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View Full Version : So... but... The Sequel



Dale Emery
04-21-2008, 11:53 AM
Looks as if the original so/but thread is waning. Time to start another.

The rules are here:
http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2170998&postcount=1

Somebody kick us off...

RebelGoddess
04-21-2008, 01:33 PM
I'll start!

Jeffery longed for a bottle of water to quench his thirst

Racheal

HeronW
04-21-2008, 03:41 PM
but he had nothing in the fridge except for OldRotgut '19.

rosebud1981
04-21-2008, 04:42 PM
So he decided to drink from the toilet bowl.

Woof
04-21-2008, 05:08 PM
But in the middle of lapping up the water, he detected an unpleasant taste and then realized to his horror and disgust that he had forgotten to flush the toilet.

Mr Flibble
04-21-2008, 05:24 PM
So he added the contents of his stomach to the bowl and rinsed his mouth with Pine Fresh disinfectant

RebelGoddess
04-21-2008, 06:31 PM
But he accidentily swallowed some

Racheal

Mr Flibble
04-21-2008, 08:13 PM
So he threw that up as well, then decided something stronger might well be called for, and staggered off to find some vodka to sterilise his throat.

HeronW
04-21-2008, 08:16 PM
But he forgot about the stairs and tumbled ass over teakettle.

Mr Flibble
04-21-2008, 09:10 PM
So he said 'Who put that teakettle on the stairs? Whoever it was, they can pay for putting my arse in a sling!'

czjaba
04-21-2008, 09:12 PM
But, no one answered.

Autodidact
04-21-2008, 09:29 PM
http://z.about.com/d/python/1/0/7/-/-/-/StopSign-Large.jpg

This is the taste police. This thread has been declared void due to poor taste. You may start over, but avoid plot lines centered on toilets, vomiting, bodily fluids, or any combination thereof, at least on the first page. Thank you for your consideration.

Woof
04-22-2008, 05:29 PM
But it was concluded by those who still valued civil liberties and the right to free speech, that the only thing worse than coarse subject matter, was censorship.

Mr Flibble
04-23-2008, 12:39 AM
So Jeff pottered off to the kitchen, muttering about teakettles and bruised buttocks, in search of a much needed stiff drink

Moon Wolf
04-23-2008, 12:58 AM
But it had passed by his attention that, at the kitchen door, Raya the evil neighborhood kitten was lying in wait to bite his foot off.
:e2cat:

HeronW
04-23-2008, 01:04 AM
So Jeff offered Raya whatever edibles she could gorge on in his fridge while he mixed Jack Daniels with 25% cream and shared it with her in the soup tureen shaped like Shrek's head that his Aunt Mazie had given him last birthday.

czjaba
04-23-2008, 01:10 AM
But just as they were about to drink, the phone rang. It was Aunt Mazie and she wanted her Shrek head back.

HeronW
04-23-2008, 01:22 AM
So Jeff and Raya drank 2 quarts of Beam and Cream in about 10 seconds to get the bowl clean.

Moon Wolf
04-23-2008, 04:57 AM
But it turned out she didn't need it after all, and they'd drank all that up so quickly for nothing.

Mr Flibble
04-23-2008, 01:25 PM
So Jeff tried to stagger to his feet, but failed in a rather spectacular fashion, tripped over the kitten and ended with his head stuck inside Shrek's.

HeronW
04-23-2008, 01:32 PM
But the evil Raya, her plan in motion, opened the door and called the Shrek-head police.

Okieslims
04-23-2008, 09:43 PM
So Jeff ripped the phone out of the wall and locked evil Raya in the freezer.

Eudaemonic
04-23-2008, 09:50 PM
but evil Raya's evil clone clobbered him over the head with a halibut

Jersey Chick
04-23-2008, 10:01 PM
So now he had a headache, and a mess to clean up, because the halibut really splattered

dobiwon
04-24-2008, 10:38 PM
but he was out of paper towels so he used the hideous shirt his grandma had given him for his birthday

Mr Flibble
04-25-2008, 02:00 PM
So there he was, covered in vodka, JD and halibut guts, with a hint of Pine Fresh about him, when the woman of his dreams knocked on the door.

