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Jcomp
05-16-2008, 10:36 PM
...where I should expect every girl I meet to have at least one kid. Or so I was told by my homegirl yesterday, after I found out that the girl I met on Wednesday night has kids.

Between the girl from Wednesday night, the old flame who expressed interest again on Saturday night, and the girl I'm meeting up with tonight (Having a pretty decent week & change here), that's 3 that have a child or two.

Not that I'm averse to kids (ol' girl last night actually asked me "Are you anti-kid?" Hilarious.) but it has me wondering if my friend was right & I just need to sort of expect this to be the case. I'm twenty-eight & tend to favor ladies my age or older...

I dunno. Is it bad to be dreading this? I don't want to be that dude, and it's just dating right now anyway, so it's nothing critical at all. Still, is it wrong if the child vs. childless status factors in to who a person pursues?

Cranky
05-16-2008, 10:38 PM
No, that's not wrong. Might limit your dating pool a bit, but so what?

And that's speaking as a former single mom, btw. :)

Seaclusion
05-16-2008, 10:42 PM
A mothers first responsibility will always be to her children. Consider that your advantage. I think you already are using it to your advantage by having three dates this week. Figure every other weekend, you get to date someone else. Not bad to have a little variety. I know I'm going to get reamed for this but really, this is good for you. If you by chance find someone without children she will expect all of your time and attention. Fine if that's what you want, but this way you have options.

Richard

James81
05-16-2008, 10:42 PM
I tend to attract crazy bitches with a bunch of kids. So I understand what you are saying. lol

Minus whale just embrace it. Unless you want to date college girls.

Shadow_Ferret
05-16-2008, 10:43 PM
I'm anti-kid. No way if I was single would I date a woman with children. I can't stand children and really only tolerate my own.







that was a joke, I love mine.

sometimes.

Jcomp
05-16-2008, 10:50 PM
A mothers first responsibility will always be to her children. Consider that your advantage. I think you already are using it to your advantage by having three dates this week. Figure every other weekend, you get to date someone else. Not bad to have a little variety. I know I'm going to get reamed for this but really, this is good for you. If you by chance find someone without children she will expect all of your time and attention. Fine if that's what you want, but this way you have options.

Richard

Hmmmm... you actually may have a point here...

Still though, there's always that "If it gets serious there's already a child in the picture" thing hovering.

Yeah, it's not that critical, just something I was thinking about. I wonder too if the geographical influences are that substantial. In San Antonio, not only might she have a kid, but he might be old enough to meet me at the door like "When're you gonna have my mom home, huh? 'Midnight?' Nah man, try ten o'clock."

I wonder how different it is depending on what part of country you live in.

And bronco, your post was funny! You can't delete funny! I'm lobbying that as a new rule for AW.

James81
05-16-2008, 10:52 PM
Hmmmm... you actually may have a point here...

Still though, there's always that "If it gets serious there's already a child in the picture" thing hovering.

Yeah, it's not that critical, just something I was thinking about. I wonder too if the geographical influences are that substantial. In San Antonio, not only might she have a kid, but he might be old enough to meet me at the door like "When're you gonna have my mom home, huh? 'Midnight?' Nah man, try ten o'clock."

I wonder how different it is depending on what part of country you live in.

Well I'm quite a bit North from you and it's the same here.

I think this just proves that single mama's are a dime a dozen.

KTC
05-16-2008, 10:53 PM
My wife has kids. Every time we go out on a date we are both extremely aware of each other's baggage. Kids... can't live with them, can't bury them alive.

Little Red Barn
05-16-2008, 10:54 PM
Hey Jcomp, from stats you can pretty much guess you're going to probably end up with a blended family. :D

Good luck!

Seaclusion
05-16-2008, 10:54 PM
Well I'm quite a bit North from you and it's the same here.

I think this just proves that single mama's are a dime a dozen.


Oh, and I thought I was going to get raked over the coals

Richard

James81
05-16-2008, 11:00 PM
Oh, and I thought I was going to get raked over the coals

Richard

No raking here man! Then again, I take pride in my slightly bitter, sexist, anti-feminist views.

CACTUSWENDY
05-16-2008, 11:01 PM
I would think that the part to be concerned about would be the bio daddy. Some do not want the mommy of their kids to be dating anyone. You hear about it all the time here in Arizona. Just saying....

