: He motions with one finger for a woman to come to him. When she does, he smiles and says, "If I can make you come with one finger, imagine what I can do with the rest of my body."

What? I told you it was bad.

James81
06-03-2008, 10:07 PM
ROFLMAO! x 2

Actually he works VERY hard maintain his body and LOVES when people notice and admire his work.

And he is 33. (single, BTW)

Okay, this is bad but since someone asked what works (and yes this ACTUALLY worked for, um, someone who will remain unnamed) this TERRIBLE little skit: He motions with one finger for a woman to come to him. When she does, he smiles and says, "If I can make you come with one finger, imagine what I can do with the rest of my body."

What? I told you it was bad.

:roll:

Blatant stuff like that works hardcore.

I knew a guy (no not me) who simply walked up to a girl in the bar and said (prepare for hardcore here, so if you can't handle it, here's your chance to scram):

Do you deepthroat?

And it worked.

Seaclusion
06-03-2008, 10:14 PM
Trying not to reveal too much from the playbook, but it's technically known as the 10 percent rule. Ask any number of women and about ten percent will say yes. Please don't take my membership away for revealing the secrets.

Richard

Tink
06-03-2008, 10:17 PM
Trying not to reveal too much from the playbook, but it's technically known as the 10 percent rule. Ask any number of women and about ten percent will say yes. Please don't take my membership away for revealing the secrets.

Richard

But how do u men handle the rejection from the other 90%? :D

Seaclusion
06-03-2008, 10:18 PM
But how do u men handle the rejection from the other 90%? :D


Whiskey. Plenty of whiskey.

Richard

Tink
06-03-2008, 10:20 PM
Whiskey. Plenty of whiskey.

RichardHa, ha....there is an answer for every question, even if the answer isn't always the right one. Me, I tend to lean on beer, plenty of beer. ;)

DL Hegel
06-03-2008, 10:21 PM
Whiskey. Plenty of whiskey.

Richard
wild turkey is good:)

James81
06-03-2008, 10:26 PM
But how do u men handle the rejection from the other 90%? :D

I don't think of it as a rejection. I think of it as "Oh boy, she has NO CLUE what she's missing out on."

no clue at all...

DL Hegel
06-03-2008, 10:29 PM
if its 10% percent according to woody allen--you would double your chances if the door swings both ways?

Tink
06-03-2008, 10:33 PM
I don't think of it as a rejection. I think of it as "Oh boy, she has NO CLUE what she's missing out on."

no clue at all... Danged clueless women anyway... :)

Tink
06-03-2008, 10:35 PM
if its 10% percent according to woody allen--you would double your chances if the door swings both ways? sounds reasonable to me....I Think.

James81
06-03-2008, 10:35 PM
Danged clueless women anyway... :)

Ignorance is bliss I suppose. :D

StoryG27
06-03-2008, 10:36 PM
I don't think of it as a rejection. I think of it as "Oh boy, she has NO CLUE what she's missing out on."

no clue at all...
:D


See, that's the kind of attitude a lot of women find sexy, so therefore, you're right, she just doesn't know what she's missing out on.

Tink
06-03-2008, 10:40 PM
Bliss is a state of mind so......:D

lakotagirl
06-03-2008, 10:59 PM
He motions with one finger for a woman to come to him. When she does, he smiles and says, "If I can make you come with one finger, imagine what I can do with the rest of my body."


I remember this line. I loved it! He was an aquaintance so I knew what he was like in "real life". It did work for me - but not because of what he said. It was all in how he said it.

I can remember that cute little grin and the red face as the words came out. He made me laugh - alot.

cethklein
06-03-2008, 11:08 PM
"Is that a mirror in your pocket, because I can see myself in your pants."

soleary
06-03-2008, 11:11 PM
I don't know if anyone has put this one up yet, but i think this might be the oldest one in the book ...

"I seemed to have lost my number. Can I borrow yours?"

SpookyWriter
06-03-2008, 11:17 PM
I was passing a funeral parol once that was next door to a bar. The patron was arguing with the funeral guy "Why can't I her phone number?"

"Cause she's dead."

