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#1 |
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Been there, Done that.
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 268
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Better to Have Loved and Lost?
... Than to Never of Loved at All?
I think it's a crock. My fella and I of four and a half years broke up and I can't get over how bad I feel. I've never been so miserable and scared and felt so wretched in all my life. However, I don't want to re-hash my crap. I just wanted to know what people thought about Loving and Losing. Is the risk of love worth the risk of rejection? Feel free to be pissy, I might get a smile out of it. I'm hoping to get to the 'anger' stage later, hence the reason I picked this forum. -An
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I think my siggy is haunted. O.O Last edited by ChimeraCreative; 09-12-2007 at 03:57 PM. |
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#2 |
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venturing ever further into the unknown
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: I will complete a play this year! I will!
Posts: 3,263
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Hmmm. I really don't know. Before I met my husband, I was a long-term single person, and I was quite happy that way. And I would have been happy to have stayed single forever. I was comfortable. But now that I know what it's like to be with someone significant, although there are times when it gives me the *****, I still know that I'm better off having been with him, and I wouldn't want to lose it or to have never known it. It's taught me a lot, so even if it was to end now (which it won't) I'm still better off.
Yeah, I'd have to say, I agree with the old saying (at least in the long run). Hope you feel better soon Chimera, I really do! |
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#3 |
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Been there, Done that.
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 268
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Mandy, thanks for the chin chuck, I appreciate it a lot. ^_^
I loathe the rest of the happy relationship people in the world. *hides under a bridge* -An
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I think my siggy is haunted. O.O |
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#4 |
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Lightly salted
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Afloat
Posts: 1,760
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It's not worth it. None of it.
I accept that it's worth it for some people. But nothing in my experience has been worth the crap and pain. I've certainly stopped. Much better this way. Peaceful. Not hurting. Nice.
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I has a beard. |
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#5 |
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Been there, Done that.
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 268
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*makes room under the bridge for Willowmound*
Gawd, you're already enlightened. I aspire to be more like you Good Sir. ^_^ -An
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I think my siggy is haunted. O.O |
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#6 |
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Lightly salted
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Afloat
Posts: 1,760
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Hang in there -- you may become an old spinster yet!
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I has a beard. |
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#7 |
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Fear the Death Ray
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: wgasa
Posts: 43,746
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Well, having loved and lost, then rinsed and repeated... I would say, yes, I do believe it's better to have loved and lost. Why? After all the heartaches and sadness, etc. time does heal (yeah, I know, another cliche) and it made me stronger (another cliche) and I grew from all that (cliche) and these experiences become part of my past and who I am (cliche). Life is a journey, man (cliche), and while the losses were tough and I wondered why even bothered (cliche), I realized the moments of love were sweet (cliche) and I wouldn't trade them for anything else (cliche). That said, I'm at a point when I'm happy with or without anyone special in my life -- it's all gravy... but I wouldn't have come to this point without having loved and lost.
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I didn't want to work. It was as simple as that. I distrusted work, disliked it. I thought it was a very bad thing that the human race had unfortunately invented for itself. -- Agatha Christie ![]() ![]() The Pacific Between • A Bunch of Stories (2006 IPPY Award) WIP: Beyond the Banyan Tree - draft 9, 125,000 words Home Page | Blog | Reviews Last edited by maestrowork; 09-12-2007 at 06:15 PM. |
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#8 |
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Still Happy to be Here. Or Anywhere
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Sunny SoCal
Posts: 2,669
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Yes - all experience - even pain - is proof of being alive and able to experience the world. You don't necessarily have to repeat unpleasant experiences, but there is no discounting them.
You broke up. You don't know the pain of involuntary separation by death. It's worse.
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Kate Thornton Still Writing Short Stories...and a novel Now Available SPACED OUT Interplanetary Voyages of the Linda Rae INHUMAN CONDITION Tales of Mystery and Imagination IT DOESN"T TAKE A GENIUS only 99 cents on Kindle
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#9 |
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I'm super! Thanks for asking
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: GA
Posts: 2,715
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Every one of my past relationships taught me something about being in this world. I'm very happy to have spent my time with them, no matter how painful it was in the first days/months of it being over. You do get past that.
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Success is not the result of spontaneous combustion. You must set yourself on fire.-- Reggie Leach A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.
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#10 |
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Teaching, Learning, Loving
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Look up!
Posts: 7,777
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It's worth it. Eventually.
I'm sorry that you're hurting. Read all of Maestro's cliche's. In this case, they're true.
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![]() Are my posts too long? I'm less chatty on Twitter. A video of me being a monkey (or maybe a squirrel...) And I write, too... |
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#11 | |
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Banned
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 4,306
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Loving, losing and they're still there
Quote:
And you should never answer with the obvious: "Oh, A. She's a living fossil from my youth." PS: LMNOP (elemental P) is not supposed to represent another potential love and loss, just an interested party...though this just reminded me of an LMNOP-type person (with the nickname of "out-of-focus girl" IIRC) who insisted that I "just tell her everything"...and that she "wasn't dangerous" ...yiokes. Sometimes it is better to run for your life, than have a "not dangerous" love and loss. Last edited by Higgins; 09-12-2007 at 07:49 PM. Reason: Living fossil never, clarify LMNOP |
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#12 | |
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Banned
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 4,306
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The obscure object of Claddistics
Quote:
http://reddit.com/info/1gw8l/comments/c1gx1j But for a more properly spelled version: http://evolution.berkeley.edu/evolib...ylogenetics_01 Or even: http://www.fossilnews.com/1996/cladistics.html |
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#13 |
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query-impaired
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Strawberry Fields Forever
Posts: 927
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The strength and wisdom gained after each break up is invaluable. But when you lose a loved one because of death, that's a whole different story. I'm sure there's a lot of strength and wisdom to be learned there as well, but at too high of a price for me.
