Crushes needed for YA novels?

[Laer Carroll]

I'm a quarter of the way through my YA novel in my Shapechanger Tales series, The Once-Dead Girl. This is still a first draft, but I write fairly complete scenes in the first pass. Then I go back and add, subtract, and change where necessary, then give the Ms a final polish.

My lady friend astonished me by offering to read it - or at least skim it! Had lots of good things to say about it, plus some minor corrections and suggestions. But she had one major criticism. It went something like this.

"When I was a girl I was always crushing on this boy or that. That's missing here and it made it hard for me to identify with her." (My main character is a 16-17 year old girl.)

I recall something similar from the male side of things from my teen years.

[Mr. Anonymous]

Well, experience with and attraction to members of the same/opposite sex is something that a lot kids have by that age. And for many of them, it occupies a big part of their lives. So while romantic interest/involvement doesn't have to be central to your story, if there's absolutely none of it, I could see some readers finding that strange.

[sarahdalton]

I think it depends on the character. If the girl is not interested in boys then she won't be crushing on them. If she has more important things on her mind then fair enough.

She could have a bit of sexual tension with a boy if she's so inclined, rather than 'crushes'. It's hard to identify your feelings at that age.

Or she might tell her mates she has crushes but just be saying it to fit in.

Or maybe she's asexual and not into all that stuff.

Or maybe she likes girls.

The possibilities are endless...

[Lhipenwhe]

I think it's entirely possible for someone not to 'crush' on someone else during high school. Personally, I went through long stretches of time without 'liking' anyone, or having the desire to ask them out. There were girls I found attractive, but I generally didn't have a relationship on my mind for over half the time.

Granted, I'm a guy and was somewhat asocial, so your mileage may vary.

[Undercover]

It's certainly not mandatory and there are definitely books out there that don't have crushes in them. I agree that it depends on the story. I do think it helps a lot, but you don't need it. It might prove to be a harder sell in the long run though.

[missesdash]

Also, there's a difference between having a crush and turning one into a plot line. Your friend may have just questioned your character's apparent lack of sexuality. Even someone with tons of other things in their mind (unless they're asexual, and sometimes even then) notices an attractive person.

[writingismypassion]

I wouldn't recommend adding any type of love/crush/sex scenarios just for the sake of adding them. There are plenty of stories that leave that stuff out when it's not a part of the story.

[CJ Knightrey]

As an asexual myself I might be biased, but I really don't think it's important. If you didn't write it in, and instead chose to focus more on other things, then romance may not be right for your story. It might muddy to waters to add something in just for the sake of having it, but if you think it could add to your story then it may be worth a look.

[Zombie Kat]

Originally Posted by CJ Knightrey

As an asexual myself I might be biased, but I really don't think it's important. If you didn't write it in, and instead chose to focus more on other things, then romance may not be right for your story. It might muddy to waters to add something in just for the sake of having it, but if you think it could add to your story then it may be worth a look.

Would an asexual teen not fret about their lack of interest in matters of the bodily fluid-persuasion? Because they're not focussed on the same things as everyone else? Genuinely curious (if that's not too personal a question).

I'm all for books that don't focus on love and all that nonsense, don't get me wrong. I suppose I'm just curious in the same way that the 17-year-old version of me actually asked a gay friend what, exactly, she could possibly do (in the sticky sense) with another girl *cringes in shame*

So my opinion is that I think it's fine to not include anything romancey as long as this huge aspect of many teenagers' lives isn't treated like it doesn't exist.

[erin_michelle]

Originally Posted by Zombie Kat

Would an asexual teen not fret about their lack of interest in matters of the bodily fluid-persuasion? Because they're not focussed on the same things as everyone else? Genuinely curious (if that's not too personal a question).

Speaking as someone who identifies as an asexual, I always thought there was something wrong with me when I compared myself to my friends when they had crushes. So much so, I'd make up crush just to fit in. I might not have worried about not having a physical attraction to someone; but wanting to fit in is a universal feeling. The media teaches us that it's "normal" teen behavior to have crushes, date, explore our sexuality, do drugs, drink alcohol, etc.

For the record, I did none of those things in high school. And I know I"m not the only one. We might be in the minority, but we do exist and it would be nice to see some of that behavior represented.

[missesdash]

Originally Posted by erin_michelle

Speaking as someone who identifies as an asexual, I always thought there was something wrong with me when I compared myself to my friends when they had crushes. So much so, I'd make up crush just to fit in. I might not have worried about not having a physical attraction to someone; but wanting to fit in is a universal feeling. The media teaches us that it's "normal" teen behavior to have crushes, date, explore our sexuality, do drugs, drink alcohol, etc.

For the record, I did none of those things in high school. And I know I"m not the only one. We might be in the minority, but we do exist and it would be nice to see some of that behavior represented.

Asexuality is something I think I'd have a really hard time writing. I tend to end up with accidental sexual tension between characters because I write all types of relationships really intensely.

This is especially problematic when I write opposite sex siblings

[veinglory]

Some kids had crushes. Others, myself included, did not. For some teens this part of life genuinely does not exist. The character should be whatever she emerged to be.

[ArachnePhobia]

Originally Posted by erin_michelle

Speaking as someone who identifies as an asexual, I always thought there was something wrong with me when I compared myself to my friends when they had crushes. So much so, I'd make up crush just to fit in. I might not have worried about not having a physical attraction to someone; but wanting to fit in is a universal feeling. The media teaches us that it's "normal" teen behavior to have crushes, date, explore our sexuality, do drugs, drink alcohol, etc.

I can second this. I also faked crushes. I even went on a few dates with guys who asked (although the lack of second date requests makes me think they could tell something was different about me). In my case, I wasn't so much trying to fit in as aiming for invisible. Pretending you feel like everyone else is a good way to turn yourself into scenery and avoid difficult questions and situations.