"That don't make no sense. She was just in here a couple minutes ago."

"I don't think that's possible, sir. She's been dead for two days now."

Drunk guy shakes his head "But I could have sworn she said 'just wait till I die'."

DL Hegel
06-03-2008, 11:33 PM
I was passing a funeral parol once that was next door to a bar. The patron was arguing with the funeral guy "Why can't I her phone number?"

"Cause she's dead."

"That don't make no sense. She was just in here a couple minutes ago."

"I don't think that's possible, sir. She's been dead for two days now."

Drunk guy shakes his head "But I could have sworn she said 'just wait till I die'."
:ROFL:

Fraulein
06-04-2008, 08:47 AM
I was passing a funeral parol once that was next door to a bar. The patron was arguing with the funeral guy "Why can't I her phone number?"

"Cause she's dead."

"That don't make no sense. She was just in here a couple minutes ago."

"I don't think that's possible, sir. She's been dead for two days now."

Drunk guy shakes his head "But I could have sworn she said 'just wait till I die'."
:Huh: I don't get it. The convo doesn't make sense. Is this some kind of drunk person thing???

John Paton
06-04-2008, 09:14 AM
one of my best mates uses this at times ...

"As long as I have a face then you'll always have somewhere to sit !"

I gave this to him and he can get away with it - I try it and I might get locked up ;)

A line I used - although I honestly didn't realise it was a line at the time - was when I asked a purty young lass if she had a sister who worked at the airport cos that lady was one of the most gorgeous wimmin I knew ! She looked the spittin' image ** honest Injun **

But the best put down line I have come across was when an ex gf said

" Loook I'm sorry - but I don't date outside my species"

and NO she didn't say this to me ;)

Anthony Matias
06-04-2008, 09:18 AM
"Hi. Want to have sex?"

This is the best pick up line thread isn't it?

Susie
06-04-2008, 11:03 AM
I once heard this corny line at a dance when I was single. She wasn't impressed. :)

Guy to gal: "You know why the sky is blue? 'Cause it can't go out on a date with you!"

PattiTheWicked
06-04-2008, 04:36 PM
Many years ago, back when dinosaurs roamed the earth, and I was waiting tables in a bar, I got hit on a LOT. Partly because I was smokin' hot, and partly because drunk guys will hit on anyone with breasts. So this one night, there's this group of Navy pilots that come in, hanging out, and for the most part, they were really well behaved. At the end of the night, one of them (who I'd been flirting with back and forth all night anyway) takes me aside, and says, "If you'd go out with me, I'd take you for a ride in my helicopter."

I asked his friends, "Does he really have a helicopter?"

He did, and it wasn't even a Navy helicopter, it was his personal helicopter.

So I went out with him. Had a blast. It was such an original line that I've always remembered it.

Tink
06-04-2008, 04:50 PM
:e2moon:

Seaclusion
06-04-2008, 06:38 PM
Tink's still protesting, or is that her pick-up line.

Richard

Tink
06-04-2008, 06:41 PM
Tink's still protesting, or is that her pick-up line.

Richard:e2moon: :D

SPMiller
06-04-2008, 06:42 PM
Looks like a pick-up line to me.

Seaclusion
06-04-2008, 06:43 PM
Looks like a pick-up line to me.


Agreed.

Richard

Tink
06-04-2008, 06:45 PM
Agreed.

Richard
:tongue

Tink
06-04-2008, 06:45 PM
Looks like a pick-up line to me.:tongue

StoryG27
06-04-2008, 08:38 PM
one of my best mates uses this at times ...

"As long as I have a face then you'll always have somewhere to sit !"

*snert* I'm gonna have to pass this one on to my brother. He'll use it, trust me.

Kitrianna
06-04-2008, 08:46 PM
I don't know if anyone has put this one up yet, but i think this might be the oldest one in the book ...

"I seemed to have lost my number. Can I borrow yours?"

Page 1 I believe...mine was similar

James81
06-04-2008, 08:58 PM
one of my best mates uses this at times ...

"As long as I have a face then you'll always have somewhere to sit !"