Woof
04-25-2008, 04:37 PM
But the literal woman of his dreams arrived naked, handcuffed and covered in strawberry jam and was immediately spotted by the Great Dane next door who ran over and started licking her.

rosebud1981
04-25-2008, 06:38 PM
So he unlocked the freezer and sacrificed Raya to the Great Dane, giving him the chance to close the door of his apartment and escape with the naked woman of his dreams.

Woof
04-25-2008, 06:53 PM
But just as they stepped outside the building, a swarm of wasps attracted to the strawberry jam, descended on the woman and began to savagely sting her.

ACEnders
04-25-2008, 09:58 PM
So in an effort to save her life, the man threw her to the ground and covered her with his own body.

rosebud1981
04-26-2008, 12:13 AM
But then the Taste Police arrived and explained to Jeffrey that it was unwise for him to lie on top of a naked woman in a public place.

czjaba
04-26-2008, 12:17 AM
So, he got off of her and asked the Taste Police if they would help him beat the wasps off her, to which they happily obliged.

Autodidact
04-26-2008, 01:48 AM
But the wasps viewed the matter differently and, reversing course, attacked both the man (did he get a name yet?) and the Taste Police.

writin52
04-26-2008, 02:11 AM
So in a joint effort to save all their lives, the trio, with Jeffery carrying the girl, ran for the nearby lake and jumped in.

Mr Flibble
04-26-2008, 02:18 AM
But they knew nothing of the pet pihranas the little old lady who lived down the road kept in the lake.

RebelGoddess
04-29-2008, 06:19 AM
So they swam back ashore, their clothes full of piranha mouth-sized holes, deciding that thousands of beestings were better than death by fish

Racheal

Jersey Chick
04-29-2008, 06:46 AM
But the naked woman was cut and bleeding and in a decidedly foul mood

RebelGoddess
04-29-2008, 02:00 PM
So she decided to take her anger out on Jeffery.

Racheal

Woof
04-29-2008, 03:54 PM
But Jeffery - who was no stranger to kinkiness, was kind of turned on by the idea of an angry, naked woman.

RebelGoddess
04-29-2008, 06:19 PM
So he sauntered towards her with a gleam in his eye and said, "So you like those bee stings, huh?"

Racheal

Mr Flibble
04-29-2008, 06:30 PM
But she said 'Oh I wondered what that was down there. Beesting, yep about the right size' and his kinkiness fled as soon as it had come.

Woof
04-29-2008, 06:32 PM
But just as Jeffery was about to pull out the stingers with his teeth, one by one, the sound of a siren wailed in the distance, and as the sound came closer, so did a police car.

Autodidact
04-29-2008, 07:09 PM
But she said 'Oh I wondered what that was down there. Beesting, yep about the right size' and his kinkiness fled as soon as it had come.

So, having escaped wasps and piranha, everyone felt much more relaxed at that point. "Care for a cup of coffee then?" asked Jeffery?

RebelGoddess
04-30-2008, 09:15 AM
But she was very sensitive to caffiene, and once she downed a large coffee her eyes began to sparkle with the mischievous ideas that always popped into her mind during a jave jolt.

HeronW
04-30-2008, 11:56 PM
So she gave her name. "I'm NaKeed," she said, "who are you?"

Jersey Chick
05-01-2008, 12:53 AM
But since he was too busy staring, he didn't hear her and didn't answer right away

Mr Flibble
05-01-2008, 02:39 PM
So she jiggled all her wobbly bits, to see if she could make his eyes pop out of his head.

Jersey Chick
05-01-2008, 04:19 PM
But they were too wobbly, and she ended up knocking herself out

HeronW
05-01-2008, 04:57 PM
So she fell over onto Jeffery poking his eyes with her java-stiffened er, fingers.

Mr Flibble
05-01-2008, 05:07 PM
But when he put out his hands to catch her, he compounded his embarrassment by by grabbing a wobbly bit he probably shouldn't have.

HeronW
05-01-2008, 05:44 PM
So when it broke off and he realized what it was, Jeffery was agast!

Mr Flibble
05-01-2008, 05:45 PM
'But why did you keep a mummified frog in there?' he asked when he could speak again.

Woof
05-02-2008, 01:20 AM
"So that the frog may join his master, The Pharoah in the afterworld," he intoned solemnly.

Jersey Chick
05-02-2008, 01:39 AM
But then Jeffery realized, it wasn't a frog, but a toad

akiwiguy
05-02-2008, 03:04 AM
So he began desperate, frenzied search amongst the other wobbly bits.

