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Old 11-29-2007, 05:23 PM   #1
CaroGirl
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Running out of TIME

I feel like my time is running low. I'm *ahem* turning a certain age and starting to question too many things. Despite working very hard at fiction writing over the past few years, I haven't managed to get published and I'm beginning to think it won't happen. That I should give up and spend my time and effort working toward something more tangible. The worst is that my dad has just been diagnosed with an aortic aneurysm. It's not necessarily a death sentence, but it makes me question his mortality, and mine. I always wanted to be able to hand my parents a book with my name on it (officially, not one of those "create your own story books").

What the hell have I been doing all my life and what the hell do I have to show for it? Would anyone like to join me in a brief pity party?
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Old 11-29-2007, 05:31 PM   #2
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I AM running out of time, we all are, with every day that passes, and I'm pretty acutely aware of it. For me it's been a spur to start writing and git 'er done, just push push push.

But I'm here with a case of - what do you like? A case of beer? Chocolate? Wine? Tea and sympathy? For your pity party. I totally understand what you're saying. I don't have any magic words for you, all we can do is just keep on keepin' on every day. Treasure the days with your dad, may he be around for many many more, and have faith that you'll choose the right paths for yourself.

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Old 11-29-2007, 05:40 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CaroGirl View Post
I feel like my time is running low. I'm *ahem* turning a certain age and starting to question too many things. Despite working very hard at fiction writing over the past few years, I haven't managed to get published and I'm beginning to think it won't happen. That I should give up and spend my time and effort working toward something more tangible. The worst is that my dad has just been diagnosed with an aortic aneurysm. It's not necessarily a death sentence, but it makes me question his mortality, and mine. I always wanted to be able to hand my parents a book with my name on it (officially, not one of those "create your own story books").

What the hell have I been doing all my life and what the hell do I have to show for it? Would anyone like to join me in a brief pity party?
Well, if you do give up your writing, then you have absolutely no chance of ever handing your parents your published book.

I say don't give up, you never know what tomorrow brings...or even the next minute, for that matter.
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Old 11-29-2007, 05:44 PM   #4
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Shut up, Caro. You're a rock 'round these here woods. You ain't allowed to be talkin' this type a trash in here. You will win the battle. Age is just this idiotic creation of the time mongers, girlie. Like time, age doesn't exist. Do what you're doin'. Light the fire under yo' ass and shake the tree. Do your thing. Stop gettin' on the balcony...'Oh Romeo...Where for art thou?" You is the master of your domain. Write. It will come. Let down your hair. Age! PPPHHHH! What is age.
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Old 11-29-2007, 05:45 PM   #5
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I really get it.

I comprehend.

We are one....etc.

I actually went through a period of mourning for my throwing my life away a couple of years ago. No, really and for true, I did. I still go back to it occasionally. I've made a lot of positive changes in my life in the last year though and also have discovered that I lack passion for anything. I began getting back into writing after a 12 year hiatus (my entire life went on hold when I got married) but I've not really done much. I've played with ideas in my head and written very little.

There isn't a day that goes by that I don't wish that I could go back and do it differently.
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Old 11-29-2007, 05:49 PM   #6
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Originally Posted by CaroGirl View Post

What the hell have I been doing all my life and what the hell do I have to show for it? Would anyone like to join me in a brief pity party?
I'm with you. I so very much want to have been endorsed as officially good at something. I was just discussing this recently and it's depressing as hell.

I don't know that it will ever happen for me. I'm not done trying, but I know what you're going through, CG.

I'm sorry.
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Old 11-29-2007, 05:53 PM   #7
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Shut up, Caro. You're a rock 'round these here woods. You ain't allowed to be talkin' this type a trash in here. You will win the battle. Age is just this idiotic creation of the time mongers, girlie. Like time, age doesn't exist. Do what you're doin'. Light the fire under yo' ass and shake the tree. Do your thing. Stop gettin' on the balcony...'Oh Romeo...Where for art thou?" You is the master of your domain. Write. It will come. Let down your hair. Age! PPPHHHH! What is age.
Thanks, Kevin. My age is, well, meh. I'll get over it. It's just my dad. I'm thankful to have had him for the past 20 years, considering his first heart attack and bypass surgery were in 1988! I just hoped to have had some writing success by now, I guess.

Quote:
Originally Posted by RumpleTumbler View Post
I really get it.

I comprehend.

We are one....etc.