:roll:

Hahahahahaha....

soleary
06-04-2008, 09:02 PM
When I was in college, my mom gave me two parameters: Don't date a boy with tattoos and don't ride on a motorcycle. He walked up to me in a bar, with tattoos on his arms, and asked if he could take me for a ride. His bike was out front, and I was in love :).

James81
06-04-2008, 09:05 PM
When I was in college, my mom gave me two parameters: Don't date a boy with tattoos and don't ride on a motorcycle. He walked up to me in a bar, with tattoos on his arms, and asked if he could take me for a ride. His bike was out front, and I was in love :).

I'm going to remember that.

Someday I intend to tell my daughter:

"Hey, honey, whatever you do, DON'T date a guy who has a great job, a lot of money, and will NEVER batter you unrecognizable, ok? I forbid you to. If you do, you'll never be welcome in my home again."

Kitrianna
06-04-2008, 09:10 PM
Umm yeah. I don't think that is going to work out the way you want it to.

auntybug
06-04-2008, 11:14 PM
My son's newest.... "What's your sleep number?"

melaniehoo
06-04-2008, 11:15 PM
Just this morning:

Guera, guera, guera, as he chased me down the street.

StoryG27
06-04-2008, 11:16 PM
My son's newest.... "What's your sleep number?"
Ha, that's pretty good. Even corny pick up lines have to change with technology.

On a side note, I'd love one of those Sleep-by-number mattresses. I bet they're comfy.

Kitrianna
06-04-2008, 11:18 PM
I remember a few that hubs' cousin used to use, but the language is definitely not appropriate. And they're more of the type of lines you use when you want to get your face slapped off...

auntybug
06-05-2008, 12:10 AM
My son works for verizon - he sold a hot Spanish teacher a blackberry. He said he'd show her how to use it if he taught her a phrase or 2.

He text'd her with 'How do you say 'Let's do something Saturday' in Spanish?"

When she wrote back with translation, he replied in Spanish with "Sounds great! Where do you want to meet?"

Slick bastid!

Unique
06-05-2008, 06:15 AM
"Baby, I love you like family"


Dude, please. Whatever happened to, 'Ya wanna do it with me?'
It'd work better.

K1P1
06-05-2008, 06:39 AM
How about, "You remind me of my wife"?

To do him justice, he was working on a cruise ship and hadn't seen his wife for five months.

Godfather
06-06-2008, 03:43 AM
i once got seven numbers in one night with two lines

*looking lost* hey, i lost my number... can i have yours?

*recognizing them* is your name gillette?... cos you're the best a man can get


i know how to use terrible, corny pick-up lines, and it often pays off. however.

me: *with a sheepish grin* hey, did it hurt?
her: uh, nope
me: oh...
...
you sure?
her: yup.

DL Hegel
06-28-2008, 10:56 PM
I had a guy walk up and ask me to marry him?
when i chuckled and said no--he walked off
about 10 minutes later he came back asked if i wouldn't marry him would i at least have sex with him--
I lmao:D

Reilly616
06-28-2008, 11:08 PM
"I'm cos squared Theta and you're sine squared Theta. Together we're one!"

Captshady
06-29-2008, 12:22 AM
My son works for verizon - he sold a hot Spanish teacher a blackberry. He said he'd show her how to use it if he taught her a phrase or 2.

He text'd her with 'How do you say 'Let's do something Saturday' in Spanish?"

When she wrote back with translation, he replied in Spanish with "Sounds great! Where do you want to meet?"

Slick bastid!

That one is brilliant! Did it work for him?

Ken
06-29-2008, 01:16 AM
hi howzitgoing?
(I've witnessed women come close to puking when propositioned by this one.)
Not sure why?

ACEnders
06-29-2008, 01:33 AM
My husband to me when we met at a party: "Don't I know you from somewhere? I swear - that's NOT a pickup line."

Thing was he DID know me from somewhere. I'd waited on his table at the diner where I worked a couple months earlier. He actually went back to the diner looking for me, but he didn't know my name.

So it WAS a line because he knew EXACTLY where he'd seen me before. :)

And this guy that used to work with hubby: "Hi, I'm Eric, and I'm an Air Traffic Control and a pilot." Spoken as though that should impress somebody.