EDIT: I'm not saying turning yourself into scenery is the right thing to do or that I'm proud of it, just that I did, and that was why.

[erin_michelle]

Originally Posted by missesdash

Asexuality is something I think I'd have a really hard time writing. I tend to end up with accidental sexual tension between characters because I write all types of relationships really intensely.

Heh. Sounds like we balance each other out. Naturally, I think all my characters come off as asexuals since sex is the farthest thing from my mind, so inevitably that comes off in my writing. Only my male MC is a confirmed asexual. (I also don't like to make my character's sexuality their #1 defining characteristic.)

ETA:

Originally Posted by ArachnePhobia

I can second this. I also faked crushes. I even went on a few dates with guys who asked (although the lack of second date requests makes me think they could tell something was different about me). In my case, I wasn't so much trying to fit in as aiming for invisible. Pretending you feel like everyone else is a good way to turn yourself into scenery and avoid difficult questions and situations.

EDIT: I'm not saying turning yourself into scenery is the right thing to do or that I'm proud of it, just that I did, and that was why.

This is what I meant by "fitting in". Considering I didn't know "asexuality" existed until I was out of high school, it was much, much easier for me to pretend I was "normal" because I didn't want to invite questions I didn't know the answer to. I was (am) very much like ArachnePhobia in that I just wanted to get through high school by being under the radar.

[LJ Hall]

It also depends on the type of novel that you're writing. For me, I always fall out of the story when there's intense, possibly world-ending things happening and the MC pushes all that aside for a few pages because CUTE BOY.

If she's just a standard girl living a standard life then I suppose it might feel odd never to have a mention of a guy or an actor whose posters are on her walls, or even the occasional thought that her friends all find some guy cute and she just doesn't see it.

But if she's like turning into a zombie or has to face a horde of demons then I tend to resent when the author inserts moments that make it seem like acknowledging some hot guy is just as important. Even noticing that a guy's hot when bullets or spells are flying around them seems bizarre to me. Like because it's a girl character her priorities rank giggling about boys right on up there with fighting the evil creatures.

[CJ Knightrey]

Originally Posted by Zombie Kat

Would an asexual teen not fret about their lack of interest in matters of the bodily fluid-persuasion? Because they're not focussed on the same things as everyone else? Genuinely curious (if that's not too personal a question).

Well, I can't speak for every asexual, but for me personally I wasn't bothered by it at all. I was however, really confused when people were really obsessed with relationships and stuff. And the look on my face must have been priceless when my friends told me that they were having sex, either in relationships or not. It seriously never crossed my mind to do that. I've always been more focused on school stuff and writing stuff, and I had some friends who also focused on that stuff so I just figured for a long time that everyone was like me.

The issues came up when other people noticed my reactions (or lack-there-of) and then started to pick on me for it. I didn't think anything was wrong, but apparently everyone else did. That's what caused me stress, and that's what made me feel uncomfortable about my asexuality for a while. Left to my own thoughts though I never would have thought that anything was 'wrong'.

But from some aces that I've talked to, they really have felt like they were alien or not normal and it caused them a lot of stress. And it doesn't help that a lot of people (including a surprising amount of doctors and psychiatrists) discount it all together and just label the person as a liar, freak, or robot. I think that's where the stress comes from.

[Becca C.]

Bringing this back to the OP: there's a difference between writing an actual asexual character and accidentally edging around -- or forgetting to write in -- the character's sexuality. I recommend rethinking your character and your story and deciding from there whether or not you need something.

[Laer Carroll]

Thanks, everyone. This has been enormously helpful.

[Amadan]

Remember that every critique should be taken with a grain of salt.

If I get a comment from someone who says "I was like this at that age, and this character doesn't act like that, so she doesn't seem real to me," I'm going to treat it as one person universalizing her own experiences.

If more than one person says the same thing, then give it serious thought.

If the person can be more specific than "She doesn't act like I did," maybe she has a point. Like, if your character is supposed to be a typical sixteen-year-old heterosexual girl but never even thinks about boys? Yeah, that would stand out to me. Romance and crushes might not be a significant element in your story, but most kids at least have thoughts about it.

[AllieKat]

I didn't have a lot of crushes at that age, except for crushes on actors. All too old for me, of course.

[dbock]

What does the main character think and feel? Is it right for them to have a crush? Are they the type of person to have one? Sure it's important to relate to the reader but I think if you have a good story and a fleshed out MC it doesn't really matter.

That said. ALWAYS had crushes. Always had a girlfriend. The idea of being single was a rare thought. So yeah, I'd have to agree with your lady friend on that part, lol.

[Windcutter]

I think it's not even about teens, it's that universal desire to see a bit of romance in fiction that's typical for a lot of readers across genres.

Though also seconding what Amadan said about universalizing one's experiences. It's not just a choice between always crushing on some boy and being asexual. Some teens have only one or two crushes. Some want to fall in love, but don't see anyone crush-worthy around, so they are in love with the idea of being in love. Some feel sexually attracted to other teens, but never really crush on anyone because they are too cool-headed.

[kuwisdelu]

Originally Posted by missesdash

This is especially problematic when I write opposite sex siblings

Remember, one person's "problematic" is another person's "fetish."

Just sayin'...

[Kim Fierce]

The only weird thing I experienced after adding some crush action to my book is that now instead of being labeled as the contemporary adventure that I see it as, my publisher really promotes the "romance" part and I don't consider myself a 'romance' writer!

But so far all my stories have some kind of "romance" I guess. But I think it needs a new label because I think I just have a stigma against that word. "Romance" makes me think of books with no real plot . . . but I know that the kinds of stuff you are talking about is different!

[veinglory]

It already has a name: "WRE" or "with romantic elements".