I actually went through a period of mourning for my throwing my life away a couple of years ago. No, really and for true, I did. I still go back to it occasionally. I've made a lot of positive changes in my life in the last year though and also have discovered that I lack passion for anything. I began getting back into writing after a 12 year hiatus (my entire life went on hold when I got married) but I've not really done much. I've played with ideas in my head and written very little.

There isn't a day that goes by that I don't wish that I could go back and do it differently.
Okay, no regrets! You're not allowed, and I'm not allowed. Even though we might not have met all our milestones, all is not lost, right?
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Old 11-29-2007, 06:15 PM   #8
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My dad's been gone for 37 years, my mother for 32 years. And I'm only 50 years old. It won't be all that long before I'll have lived longer than they did. I've had that aware-of-mortality thing most of my life. At this point (at the risk of sounding slightly Hallmarky) I just want to squeeze the most I can out of each day, and I like having that awareness. I'm less inclined now to waste time, procrastinate, and otherwise engage in the bad habits of my younger days.

I have no idea whether I can find success with writing, starting as late as I have. Maybe not, and now and then I wonder what the hell I think I'm playing at. But it's a risk I'm willing to take because, well, I no longer have fifty extra years to tinker around with the idea of doing it. I really wish you the best with any decisions you make regarding the writing, but agree that you probably shouldn't give up. The state of mind you're in is a temporary thing and will pass.
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Old 11-29-2007, 06:23 PM   #9
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Caro, I hear you. I've had those same thoughts, about life and meaning and accomplishment. I got into this writing thing only recently. (And I'm willing to wager that, based on that avatar, I'm much older than you.) And I'm so sorry to hear about your dad--my uncle was diagnosed with the same thing. If it's any comfort to you, my uncle died of something else, completely, many years later. So while it is dangerous, it's not a sure death sentence.

If your dad is anything like mine, he doesn't want your success so much as he just wants you (and that grandbaby!). Give him as much Time with you and family as you can--share your life with him, and don't worry so much about 'accomplishment.' I'll bet he's already plenty proud of you. And keep on writing, too, because you never know what a new day will bring--and I'm betting it brings publication for you. That, too, is just a matter of Time and providence.
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Old 11-29-2007, 06:51 PM   #10
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Caro, I think we've all wanted to hand our parents that book and say, "See? I did make something of myself."

Some of us are still waiting and time is running out for us, too.

But we keep on keepin' on.

Guess you just need to go write all the harder.

(Hanging around here doesn't help.)
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Old 11-29-2007, 07:39 PM   #11
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I feel like I'm in the same boat, Caro, and it's sinking, the bilge pump is out of gas, and all the bailing buckets have no bottoms in them.

Right now, my only social activity is NaNoWriMo. When it comes December 1...then what? I've turned my back on just about every single group I've ever mingled with because I was putting in too much energy and getting very little back in return. So now I've a virtual recluse. I still go to work and the store, etc., etc., but I really don't hang out with people any longer.

Yeah, writing's all about taking risks but I'm beginning to wonder why I need to take any more risks. Many of the ones I've taken have led nowhere, so...meh.
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Old 11-29-2007, 08:19 PM   #12
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Smile

Caro, don't give up. I know how you feel also. I've dreamed of writing and being published my whole life. It was only when my daughter went away to college that I finally took the time to try and live my dream and not someone elses. My parents have been gone for 16 years now and there was so much in my life I wish they had been around to share. I feel they are up there looking down on me and probably shaking their heads at times. Through a sickness I lost my business that took 10 years to build, and I felt like a total looser. As I've sat around thinking about my life I came to one conclusion. I've never done anything fantastic in my life other than try to be the best mother I could possibly be. I look at my daughter and say "Hey, you did a pretty damn good job!". If that is all I'm remembered for, then so be it. I'm proud of that, so if I accomplish nothing more robust than that I feel I've done well. Chin up and don't stop writing. Life gets you down, but as a woman you are coming into the best years of your life!
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Old 11-29-2007, 08:25 PM   #13
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Carpe diem, Carogirl. The worst regret comes from giving up on something that you love doing, or not spending time with someone that you love. Don't stop writing.

P.S. You don't have to produce a product to make something of yourself. The ultimate measure of success is how you have touched the lives of those whom you have met.
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Old 11-30-2007, 10:48 AM   #14
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Old 11-30-2007, 11:25 AM   #15
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Quote:
The worst is that my dad has just been diagnosed with an aortic aneurysm. It's not necessarily a death sentence, but it makes me question his mortality, and mine.
Caro, this is the stuff that writers delve into, where they find themselves in this chaos of the cosmos. Write this as you feel it. From the heart attack in '88, the sense of self, the soul of your father as he has pressed on.