Harimum
06-29-2008, 04:07 AM
Well, this one wasn't used on me, but it was one that my boss used on a woman in a bar once. I was a teenage student at the time and working as a bartender to pay my way through college.

He went up to a woman customer and said 'I bet you 10p I can make your breasts move without touching them'

I was standing behind him and shaking my head and mouthing the word 'Nooooo!'' but she didn't notice me.

She laughed and said, 'ok then?'

He then grabbed hold of her breasts and jiggled them up and down and said:

'Oh dear, I lose!' and put 10p on the bar.

She squealed and slapped his face and as far as I know he never saw her again!

So that one didn't work I guess!

Silver King
06-29-2008, 05:09 AM
...He went up to a woman customer and said 'I bet you 10p I can make your breasts move without touching them'

I was standing behind him and shaking my head and mouthing the word 'Nooooo!'' but she didn't notice me.

She laughed and said, 'ok then?'

He then grabbed hold of her breasts and jiggled them up and down and said:

'Oh dear, I lose!' and put 10p on the bar.

She squealed and slapped his face and as far as I know he never saw her again!

So that one didn't work I guess!
That reminds me of a friend (it wasn't me, honest!) who approached a woman and asked if he could feel her up for one hundred dollars. She didn't like the idea, but her husband thought it was a bargain. He set a time limit of five minutes, no longer, and my friend went to work.

After a couple of minutes, the woman seemed to enjoy the interaction. Her head was thrown back, and my buddy even ventured a taste, which had her swooning.

The husband, now looking worried, said, "Thirty seconds to go!"

My friend redoubled his efforts. When the time was up, the husband couldn't pull him away.

He said, "Enough! Now get off of her!"

My friend said, "I would if I had a hundred dollars to give you...."

Captshady
06-29-2008, 10:10 AM
My husband to me when we met at a party: "Don't I know you from somewhere? I swear - that's NOT a pickup line."

Thing was he DID know me from somewhere. I'd waited on his table at the diner where I worked a couple months earlier. He actually went back to the diner looking for me, but he didn't know my name.

So it WAS a line because he knew EXACTLY where he'd seen me before. :)

And this guy that used to work with hubby: "Hi, I'm Eric, and I'm an Air Traffic Control and a pilot." Spoken as though that should impress somebody.

Hey, Ace, I bet you 10p I can make your breasts move without touching them!

Joe270
06-29-2008, 11:15 AM
Okay, here's one straight from Weird Al Yankovich.

"You are so beautiful, I wish I was cross-eyed so I could see you twice."

willfulone
06-29-2008, 11:33 AM
How about:

"I am new to town, can you give me directions to your place?"

"Your daddy must have been a baker, cuz you have a nice set of buns."

"Hey, someone farted, let's get outta here."

Menyanthana
06-29-2008, 12:07 PM
That reminds me of a friend (it wasn't me, honest!) who approached a woman and asked if he could feel her up for one hundred dollars. She didn't like the idea, but her husband thought it was a bargain. He set a time limit of five minutes, no longer, and my friend went to work.

After a couple of minutes, the woman seemed to enjoy the interaction. Her head was thrown back, and my buddy even ventured a taste, which had her swooning.

The husband, now looking worried, said, "Thirty seconds to go!"

My friend redoubled his efforts. When the time was up, the husband couldn't pull him away.

He said, "Enough! Now get off of her!"

My friend said, "I would if I had a hundred dollars to give you...."


If that really happened, I ask myself why your friend was not slapped in the face for asking such a question, and why the woman didn't tell her husband immediately that she wanted a divorce.


A couple of weeks ago, someone asked me in a shop, which kind of condoms he should buy...I don't know if that was meant to be a pickup line, but if it was, it was the worst I have ever heard.

willfulone
06-29-2008, 12:54 PM
I think like a guy sometimes....

I managed a bar for a couple years while finishing my degree almost 10 years ago. I made friends with many of the regulars. I took a shine to a fella and decided to do something about it. It had been quite some time since I had, well you know.