James81
05-16-2008, 11:03 PM
I would think that the part to be concerned about would be the bio daddy. Some do not want the mommy of their kids to be dating anyone. You hear about it all the time here in Arizona. Just saying....

Well, think about it. You have to be at least SORTA crazy to live in Arizone anyway. I mean, I can't imagine what life without grass would be like. It must be terribly depressing.

Seaclusion
05-16-2008, 11:05 PM
Well, think about it. You have to be at least SORTA crazy to live in Arizone anyway. I mean, I can't imagine what life without grass would be like. It must be terribly depressing.

They have grass. It's smuggled across the border.

Richard

Jcomp
05-16-2008, 11:08 PM
Yeah, there's potential baby-daddy drama to consider as well, but I really don't stress that too much at all. There're crazy ex-boyfriends, crazy ex-husbands too, sans kid. Crazy comes in many guises.

End of the day, I'm just not too crazy about daddin' it up just yet. (you see what I did there, with the "crazy." Heh? Heh?)

TerzaRima
05-16-2008, 11:21 PM
If you do get serious with any of these people, you need to consider the whole notion of stepparenting--it's not a dealbreaker, but it's not for the faint of heart.

Mela
05-16-2008, 11:35 PM
Here! Here! Stepparenting is tough, especially when your style is totally opposite the way in which the stepchild was raised. Holy cow.
But enjoy life, have some flings and don't sweat it now

Karen Duvall
05-16-2008, 11:35 PM
At 30, I was divorced with 3 little kids. Yeah, tell me about it. Luckily, I looked 20, had the body of a model, and guys were lining up to ask me out. Even when they knew about my kids! Which surprised me. So my children never got in the way of my dating life. It was a strange time, and yeah, all that ex-husband stuff is tough to deal with. Ask my now-husband.

Point is, if you love the woman with kids, you love the woman with kids. I had 2 marriage proposals that first year of "freedom," neither from my now-husband (to be fair, we hadn't met yet). We were together 5 years before we got married, and it, uh, was my idea. Heh.

Good luck!

Siddow
05-16-2008, 11:39 PM
I think you have every right to set ground rules for dating, and if 'no kids' is one of them, so be it. Just you wait, though; you'll end like my husband who swore he'd never date anybody with kids (I had one when we met), and he'd never have kids of his own (we had three more together).

I had my own rule, too: no guys who'd been divorced less than a year. Hubby just squeaked by on that one, lol.

Siddow
05-16-2008, 11:40 PM
Quick, where does this come from:

"Don't shoplift the booty from a single mother."

James81
05-16-2008, 11:44 PM
I think you have every right to set ground rules for dating, and if 'no kids' is one of them, so be it. Just you wait, though; you'll end like my husband who swore he'd never date anybody with kids (I had one when we met), and he'd never have kids of his own (we had three more together).

I had my own rule, too: no guys who'd been divorced less than a year. Hubby just squeaked by on that one, lol.

I have amassed quite a few "rules" throughout the past year or so and I can't wait to meet the girl who will come along and make them all go away.

Jcomp
05-16-2008, 11:45 PM
At 30, I was divorced with 3 little kids. Yeah, tell me about it. Luckily, I looked 20, had the body of a model, and guys were lining up to ask me out. Even when they knew about my kids! Which surprised me.

Man, hotness pretty much trumps damn near anything. Dudes do all kinds of stuff we've sworn never to do (and sometimes things we should know better than to do) for a girl who's pretty enough. Break bro-codes, spend all kinds of money, invoke the wrath of King Menelaus and the Spartan army (either Paris hadn't seen 300, or Helen was SUPER gorgeous).

So that shouldn't have been too surprising.


Point is, if you love the woman with kids, you love the woman with kids.

Word. It is what it is.

Seaclusion
05-16-2008, 11:46 PM
I've broken quite a few rules the past year and boy have I had fun

Richard

Shadow_Ferret
05-16-2008, 11:56 PM
Luckily, I looked 20, had the body of a model, and guys were lining up to ask me out.


Man, hotness pretty much trumps damn near anything.

Have to agree with this. Even hating kids gets pushed into the closet by hotness.

