Crit a book trailer?

[LBlankenship]

It's short... for Disciple, Part II.

It's on a private YouTube page: http://youtu.be/uCkjZ3241i4

The logline/query/summary for Part II has been a bear, so if you rip it apart I won't be surprised. But all thoughts welcome. Crit there, crit here, whatever works for you.

Thanks!

[Rachel Udin]

It was brilliant! The best I've ever seen. But I don't understand the logline. "This video is private. Sorry about that."

1 second and you got me.

Sorry... couldn't resist.

[Gale Haut]

Yep. You'll have to post it publicly if you want us to see it. The other option is to post it on vimeo and include a password protection that you share with us. But the more difficult you make it for us to see the video, the less likely you'll get critiques. Trust me, I learned that the hard way.

[LBlankenship]

OK, since there's little chance of anyone stumbling across it on a huge site like YouTube, I'll stop being paranoid. Public now.

http://youtu.be/uCkjZ3241i4

[alleycat]

I thought it was reasonably well done.

I didn't understand the titling. It says Part I at the beginning.

I thought you could have used a little stronger and more descriptive wording, but it's okay. I liked the line "She shouldn't have kissed him."

[Gale Haut]

I thought it was pretty darn good. I did not personally like the second image that you used. The style didn't match your paintings, and it made the text difficult to read. I also felt that the video cut off too abruptly at the end.

[LBlankenship]

Originally Posted by Gale Haut

I thought it was pretty darn good. I did not personally like the second image that you used. The style didn't match your paintings, and it made the text difficult to read. I also felt that the video cut off too abruptly at the end.

I was worried that combat picture would make the text hard to read... I'll see what I can do. And fix the fade-out on the music, fade the logo out...

True, that picture doesn't fit the style, but it's public domain. And it doesn't openly clash with the fantasy theme, I hope.

[Gale Haut]

Maybe you need more public domain options. Here, I've started a search with some good terms for you. http://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index...ecial%3ASearch

I also suggest adjusting the "levels" of the image you choose to match your art. That should also help, even if the styles are very different.

[Six Alaric]

Nice work. The music is subtle and effective. The art is impressive - although I have to agree about the battle piece not quite fitting with the other images.

The movement on the landscape image lags a bit, which is slightly distracting. Slowing it down might help; the other pictures moved at a lower speed and they all worked smoothly.

[Rachel Udin]

Good work, just a few things:
Who wrote it again?
What does the packaged book look like? (i.e. what am I buying here?)
Where could I find it if I wanted it?
Also watch the margins on the text. It is well broken up, so easy to read.

Have to second on Gale's thoughts about the second painting.

[Tigerlilly79]

Nice, but you do need to add important info like the author's name and where the book can be purchased.

[LBlankenship]

This trailer will be going up in my Kickstarter campaign, actually. But yes, I'll add the book info if I use it elsewhere.

Thanks for the crits, everybody! I tracked down a battle painting from a later era that may work...

[LBlankenship]

Revised version is up! http://youtu.be/C_FT26Mrj6M

[Gale Haut]

I'm seeing major improvements overall.

[Rachel Udin]

Much better! Well done.

The second painting looks like it's about the crusades... since there are people in Middle Eastern garb (I say that because it was meant to be generic at the time it was painted). I'm not quite sure if that's the correct painting... though I'm not sure that many people will notice.

[LBlankenship]

Originally Posted by Rachel Udin

The second painting looks like it's about the crusades... since there are people in Middle Eastern garb (I say that because it was meant to be generic at the time it was painted). I'm not quite sure if that's the correct painting... though I'm not sure that many people will notice.

True, but finding a post-Renaissance, public-domain painting of knights without plate armor is... tricky. I put a lot of work into maintaining a 13th-century vibe in my fantasy world, and that was before plate armor.

I'll just have to commission some more paintings over at DeviantArt when I have the money.

Thanks for the second look, Gale and Rachel!