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View Full Version : My credibility with my five-year-old



Perks
05-12-2008, 05:05 AM
Well, let's be honest, my youngest daughter thinks I don't understand things. But one thing I know for sure - she doesn't think outside the box. Her zip code starts with a different number than that of 'The Box'.

My kids have really been loving the video game 'Rock Band'. It's interesting because the playlists are exposing them to some music I'm not sure they'd have heard otherwise. There are some mature themes, but mostly they are all disguised in grunge lyrics that don't make much sense anyway.

My five-year-old particularly likes, In Bloom, by Nirvana. So, at dinner tonight, I mentioned that Nirvana was very famous and Rianne wanted to know if she could go to their concert.

To my credit, she doesn't know about suicide. I talk a lot of shit, but I'm not crazy. But she, apparently, has her own thoughts on the rationale of it all. When I said that Cobain was dead, she goggled and wanted to know what had happened. I told her he'd shot himself. This made no sense to her. We have a gun. Her grandfather has guns. We've explained things pretty thoroughly to her. She didn't understand how this could happen. I said he put it to his head and pulled the trigger. "Why?" she asked. I said, "Because he was very sad. So sad it made him not want to be alive anymore."

And that was it. She looked at me as though I was the most gullible dimbulb around. She's five. She knows sad. And she knows what can and can't happen.

"Mama." She shook her head, exasperated with me. "He was trying to hit the person behind him."

Rolling Thunder
05-12-2008, 05:12 AM
She's right, ya know. He did marry Courtney...

Williebee
05-12-2008, 05:14 AM
:)
And another conspiracy theorist is born.

Thump
05-12-2008, 05:20 AM
LOL! Best explanation of suicide by gunshot ever! It makes so much sense! You should praise your daughter for her flawless use of logic :D

Danger Jane
05-12-2008, 05:20 AM
When I was five, I learned about suicide from the forensics shows that used to be on Discovery Channel late at night...

PattiTheWicked
05-12-2008, 05:30 AM
That's awesome. Clearly, we don't know what the heck we're talking about. You should have seen the look last night on my eight year old son's face, when he asked me how babies got into a mom, and I told him the truth.

He laughed so hard he nearly wet himself, and then said, "No, seriously, how do they get in there?"

I let his dad take it from there. Obviously I don't have a clue.

SPMiller
05-12-2008, 06:19 AM
That's awesome. Clearly, we don't know what the heck we're talking about. You should have seen the look last night on my eight year old son's face, when he asked me how babies got into a mom, and I told him the truth.

He laughed so hard he nearly wet himself, and then said, "No, seriously, how do they get in there?"

I let his dad take it from there. Obviously I don't have a clue.I remember my father's response to that question. Obviously I can't quote him verbatim, but it involved incisions into the scrotum and surgical removal of sperm from the testicles. He described it in much cruder terms and even added that things are much better than they were back in "the old days".

I immediately swore I would never have children. So far, so good :D

slcboston
05-12-2008, 06:27 AM
I'm always reminded of the Calvin & Hobbes strips where Calvin would ask his dad something, and his dad would come back with some fantastic, nonsense answer (such as there ALWAYS having been color photography, just that the world was B&W until the 1940's or so..)... which seemed to make sense to Calvin.

And I'll give you kudos - i think i would have bypassed the whole suicide thing and just said it was an "accident." :)

CDarklock
05-12-2008, 07:22 AM
I'm always reminded of the Calvin & Hobbes strips...

My favorite was "what causes wind". His dad responded "trees sneezing". Calvin asked "really?", and his dad said "no, but the truth is more complicated".

In the final panel, Calvin is walking through the wind with Hobbes and commenting "boy, the trees are really sneezing today".

In a collection I've got somewhere, Bill Watterson commented this strip with the single line: "Most ignorance is willful."

That's become my motto.

Williebee
05-12-2008, 07:44 AM
I'm ex-Navy. The first Father's Day I ever got to spend with my daughter, she was seven.

Father's Day at the Ft. Worth Zoo means lots of Dads with their young children. The zoo has a pair of amazing giant turtles. I read somewhere that those turtles mate for life. That year they were mating for the crowd.

All around us little boys and girls are asking their fathers "Daddy, what are the turtles doing?" And I'm hearing the most amazingly creative answers. "They're playing leap frog, son."; "They're dancing, honey."

I was fishing around for some potentially less lame answer for my daughter. Apparently mom had already had this conversation with her. She pointed and said, "Look, Daddy, I think the turtles are having sex."

Having nothing more creative to say, I said, "Yes, they are.", and we walked on.

Behind me I heard a half dozen little voices asking some form of "Daddy? What's sex?"

I'm pretty sure that, if looks could kill, I'd have been turtle food.

poetinahat
05-12-2008, 07:49 AM
Wow - now that's both creative and insightful.

This is People's Exhibit #2,473 in the State vs. Poet case, wherein I'm accused of becoming stupider with age.

I'm changing my plea to temporary insanity. Or maybe permanent stupidity.

Kerr
05-12-2008, 08:56 AM
You should have seen the look last night on my eight year old son's face, when he asked me how babies got into a mom, and I told him the truth.

He laughed so hard he nearly wet himself, and then said, "No, seriously, how do they get in there?"


My daughter was two while I was pregnant with our second. Her question was, "Where will the baby come out at?" My husband answered, "At the hospital." This worked. I guess she figured we didn't know either, but people there would know what to do.


The zoo has a pair of amazing giant turtles. I read somewhere that those turtles mate for life. That year they were mating for the crowd.

All around us little boys and girls are asking their fathers "Daddy, what are the turtles doing?" And I'm hearing the most amazingly creative answers. "They're playing leap frog, son."; "They're dancing, honey."

I was fishing around for some potentially less lame answer for my daughter. Apparently mom had already had this conversation with her. She pointed and said, "Look, Daddy, I think the turtles are having sex."


Love this! While moving south with her grandson, a friend of mine passed a farm yard where two pigs were mating. Her grandson asked what they were doing. Her answer was, "Making bacon."

CACTUSWENDY
05-12-2008, 09:33 AM
I love these...........

They would make some real cute flash stories.

lol

PattiTheWicked
05-12-2008, 04:31 PM
My biggest problem, I think, is that I've told my kids so many outrageous things that when I do tell them something that's true but weird, they just think I'm making it up. My oldest was like nine before she figured out chocolate milk doesn't come from brown cows, and the girltwin is convinced that the reasons buffalos have that hump is because that's where the wings grow.

It's no wonder the boyo figured I was yanking his chain about the whole sex thing. I mean, really, who would ever do such a ridiculous thing as that?