Karen Duvall
05-17-2008, 12:19 AM
Have to agree with this. Even hating kids gets pushed into the closet by hotness.

:D Too funny, you guys. Well, that was a long time ago. And I tell you, I know my now-husband questioned his sanity on several occasions over his choice to be a step dad to three kids, all of whom were hell on wheels. But he was such a good sport! And he's the love of my life, now and forever. It was one of those things when the overused term soulmate really does apply. He wasn't the hottest guy by GQ standards -- wears glasses, kind of short, his teeth were messed up (they look terrific now) -- but he made me laugh. And he made me feel loved. And he was everything my ex was not and never would be. There's nothing... nothing... like true, honest-to-God love. I'm very blessed! :LilLove:

CDarklock
05-17-2008, 01:09 AM
Look at it this way: if a girl has kids, you can be reasonably sure she puts out.

Jcomp
05-17-2008, 01:20 AM
Look at it this way: if a girl has kids, you can be reasonably sure she puts out.

Man, I've been WAITING for someone to throw that joke out there...

sassandgroove
05-17-2008, 01:28 AM
Well - how old are you? Did I catch a 28? I didn't get married until I was 28 and I didn't/don't have kids. Neither did my husband who was 37. So there are people without kids who are over 25. BUt l agree with Siddow. Life is what happens when you are making other plans (er rules.) Good Luck, you seem like a cool guy.

TerzaRima
05-17-2008, 01:30 AM
I've been WAITING for someone to throw that joke out there...

Yes, because it's so original!

CDarklock
05-17-2008, 01:53 AM
Man, I've been WAITING for someone to throw that joke out there...

Joke? What joke?

Yeah, I'm a dog.

TrainofThought
05-17-2008, 03:10 AM
Yep! As you get older, your chances of finding someone single and childless decrease drastically.

Good Luck with your dating life!

Silver King
05-17-2008, 03:19 AM
Look at it this way: if a girl has kids, you can be reasonably sure she puts out.
Yeah, and she probably did so a lot more before the kiddos came along, so you'll have to deal with whatever sex drive she has left over. Hint: Chances are, it'll be far less than before she had children.

Love is strange, though, and capable of overcoming any obstacle to romance and companionship. Find the right woman, and she'll make you feel privileged to share in her children's upbringing. Your love for her will by extension find its way to the children's hearts, as well as your own.

Joycecwilliams
05-17-2008, 03:23 AM
Okay... I have been raising kids since I was seven, when my older sister had her first child... and then proceeded to have four more... By the time I was sixteen I had babysat for nine years... and all those kids so close in age drove me bannanas at that young age. The youngest kids were twins..

After that stint, my brother's wife left him, and I helped him with his two boys...

Then I got married... I didn't want children... but my ex talked me into having a baby... We divorced and I met a man with two kids... I had one and then we had one together... we had four kids under the age of five.... yes... it was NUTS....

My husband and I separated after many years of marriage... and I was dating a GREAT guy... but he was some years younger than me... and he wanted to have children... I had very strong feelings towards him, but it was the deal breaker... I didn't want to deny him the joy of children... however I did not want to go through it again... so we broke up...

So here I am 12 years later raising my grandchildren... Life just isn't fair sometimes...

Snowstorm
05-17-2008, 03:28 AM
But how do you know if she's only looking for someone to help raise her kids?

Silver King
05-17-2008, 03:55 AM
But how do you know if she's only looking for someone to help raise her kids?
I thought that's what the government is for.


:rant:Wow guys... take it easy on the single mom bashing...
Now now, we're not bashing single moms. We're just teasing them a little. :)


...You know what? I'm new here and I don't think I will go any further down this rabbit hole.
Uhm... yeah... I think I will just head over to the "Drunk Thread"That's a great place to hang out. I know the guy who started that place. He's very suave and has a way with ladies, so watch out! ;)

Siddow
05-17-2008, 04:14 AM
:rant:Wow guys... take it easy on the single mom bashing. I have been a single mother for most of my son's 16 years <snip>

Don't get me wrong. I've been in several LTR's, and had five of those sparkly engagement rings slipped to me along the way...

Uhm... yeah... I think I will just head over to the "Drunk Thread"

:eek:

uh...okay. I'm sure your son is very proud.

