The fine art of 'showing'...

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The Mad Geek

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I'm really loving this site! There are a lot of really good writers on this site, so I'll use that to my advantage-- Please tell me, fine writers, how do I really captivate readers by 'showing' (not 'telling'). I've been trying hard to master this art but all my work in SYW keeps getting the same critique: that I 'tell' too much instead of showing. Please give me your own personal tips on how you make sure you are showing not telling when you write, because sometimes I just don't get it! Thank you.
:Shrug:
 

megan_d

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If you tell the reader something that they can not interpret their own way, it's telling. For example:

Jane was angry. vs. Jane clenched her jaw.

With the former the reader doesn't get to think. They're told Jane is angry and that's that. In the latter the reader has to determine for themselves that Jane is angry.

Another example:

You're so vain. vs. You had one eye in the mirror as you watched yourself gavotte.

You see?
 

dpaterso

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I dunno, everyone's different, maybe it means include more visuals, paint more details, involve the reader with any emotional goings-on, so interest levels are cranked up instead of feeling flat? Ask 100 writers and they'll probably give you 100 different definitions.

Recent threads in Basic Writing Questions forum, if you haven't already seen them:

show don't tell
http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=100133

Show not tell, It's so frustrating!!!!
http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=95663

-Derek
 

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WittyandorIronic

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Great examples so far, all of them. IMHO, telling also lends itself to info dumps, which is a double whammy.

ETA: Great links. All the conversation on this topic is extremely helpful.
 
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Smiling Ted

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I'm really loving this site! There are a lot of really good writers on this site, so I'll use that to my advantage-- Please tell me, fine writers, how do I really captivate readers by 'showing' (not 'telling'). I've been trying hard to master this art but all my work in SYW keeps getting the same critique: that I 'tell' too much instead of showing. Please give me your own personal tips on how you make sure you are showing not telling when you write, because sometimes I just don't get it! Thank you.
:Shrug:

Here's a general exercise I used to use with screenwriters:

1. Read your passage.
2. Ask yourself Is there anything in this passage that I can't film with a camera, or record with a microphone?
3. If the answer is "yes," get rid of it. Find some way to convey the information visually or aurally.

Obviously, this won't work completely for a novel or short story...nor would you want it to. But as a corrective to the "show vs. tell" problem, a couple of passes with that question in mind can be a big help.
 

wrinkles

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It helps me to think of the actual words being used. If the reader "sees" the story going on in his mind, he's being shown the story. If he is watching a show in his mind, he's being shown the story. If all the reader can "see" is a narrator on stage telling a story, the reader is being told the story. Telling would be easiest for the writer, but which would be more interesting to the reader?

And how do you show a story? By putting characters in a setting on the page, which is the stage in the reader's mind, and letting them interact with each other and with the setting until they complete a scene. Then change the setting and the cast of characters and show another scene. Do this about 20 to 25 times. Show interaction through dialogue and action. If you do that, the reader will have some work to do to figure out what's going on inside the characters. That's more difficult, but more rewarding for the writer and the reader.

Not to say that a few soliloquies by some of the characters aren't allowed. Some writers might even use an omniscient voice to provide a little clarifying narration. But use both sparingly, and never tell the reader too much. That spoils the fun.

That's the way I look at it anyway.
 

Maryn

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Mad Geek, I second the suggestion that you follow the threads already linked in this thread by Derek (dpaterso). There's some good stuff there, with many examples.

Don't forget that you can always post a few paragraphs or pages of your own work in the appropriate Share Your Work forum for your genre, tell would-be critics that the only feedback you seek at this moment is how to make them show rather than tell, and see what changes people make to do that.

Anyway, fear not. It's a learned skill, and this place is swarming with people who can teach you.

Maryn, glad to help if she can
 

Maryn

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Here's a general exercise I used to use with screenwriters:

1. Read your passage.
2. Ask yourself Is there anything in this passage that I can't film with a camera, or record with a microphone?
3. If the answer is "yes," get rid of it. Find some way to convey the information visually or aurally.

Obviously, this won't work completely for a novel or short story...nor would you want it to. But as a corrective to the "show vs. tell" problem, a couple of passes with that question in mind can be a big help.
Ted, I'm not sure I agree. While this exercise would be extremely valuable to screenwriters in learning what can be in an action line, there's plenty in a "tell" paragraph that can be recorded with camera and mic.

