The No News is No News Purgatory Thread, Vol. 7

[Dawn Schaefer]

Originally Posted by xiaotien

my sweet pea is 8 and just started
to email. i checked her emails last night
and i wasn't too happy about the behavior
on there. most of it was inane, but i wonder
if there's any reason for her to be on it at
all? she's only emailing her friends at school.

at what age did you let your bub email?
and if they do, do you limit access?

thanks for any advice. being a parent is
really hard.

My 8 and 10 year old both have email - school accounts, in fact. I have their passwords and regularly check the accounts.

I don't think restricting/allowing email is as big of deal as setting clear rules and expectations about how to use email and be online. We made our boys sign an agreement, detailing what we expected and what consequences would be. So far, we haven't had any problems.

[dystophil]

Well, not really other than thinking an honest talk and figuring out what your teens want to do online would be good. I don't think keeping them from it entirely will be all that effective, since they'll be exposed to it either way.

Thanks for the picture love, gang. I definitely want a do over for meeting Fire again ASAP. (we're already planning future retreats. ) I got hit over the head with a nasty cold and am currently camped out in the lounge if our B&B, where it's comfy and they have free tea. I lost my voice and am communicating to Para and vfury in writing. Also, I should get this chapter done and prove to Para that it isn't a purely imaginary chapter, but my brain is too stuffed up. Blast and damn.

Still, writing/reading/having tea right here just off Baker Street.



Life could definitely be worse.

[MysteryRiter]

Holy shit! Who else heard about the 20-year-old who just sold her debut novel in a 7 figure deal? She's supposed to be the next JK Rowling as well. I'm in awe. I mean, really: 7 figures. JK Rowling. Debut novel. 20 years old.

[suki]

MysteryRiter - big deals happen, esp. in YA. I've learned not to buy the hype or get too worked up about it. And while I can nod in appreciation of someone writing something publishable so young, there are many working authors in their 20s. So...

I can't tell you how many people have been called the next whomever by their own agents and publishers

So, I'll note the deal, and then wait to read the book.

~suki

[Kiahanna]

Hrm...

I'm trying to decide if I want to start my story where my mc's changed or not...

Tricky..

[Amarie]

Originally Posted by xiaotien

lily, i think the longer we put off
online stuff, the better. there is no
reason for her to be emailing nonsense
to her friends when she sees them at school
all day. and ironically, hub is computer guy,
but does very little in the way of gate keeping.

i'm thinking we need to revoke or seriously
limit the email stuff. i'm sorry we let her on
in the first place. (her dad did, actually. i think
i need to have a chat with him. he isn't the type
to ever think about consequences. augh.)

Cindy,
email for my daughter is just like the phone used to be when I was her age (11). I'd come home after school and call a couple of friends I'd just seen and talk to them for an hour. My daughter just emails back and forth with a group of girls in her class. It's like a big group phone call. I guess it depends on how your daughter is using it and how comfortable you feel with it.

[xiaotien]

amarie, there was behavior i saw that
i did not like. that is my issue. by alas, sweet
pea. we had to have a talk, as i said.

being a parent is exhausting.

[Amarie]

Originally Posted by xiaotien

being a parent is exhausting.

yes it is, just spent three hours shopping with daughter for shoes to go with a dress she's wearing to give a school presentation. After she tried on about 50 pairs of shoes, we came away with nothing. she has weird-shaped feet and they are too big for kid sizes but so many women's shoes are too grownup-looking for her.

I officially hate shoes now.

[callalily61]

I know at least AL asked for my grilled pizza recipe and I never posted it. Apologies! However, I made them tonight and with the process fresh in my mind, here it is:

Grilled Pizzas

1 lb. store bread dough OR here's my bread machine recipe:
1-1/2 cups water
2 tbl oil
2 tsp salt
2 tsp sugar
4 cups flour
4 tsp yeast (regular, not the "bread machine" kind)
1 tbl gluten

1 lb. shredded mozzarella cheese
1 jar sauce if you don't have any homemade handy
1 lb. roll sausage, cooked, cooled, and crumbled
1 pkg sliced pepperoni
1/2 green pepper, sliced thin
(or any other toppings you might prefer)

When dough is done, spray grill with cooking spray and turn it on to its highest setting. Split dough into 8 pieces. Roll each piece into circles, more or less. (I use a rolling pin because it's easier than hand-tossing.)

Depending on the size of your grill, set 2-4 circles on it, and lower the heat to medium-high. Cook till they bubble up, usually one huge bubble. Pop bubble and check the bottoms. you should see nice brown grill marks. This will take about 4 minutes. Take them off and put the next batch on. Repeat till all the circles are cooked on one side.