CDarklock
05-17-2008, 04:20 AM
And I definitely haven't found one worth of being a major influence in my son's life!

You know, in my experience, every good relationship you have raises the bar for all the rest. Just relax, enjoy the ride, and keep looking.


Don't get me wrong. I've been in several LTR's, and had five of those sparkly engagement rings slipped to me along the way...

I've passed out eight engagement rings and two wedding rings. The last one was a keeper.


I like men... Some men. Not all men.

Same here. Oh, and I like women, too. Most women. Not quite all women. Well, depends on how you define "like", I guess.

And welcome. :)

MsK
05-17-2008, 04:28 AM
You know, in my experience, every good relationship you have raises the bar for all the rest. Just relax, enjoy the ride, and keep looking.
:)

I couldn't agree with you more.

Joycecwilliams
05-17-2008, 04:35 AM
Ya know I am a woman.... and it does not offend me that a guy does not want kids.. in a relationship. Everyone has an idea of

what they want in a mate, or LT relationship. It doesn't mean they are evil or wrong... they just want something different than

you do...

For instance... I don't like men who ..... oh never mind it will just get someone mad at me...

So if I am looking for a LT relationship or the one.... I know what I want...

There is nothing wrong with single moms. I was once one myself... if a man don't want or like children... your better off without him...

We need to stop trying to make people fit the image that we think they should be and accept them for who they are...:Soapbox::Soapbox:

Silver King
05-17-2008, 04:46 AM
...For instance... I don't like men who ..... oh never mind it will just get someone mad at me...
Oh, come on now Joyce, you can tell them you don't like men who smell like fish. I can handle it! :)

This thread could use some Jumpin' Jack Flash. I'll see if I can round up some crazy females.

Don't go away!

CDarklock
05-17-2008, 04:48 AM
We need to stop trying to make people fit the image that we think they should be and accept them for who they are...

However, this naturally and normally means that people who don't want a particular kind of woman don't have to seriously consider them as mates. You can't demand that people spend the time and energy you think is appropriate to learn who you are. Everyone passes through three distinct phases of understanding:

- Object. I look at you and I can see things. I don't know why those things are, I just see that they are. Until I talk to you, I can only draw conclusions based on what I see. This includes how you behave.

- Stereotype. Based on my admittedly flawed experiences, I can draw certain conclusions based on what I extrapolate after a few words with you. This may not be accurate, but in most cases, most of my conclusions will be accurate enough for my purposes.

- Individual. Once I determine that you as a stereotype interest me, I will learn about you the person, the human being underneath the veneer. This usually happens during the first or second date.

There are certain things I personally find so repugnant, I am not going to progress beyond the "object" stage with anyone who displays them. There are other things that stop me in my tracks, and never let you get past the "stereotype" stage. Whinging about how everyone needs to treat you with the respect and care you deserve as an "individual" simply ignores the fundamental requirement that you have to give them the same courtesy.

Yeah, :Soapbox: and :rant:all over the place.

Back to the drunk thread for me.

Silver King
05-17-2008, 05:05 AM
I've heard it called capturing lightening in a bottle. And I know why. Nearly every time we try, it's unsuccessful. But once in a while, we get lucky.

Ain't she a beauty?



http://i200.photobucket.com/albums/aa62/Silver-King/Tarpon06-25-08175-3.jpg

MsK
05-17-2008, 05:22 AM
http://i200.photobucket.com/albums/aa62/Silver-King/Tarpon06-25-08175-3.jpg

Yes, that is a beauty. Wow.

Anyway peoples... I'm back from the drunk thread and I feel so much better now. Don't want any of you kind folks to take my rants personally. The not so kind ones can take it any ole which way you like.

