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Old 09-12-2007, 03:54 PM   #1
ChimeraCreative
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Better to Have Loved and Lost?

... Than to Never of Loved at All?

I think it's a crock. My fella and I of four and a half years broke up and I can't get over how bad I feel. I've never been so miserable and scared and felt so wretched in all my life.

However, I don't want to re-hash my crap. I just wanted to know what people thought about Loving and Losing. Is the risk of love worth the risk of rejection? Feel free to be pissy, I might get a smile out of it. I'm hoping to get to the 'anger' stage later, hence the reason I picked this forum.

-An
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Old 09-12-2007, 04:27 PM   #2
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Hmmm. I really don't know. Before I met my husband, I was a long-term single person, and I was quite happy that way. And I would have been happy to have stayed single forever. I was comfortable. But now that I know what it's like to be with someone significant, although there are times when it gives me the *****, I still know that I'm better off having been with him, and I wouldn't want to lose it or to have never known it. It's taught me a lot, so even if it was to end now (which it won't) I'm still better off.

Yeah, I'd have to say, I agree with the old saying (at least in the long run). Hope you feel better soon Chimera, I really do!
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Old 09-12-2007, 05:00 PM   #3
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Mandy, thanks for the chin chuck, I appreciate it a lot. ^_^



I loathe the rest of the happy relationship people in the world. *hides under a bridge*

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Old 09-12-2007, 05:03 PM   #4
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It's not worth it. None of it.

I accept that it's worth it for some people. But nothing in my experience has been worth the crap and pain. I've certainly stopped. Much better this way. Peaceful. Not hurting. Nice.
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Old 09-12-2007, 05:11 PM   #5
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*makes room under the bridge for Willowmound*

Gawd, you're already enlightened. I aspire to be more like you Good Sir. ^_^

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Old 09-12-2007, 05:17 PM   #6
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I aspire to be more like you Good Sir. ^_^
Hang in there -- you may become an old spinster yet!
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Old 09-12-2007, 05:48 PM   #7
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Well, having loved and lost, then rinsed and repeated... I would say, yes, I do believe it's better to have loved and lost. Why? After all the heartaches and sadness, etc. time does heal (yeah, I know, another cliche) and it made me stronger (another cliche) and I grew from all that (cliche) and these experiences become part of my past and who I am (cliche). Life is a journey, man (cliche), and while the losses were tough and I wondered why even bothered (cliche), I realized the moments of love were sweet (cliche) and I wouldn't trade them for anything else (cliche). That said, I'm at a point when I'm happy with or without anyone special in my life -- it's all gravy... but I wouldn't have come to this point without having loved and lost.
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Old 09-12-2007, 06:35 PM   #8
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Yes - all experience - even pain - is proof of being alive and able to experience the world. You don't necessarily have to repeat unpleasant experiences, but there is no discounting them.

You broke up. You don't know the pain of involuntary separation by death. It's worse.
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Old 09-12-2007, 06:47 PM   #9
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Every one of my past relationships taught me something about being in this world. I'm very happy to have spent my time with them, no matter how painful it was in the first days/months of it being over. You do get past that.
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Old 09-12-2007, 07:04 PM   #10
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It's worth it. Eventually.

I'm sorry that you're hurting. Read all of Maestro's cliche's. In this case, they're true.
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Old 09-12-2007, 07:05 PM   #11
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Loving, losing and they're still there

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Every one of my past relationships taught me something about being in this world. I'm very happy to have spent my time with them, no matter how painful it was in the first days/months of it being over. You do get past that.
There's the semi-alternative: Love and lose A, Love and lose B, love and lose C...and then Start something with D and yet have to maintain something with say A. It's like paleontology. Life forms thought to be long extinct return from the deep like Coelcanths. And then you have to explain their survival. And the real claddistics happens when somebody (oh give them a letter or three or four or five)...say LMNOP (pronounced Elemental P) says, "How do you know A?"...because of course in the current geological structure of the world knowing A it all seems inexplicable and for that matter I've simplified the claddogram for this discussion.

And you should never answer with the obvious: "Oh, A. She's a living fossil from my youth."

PS: LMNOP (elemental P) is not supposed to represent another potential love and loss, just an interested party...though this just reminded me of an LMNOP-type person (with the nickname of "out-of-focus girl" IIRC) who insisted that I "just tell her everything"...and that she "wasn't dangerous" ...yiokes. Sometimes it is better to run for your life, than have a "not dangerous" love and loss.

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Old 09-12-2007, 07:11 PM   #12
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The obscure object of Claddistics

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There's the semi-alternative: Love and lose A, Love and lose B, love and lose C...and then Start something with D and yet have to maintain something with say A. It's like paleontology. Life forms thought to be long extinct return from the deep like Coelcanths. And then you have to explain their survival. And the real claddistics happens when somebody (oh give them a letter or three or four or five)...say LMNOP (pronounced Elemental P) says, "How do you know A?"...because of course in the current geological structure of the world knowing A it all seems inexplicable and for that matter I've simplified the claddogram for this discussion.
I realize this is obscure. And I mispelled "Cladistics"...but here is something that implies the importance of mispelling claddistics"

http://reddit.com/info/1gw8l/comments/c1gx1j

But for a more properly spelled version:

http://evolution.berkeley.edu/evolib...ylogenetics_01

Or even:

http://www.fossilnews.com/1996/cladistics.html
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Old 09-12-2007, 07:30 PM   #13
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The strength and wisdom gained after each break up is invaluable. But when you lose a loved one because of death, that's a whole different story. I'm sure there's a lot of strength and wisdom to be learned there as well, but at too high of a price for me.

