Apparently I'm getting to that age...

Jcomp · May 16, 2008

...where I should expect every girl I meet to have at least one kid. Or so I was told by my homegirl yesterday, after I found out that the girl I met on Wednesday night has kids.

Between the girl from Wednesday night, the old flame who expressed interest again on Saturday night, and the girl I'm meeting up with tonight (Having a pretty decent week & change here), that's 3 that have a child or two.

Not that I'm averse to kids (ol' girl last night actually asked me "Are you anti-kid?" Hilarious.) but it has me wondering if my friend was right & I just need to sort of expect this to be the case. I'm twenty-eight & tend to favor ladies my age or older...

I dunno. Is it bad to be dreading this? I don't want to be that dude, and it's just dating right now anyway, so it's nothing critical at all. Still, is it wrong if the child vs. childless status factors in to who a person pursues?

Cranky · May 16, 2008

No, that's not wrong. Might limit your dating pool a bit, but so what?

And that's speaking as a former single mom, btw.

Seaclusion · May 16, 2008

A mothers first responsibility will always be to her children. Consider that your advantage. I think you already are using it to your advantage by having three dates this week. Figure every other weekend, you get to date someone else. Not bad to have a little variety. I know I'm going to get reamed for this but really, this is good for you. If you by chance find someone without children she will expect all of your time and attention. Fine if that's what you want, but this way you have options.

Richard

James81 · May 16, 2008

I tend to attract crazy bitches with a bunch of kids. So I understand what you are saying. lol

Minus whale just embrace it. Unless you want to date college girls.

Shadow_Ferret · May 16, 2008

I'm anti-kid. No way if I was single would I date a woman with children. I can't stand children and really only tolerate my own.

that was a joke, I love mine.

sometimes.

Jcomp · May 16, 2008

Seaclusion said:
A mothers first responsibility will always be to her children. Consider that your advantage. I think you already are using it to your advantage by having three dates this week. Figure every other weekend, you get to date someone else. Not bad to have a little variety. I know I'm going to get reamed for this but really, this is good for you. If you by chance find someone without children she will expect all of your time and attention. Fine if that's what you want, but this way you have options.

Richard

Hmmmm... you actually may have a point here...

Still though, there's always that "If it gets serious there's already a child in the picture" thing hovering.

Yeah, it's not that critical, just something I was thinking about. I wonder too if the geographical influences are that substantial. In San Antonio, not only might she have a kid, but he might be old enough to meet me at the door like "When're you gonna have my mom home, huh? 'Midnight?' Nah man, try ten o'clock."

I wonder how different it is depending on what part of country you live in.

And bronco, your post was funny! You can't delete funny! I'm lobbying that as a new rule for AW.

James81 · May 16, 2008

Jcomp said:
Hmmmm... you actually may have a point here...

Still though, there's always that "If it gets serious there's already a child in the picture" thing hovering.

Yeah, it's not that critical, just something I was thinking about. I wonder too if the geographical influences are that substantial. In San Antonio, not only might she have a kid, but he might be old enough to meet me at the door like "When're you gonna have my mom home, huh? 'Midnight?' Nah man, try ten o'clock."

I wonder how different it is depending on what part of country you live in.

Well I'm quite a bit North from you and it's the same here.

I think this just proves that single mama's are a dime a dozen.

KTC · May 16, 2008

My wife has kids. Every time we go out on a date we are both extremely aware of each other's baggage. Kids... can't live with them, can't bury them alive.

Little Red Barn · May 16, 2008

Hey Jcomp, from stats you can pretty much guess you're going to probably end up with a blended family.

Good luck!

Seaclusion · May 16, 2008

James81 said:
Well I'm quite a bit North from you and it's the same here.

I think this just proves that single mama's are a dime a dozen.

Oh, and I thought I was going to get raked over the coals

Richard

James81 · May 16, 2008

Seaclusion said:
Oh, and I thought I was going to get raked over the coals

Richard

No raking here man! Then again, I take pride in my slightly bitter, sexist, anti-feminist views.

CACTUSWENDY · May 16, 2008

I would think that the part to be concerned about would be the bio daddy. Some do not want the mommy of their kids to be dating anyone. You hear about it all the time here in Arizona. Just saying....

James81 · May 16, 2008

CACTUSWENDY said:
I would think that the part to be concerned about would be the bio daddy. Some do not want the mommy of their kids to be dating anyone. You hear about it all the time here in Arizona. Just saying....

Well, think about it. You have to be at least SORTA crazy to live in Arizone anyway. I mean, I can't imagine what life without grass would be like. It must be terribly depressing.