MsK
05-17-2008, 05:24 AM
http://i200.photobucket.com/albums/aa62/Silver-King/Tarpon06-25-08175-3.jpg

Do you think she jumped so high because she is a single mom out lookin' for some guy to take care of her children? :roll:

Silver King
05-17-2008, 05:43 AM
...Do you think she jumped so high because she is a single mom out lookin' for some guy to take care of her children? :roll:
Yup, she must be jumping that high to find a suitable male for her brood, the one with the least call for resistance. ;)

MsK
05-17-2008, 06:21 AM
JComp, I read back through your posts and you sound like a pretty nice person and it's good that you are considering your options. You have to know what you want or you'll get what you get.
So, I respect that you don't feel like bein' some kids male figure at this point in your life.
Good luck with your Lakers

My son and I are Hawks fans surrounded by Laker fans. Yep... many a man has tried to sit down next to my boy and become his basketball buddy, claiming they are Hawks fans also. But I just keep shooing them away. I mean, how many Atlanta Hawks fans could there possibly be in LA? ;)

Joycecwilliams
05-17-2008, 06:28 AM
However, this naturally and normally means that people who don't want a particular kind of woman don't have to seriously consider them as mates. You can't demand that people spend the time and energy you think is appropriate to learn who you are. Everyone passes through three distinct phases of understanding:

- Object. I look at you and I can see things. I don't know why those things are, I just see that they are. Until I talk to you, I can only draw conclusions based on what I see. This includes how you behave.

- Stereotype. Based on my admittedly flawed experiences, I can draw certain conclusions based on what I extrapolate after a few words with you. This may not be accurate, but in most cases, most of my conclusions will be accurate enough for my purposes.

- Individual. Once I determine that you as a stereotype interest me, I will learn about you the person, the human being underneath the veneer. This usually happens during the first or second date.

There are certain things I personally find so repugnant, I am not going to progress beyond the "object" stage with anyone who displays them. There are other things that stop me in my tracks, and never let you get past the "stereotype" stage. Whinging about how everyone needs to treat you with the respect and care you deserve as an "individual" simply ignores the fundamental requirement that you have to give them the same courtesy.

Yeah, :Soapbox: and :rant:all over the place.

Back to the drunk thread for me.

That was not what I meant...

This is what I am talking about::::

I see a fine specimen of a man... yummy....

He shows an interest in me... and yes I am happy...

After we talk... I find out... he is unemployed and lives with his mother...

In my head... I know this is not the man for me... however I try to make him fit what I want and/or need him to be...

MsK
05-17-2008, 06:35 AM
In my head... I know this is not the man for me... however I try to make him fit what I want and/or need him to be...

And that's what we do. You know that saying, "Don't fall in love with a man's potential"
Been there, done that.

Jcomp
05-17-2008, 07:00 AM
JComp, I read back through your posts and you sound like a pretty nice person and it's good that you are considering your options. You have to know what you want or you'll get what you get.
So, I respect that you don't feel like bein' some kids male figure at this point in your life.
Good luck with your http://www.nothingtodoinla.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/lakers.bmp

My son and I are Hawks fans surrounded by Laker fans. Yep... many a man has tried to sit down next to my boy and become his basketball buddy, claiming they are Hawks fans also. But I just keep shooing them away. I mean, how many Atlanta Hawks fans could there possibly be in LA? ;)

Thanks. I'm not bashing at all. I've dated women with children before, and I'm sure I'll probably do it in the future. I understand what you were saying though, with some dudes it can come off as harsh and ugly, how they view the situation.

And if I already dig this young lady enough to let reschedule the date so that now we have to attend the 10:30 showing of freakin' What Happens in Vegas when my Lakers are just now coming on, I mean hell, anything's possible right?

TrainofThought
05-17-2008, 05:54 PM
Just to clarify, single men arenít the only ones who run into the whole single parent thing. There are a lot of men out there with joint custody of their children.

Mmmm.... now I know what I'll be having for dinner. ;)



Ain't she a beauty?



http://i200.photobucket.com/albums/aa62/Silver-King/Tarpon06-25-08175-3.jpg

Silver King
05-17-2008, 06:39 PM
...Mmmm.... now I know what I'll be having for dinner. ;)
Traitor! :D

MsK
05-17-2008, 07:29 PM
And if I already dig this young lady enough to let reschedule the date so that now we have to attend the 10:30 showing of freakin' What Happens in Vegas when my Lakers are just now coming on, I mean hell, anything's possible right?

You gave up watching the Lakers seal the deal for a movie about eloping in Vegas???
Wow... I hope that movie didn't give you any ideas.
Now, if you are willing to miss a Lakers/ Spurs game for this same lady, that will really be sayin' something.

Seaclusion
05-17-2008, 07:52 PM
We have long memories and short fuses around here.