Consider this telling:
James looked at the party invitation again. It said "8:00 - 11:00." His watch read 11:30. He looked at the VCR's digital time. It matched his watch. He tapped his foot, then strode into the kitchen for a glass of water. James looked at the microwave clock, which read 11:31.

Couldn't all of that be shown and heard on film? And yet, it tells rather than shows, right?

Contrast with this showing:
James didn't need to pick up the party invitation to see "8:00 - 11:00" clearly, not after three previous double-checks. Maybe his watch was fast, with the new battery? He checked it against the VCR's digital time. 11:30 on both. Where could Emma be? Probably Jerry and Ann were carpooling the kids home, and Em was among the last, but still. Unable to stop his foot's impatient tapping, James strode into the kitchen for a glass of water he didn't want, the excuse for a peek at the microwave clock. 11:31.

As I see it, the difference isn't what can be seen and heard but the firm placement inside the POV character's head, including thoughts, feelings, and things he knows.

Maryn, disagreeing as pleasantly as possible :Shrug:
 

maestrowork

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The "camera" view is one way to do show -- after all, you can only show on film. So that's a good start. But that's limited. Like Maryn said, the beauty of a novel is that you can get inside the character's mind. There are five senses, and only sight and sound could be shown through a "camera." So if you only follow the camera view, you are neglecting the other senses: smell, taste, touch. And last but not least: thoughts.

Focus on the actual senses and "facts" and less on the judgment and interpretation and summary, and you're on your way to mastering show vs. tell.
 

Susan Lanigan

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I know I'm going to have to go over draft 1 of my novel with Stalinist brutality to get rid of all the long flashbacks starting with "He remembered when..." or "he thought of x..."

Half the book, in other words :)
 

Smiling Ted

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Ted, I'm not sure I agree. While this exercise would be extremely valuable to screenwriters in learning what can be in an action line, there's plenty in a "tell" paragraph that can be recorded with camera and mic.

Consider this telling:
James looked at the party invitation again. It said "8:00 - 11:00." His watch read 11:30. He looked at the VCR's digital time. It matched his watch. He tapped his foot, then strode into the kitchen for a glass of water. James looked at the microwave clock, which read 11:31.

Couldn't all of that be shown and heard on film? And yet, it tells rather than shows, right?

Contrast with this showing:
James didn't need to pick up the party invitation to see "8:00 - 11:00" clearly, not after three previous double-checks. Maybe his watch was fast, with the new battery? He checked it against the VCR's digital time. 11:30 on both. Where could Emma be? Probably Jerry and Ann were carpooling the kids home, and Em was among the last, but still. Unable to stop his foot's impatient tapping, James strode into the kitchen for a glass of water he didn't want, the excuse for a peek at the microwave clock. 11:31.

As I see it, the difference isn't what can be seen and heard but the firm placement inside the POV character's head, including thoughts, feelings, and things he knows.

Maryn, disagreeing as pleasantly as possible :Shrug:

Hi, Maryn. You don't have to disagree pleasantly; feel free to be unpleasant, I won't be offended.

However, you're wrong. (See? That wasn't so bad.:)) The first example may be clunky and repetitive (i.e. bad), but it is showing, not telling. The second example is more fluid and narratively useful (i.e. good), but you certainly are telling - you are telling us what James is thinking and feeling.

"Showing" isn't a synonym for "good," and "telling" isn't a synonym for "bad." And there will be a certain amount of "tell" in every work. The trick is achieving the right balance.
 
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dpaterso

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I kinda liked the "camera view" suggestion -- while it's got an unmistakable screenwriting vibe about it, this approach has got to be helpful for a writer who's asking how to improve his show vs. tell balance. It's a push towards "think visually" so the reader experiences the ride, rather than a more remote and uninvolving description of events.

Or something like that.

-Derek
 

Exir

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I have a question about show vs tell - does telling the thoughts of the main character count as telling, or is it showing - because thoughts could be thought of as the additional "sense" in novels, right?
 

dpaterso

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Just my opinion of course, it all depends on how interesting the thoughts are and how they're delivered!

If you're writing in 3rd person limited or 1st person, in theory the entire text is the POV character's thoughts. :Wha:

-Derek
 

VGrossack

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Characters' thoughts could be either show or tell, depending on your technique. If you write:

"He watched her entering the room. He wondered if he should speak to her" - the thought part is in tell-mode

If you write:

"He watched her entering the room. Should he speak to her?" - the thought part is in show-mode. There is a presence to show-mode that we don't get in tell-mode. And I don't think it has to be external, from the camera's pov, but you have to put yourself - and the reader - there.