Seaclusion · May 16, 2008

James81 said:
Well, think about it. You have to be at least SORTA crazy to live in Arizone anyway. I mean, I can't imagine what life without grass would be like. It must be terribly depressing.

They have grass. It's smuggled across the border.

Richard

Jcomp · May 16, 2008

Yeah, there's potential baby-daddy drama to consider as well, but I really don't stress that too much at all. There're crazy ex-boyfriends, crazy ex-husbands too, sans kid. Crazy comes in many guises.

End of the day, I'm just not too crazy about daddin' it up just yet. (you see what I did there, with the "crazy." Heh? Heh?)

TerzaRima · May 16, 2008

If you do get serious with any of these people, you need to consider the whole notion of stepparenting--it's not a dealbreaker, but it's not for the faint of heart.

Honalo · May 16, 2008

Here! Here! Stepparenting is tough, especially when your style is totally opposite the way in which the stepchild was raised. Holy cow.
But enjoy life, have some flings and don't sweat it now

Karen Duvall · May 16, 2008

At 30, I was divorced with 3 little kids. Yeah, tell me about it. Luckily, I looked 20, had the body of a model, and guys were lining up to ask me out. Even when they knew about my kids! Which surprised me. So my children never got in the way of my dating life. It was a strange time, and yeah, all that ex-husband stuff is tough to deal with. Ask my now-husband.

Point is, if you love the woman with kids, you love the woman with kids. I had 2 marriage proposals that first year of "freedom," neither from my now-husband (to be fair, we hadn't met yet). We were together 5 years before we got married, and it, uh, was my idea. Heh.

Good luck!

Siddow · May 16, 2008

I think you have every right to set ground rules for dating, and if 'no kids' is one of them, so be it. Just you wait, though; you'll end like my husband who swore he'd never date anybody with kids (I had one when we met), and he'd never have kids of his own (we had three more together).

I had my own rule, too: no guys who'd been divorced less than a year. Hubby just squeaked by on that one, lol.

Siddow · May 16, 2008

Quick, where does this come from:

"Don't shoplift the booty from a single mother."

James81 · May 16, 2008

Siddow said:
I think you have every right to set ground rules for dating, and if 'no kids' is one of them, so be it. Just you wait, though; you'll end like my husband who swore he'd never date anybody with kids (I had one when we met), and he'd never have kids of his own (we had three more together).

I had my own rule, too: no guys who'd been divorced less than a year. Hubby just squeaked by on that one, lol.

I have amassed quite a few "rules" throughout the past year or so and I can't wait to meet the girl who will come along and make them all go away.

Jcomp · May 16, 2008

Karen Duvall said:
At 30, I was divorced with 3 little kids. Yeah, tell me about it. Luckily, I looked 20, had the body of a model, and guys were lining up to ask me out. Even when they knew about my kids! Which surprised me.

Man, hotness pretty much trumps damn near anything. Dudes do all kinds of stuff we've sworn never to do (and sometimes things we should know better than to do) for a girl who's pretty enough. Break bro-codes, spend all kinds of money, invoke the wrath of King Menelaus and the Spartan army (either Paris hadn't seen 300, or Helen was SUPER gorgeous).

So that shouldn't have been too surprising.

Point is, if you love the woman with kids, you love the woman with kids.

Word. It is what it is.

Seaclusion · May 16, 2008

I've broken quite a few rules the past year and boy have I had fun

Richard

Shadow_Ferret · May 16, 2008

Karen Duvall said:
Luckily, I looked 20, had the body of a model, and guys were lining up to ask me out.

Jcomp said:
Man, hotness pretty much trumps damn near anything.

Have to agree with this. Even hating kids gets pushed into the closet by hotness.

Karen Duvall · May 16, 2008

Shadow_Ferret said:
Have to agree with this. Even hating kids gets pushed into the closet by hotness.

Too funny, you guys. Well, that was a long time ago. And I tell you, I know my now-husband questioned his sanity on several occasions over his choice to be a step dad to three kids, all of whom were hell on wheels. But he was such a good sport! And he's the love of my life, now and forever. It was one of those things when the overused term soulmate really does apply. He wasn't the hottest guy by GQ standards -- wears glasses, kind of short, his teeth were messed up (they look terrific now) -- but he made me laugh. And he made me feel loved. And he was everything my ex was not and never would be. There's nothing... nothing... like true, honest-to-God love. I'm very blessed! :LilLove:

Apparently I'm getting to that age...

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