Richard

mscelina
05-17-2008, 08:07 PM
plus copy and paste. I wouldn't risk it. ;)

MsK
05-17-2008, 08:33 PM
We have long memories and short fuses around here.

Richard

No wonder I feel so "at home" around here already.

MsK
05-17-2008, 08:36 PM
plus copy and paste. I wouldn't risk it. ;)

Well, I won't be uttering any statements like that for a very loooong time, but, in the event that time does come, I'll work on my "That's not how I meant it... speech."

Jcomp
05-18-2008, 12:04 AM
You gave up watching the Lakers seal the deal for a movie about eloping in Vegas???
Wow... I hope that movie didn't give you any ideas.
Now, if you are willing to miss a Lakers/ Spurs game for this same lady, that will really be sayin' something.

Well, I had a sneaky feeling that they would close the deal, so I wasn't too worried. And it worked out, because when I read about how they blew the lead in the 4th I almost flipped out even though they'd won, so I'm sure if I'd watched it I would've had to go out & get some drinks just to settle down anyway.

But yeah, missing Lakers vs. Spurs is basically out of the question. I'm hoping we get them. It'll be fun talking trash to my friends, plus I think we match up better with the Spurs than we do the Hornets. Much better. If our bench guys can find their jumpshots again, we could very well sweep them. I'd love that very much...

Oh, and it was a solid date. The movie was bad, but at least she recognized that, and the convo was ok.

TrainofThought
05-18-2008, 12:34 AM
Truth is, I probably would not want to date a man with very young children. And I'm not being hypocritical... Am I? Oh my... maybe I am.
Are these words going to come back to haunt me when I jump on this forum some time down the road and exclaim, "Hey guys, I met the greatest guy and I'm crazy about him. Oh... and he has three children under the age of five and they are just so adorable?" :Shrug:Everyone has preferences and expectations for their future, and if children arenít part of it, then so be it. There are things about all of us, personality and appearance, which isnít what others prefer. What's the point of wasting energies on being upset because you don't fit someone's likes.

Don Allen
05-18-2008, 01:41 AM
I thought that's what the government is for.


Now now, we're not bashing single moms. We're just teasing them a little. :)

That's a great place to hang out. I know the guy who started that place. He's very suave and has a way with ladies, so watch out! ;)


Tacky Silver, very tacky.......

Don Allen
05-18-2008, 01:48 AM
Hey J, you kno what's kind of funny? I'm 20 years older than you, and I get more "come on's" from 20 year old single girls than you would think possible since I'm fairly ugly and saggy in most places, but, What they tell me is that that want a guy who has something more on his mind than getting off and getting away. Little do they know...(insert evil laugh here) any way I have the most trouble finding someone my own age who isn't jaded to the point of insanity, not that it matters because I think I mentioned in another thread that I ended Up marrying the 27 year old, it's just weird....

Silver King
05-18-2008, 01:48 AM
Tacky Silver, very tacky.......
I know; but I can't hit all cylinders in every post...though I try. :)

maestrowork
05-18-2008, 02:08 AM
I think everyone carries baggage. Whether it's a single mom or just a single, they have history and I try not to think about that when I meet someone new. Sooner or later, of course, things will come up especially things such as kids or divorce, etc. But again, I don't really make a big deal of it. I happen to love kids so it actually does not bug me... I may even welcome it (sort of have the Ashton Kutcher/Demi Moore thing going on...) But one thing is scary -- if they have teenagers! And it's not uncommon. Some of my friends already have college-age kids. That I kind of draw the line. I think it's one thing if they have a couple of five-year-olds, but not 14yos or 16yos!

That said, I would jump at a chance with this woman I know -- if she ever decided to leave her husband! She had two teenagers and 2 younger children. I don't care. She's the one for me. * SIGH *

SPMiller
05-18-2008, 02:17 AM
Hell, I'm three years younger than Jcomp and I'm already having this problem. I'll date single mothers, but I make it perfectly clear that I currently have no intention of raising children, whether mine or anyone else's. Someday, perhaps, but certainly not now. I think that's the best way of making sure that nobody's expectations are unreasonable.

CDarklock
05-18-2008, 02:18 AM
What they tell me is that that want a guy who has something more on his mind than getting off and getting away.

What they mean is that they want a guy with a job.