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Old 09-12-2007, 07:36 PM   #14
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To force oneself away from the chance of love or better-in love-because of fear of spiritual and physical pain is akin to being forced to accept the fact that you are in fact dead.
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Old 09-12-2007, 07:51 PM   #15
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To force oneself away from the chance of love or better-in love-because of fear of spiritual and physical pain is akin to being forced to accept the fact that you are in fact dead.
If only it were so easy to accept the fact that you are in fact dead.
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Old 09-12-2007, 07:51 PM   #16
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I think it depends on the person. There are some people I would rather have loved and lost than never loved at all. But some I just should never have given the time of day too.

But one thing I know for sure now is that if I hadn't had past relationships, that got screwed up, I would not have learned how to maintain the one I have now. That's what's most important.

But I have felt as crummy as you do before. *hugs* I wish you the best.
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Old 09-12-2007, 07:54 PM   #17
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It took me over a year to "get over" one relationship. Yup, that was difficult. But here I am. Good as new. And a bit wiser (okay, maybe not, but that's not the point ).

I agree, though, that losing someone to a break-up is a totally different thing than losing someone to death... you can't really "recover" from the latter. Lessen the pain, yes, but not recover.
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Old 09-12-2007, 07:57 PM   #18
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Plus, if it's a break-up, you still have the opportunity to kneecap them and burn down their house with them still in it.
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Old 09-12-2007, 08:00 PM   #19
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Note to self: better to never have loved Scarlet at all...

Ray, who likes his kneecaps very much
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Old 09-12-2007, 08:01 PM   #20
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All my past relationships I learned that I wasn't being true to myself. So now I'm learning how to be single so that when I do come into another relationship it will be better because I won't get lost in the other person.

**Okay, I do like someone else but we are just friends. And I'm content with that, or well trying to be since I know it's for the best. I haven't found anyone better yet but I am learning how to be by myself. As in not in a relationship.

It sucks breaking up with your honey or scumbag depending how you feel. I know there are a couple of exes I use both those terms for. You'll get through this. I'm slightly co-dependent and I've gotten through it so I know you can. Remember whatever doesn't kill you only makes you stronger (cliche). **hugs**
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Old 09-12-2007, 08:02 PM   #21
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Note to self: better to never have loved Scarlet at all...

Ray, who likes his kneecaps very much
Let's compromise, Ray. I won't touch your left kneecap. I won't touch your right kneecap. Rather, somewhere in between.
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Old 09-12-2007, 08:05 PM   #22
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Only had one such experience. When I learned he had another girl with her hooks into him that wasn't letting go and he was waffling, I broke it off. He begged and pleaded and I cried and cried. My heart literally ached so badly I thought it was possible to actually crack the darned thing. A couple of years later I met my husband. I would run into my ex from time to time and although he'd married the other girl he still had feelings for me. I felt sorry for her - she didn't have all his heart. But I realized what a weak man he was and was glad it hadn't worked out between us. Plus I'd never have met and married the fantastic guy I have now! Time eases the pain but you have to let it. Get on with your life and don't look back. Good luck.
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Old 09-12-2007, 08:08 PM   #23
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I'm glad for all the long term relationships I've had ... no matter how they ended. I found contentment in the midst of them, and not only did I gain and learn as so many here have mentioned, but even more important- I gave as well. I just can't regret loving that way.
Sorry that this is so painful, Chimera- hang in there!
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Old 09-12-2007, 08:24 PM   #24
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I'm in the "better to have loved & lost" camp, though for about 4 months after almost any break-up I've experienced I probably would have said otherwise. No matter how ugly and painful the end was - or worse, how uninteresting - I can't really say I'm sorry I had the experience. I came out of each relationship a little wiser, warier, and more self-aware. And even when the bad memories outweigh the good ones, I think that's always worth having.

Been where you are, though, and it sure does suck. I'm sorry you're going through this.
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Old 09-12-2007, 08:45 PM   #25
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jennifer75 is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsjennifer75 is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsjennifer75 is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsjennifer75 is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsjennifer75 is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsjennifer75 is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsjennifer75 is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsjennifer75 is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsjennifer75 is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsjennifer75 is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsjennifer75 is so great that we've run out of appropriate compliments
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChimeraCreative View Post
Mandy, thanks for the chin chuck, I appreciate it a lot. ^_^



I loathe the rest of the happy relationship people in the world. *hides under a bridge*

-An
I know you don't really mean that, but I'm still going to say it is unfair for you to say it. And I'll tell you why:

We - most of us - went through a really f@cked up sh!tty break up to eventually find ourselves in our new happy relationships. You will too. Don't forget that.
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