Keyman's FIX-tion: Ten Quick Fixes to Improve Your Fiction NOW

By Garrie Keyman

Removing the mistakes that make cold molasses flow faster than your writing

Wading through a recent release I was asked to review, I grew increasingly annoyed, wondering how some novels reach publication without (apparently) ever having seen the red of an editor's pen. By page 212-- exactly halfway through the tale-- with my brain in serious danger of withering to the size of a walnut for lack of stimulation, I decided to set aside the story in favor of dissecting the work to uncover the flaws.

I didn't have to look far.

Since some benefit ought to come from the novel's presence on the market, I figured why not let it serve as our classroom example of how not to write. Apply these quick fixes today and I promise your fiction will be more marketable, your storytelling more engaging, and your voice instantly elevated to a slush pile standout.

1. Seem: weakens and dilutes.

Does the action is your story only seem to be happening? Is your writing peppered with sentences such as: Starr seemed to be growing annoyed; or Although Mitch seemed to have more to say, he remained silent; or Clara seemed to be losing her patience?

Be direct, as in: Starr grew annoyed; Mitch had more to say, but remained silent; Clara lost her patience.

Writing seemlessly gives your novel a trim, tailored look and creates action with greater impact. People don't want to read about things that seem to take place. Dare to be more direct and definitive in your style. Speak with authority.

2. Finally: kingpin of failed attempts at pacing.

Stories sprinkled heavily with finally are filled with manufactured hesitancy: She hesitated, drumming her fingers on the bar, finally answering the question after downing her drink.

Simplify, simplify: After drumming her fingers and downing the drink, she answered.

Readers easily interpret actions like finger drumming and nursing a drink as acts of hesitancy. Don't hit them over the head by also telling them the character is hesitating. What's more, if your audience already knows a character is at a bar, it's a good bet that's where they are drumming their fingers, so why add that? It's unnecessary. Finally (Okay, I just had to say that), since it generally follows that a question is what one answers-- especially since the reader just read the question in the preceding paragraph-- you can nix answering the question and just say she answered.

Search your manuscript, deleting as many uses of the words finally and hesitate as you can. Your story's pace can be more aptly controlled through smarter verb choices and carefully sculpted dialogue interspersed with well-placed, well-paced narrative.

3. Even: don't even think of using it.

Even is another unnecessary word diluting your fiction: Starr wasn't even sure she wanted another drink; Even Mitch agreed with Clara; She even swam another lap before finally climbing from the pool.

Get rid of these words or get outa town by sunrise, pard'ner, cause I'll come gunnin' for ya with my big red pen.

4. Up, down, in, out: almost always expendable.

Overuse of directional words is plaque on your novel's smile: The rain fell down in sheets; She climbed up the stairs; He walked in through the doors; Starr walked over to the bar; Mitch was sitting out in the yard. Take a pass through your manuscript to eliminate these unnecessary words.

5. Reaching: as with the use of seem, stating the obvious dilutes fiction.

In the novel I recently reviewed, characters constantly reached: they reached out; they reached in; they reached up (see #4). Reach alone is not the problem. The problem comes into play when writers mix reach with another verb that can stand on its own.

If you wrote: Starr reached out and picked up her glass; Mitch reached over and stroked her face tenderly; Vic reached into his pocket and pulled out a blade.

Try: Starr picked up her glass; Mitch stroked her face tenderly; Vic pulled a blade from his pocket. Being simple and direct will keep your story flowing.

6. Almost: another dirty word.

Rarely is almost needed: Almost before she could turn, he grabbed her by the neck; She was almost afraid to open her eyes. Why not: Before she turned, he grabbed her neck; and She was afraid to open her eyes?

Again, I speak quantitatively. Reducing instances rather than eliminating them will be effective. The novel I read probably had 50% of the action seem or almost take place.

Don't panic. The flaws I mention won't end your writing career-- so long as they appear in early drafts. First drafts are for telling a story to yourself. Go ahead and get it down and don't fret over these errors at the outset. Naturally, you'll write what you envision.

Because you see the character reaching for the glass, you write it that way. That's fine. But once your novel or short story is on paper (notice I didn't say down on paper), comb through it to eliminate extraneous words tying knots in your tale.

