That was an oddly phrased subject, I know, but I'm in a rush. I'm on deadline tonight and yet this just can't seem to stay inside my head. I have to spill it out here, apparently.
Sarina looks nothing like me. She's so entirely different from what I imagined when I pictured what my child would look like. I mostly imagined my own baby pictures, I guess.
Sometimes I feel like I'm taking care of someone else's child. I look into her eyes and I see none of me. I see that we love each other a ton, and I think she's beautiful, but sometimes I think (irrationally) that I'm not going to understand her fully because she's not like me.
She looks a lot like her father, and I'm sure I'd be more pleased about that if I even vaguely liked him, but boy, did that go out the window.
Maybe I'm worried that she'll identify with him more because she looks like his child, not mine. Plus, she has his last name.
I just know that she means everything in the world to me and it feels so strange to have this area of disconnection. I kept thinking I'd get over this by now, but I still feel like I'm looking at someone else's (awesome, adorable) child.
Okay, hit me with smart stuff.
P.S. This is a good excuse for a new photo, no?
Sarina looks nothing like me. She's so entirely different from what I imagined when I pictured what my child would look like. I mostly imagined my own baby pictures, I guess.
Sometimes I feel like I'm taking care of someone else's child. I look into her eyes and I see none of me. I see that we love each other a ton, and I think she's beautiful, but sometimes I think (irrationally) that I'm not going to understand her fully because she's not like me.
She looks a lot like her father, and I'm sure I'd be more pleased about that if I even vaguely liked him, but boy, did that go out the window.
Maybe I'm worried that she'll identify with him more because she looks like his child, not mine. Plus, she has his last name.
I just know that she means everything in the world to me and it feels so strange to have this area of disconnection. I kept thinking I'd get over this by now, but I still feel like I'm looking at someone else's (awesome, adorable) child.
Okay, hit me with smart stuff.
P.S. This is a good excuse for a new photo, no?