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SpookyWriter
05-04-2008, 11:59 PM
Uh, that's supposed to read "Police shoot man holding donut hostage." Maybe a nice mod can change the thread title?

By Richard N. Yahoo

American News and Bad Press (DOINK)

Baghdad, Iraq (ANP) – Police shoot man holding donut hostage

Dudley liked to hang out by the doughnut shop and wait for the local cops to come out carrying their prizes. To Dudley it was a game, of sorts.

“I would snatch one and start running. Sometimes I’ll get a block away before they catch up and throw me to the ground and start whooping on me. If I were lucky one of them nice officers would even give me an electrical charge for free. So, I get my exercise and a group massage for little or no money. After about ten minutes they’ll come to their senses and leave me flopping around on the asphalt. But hey, I guarantee you that my back don’t hurt no mores.”

That was until ten highly agitated officers shot Dudley after he refused to release his donut hostages.

Oh, I forgot to mention. It's important to hold the doughnut high over your head as you're running because they won't shoot you in the back if they know you've got a hostage.

I just didn't want to get shot. Figured they wouldn't shoot me if I was holding a hostage. Big mistake was holding a cream puff...err...jelly all over the street...and no cameras...

Let's sing now "Bad bozs bad bozs, wattcha go'n do! When they whip the doughnut from you!"

----

Another example: negotiating with people who take hostages. If you meet a terrorist's demands in order to save the hostages' lives, you send a message to that you will bend over for hostage takers to avoid risking lives, Which results in more hostage takers, and them getting bought off too, and so on. Whereas if you let that first batch of hostages die, prospective hostage-takers would be less inclined to take hostages, knowing it would lead nowhere.

So you see, suffering and health are interdependent. As traditional Christianity declines in the Western World, people forget this link; and so we become weaker and weaker and the quality of our lives gets worse and worse, until one day we find ourselves being taken hostage in a Dunkin' Donuts by a puppy with a machine gun.

---

A hostage situation that sent a SWAT team to a bank in southwest Detroit Wednesday afternoon has ended, according to police.

Chief Deputy James Tate, with the Detroit Police Department, said a special response team fired one shot on the suspect, killing him.

Police confirmed the man held several hostages at gunpoint at a Comerica bank branch, located at Fort and Military streets. The hostages were freed from the building, and no one appeared to be injured.

Police were called to the bank at about 4:15 p.m. for a robbery in progress, according to Tate. Police also believed the man had a chest strap of explosives and a high-powered rifle, but authorities have said there were no explosives found at the scene.

Police also said 10 people were found in the bank, but four of them ran out.
The six remaining individuals were all employees, police said.

Tate said police officers were not able to make contact with the robber. He said police learned the man robbed the bank, fired a gunshot, but was apparently not satisfied with the money he obtained, prompting the situation.

Detroit police and the Wayne County Sheriff's Department surrounded and blocked off the perimeter of the building.

An employee of the bank, identified only as Mary, who was not in the building at the time, said she was relieved to hear everyone inside escaped safely.

nerds
05-05-2008, 12:03 AM
don't shoot

http://pro.corbis.com/images/42-17282163.jpg?size=572&uid=%7B2AAA9825-B98F-4EA5-B5FF-75E6B4E0AD84%7D




Also don't shoot. I know cops loves their doughnuts but dadgummit anyway

http://cache.viewimages.com/xc/3239063.jpg?v=1&c=ViewImages&k=2&d=9724400E855F9263CDCCE122EE682AF5A55A1E4F32AD3138

Ol' Fashioned Girl
05-05-2008, 12:16 AM
Well... um... I could change the title of the post... but it didn't show up on the thread list... errrr... um...

SpookyWriter
05-05-2008, 12:20 AM
Well... um... I could change the title of the post... but it didn't show up on the thread list... errrr... um...Change the thread title, please and don't shoot me for asking. :D I'll give you a donut.

Williebee
05-05-2008, 12:39 AM
Wait? They have donut shops in Iraq?

They don't need us there anymore.

:)

Ol' Fashioned Girl
05-05-2008, 01:10 AM
Change the thread title, please and don't shoot me for asking. :D I'll give you a donut.

I love the chocolate covered ones - cream filled, please.

But I have to confess I didn't do it... I couldn't find the right place 'til dpaterso showed me where it was. :)

nerds
05-05-2008, 01:27 AM
Truth is, all doughnuts get shot. And their little shot-out guts get sold in waxy white bags with grease dots on them. And we . . . eat them.



http://www.istockphoto.com/file_thumbview_approve/935226/2/istockphoto_935226_donut_holes_in_bowl.jpg

akiwiguy
05-05-2008, 01:41 AM
Truth is, all doughnuts get shot. And their little shot-out guts get sold in waxy white bags with grease dots on them. And we . . . eat them.


If people took the trouble to visit a doughnut farm and see for themselves the inhumane treatment that goes on, they'd never eat them again.

jannawrites
05-05-2008, 01:49 AM
Oh, I forgot to mention. It's important to hold the doughnut high over your head as you're running because they won't shoot you in the back if they know you've got a hostage.


Funniest thing I've read all day!

SpookyWriter
05-05-2008, 02:19 AM
I love the chocolate covered ones - cream filled, please.

But I have to confess I didn't do it... I couldn't find the right place 'til dpaterso showed me where it was. :)Leave it to dpaterso to show you where to shoot donuts.

nerds
05-05-2008, 02:45 AM
If people took the trouble to visit a doughnut farm and see for themselves the inhumane treatment that goes on, they'd never eat them again.


This is true. There's a nascent group forming - PETD - People for the Ethical Treatment of Doughnuts. Trouble is, every time they go to defend their clients, people are eating said clients and grinning and stuff. (It is no coincidence that no matter which way you turn a doughnut, it smiles.) The camaraderie is irresistible. And so the PETDs break down and join them. There's laughing, joking about spare tires, stupid bank robbers and Paris Hilton, and coffee drinking. Soon there are no more doughnut clients left to defend.

KTC
05-05-2008, 02:49 AM
I thought for sure this was going to be a Canadian news story. I would do it at Tim Horton's, for sure!

SpookyWriter
05-05-2008, 06:12 AM
I thought for sure this was going to be a Canadian news story. I would do it at Tim Horton's, for sure!Mounties don't hold their donuts the same as american police.

Gravity
05-05-2008, 06:42 AM
Donuts rule. And even if both his hands are full, a real man can always find a place to hang one more donut...