Please help! Present tense versus Past tense?

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Danalynn

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Okay, one of the biggest problems in my writing is slipping briefly from Past tense into Present tense and back.

:poke:

I have this one paragraph that I've struggled with all along, and I STILL can't figure out which way is better to write this thing.


Here is my problem paragraph: (I'll put the paragraph that comes before it too, just to give it some context)

I wasn’t surprised to see Flory. She and Uncle Thomas dated some before; but they were seeing a lot of each other since I’d been living with him. I suspected they were getting serious too . . . they were together nearly all of their free time lately.

* But Flory's neat, so I don't mind. I like her because she doesn't remind me one bit of my mom. I try not to think about my mom, it hurts too bad. And Flory's personality isn't anything like Mom's. Maybe that's why I get along with her so well.

versus

* But Flory's neat, so I didn’t mind. I liked her because she didn’t remind me one bit of my mom. I tried not to think about my mom, it hurt way too bad. And Flory’s personality isn’t anything like Mom’s, maybe that was why I got along with her so well.


Is that first * paragraph Present tense???? For some reason, I LIKE the way IT is worded better than the other way. . . .
Is this simply a matter of putting an ,I thought, in that paragraph or something, so I could keep it worded that way?

PLEASE help! Any thoughts on this????

:D
 

Siddow

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Don't stick an "I thought" in there. It's first person; isn't the thinker already implied?

I'd go with the second example; I don't think you lose anything, but I would get rid of the 'way' you picked up. :D

But again, it depends; are you going into present tense often? Then think about doing the whole thing that way.
 

Danalynn

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I thought the thought was implied for first person . . . isn't all narration done in first person the MC thinking things?!

But my Beta Reader said that I should put an , I thought, in there, to clarify the thought so it can be present tense when she's thinking.

Okay, that didn't come out very well and probably didn't make any sense.


And no, I don't use present tense real often. Just scattered here or there every now and then throughout my novel. I've fixed nearly all of my present tense sentences (I hope), but THIS one paragraph in particular has me stumped.

:cry:
 

dawinsor

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"* But Flory's neat, so I didn’t mind. I liked her because she didn’t remind me one bit of my mom. I tried not to think about my mom, it hurt way too bad. And Flory’s personality isn’t anything like Mom’s, maybe that was why I got along with her so well."

Some of this is still in present tense. You need "Flory was" and "Flory's personality wasn't" if you want it consistently in past.
 

Danalynn

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And as dawinsor mentioned, expanding the contractions and changing 'isn't' to 'wasn't' puts everything firmly in past tense and makes the paragraph read a lot better.
THAT'S what I thought! I had the wasn't in: Flory's personality wasn't anything like my mom's, and someone in the YA SYW section told me I should change it to isn't, 'cause it sounded like Flory lost her personality and doesn't have it anymore with wasn't in there. LOL!

ANOTHER reason why this paragraph has had me stumped. . . .
:roll:

Anyway, I think I have a much better grasp on HOW to word it now, thanks to all of your great help, and I'm definately going with the past tense version.

~ THANK YOU! ~
 

nybx4life

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Umm......wow.
I've been stumped with past vs. present tense problems as well.
Mind if I post a few paragraphs and see what the problem might be?

Though you could always look at my work in the SYW forums...
 

Danalynn

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Nope. Don't mind a bit. . . .
:D
Post away! Maybe whatever pointers you get will help ME (and others) out too. hehe

;)
 

nybx4life

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This work is in the SYW section, subsection Sci-Fi/Fantasy

If you want to read it, it's posted there.
 
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Siddow

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You really should put whole chapters in SYW, where the googlebots can't find it. May I suggest editing above to delete the text and replace it with a link to your post in SYW?
 

BrynnaC

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Hey, I've been reading these post and this is what I think. Yes, it is in 1st person, but it also seems like you are telling a memory of an event. Like for example. you remember a dance at school, Past, but your memory is first person almost like your removed from it yet still there. I thought that through the whole story, and I still think its great. stop second guessing yourself.

CYA!
 

slcboston

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I think in first person, in general, it's a lot easier to slip back and forth between tenses. Speaking for myself, when I start writing in first person I have a tendency to start thinking in present tense... and have to watch what I write.

When speaking, I stick firmly in the third person at all times. :)

... Which might explain why so few people talk to me. :D
 

Danalynn

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LOL! I think you're right.
:)
Thanks, BrynnaC.

:Sun:
 

Voyager

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Okay, just my dos centavos, but this is what I see. I don't think the second part is your problem at all. In the first part, you slip in a past perfect, which is fine but it's not in the right place, you have several instances of 'to be' and you have an unnecessary adj. in there at the end.

I wasn’t surprised to see FlorySeeing Flory there didn't surprise me. She and Uncle Thomas dated some before; but they were seeing a lot of each other since I’d been living with him. I suspected they were getting serious too . . . they were together nearly all of their free time lately.

Changing it to read, "Seeing Flory there didn't surprise me. She and Uncle Thomas had dated before and they were seeing even more of each other since I moved in with him." (remove the lately) I suspected they were getting serious too...they spent nearly all of their free time together."

These changes might make the second part of the paragraph flow better. As I said, just my dos centavos.

* But Flory's neat, so I don'tdidn't mind. I like her because she doesn't remind me one bit of my mom. I try not to think about my mom, it hurts too bad. And Flory's personality isn't anything like Mom's. Maybe that's why I get along with her so well.

It's okay to speak of Flory in the present tense if she's not dead, but when you're speaking of how you felt then, use the past tense.

ETA: There are just too many 'to be' verbs in there :D
 
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Danalynn

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WOW! I see what you mean!

Thanks for the help, Voyager!

:e2flowers







I'm looking for another Beta Reader, would you be interested in taking a look at my whole novel for me?
:roll:
(It's 17 chapters and approx. 40K words)
I think I could use your kind of guidance. . . .

:Sun:
 

Voyager

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I think it is acceptable either way. And yes, I would assume that if Aunt Flory was dead, one would speak of her in past tense.
 

Danalynn

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I know, I'm still a bit confused, too, about WHICH way I should write this.
:roll:

Okay, to clarify: Aunt Flory ISN'T dead, but Mom IS dead. . . .


So if Flory's still alive, but Mom isn't, would it be: Flory's personality isn't anything like my mom's.

Or would it be: Flory's personality wasn't anything like my mom's.


I have heard SO many different ways that this should be written now (both here and in the SYW), that I STILL don't know which one to use.
:Shrug:






:ROFL:
 

Voyager

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This shit is driving me nuts. Just change the whole thing so that you’re not jumping from one tense to another.

It didn’t surprise me to see Flory. She and Uncle Thomas had dated some before I came to live with him and since my arrival, they’d been seeing even more of each other, which made me suspect that things were getting pretty serious between them. That was fine with me; I’ve always thought Flory was a neat person. I liked her from the first time I met her, so sweet, yet so unlike my mom. Thinking about my mom has always hurt so bad, but nothing about Flory’s personality reminded me of her. Maybe that’s why we've always gotten a long so well.


I dunno, another version from Voyager the Obsessed.
 

nybx4life

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Tenses just sneak up on you....

I wrote my second chapter and put it in SYW, and I was practically SURE that there weren't any tense issures.

WRONG.
Just be careful with the tenses man. I'm trying to change my style so I edit more often, but it's hard.
Just go with whatever feels right. You ARE the writer. Final call is always yours.
 
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