Mr Flibble
05-02-2008, 12:46 PM
But before he could get too far in his search, the nekkid lady gave him a solid backhanded slap and said 'Just what do you think you're up to? I don't keep anything in there.'

HeronW
05-02-2008, 01:57 PM
So he handed back her ear-lobe extenders and looked sheepish.

Mr Flibble
05-02-2008, 02:41 PM
But she laughed and began to sing 'Do your ears hang low, do they wobble too and fro, can you tie them in a knot, can you tie them in a bow', simultaneously proving that, in fact, she could.

dobiwon
05-02-2008, 10:19 PM
So he replied by singing "Does your chewing gum lose its flavor on the bedpost overnight?", handing her a dried-up, hard chunk of rubber.

Woof
05-02-2008, 11:47 PM
But then - to his utter surprise, she stuck the hard chewing gum in her ears and started chewing it aurally.

Mr Flibble
05-05-2008, 04:28 PM
So, in the spirit of scientific curiosity, he got a pencil and shoved it in her ear, just to see what would happen.

Jersey Chick
05-05-2008, 07:13 PM
But he put the wrong end in, and little rubber bits flew everywhere

HeronW
05-10-2008, 01:00 PM
So he ran screaming, horrified to think if he had stuck something of his in somewhere else of hers!

Dale Emery
05-10-2008, 01:02 PM
But she moaned softly, licked her lips, and ran after him.

auntybug
05-13-2008, 11:32 PM
So, he jumped on the closet bike he could find.

HeronW
05-14-2008, 09:15 PM
But it had two flat tires and no gears and he couldn't figure out how to move the kickstand.

Komnena
06-21-2008, 04:45 PM
So he got a horse.

Dale Emery
06-22-2008, 03:07 AM
But the horse was hungry and thirsty.

HeronW
06-22-2008, 01:56 PM
So he gave the horse his last free Happy Meal coupon and ran like hell.

Dale Emery
06-22-2008, 02:20 PM
So he gave the horse his last free Happy Meal coupon and ran like hell.

But the horse, who could eat only Beefareeno, vowed revenge.

TPCSWR
06-22-2008, 03:23 PM
So with two crazed beings chasing him he jumped into a nearby dumpster.

(Yay! 100th post)

Dale Emery
06-22-2008, 03:52 PM
But the dumpster was filled with 100 posts and 247 gallons of beefareeno.

Melenka
06-26-2008, 07:45 AM
But it didn't matter because the crazed horse could still smell the beefareeno and was madly galloping towards him.

TPCSWR
07-09-2008, 03:27 AM
So he jumped in the ocean to rmove the smell

Karen Duvall
07-09-2008, 03:39 AM
But instead of getting rid of the smell, he attracted sharks that swam in circles around him, closing in on him little by little.

Lillyth
07-11-2008, 08:42 AM
So she slapped him in the face.

t0neg0d
07-11-2008, 01:29 PM
So she slapped him in the face.

But he had no clue what the hell you where talking about.

(She is still ashore at this point O.o)

Just.Jase
07-11-2008, 01:38 PM
So she read back over the thread to realise her position in the story currently.

t0neg0d
07-11-2008, 10:19 PM
But it was too late--Jeffery had already taken offense to the sniper-slap.

HeronW
07-12-2008, 03:28 AM
So he slapped back screaming, "YOU BITCH!" and flounced away.

t0neg0d
07-12-2008, 04:03 AM
But he wasn't quite sure what flouncing looked like, so he settled for sauntering.

Just.Jase
07-12-2008, 05:29 AM
So he sauntered away to a bar.

t0neg0d
07-12-2008, 06:00 AM
But before he got to the bar, he stopped off in a field and sewed his butt and butted his so's until his butt was so-so, and then, continued on course.

Just.Jase
07-12-2008, 06:21 AM
So he flaunted his sewed butt, butting into conversations rudely.

t0neg0d
07-12-2008, 09:44 AM
But not before Raya (who had finally made her way out to sea) sniper-slapped him again.

Leellana
07-12-2008, 01:54 PM
So he sniper-slapped her right back, throwing his head back and laughing.

t0neg0d
07-14-2008, 08:51 AM
But out of the corner of his eye, he realized that the horse had caught up with him.

Leellana
07-14-2008, 02:23 PM
So he bought the horse some beefareeno and jumped on its back.