Writers who are single

You're cute. Call me.

But serious, I don't really look for, least of all in my circle of friends or writing community. If I click with someone I may pursue a friendship or something. But I try to let things happen naturally. All of my relationships in the past happened naturally, so that fits me just fine.

There are more writers out there than you think--they just aren't vocalizing it, just like us.

I haven't really dated anyone in a while. I've had a few short romances. I've never dated another writer. Every guy I've dated has been a musician and I'm trying to steer away from rockers. And no, writing wouldn't just "do it" for me. I gotta have some physical contact other than myself!

IMO, this has a slightly different twist than the Office Party thread because Michelle explicitly expresses a desire to hook up with other writers.

I advise against office relationships. It's common advice for a reason, and my experience supports it. I think this applies to writers as well: if you want to maintain a professional relationship with your critters/workshoppers, you should avoid the drama of sexual relationships.

I do recommend that you be happy with who you are and where you are in life. If you aren't, any relationship is doomed to fail.

And there are plenty of single writer dudes out there, by the way. I'm one.

My partner is a writer and my best beta and has been for many years. Stephen and Tabitha King have been together a long time, too. You can make it work.

I guess I'm on the opposite end of the spectrum. I cannot imagine being married to another writer. I would hate it! I am married to my total opposite, a soft-spoken computer programmer who can barely write well enough to be understood (although he is brilliant at programming). I really like it that way; we balance each other out. He is very supportive of my writing, even tho' he's pretty much worthless as a beta reader. But I have friends who write, a writers' group, and this forum to take care of that.

Think long and hard about whether you really do want to link up with a writer or whether yin/yang would be a better match.

Oh no, I feel the same way. I don't want to date another writer. Id feel like we'd always be evaluating each other in terms of who is better. At least I would. I did date a guy who wrote a story and it was really bad, and I knew I was a better writer than him. I'd hate to feel that way about a husband.

mirrorkisses said:

Oh no, I feel the same way. I don't want to date another writer. Id feel like we'd always be evaluating each other in terms of who is better. At least I would. I did date a guy who wrote a story and it was really bad, and I knew I was a better writer than him. I'd hate to feel that way about a husband.

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And how would you have felt, had he been better than you?

You ARE cute, Michelle. LOL.

So cute, you're probably intimidating. Is there a college near you that has a writing program? Either join one of their groups or hang at the closest coffee shop to campus and watch for a young man who is yelling at his laptop screen or scowling at his moleskin. Spill coffee on him. Clutzy women are not nearly as intimidating.

I don't know if I could be partnered with another writer. In one sense, it sounds romantic; long weekends spent in our undies, only coming away from our writing for a shared meal or lovemaking and having BOTH of us be okay with that. But I'm kinda happy with the way things are now...being married to someone with a successful sales career who shovels money into my bank account.

SPMiller said:

And how would you have felt, had he been better than you?

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Exactly the reason why I would not like to date a writer! I'd feel lousy if my boyfriend or husband could get published and I was still trying to get an agent!

Polenth said:

I met my boyfriend when I wasn't looking for one, through online gaming. I was happy being single and I'm happy being un-single.

As a comment, you might want to open up your criteria a bit. Shared hobbies are nice, but insisting on a certain shared hobby could mean you discount people who'd be great for you. A person doesn't have to be a writer to support your writing. My boyfriend wrote fiction when I met him, but I didn't. Not dating me over that would have been silly. It looks even more silly now, as I took up fiction writing a few years later.

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My brother only wants to date an artist because he's one. I think it's silly for him to limit himself because you can have other interests and still get along with people.

michelle25 said:

Writing is so important to me that sometimes I think I either don’t need love or that I’ll magically find love through it (writing). However, sometimes I miss love and think maybe I won’t find it through my calling in life. I don’t know. <snip> Do you consciously look for romantic prospects or do you just go about your routine not caring and thinking if it happens, it happens? How important is it to you to have someone? If it is important, why? After all, having a passion like writing should be enough, shouldn’t it? Or shouldn’t it? It makes me think about the reasons for doing things in life and what we think we’ll get from doing them – somehow, work and love have always been closely mixed together for me. Your thoughts?

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I feel almost exactly the same way. Between writing and the fact my other job is done from home via the internet, I certainly don't have opportunities to meet very many people. Writing is extremely important to me, and really my characters have ended up being my friends. Of course I want the sort of relationship I write about, but I don't go out and try to find someone. I don't believe looking for love makes a difference. I met hundreds of people working in real estate, and never went on a single date with any of them. The two real relationships I've had didn't come through work. One was my then best friend's ex-boyfriend, and the other I met randomly while I was out one day by commenting on how much I liked his T-shirt (we had the same favorite band). I believe that if two people have true chemistry, it will be undeniable. You'll see each other in a parking lot or across the room, and just be drawn together like magnets (this is totally how it was with my second relationship).

To me, if it happens then it happens. If not, I really am quite comfortable being alone. I'm certainly not going to waste time dating people I don't have that instant magnetic attraction with.

I would date another writer if we had that sort of chemistry, but a guy's profession is pretty irrelevant to me (I think it would be unlikely I would be attracted to another writer simply because I've always liked outgoing guys, and writers tend to be introverted). Both of my ex-boyfriends wrote a lot of poetry, though. *shrug* They would have to be capable of beta reading, though. (I couldn't be with someone who had no appreciation for the written word, or no interest in my writing)

mirrorkisses said:

Exactly the reason why I would not like to date a writer! I'd feel lousy if my boyfriend or husband could get published and I was still trying to get an agent!