I approached and said:

"How about sex, no strings - except no other partners for as long as it works for us?"

Bad line, but it did work. And it lasted near 2 years until he wanted to make it more than just sex. Sigh.

Alice.S
06-29-2008, 01:24 PM
the worst guys have said to me:
Come over and sit on my lap, and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up.


If I told you that you had a great body, would you hold it against me?



I'd look good on you


this one from a customer at work (I work at Mcdonalds)
If you were a new hamburger, you would be McSexy!


Guy: You know what they say about man with big hands.....
Me: Yeah...
Guy :)
Me:everything else is smaller.
Guy:...

Broadswordbabe
06-29-2008, 02:15 PM
An English classic: "Get your coat love, you've pulled."

Said to myself and friend in the pub: "I'll take either of you, I'm not fussy."
(To which friend replied, "You do know how to make a girl feel special, don't you?" :) )

Bayley
06-29-2008, 02:33 PM
A couple of weeks ago, my friend was telling me about what happened when she went for a night out while on holiday. A guy came up to her and said:

'You know you look like Cameron Diaz, only shorter and with brown hair, bigger teeth, larger waist, green eyes, bigger nose...'


It continues, but there isn't enough space to list every feature that my friend doesn't share with Cameron Diaz. She told him that she already had a boyfriend. Ten seconds later she overheard him chatting to someone else at the bar, saying:

'You know you look like Jessica Alba only without the brown eyes...'

Why don't men learn that listing every feature that someone doesn't have with a celebrity isn't a compliment? Now if he had said 'You know you look more beautiful then whoever' it might have worked.

StoryG27
06-29-2008, 03:52 PM
This isn't really a pick up line, but sort of.

A few years back, I was at the store with my sister and we had our kids with us and were' going through the checkout line. I noticed the man in line behind us had a cast. Curious what had happened, I asked about it. He said he'd been in a car accident. He was very personable, very nice, and the line wasn't moving very fast, so we engaged in meaningless chit chat to pass the time. I learned that he was a soccer player but was in town because he couldn't play the rest of the season because of the accident. I think I did the boring mom thing and talked about my kids. Anyway, he gets around to telling me that the accident wasn't his fault and it turns out he gets this huge settlement from it.

He looked at me and did that sucking a sharp breath though his teeth thing and said, "It's too bad, me with all this money, and you with that damn wedding ring on."

The way he said it, I couldn't even be offended. I just laughed. This guy was gorgeous, athletic, and rich, and hitting on me! I couldn't believe it. I didn't have any make up on, I was wearing old blue jeans and a loose t-shirt, and my hair wasn't done. . .And he was hitting on me. It was a huge boost for my ego that day, though I did feel a bit bad for my sister, because she was actually single, and had he hit on her, well, just maybe there could have been a love connection.

DL Hegel
07-02-2008, 04:55 AM
Okay, here's one straight from Weird Al Yankovich.

"You are so beautiful, I wish I was cross-eyed so I could see you twice."
:ROFL:

soleary
07-02-2008, 05:15 AM
"I wish I were drunk, cause seein' three of you would be thrice as nice."

samgail
07-02-2008, 07:47 AM
My roomate and i had to read the Wall Street Journal for our major so we started putting up stock pages in the entryway to our apartment. We wrote pickup lines on it with markers when we got home from the bars. We were interior decorating geniuses.


When I was a bartender I had a rule, dinner and a movie. If you wanted to get anywhere with Sam you came in sober, well at least soberish and asked me to dinner and a movie. If you couldn't be bothered to do that don't try to get me to go home with you at last call. It made my life simpler and people respected my boundaries...................most of the time. Occasionally someone would try in spite of the rule. I almost caved one night when one of my hot regulars had just told some out of towner to quit pestering me to go to his room because i required "dinner and a movie". He put his arms around me from behind and whispered "i have showtime and a frozen pizza, wanna go back to my place?"