Last edited by Salem; 09-13-2007 at 01:21 AM. |
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#14 |
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Banned
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 7,912
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To force oneself away from the chance of love or better-in love-because of fear of spiritual and physical pain is akin to being forced to accept the fact that you are in fact dead.
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#15 |
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Banned
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 4,306
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#16 |
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Joker Groupie
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: probably watching DARK KNIGHT
Posts: 12,091
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I think it depends on the person. There are some people I would rather have loved and lost than never loved at all. But some I just should never have given the time of day too.
But one thing I know for sure now is that if I hadn't had past relationships, that got screwed up, I would not have learned how to maintain the one I have now. That's what's most important. But I have felt as crummy as you do before. *hugs* I wish you the best.
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My feature film WHY AM I IN A BOX? is now online! I wrote, directed, and acted in it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rzglH...ature=youtu.be my IMDB page: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm2097751/ Follow me on twitter: http://twitter.com/rachelgrubb add me on facebook: http://www.facebook.com/celiacyanide |
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#17 |
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Fear the Death Ray
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: wgasa
Posts: 43,746
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It took me over a year to "get over" one relationship. Yup, that was difficult. But here I am. Good as new. And a bit wiser (okay, maybe not, but that's not the point
).I agree, though, that losing someone to a break-up is a totally different thing than losing someone to death... you can't really "recover" from the latter. Lessen the pain, yes, but not recover.
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I didn't want to work. It was as simple as that. I distrusted work, disliked it. I thought it was a very bad thing that the human race had unfortunately invented for itself. -- Agatha Christie ![]() ![]() The Pacific Between • A Bunch of Stories (2006 IPPY Award) WIP: Beyond the Banyan Tree - draft 9, 125,000 words Home Page | Blog | Reviews |
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#18 |
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Banned
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 48,359
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Plus, if it's a break-up, you still have the opportunity to kneecap them and burn down their house with them still in it.
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#19 |
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Fear the Death Ray
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: wgasa
Posts: 43,746
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Note to self: better to never have loved Scarlet at all...
Ray, who likes his kneecaps very much
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I didn't want to work. It was as simple as that. I distrusted work, disliked it. I thought it was a very bad thing that the human race had unfortunately invented for itself. -- Agatha Christie ![]() ![]() The Pacific Between • A Bunch of Stories (2006 IPPY Award) WIP: Beyond the Banyan Tree - draft 9, 125,000 words Home Page | Blog | Reviews |
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#20 |
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18 months He's a walker not undead.
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Boca Raton - Mouth of the Rat
Posts: 5,191
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All my past relationships I learned that I wasn't being true to myself. So now I'm learning how to be single so that when I do come into another relationship it will be better because I won't get lost in the other person.
**Okay, I do like someone else but we are just friends. And I'm content with that, or well trying to be since I know it's for the best. I haven't found anyone better yet but I am learning how to be by myself. As in not in a relationship. It sucks breaking up with your honey or scumbag depending how you feel. I know there are a couple of exes I use both those terms for. You'll get through this. I'm slightly co-dependent and I've gotten through it so I know you can. Remember whatever doesn't kill you only makes you stronger (cliche). **hugs**
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My history Blog: Beyond Tourism: Florida's Yesteryear My Quilting Blog: A Stitch in Time WIP: Through the Schism (SF Romance) word count: 3353 |
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#21 |
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Banned
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 48,359
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#22 |
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living in the past
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,709
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Only had one such experience. When I learned he had another girl with her hooks into him that wasn't letting go and he was waffling, I broke it off. He begged and pleaded and I cried and cried. My heart literally ached so badly I thought it was possible to actually crack the darned thing. A couple of years later I met my husband. I would run into my ex from time to time and although he'd married the other girl he still had feelings for me. I felt sorry for her - she didn't have all his heart. But I realized what a weak man he was and was glad it hadn't worked out between us. Plus I'd never have met and married the fantastic guy I have now! Time eases the pain but you have to let it. Get on with your life and don't look back. Good luck.
Linnea |
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#23 |
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here for a minute...catch me?
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: N. Cali
Posts: 4,591
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I'm glad for all the long term relationships I've had ... no matter how they ended. I found contentment in the midst of them, and not only did I gain and learn as so many here have mentioned, but even more important- I gave as well. I just can't regret loving that way.
Sorry that this is so painful, Chimera- hang in there! |
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#24 |
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practical experience, FTW
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,434
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I'm in the "better to have loved & lost" camp, though for about 4 months after almost any break-up I've experienced I probably would have said otherwise. No matter how ugly and painful the end was - or worse, how uninteresting - I can't really say I'm sorry I had the experience. I came out of each relationship a little wiser, warier, and more self-aware. And even when the bad memories outweigh the good ones, I think that's always worth having.
Been where you are, though, and it sure does suck. I'm sorry you're going through this.
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#25 | |
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SupahStah!
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: So Cal
Posts: 2,559
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Quote:
We - most of us - went through a really f@cked up sh!tty break up to eventually find ourselves in our new happy relationships. You will too. Don't forget that.
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jennifer
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