7. That: not all that jazzy.

The use of that can and should be significantly reduced. The look that he saw on her face told him that she had forgiven him that transgression. Oy! Remove the first two that's. Better yet, simplify further: Her expression told him he was forgiven.

If you wrote, It only made sense to her that there had been other women that had shared his bed in her absence, try: It made sense other women had shared his bed, especially since we've just read all about her return following a long absence and are already smack dab in the middle of a narrative clearly taking place in her thoughts.

Streamlined books hold attention. There's more room left over for action if you don't spend page upon page telling readers what they already know. And unless you're truly gifted at concocting the deliciously well-turned phrase, simple sells better.

8. Multiple modifiers: pruning the weeds.

Too many adjectives choke the bloom from your fiction. Don't use two or three where one will suffice. Choose the best and ditch the rest.

All day long the hot sun had brutally beaten down upon the long narrow stretch of white sand abutting the edge of the azure ocean. Oy! OY! Why not: A brutal sun baked the narrow beach?

The gorgeous golden yellow of the setting sun appealed to her? Try something like: The golden sunset was gorgeous.

The darkly polished mahogany of the ornately carved bar added a sense of class and sophistication to Starr's well-appointed establishment? I don't think so. How about: The bar's polished mahogany implied sophistication.

Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut! Make every word matter by removing those that don't!

9. Prepositional phrases: Underoverinbelow-- it all becomes a blur.

Remember, at issue is reduction: eliminating the excesses making muddled melodrama of your mystery: She reached out and felt around beneath the bar for the bottle of special fifty-year-old scotch that she had been saving for just such an occasion when her nerves were on edge and nothing else could be relied upon to calm her down.

Go ahead. You try first. Then I'll tell you what I'd suggest. Ready? Have your edit done? Okay, then, here's mine: Her nerves raw, she reached beneath the bar for her secret stash of valuable scotch. Pretty much tells you everything you need to know using 60% fewer words.

Unless you want to pen the literary equivalent of a little old lady shuffling along in costume jewelry, pay attention. Your fiction can fly only if you slice the cords binding it to verbal ballast.

10. Stated emotions: sow, don’t yell.

The emotional seeds of any scene are planted in action and dialogue. If you're repeatedly telling your readers, Starr stormed angrily out the door and Starr seemed angry, and Starr felt a savage anger welling up from deep within her like a raging monster she could no longer control… blah, blah, blah…then you, as the author, haven't done your job.

Characters’ emotions should resonate through their actions and words. Rarely will (adequate) authors need to state outright that characters are angry, happy, relieved or scared. Let readers feel what your characters are feeling by drawing readers into the scene, a vast improvement over telling your readers six times in the same paragraph that people in your story are behaving angrily.

… and finally … five closing tidbits

Watch for overuse of just, still, really, only, slightly, own, and of (particularly following off); please don't presume a dose of Shakespeare-- especially when irrelevant to the storyline-- automatically elevates the quality of your writing; copious use of four-letter words and others of similar ilk do not grace your fiction with a modern swagger guaranteed to propel you to the New York Times best-seller list; and please, please do me (and readers everywhere) a favor: if at any point in your story a character is hurt or recovering from injuries, don't spend six chapters telling us how much pain they are in every time they reach out, move over, look up or awaken violently from the thirty-fourth dream sequence you felt compelled to write-- obviously to torture us.

Garrie Keyman and husband Mike Bard are parents to six children and in the process of adopting another daughter. Homeschooling parents, they live in Lititz, Pennsylvania, where Garrie writes online columns for www.LititzPA.com (Lititz With a Twist) and www.TyrannosaurusPress.com (the Illuminata webzine's KeyCOMMentary). Keyman, a former police officer and seventeen-year-veteran of the fire service who fought forest fires in Utah, Idaho, and Florida, is now a novelist seeking literary representation for her adult fantasy series. Her work has appeared in Lynx Eye and GRIT magazines, on AbsoluteWrite.com, and has been short-listed by the PA Council for the Arts and Writer's Digest. Pieces by Keyman are forthcoming in four anthologies: Cosmic Brownies (Sun Rising Poetry Press), Beacons of Tomorrow: Illuminating the Future (Tyrannosaurus Press), Reach of Song (Georgia Poetry Society), and Boomer Women Speak by Dotsie Bregel. Audio production of two of Garrie's stories will be available soon from www.tellyouatale.com. Garrie loves to hear from readers.

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