Bring them back inside and turn them over so the grill marks are face up. This prevents burned bottoms and soggy tops. Spread 2 tbl. of sauce on each pizza, leaving 1/4" edge bare. place desired toppings on each. Cover completely with a thin coating of cheese.

Re-spray the grill and put them on 2-3 at a time, cooking till the cheese is melted and the bottoms have nice brown grill marks, about 4 minutes.

Cool a bit, cut into halves or quarters, and nom.

[Bluestone]

Had such a lovely afternoon with OL, X-Cin and GJB. And the book signing and bookstore birthday bash was fun, all outside on a lovely spring day. I've included one of OL that I like. The wine bottle has the Getaway label on it. Very cool!



Teri, hope everything is okay in TX and you don't get too hung up with the chitchat.

Clovia, I absolutely love that necklace you made for X-Cin. It is gorgeous. And it looked stunning on her.

Originally Posted by xiaotien

her dad isn't the type
to ever think about consequences. augh.

I have one of those, xiao. He never thinks things through either, and I have to end up being the bad guy, trying to undo the damage he's done.

As for the kidlet stuff on internet, it really depends so much on the situation and the children. One of my sisters told her teen she could not be on FB unless she friended her, which caused WW III in that household. Teen finally gave in...and created a FAKE FB page for her mum, complete with posts, friends and photos! Haha. It is sort of funny (not to my sister) that it was so obviously fake she was never going to get away with it, but this is how a child's mind works.

OTOH, my SIL, who our kids and all other kids in Mr Blue's family thinks is the most liberal, coolest, rockingest parent ever, let her kids do anything they wanted, but had a program that monitored every keystroke, so she had access to email, FB, etc. She ended up reading raunchy, shocking stuff, but she couldn't say anything or would have outed herself. I don't believe in that route at all. Nor do I think she's a good parent (neither does her brother, Mr. Blue.)

Touchy subject all the way around, but personally, I believe in monitoring and age appropriate - not creating an intolerable peer situation for her, but setting clear boundaries too. They grow up so fast anyway, why speed up the process?

[kellion92]

Mystery, I think that deal is sort of over-hyped. It's actually a six-figure, seven-book deal, which may or may not be a lot of money per book and may or may not be a deal that would work well for a 20-year-old. That's a long commitment.

Even if she's a brilliant 20-year-old (I'm sure she is), will a brilliant 25-year-old or 27-year-old want to be writing the same story? I hope the deal is not too restrictive.

My daughter is 7 and I haven't thought about email, but I'm curious about what the objection is. The persistence of it? The forwardability? Or does the content of a child's email vary a lot from face-to-face or phone conversations?

I honestly hadn't considered kids' email and I don't personally think of it as a big freedom -- email is kind of businessy. You email teachers or clients, and you FB or text friends, right? What do kids use it for?

[Haupe]

I think I forgot to wave to Tallly earlier. Consider that fixed.

X-Cin, barring a best friend who'd left town, I have a hard time understanding why email would be needed at 8.

That said, in these kind of situations, I usually have my kids make the case to me about why they should be allowed this new, potentially risky privilege. Then I ask them how they'd handle a variety of hypothetical situations. Sometimes they have to go think about it and return with the next step in their proposal. We've done this enough, they both know they'll get farther with a good argument than argumentativeness or drama, but it helps me feel I'm not saying a reflexive "no." After all, it is a new world, and as suki says, each kid is different.

There is no rush to say yes, though. If you're uncomfortable and she's not demonstrating mature behavior, then I think it's perfectly reasonable to say "no for now."

ETA: Blue and OL, love the photo. The wine bottle is killer.

kellion, an email address is necessary for many sites that parents wouldn't want a kid on at this age. It makes them vulnerable to phishing, and they're putting out material that can be forwarded by malicious "frenemies." Cyber-bullying is, unfortunately, a very real threat these days, and an 8-year-old wouldn't necessarily have the judgment to know how their confidential words can be used against them forever.

[kellion92]

Conversely, as Haupe suggested, I also wonder what the attraction is for email. For most grownups, it's a business medium.

Why does she say she wants email, Xiao? To work on homework or Chinese school projects, talk to girls who aren't in her classes during the day, talk to kids from her old school? Is that just how kids communicate socially, rather than the phone? I can understand that because I hate the phone...

[xiaotien]

haupe hub let her. and she was
emailing only her classmates. when
i raised the issue of setting limits and
bad behavior i saw he said take it
away then!

yeah. thanks for nothing husband.

kell she is a little addicted. i am
on iphone so cannot rep my concerns
on poor behavior. but at least it opened
dialogue between us.