A real writer will write this to try to understand it. There is your test. It's your choice, don't write it and quit, or write it and gracefully accept your pulitzer.

Write, Caro, that's what you do.
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Old 11-30-2007, 01:46 PM   #16
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Originally Posted by Pat~ View Post
If your dad is anything like mine, he doesn't want your success so much as he just wants you (and that grandbaby!). Give him as much Time with you and family as you can--share your life with him, and don't worry so much about 'accomplishment.' I'll bet he's already plenty proud of you. And keep on writing, too, because you never know what a new day will bring--and I'm betting it brings publication for you. That, too, is just a matter of Time and providence.
Nothing I can add to that. There is nothing that "achievement" can really add to a parent's love. Its just a bit of icing on the cake.

My father died before I was published, so he never knew. Doesn't matter. I know he thought the world of me anyway.
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Old 11-30-2007, 01:56 PM   #17
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My friends,

I understand this kind of fear, but it is just fear. Take a breath. Look around you. There is a reason Carpe Diem is such an important saying.

Live in the moment. Don't worry about what might happen or what HAS happened. All we have is this moment, right now.

Caro, you haven't wasted your life. You won't waste it. I learned something during my daughter's days of drug abuse and the first six months of her recovery and I will share it with you. It's my mantra when I forget to stay in the moment.

"everything is as it should be and everything is ok."

You can get through right now. Yesterday is past, it has no bearing on the future except to the extent we allow it and tomorrow hasn't happened. So here and now, breathe, remember you are loved. Don't forget your dreams as they are the life of you. Tell your stories, there is time.

Brightest Blessings,
Kim
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Old 11-30-2007, 02:21 PM   #18
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Guh, I'm actually misting up here. Carogirl, you're going to do this. You've got tons of time and lots of family that loves you. It was my father's fondest wish to see me in print, since he was a successful author himself. As no luck would have it, we were both struck down in a crosswalk in 1981 by some jerk speeding in a pickup truck. I lived. Dad did not. I published my first book eight years after that incident, held it to the sky and said, "This one's for you, pa." To this day, I'm sure he heard me.

Now, I want you to land that book in your dad's lap, and you've got a hellava better start on it than I did. Come hell or high water, I know you can do this. Get mad--get good and mad! Show em what for. Don't ditch a dream like this one, I beg of you.

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Old 11-30-2007, 04:15 PM   #19
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Originally Posted by KTC View Post
Shut up, Caro. You're a rock 'round these here woods. You ain't allowed to be talkin' this type a trash in here. You will win the battle. Age is just this idiotic creation of the time mongers, girlie. Like time, age doesn't exist. Do what you're doin'. Light the fire under yo' ass and shake the tree. Do your thing. Stop gettin' on the balcony...'Oh Romeo...Where for art thou?" You is the master of your domain. Write. It will come. Let down your hair. Age! PPPHHHH! What is age.
Ditto. What he said plus one. Reflecting can be fun, as you step away from your comfort zone, and aknowledge the experiences of your life. Sometimes it can also make you see, what you can accomplish in the many years to come or not. It's all a matter of seeing it for what it is, and letting yourself go with what you feel is right for you. If you think your running out of time, it is because you have put yourself into that mind frame. Step away from it, and open your mind to the many possibilities of what you can still give. Don't shut yourself down, life is not over for you. Your in the element of life. Activating the positive energy always helps.

Enjoy yourself. Remember years don't make what you are, experience does.

Last edited by truelyana; 11-30-2007 at 04:24 PM.
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Old 11-30-2007, 05:17 PM   #20
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Wow. What wonderful responses. All your words are a comfort and a strength to me. Self-doubt and fear and part of living, but so are strength and courage. There is no win without loss, no overcoming without struggle.

Thank you to all of you.
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Old 12-01-2007, 04:55 AM   #21
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"No victory without sacrifice" -- Archibald and Sam Witwiky--Transformers.

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Old 12-01-2007, 05:20 AM   #22
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I, as usual, agree with Aruna.

My dad has been dead for about 13 years now, and I hate myself for not being smart enough to really talk to him.


I was an idiot for years, and didn't really grow up until I was forced to, in my thirties.

You're just so lucky that you are of a certain age and have your dad, and realize how lucky you are to have him.

That's as lucky as you can get.
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Old 12-01-2007, 06:43 AM   #23
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All I know is... when I'm lying on my death bed, I don't want to say, "Gee, I wonder if I could've been a good writer?" I want to be able to say, "I didn't make it in publishing, but damn! I tried!"
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