SPMiller
07-02-2008, 10:03 AM
I never even thought to hit on bartenders. That's a great idea ;)

DL Hegel
07-02-2008, 11:50 PM
"I wish I were drunk, cause seein' three of you would be thrice as nice."
:e2thud:

DL Hegel
07-23-2008, 04:47 AM
not exactly a pick up line but a lady friend of mine said her husband asked if she was hungry--when she said yes--he said great--it was free sample day at costco:D

Silver King
07-23-2008, 05:34 AM
A friend of mine (and no, it wasn't me in disguise) used to say the crudest thing to women he didn't know:

He'd say, "I work in a circus."

"Really? What do you do there?"

"I guess people's weights."

"How do you do that?"

"They sit on my face. Wanna try?"

Apparently his scheme worked, as he was sometimes nowhere to be found by the end of the night.

Seaclusion
07-23-2008, 05:53 AM
A friend of mine (and no, it wasn't me in disguise) used to say the crudest thing to women he didn't know:

He'd say, "I work in a circus."

"Really? What do you do there?"

"I guess people's weights."

"How do you do that?"

"They sit on my face. Wanna try?"

Apparently his scheme worked, as he was sometimes nowhere to be found by the end of the night.

The ten percent rule in action.

Richard

sassandgroove
07-23-2008, 05:56 AM
My husband just gave me one.

Those jeans must be cleaned with windex, because I can see myself if your pants.






oooooooooohhhhhhhhhhh.

Tink
07-23-2008, 08:13 PM
Heres one I heard awhile back...

Man: Do you lay on your stomach?

Me: No.

Man: Can I?

creamofmushroom
07-23-2008, 08:14 PM
you must be a parking ticket cuz you've got fine written all over you.

Kitrianna
07-23-2008, 08:41 PM
Yes, so many more reasons to make me greatful that I am NOT single anymore. :D

Tink
07-23-2008, 08:47 PM
And what about this one...

Can I have a picture of you so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?

CaroGirl
07-23-2008, 08:48 PM
One that was actually used on me while I was AT WORK. I was about 18 at the time.

"Have you ever caused an accident? 'Cause that body o' yours sure could stop traffic."

It didn't work because I had no idea what he was talking about.

Mystic Blossom
07-23-2008, 09:11 PM
Last night at the fabric shop where I work a guy told me in the same tone of voice a guy would use to describe the size of his, ahem, assets...

"I own every Legend of Zelda game ever. Even the Sonic rip-off one."

Bless him, he was good looking, but the way he said that just made me think, "Dude, don't try so hard and I'll be MORE impressed, m'kay?"

DL Hegel
07-24-2008, 04:58 AM
Last night at the fabric shop where I work a guy told me in the same tone of voice a guy would use to describe the size of his, ahem, assets...

"I own every Legend of Zelda game ever. Even the Sonic rip-off one."

Bless him, he was good looking, but the way he said that just made me think, "Dude, don't try so hard and I'll be MORE impressed, m'kay?"
tall, handsome and silent has its advantages:)

dageezer
07-24-2008, 12:53 PM
My first wife fell for this one...

Can you hook me up with twin sister?

I don't have a twin sister.

You'll do then...let's go.

Pagey's_Girl
07-24-2008, 04:31 PM
A friend of mine (and no, it wasn't me in disguise) used to say the crudest thing to women he didn't know:

He'd say, "I work in a circus."

"Really? What do you do there?"

"I guess people's weights."

"How do you do that?"

"They sit on my face. Wanna try?"

Apparently his scheme worked, as he was sometimes nowhere to be found by the end of the night.

Either it worked or he was unconscious somewhere courtesy of th last girl he tried it on. ;)

sassandgroove
08-02-2008, 12:25 AM
http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2008/07/funny-pictures-cat-lays-it-on-thick.jpg

Williebee
08-02-2008, 12:35 AM
"I'm not any good at stupid pick up lines. Would 'please' do?"

TrainofThought
08-02-2008, 12:45 AM
"I'm not any good at stupid pick up lines. Would 'please' do?"*swoon* Did we NOT just get done talking about children's manners, of course, please will do.

DL Hegel
08-02-2008, 12:49 AM
"I'm not any good at stupid pick up lines. Would 'please' do?"
Please and chocolates are always good:)

soleary
08-02-2008, 01:57 AM
I like what I see in your query. How 'bout you show me the whole manuscript?