SPMiller
05-18-2008, 02:37 AM
What they mean is that they want a guy with a job.Whether or not they have one themselves.

Yeah, I said it. I'm sorry :(

Cranky
05-18-2008, 02:39 AM
No need to be sorry; there are women like that.

I AM a woman like that, lol! :D

donroc
05-18-2008, 02:44 AM
Back in the early 1960s after I moved to L.A. from San Francisco, I was advised not to worry if the woman had children. I was told to look at her wrists for attempted suicide scars, and to make sure no jealous ex-husband or boyfriend was stalking her.

Jcomp
05-18-2008, 03:39 AM
Back in the early 1960s after I moved to L.A. from San Francisco, I was advised not to worry if the woman had children. I was told to look at her wrists for attempted suicide scars, and to make sure no jealous ex-husband or boyfriend was stalking her.

You know, I've actually been very serious with a girl, God bless her, who has serious suicide scars on her wrist. We were an item for a minute, now that's my homey and I love her to pieces. It's just odd how things end up.


But one thing is scary -- if they have teenagers! And it's not uncommon. Some of my friends already have college-age kids. That I kind of draw the line. I think it's one thing if they have a couple of five-year-olds, but not 14yos or 16yos!

Yeah, I've been there, and that's it's own, different thing. A very distinct thing that I'm measurably less ready for. And yet, if she's that right, how can I resist. End of the day, I'm a sucker for love.

Toothpaste
05-18-2008, 04:11 AM
I'm actually pretty surprised at all the women you know at your age with kids. I'm the same age as you and I don't know of anyone in my social circle (and it's pretty wide) who does. Again I think it goes back to where you live, and the people you hang out with I suppose. But don't just assume you are "at that age".

As for the dealing with the kids thing, I think a lot of us can surprise even ourselves with what we are capable of dealing with and compromising about when we find someone we truly love. Life isn't exactly easy, and things aren't planned out in a straight line.

MsK
05-18-2008, 04:41 AM
As for the dealing with the kids thing, I think a lot of us can surprise even ourselves with what we are capable of dealing with and compromising about when we find someone we truly love. Life isn't exactly easy, and things aren't planned out in a straight line.

I read a nice quote today that adds even more postive flavor to what you said.
Notice that the stiffest tree is most easily cracked, while the bamboo or willow survives by bending with the wind.
Bruce Lee

TerzaRima
05-19-2008, 08:16 PM
I think that it does depend on geography. In the Midwest, people tend to start families a lot sooner.


There are certain things I personally find so repugnant, I am not going to progress beyond the "object" stage with anyone who displays them

Okay, this piqued my curiosity. I may regret asking, but what are the repugnant things?

maestrowork
05-20-2008, 05:31 AM
I've decided I'll only date 18yos.

SPMiller
05-20-2008, 05:34 AM
I've decided I'll only date 18yos.Eighteen year-olds?

maestrowork
05-20-2008, 05:36 AM
Ha Ha. Someone has a perverted mind.

dianeP
05-20-2008, 05:58 AM
I've been a step-mom for ten years and it's the hardest thing I've ever done. I still find it a very ambiguous role at times. The kids were 4 and 5 back then. I had never wanted kids and I had to think about it a long time... but, I loved him. So after four break-ups and make-ups, a lot of fights and misunderstandings, and a lot of dealing with the ex, we're still together.

But it's not easy. I think it's important you be honest with yourself. Don't get the kids involved if you really, really don't think you'll hang in there.

Carole
05-20-2008, 02:56 PM
When I met Mr. Vagabond, I was 28, getting divorced and had two little boys. Mr. Vagabond was 24. Lucky for me, he jumped in with both feet and we never looked back. He's a tough one, my hubby. He has dealt with the ex that just WON'T go away and teenage boys when he never really planned on kids for himself. For some odd reason, the ex still just won't go away even though he was married several years ago and the boys are almost 19 and 21. So I agree - it ain't for the faint of heart!

NeuroFizz
05-20-2008, 04:39 PM
Hey, J. The time to worry about age setting its arthritic wicket is when the women you're dating have grandchildren. But by then, if everything is working below the equator, you might as well just leave the cataracts alone--there is benefit in the permanent beer goggles (unless your memory is going flaccid).