I've never been to the beach. I'm scared of sharks. I don't like the feeling of sand on my feet.
And I'm supposed to write about manners at the beach.
Okay, grab a chair - the California beach-goer is going to tell you how it's done.
There really isn't a whole lot you can do WRONG at the beach that doesn't fall within the laws of obvious common sense... but there are a few nasty things that everyone hates.
Beach Rules:
- Don't run too close to other people. Your feet kick up sand, and the wind blows it onto them.
- Don't litter. (There's no better way to make tons of enemies than to let everyone see you littering wrappers and trash on the clean sand)
- Don't break glass bottles absolutely anywhere. (late-night BBQ people always manage to bring-and-break lots of glass beer bottles. Makes me sick.)
- Don't put rocks onto the sand. People step on them, and it hurts.
- Dolphins are fun.
- Don't worry about sharks (in California). Even if they're out there, they won't bother you 99.99999% of the time, unless you just waxed your surfboard with blood, or painted the bottom to look like a meatloaf sandwich.
- Don't boogey-board into people's heads. They do not count for bonus-points.
- Don't open gigantic submarine sandwiches in front of everyone else. People work up serious appetites at the beach, and 99% of them bring nothing more than Doritos and PB&J's.
- When it's very crowded, for crap's sake, don't launch whiffle balls and footballs (American football) to your friends halfway down the beach. I saw a group doing this on Labor Day (croooooowded), and they almost impaled people multiple times, and were yelled at twice. (they were numb-skulls of the supreme, most high order of the gods. I was one of several people who told them beforehand that they were going to nail somebody, and they just said (laughing), "Yeah,
they are," referring to the guys they were passing to.) Afterward, a committee came and gave them an award for Morons of the Year. After the ceremony, there was cake.