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Hmm. The most satisfying relationship I've had so far in my life was with a woman who was unquestionably more intelligent than me in almost every way. As both of us were defined at that time in our lives by our academic pursuits, she was clearly superior. Yet I didn't feel any anger or jealousy. I was, for some reason, merely happy for her.

Just something to consider.

Hope To The Horizon said:

I would have to be capable of beta reading, though. (I couldn't be with someone who had no appreciation for the written word, or no interest in my writing)

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It's not always a lack of appreciation or interest that makes a partner an unsuitable beta reader. My husband is as supportive of my writing as he could possibly be. He enjoys my articles and is endlessly fascinated that something he is practically incapable of comes so easily to me. It's just that he doesn't have the knowledge/skill to give me any value by beta reading. Sometimes I read articles out loud to him, but that's more of a help to ME (helps me catch typos etc.). He gladly reads things if I ask him but just can't give much in the way of useful feedback.

I was one of those people who had no intention whatsoever of getting married. I made that clear when we started dating, but when I realized that he cooks, vaccums, does laundry, and cleans cat puke I knew he was the one for me! Much more important attributes than writing skill, hee hee.

SPMiller said:

Hmm. The most satisfying relationship I've had so far in my life was with a woman who was unquestionably more intelligent than me in almost every way. As both of us were defined at that time in our lives by our academic pursuits, she was clearly superior. Yet I didn't feel any anger or jealousy. I was, for some reason, merely happy for her.

Just something to consider.

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I'm not talking about being more intelligent than another person, I'm meaning excelling in a skill that you both put a lot of time into.

my spouse once tried to help me type up some notes, but i don't write, i scrawl. since then, she'll only read neatly typed pieces, and even then she doesn't read them fast enough. i have to remind myself that she never devours an entire book in a single day, why should mine be any different? so, IMHO, i am much more supportive of her creative pursuits...but then i married a baker. her creativity is much tastier than mine. and she's much more pleasant to be around then the writers and artists i had previously limited myself to.

Michelle-

It's not that you're a writer.
It's that you're a writer in Riverview, Florida.

SPMiller said:

I advise against office relationships. It's common advice for a reason, and my experience supports it. I think this applies to writers as well: if you want to maintain a professional relationship with your critters/workshoppers, you should avoid the drama of sexual relationships.

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I'm not sure if I necessarily agree. I knew at least four couples who worked at the same company/division who met at the office. All four are still married now. So it could work. It does pose some challenges but I think many people can separate their professional and personal lives.

My partner is a writer, too, but we write very different things, and we also read a lot. It hasn't particularly affected our relationship since we knew this about each other when we became friends, and then started a relationship. She's one of my first readers, and we tend to use each other as sounding boards. It definitely works out when I have a POV or plot point to figure out, and I know she's not going to act weird when I ask her to discuss it with me.

Neither of us worry about who is the better writer because our styles are very different, as are our strengths and weaknesses. I imagine if either of is start being successful with our writing, we'd make a bigger deal about it than our families!

I'm not single and my husband is an engineer, not creative or writerly at all. Strangely, we manage to have quite a bit in common and I consider him, if not my "soulmate" (whatever that is), at the very least my best friend.

Surely writing is not your ONLY interest? How about joining a health club, volunteering, taking a class in something that interests you like photography or wine tasting? Just get out there with intention of learning and doing (gathering material for your writing, if you will) and you'll meet someone when you least expect it.

I'm happy being single. I'm also 23, so I still feel like that can come later in life. I want to focus on my writing right now, and then I think when I'm settled in my own place, and hopefully further along in my writing, I might try to meet someone or do a dating service or something. I don't really care if he's a writer. I love writing, but I have plenty of writer friends to discuss the woes of writing with and it would be fine if he was, say, a mathemetician or a painter or a pro. video gamer or a doctor of feet =D because all day we would work in our own fields, and in the evening we could pool together and share our marriage.

I don't know about all that bullshit you just said, but, looking at your profile, you have fantastic tastes in both authors and books.

I'm 28 and single, always have been. It does bother me at times but recently I've figured that's more about what other people expect than what I actually want. I've had a lot of people at work asking if I've got hooked up yet and always giving that kind of 'look' if I say no, and that sort of 'I should be with someone else' made me want company more than actually wanting it, if you see what I mean. When I stop being silly and sit back to look at things, I'm perfectly happy at the moment just plodding away at my WIPs, at my law degree and doing the best job I can at work.

I'm not sure about dating another writer but I do like the idea of dating someone who had at least similar interests, an artist or something like that, but then again I don't see the point in planning this sort of issue anyway. I mean, if I meet the most fantastic guy, great sense of humour, looks like Jason Isaacs' twin, who for some unknown reason actually finds me attractive too, then I'm hardly going to dump him just because I find out he writes

I am single, and my ex-wife hardly ever read anything. I'd love to be in a relationship where she reads a lot, and heck, if she was a writer, that would be even better. I don't care if she writes better, and/or makes more $ than I do.

she just better not steal my ideas! (oh, and I handle the remote too.)

and I cook. She can stay out of my kitchen thank you very much.