For more on how to display characters' thoughts, please go here

http://www.coffeehouseforwriters.com/fictionfix/0608 Grossack.html

I think it's the most popular column I've written on writing.
 

JimmyB27

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I kinda liked the "camera view" suggestion -- while it's got an unmistakable screenwriting vibe about it, this approach has got to be helpful for a writer who's asking how to improve his show vs. tell balance. It's a push towards "think visually" so the reader experiences the ride, rather than a more remote and uninvolving description of events.

Or something like that.

-Derek
I almost agree. The problem I see with it is that it restricts you to only two out of five senses. You can't put smells or tastes onto film.
 

Mr Flibble

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I almost agree. The problem I see with it is that it restricts you to only two out of five senses. You can't put smells or tastes onto film.

hmm no, but you can see the reaction to a good or awful taste / smell, or to the touch of something.
 

KTC

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You can't put smells or tastes onto film.

What? You've never heard of scratch and sniff cinema?



To the OP... I don't think SHOWING is a fine art. Don't editorialize...
 

SPMiller

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The way I see it, if you think of everything is filmed, then your novel will lose some of the most poignant bits of sequel. In literature, you can really get into a character's head and see how they're dealing with events as they're happening. Not so in film, at least not to the same degree.

And it's sequel, in my opinion, where characters are really developed.
 

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The way I see it, if you think of everything is filmed, then your novel will lose some of the most poignant bits of sequel. In literature, you can really get into a character's head and see how they're dealing with events as they're happening. Not so in film, at least not to the same degree.

And it's sequel, in my opinion, where characters are really developed.
Why would you want to see the sequel if the characters weren't developed in the first one?

:tongue
 

She_wulf

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Hi,

I'm stepping in late with an observation. (the following is opinion)

passages like:
James looked at the party invitation again. It said "8:00 - 11:00." His watch read 11:30. He looked at the VCR's digital time. It matched his watch. He tapped his foot, then strode into the kitchen for a glass of water. James looked at the microwave clock, which read 11:31.
...
James didn't need to pick up the party invitation to see "8:00 - 11:00" clearly, not after three previous double-checks. Maybe his watch was fast, with the new battery? He checked it against the VCR's digital time. 11:30 on both. Where could Emma be? Probably Jerry and Ann were carpooling the kids home, and Em was among the last, but still. Unable to stop his foot's impatient tapping, James strode into the kitchen for a glass of water he didn't want, the excuse for a peek at the microwave clock. 11:31.
Still smack my inner reader's meter as telling. Why? Because they are simply relating events.

Here's a new angle to consider:
James had everything ready to go. It had been ready for three hours and twenty-nine minutes. Make that an even thirty as the digital clock on the VCR changed. Where was Emma? He tired to make excuses, the carpool, traffic... She didn't call and it wasn't like habitually on time live by the clock Emma to be anything less than punctual. So what was the hold up?

He got a glass of water that tasted bitter and didn't sit well. Was it the argument they had? Maybe this was her way of getting back at him by avoiding the black tie dinner that started three and a half hours ago?

Or... something far worse. Was she unable to come because Jerry or Ann had spun out of control and now Emma was sandwiched between broken glass and metal? The glass slipped a little in his hand spilling water onto his fingers.

What if she was dead? The digital clock on the microwave ticked over to eleven thirty-one.

How's that?

What I changed here was the focus of the piece. By shifting from relating events to piecing the puzzle together with emotions possibly changed the paragraphs from telling to showing.

One good suggestion I read in a couple of writing books was to focus on the scene question, build suspense by using it as the foundation for your chapter, then introducing another "dilemma" or "question" that would need solving in the next chapter. This doesn't mean that every chapter is a self-contained mystery, but what it does do is focus on the real reason you are relating items between point A and point D. B and C become clues or bread crumbs to follow rather than a road map.

Just my two cents.

Amy
 
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maestrowork

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hmm no, but you can see the reaction to a good or awful taste / smell, or to the touch of something.

Yes, but that's filtered. You're relying on the audience's experiences/cognitive skills to recognized those senses through the actors' reactions, but they're not direct. But direct show would trigger the readers memories or visceral reactions directly -- and that's the good kind of show, to put the readers right there.
 
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