Character Reference

By Gaie Sebold

Gah! Having been convinced that free web space A Good Thing which will Further Career, have spent entire evening creating profile, which after repeated editing now contains mere two paras of unimpressive wibble. Sure I could have written entire chapter by now, plus am nearing deadline and have not yet decided which picture of self looks most like Serious Writer and least like Stalker's Favorite, without being entirely devoid of all traces of personal attractiveness.

Look at final selection of photos again and wonder if can afford visit to dentist to have teeth straightened, whitened, etc. Know perfectly well cannot, as such procedures would cost much money and the Season of Spend (or as one of even more cynical relatives refers to it, New Stuff Day) is looming.

Glance at calendar to confirm this and realize New Stuff Day is, in fact, slightly less than a month away.

Gaaah!

Had intended to finish first draft of novel by now. Actually, had intended to finish it by end of June, but deadline displaying remarkable elasticity, largely due to extreme inability to Get To Grips with central character.

Have enough trouble getting to grips with own character, never mind fictional ones. However, peripheral characters in novel developing interesting traits, quirks, Dark Pasts, etc., etc., all by selves, tempting self to write them more scenes, but central character remaining stubbornly two-dimensional, except where sounding like self in all own most irritating adolescent moments.

Have tried all exercises from writing books. Well, some exercises from writing books. Okay, two or three. But some of them simply unappealing. For one thing, cannot quite force self to write letter to character. Too reminiscent of being forced to write thank-you letters as child. (Ungrateful brat that I was.) Odd, that-- have no problem writing e-mails, often v. long ones, usually when should be writing book, but somehow letter seems like huge insurmountable effort. What is difference? Is it thought of actual transporting to letterbox, etc.?  Necessity (apparently) of writing same in own, appalling handwriting instead of nice neat type? Fear of wandering graphologist discovering all own buried psychotic tendencies and informing Authorities? What?  No idea, still don't want to do it.

Also, writing letter to character feels slightly too odd, even for self. Though have no problem talking to them, often rudely, and occasionally, in absent-minded moment, in public.

Have to admit, though, that might be worth a try. Considering how usually speak to characters, and that current central character is adolescent female of (I think) shy and retiring disposition, throwing books at wall and swearing like particularly irritated trooper probably not best way to encourage her to come forth.

Wonder if should actually write letter, possibly in ladylike but crisply authoritative style of Jane Austen. Briefly distracted by Inner Critic popping up from loathsome den in depths of soul and pointing out extreme unlikelihood of self ever, under any circumstances, being able to write as well as Jane Austen.

Beat back Inner Critic with copy of 45 Master Characters in satisfyingly heavy hardback.

All right. Maybe not Jane Austen. Would be too worried about trying to sound like her to obtain effective response from character.

Wonder from whom could copy letter-writing skills.

Could try to sound like Stephen King and terrify character out of hiding, but know perfectly well would use this as excuse to re-read entire personal Stephen King collection and therefore first draft would not be finished until well into 2007.

Will just have to come up with own letter-writing persona in order to write letter to character. Something between Jane Austen and own former sports-mistress, perhaps; polite yet encouragingly jolly, with just a hint, or threat, of hockey-stick.

Gaie Sebold's short stories have appeared in, among others, Black Gate, City Slab, and Legend and she has received an Honorable Mention in Year's Best Fantasy and Horror. Her first fantasy novel (first publishable novel, that is) is now with an agent and she is currently working on her second. She is a member of T Party Writers and commits occasional poetry readings. Her first poetry collection, Urban Fox (The Tall-Lighthouse, 2001) is available at Amazon.co.uk. Contact her at urbancat<at>talk21.com.

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