Williebee
08-02-2008, 02:01 AM
I like what I see in your query. How 'bout you show me the whole manuscript?

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you the NUMBER ONE most heard pick up line at next year's BEA parties.

nice. really nice.

jennifer75
08-02-2008, 02:24 AM
And what about this one...

Can I have a picture of you so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?

Awwwww.....that's cute. I'd go out with him just for bein so cute. Hehehe....

I was walking down the sidewalk, mindin my bizz...when I passed a parked car with the window down. I heard, after I was already well passed the window and walking away from the car, hi!

And I thought, c'mon. You can do better than that. Like I'm gonna stop in my tracks, turn around, walk back, peep my head in your window, and say hi.

Sure, it's not a pick up line, but it was a really poor attempt at anything, if you ask me. It's like, have some confidence enough to say it as I'm next to the window. Sheeeeeesh.

Tink
08-02-2008, 03:12 AM
Jenn, he wasn't my type...he was too nice. ;)

akiwiguy
08-02-2008, 03:15 AM
I'm sure other guys have experienced this kind of thing before, and I could never work out why a woman would think I'd be that enthusiastic...


"Hey listen, " in a loud whisper, "we're going to a party later and... shhh, come over here a bit." As she grabs your elbow and pulls you aside.

"Why?" You vaguely look around wondering what she's on about.

"That's my boyfriend over there."

You sneak another discreet look. "The one in the black t-shirt? Crushing beer cans on his forehead?"

"Shhhh! Don't stare! He'd kill you if he knew you were chatting me up!"

"Well I wasn't actually..."

"Here's the address," she purrs as she slides a fingertip down the front of your shirt. "When you see me slip outside... oh shit! Act natural, I think he's coming over here!"


I swear to God that has happened to me more than once, and it is disturbing!!!!

DL Hegel
08-02-2008, 03:38 AM
Its rough being overly attractive and magnetic--but we all have our crosses to bear;)
I'm sure other guys have experienced this kind of thing before, and I could never work out why a woman would think I'd be that enthusiastic...


"Hey listen, " in a loud whisper, "we're going to a party later and... shhh, come over here a bit." As she grabs your elbow and pulls you aside.

"Why?" You vaguely look around wondering what she's on about.

"That's my boyfriend over there."

You sneak another discreet look. "The one in the black t-shirt? Crushing beer cans on his forehead?"

"Shhhh! Don't stare! He'd kill you if he knew you were chatting me up!"

"Well I wasn't actually..."

"Here's the address," she purrs as she slides a fingertip down the front of your shirt. "When you see me slip outside... oh shit! Act natural, I think he's coming over here!"


I swear to God that has happened to me more than once, and it is disturbing!!!!

SPMiller
08-02-2008, 03:52 AM
akiwiguy, big reality check here: they're lying to you. Black-shirt-dude is a total stranger. It's a pretense so they can hit on you without making it obvious. And what guy isn't excited about a little discreet, illicit lovin'?

Bonus: all the thrill, none of the risk.

akiwiguy
08-02-2008, 04:06 AM
akiwiguy, big reality check here: they're lying to you. Black-shirt-dude is a total stranger. It's a pretense so they can hit on you without making it obvious. And what guy isn't excited about a little discreet, illicit lovin'?

Bonus: all the thrill, none of the risk.

Damn.

SPMiller
08-02-2008, 04:13 AM
Damn.Oh yeah, pretend you're disappointed, see if I care.

Come Back Kid
09-07-2008, 10:03 PM
Many years ago, I was making an eleven PM final circle around the outer area, of a rectangular bar. The speakers were blaring Olivia Newton John's, "Body Talk" ( I told you it was long ago), as I came
face to face with a lady rotating the opposite way, she looked at me and said, "Is your body talking?" I said, "Honey, at this time of night it is screaming."
She was very compassionate.

regdog
09-07-2008, 11:28 PM
years ago when prom time came a round our resident class jerk walked up to my best friend and said

"Well I guess since there's no one else I'll take you to the prom."

She looked him and said politely I might add

"No thank you I don't dance."