[xiaotien]

kell solely for fun.
she hasnt started chatting on
the phone yet.

[Amarie]

Originally Posted by kellion92

My daughter is 7 and I haven't thought about email, but I'm curious about what the objection is. The persistence of it? The forwardability? Or does the content of a child's email vary a lot from face-to-face or phone conversations?

I honestly hadn't considered kids' email and I don't personally think of it as a big freedom -- email is kind of businessy. You email teachers or clients, and you FB or text friends, right? What do kids use it for?

Kell
My daughter and her friends aren't on Facebook and they don't call each other to chat so for them email is like one ongoing conference call among about 11 girls

[kellion92]

I can see how a kid could get addicted, Xiao. Good point. Children are so immediate and they want to be connected as possible to their friends and have such a strong fear of being left out. If there's a way to stay connected, the urge to refresh and recheck would be hard to resist. It would be easy to get lost in it and to be less engaged with the world before them.

Says the writer.

[Haupe]

X-cin, just have him go and tell her he goofed, hadn't thought it all through and you are absolutely right. It's okay for parents to make mistakes and catch them. Great modelling, actually. I'm sure his intentions were good, and obviously you both feel she's not ready just yet.

[Dawn Schaefer]

At my kids' school, every child gets an email account in 3rd grade. Teachers send messages to them. They're taught how to write proper emails (like learning how to write a letter when I was a kid), plus they've set up homework groups - a group of 5 students who act as email buddies. If you forget an assignment, you email a buddy to get it.

I do know that there have been a few issues with 5th grade girls texting nasty things to each other, but that was squashed immediately. The school really takes a strong position on teaching the kids how to be safe online and teaching them how to properly use social media. The girls who texted nasty remarks had detention for a week - and it didn't even occur during school hours.

[xiaotien]

dawn, wow, is it a private school?

[K. Taylor]

Thinking of 8-year-olds having e-mail makes me feel very old.

What's wrong with the way it was when I was a kid? You come home after school (provided you're not stuck in daycare) and play with a friend on your street until it's getting dark or dinner, whichever comes first, if you don't have any or much homework that day. Then the evening was either TV or reading a book next to my mother or over at my grandparents' house.

I wasn't on the phone with any friend after school until high school, and even then it wasn't a lot. We had plenty of time together during school.

I suppose me and my BFF would've e-mailed in this age instead of sending letters back and forth over summer vacay while she was in CO with family, but maybe we would've still sent letters just for the neatness of getting real mail, anyway. 'Cause as a kid, you never get mail unless it's a card for your birthday.

[Leanan-Sidhe]

*collapses on Purgatory couch* Hi everybody!

Love the pics of Lisa's signing. You guys look great--and so does the book!

Dystophil, get well soon. *passes tea*

I got an email account in 6th grade, back when the Internet was shiny and new. Oh, to remember the dial-up sound....

Aw, man, I missed the Super Moon.

But I did see Avengers! I had to leave the country, since Japan doesn't get it for months (and I have already waited years), but I saw it! Twice! Much fangirling, flailing, and squeeing ensued.

[Thalia]

Well, there were no kids my age on the street, my grandparents lived 8 hours away, and... I didn't really 'play' when I was 8, anyway.

ETA: Avengers was all sold out today. Considering that even Twilight and THG didn't get sold out, this is impressive for my island.

[Amarie]

Originally Posted by K. Taylor

Thinking of 8-year-olds having e-mail makes me feel very old.

What's wrong with the way it was when I was a kid? You come home after school (provided you're not stuck in daycare) and play with a friend on your street until it's getting dark or dinner, whichever comes first, if you don't have any or much homework that day. Then the evening was either TV or reading a book next to my mother or over at my grandparents' house.

I wasn't on the phone with any friend after school until high school, and even then it wasn't a lot. We had plenty of time together during school.

I suppose me and my BFF would've e-mailed in this age instead of sending letters back and forth over summer vacay while she was in CO with family, but maybe we would've still sent letters just for the neatness of getting real mail, anyway. 'Cause as a kid, you never get mail unless it's a card for your birthday.

ktaylor, I wish my daughter had friends in the neighborhood, but beyond a girl of 5 and one who is 15, there isn't anyone else. We don't live in one of the kid-populated suburbs. Also, her friends are scattered all over the city, the closest lives about three miles away, so the parents will drive kids to others houses on weekends, but after school, it doesn't work.

[CheekyWench]

hey all.

/waves