Redesigning Eva

CatharsisChild · Jun 21, 2011

Oooh, boy... I've been stuck on this puppy for awhile, and I've just recently came up with a good plot outline. I'm currently doing pre-writing. The only succinct way to describe it is to imagine Molly Ringwald taken out of a John Hughes film, dropped into a Blade Runner-esque urban nightmare where human bio-augmentation is rampant, throw in the violence, cynicism, and satire of RoboCop, Fight Club and the writings of Bret Easton Ellis, the premise of Seconds, the philosophical rambling of The Matrix and Neon Genesis Evangelion and the overall Mind Screwy-ness of David Lynch and Philip K. Dick, and you get Redesigning Eva. Did I mention Ray-Ban Wayfarers, lots of vintage film noir, and the wicked humor of A Clockwork Orange?

Our Ringwald expy is Evangeline "Eva" Elliot, a Valium-addled, neurotic 21 year-old with two dead end jobs (one as a "runner", the other as a waitress) and a serious existential funk. One day, she gets a business card from a megacorp called Prometheus, instructing her to meet them. They inform her that she's a prime candidate for a life-altering program called Catharsis: a blend of physical conditioning, psychoanalysis, and gene therapy. Eva is reluctant, but volunteers after being blackmailed. The procedure is a success, and Eva is transformed into a Superwoman of sorts. But a question lingers in our mind: should a person like Eva have volunteered in the first place? What follows is a bizarre mind game involving an Aryan prettyboy mad scientist, a cult made up of other Catharsis subjects, Eva's watchdog journalist ex-boyfriend, Asian cyborgs, a damaged shrink, an unhinged rich girl, sex tapes, drugs, a car chase/shootout involving the JCPD, a creepy hologram, hallucinations, and a butterfly.

To quote Ringwald from Sixteen Candles: "I can't believe it."

thothguard51 · Jun 21, 2011

A few questions most readers want to know from any novel...

Who is the MC...
What does she want...
How will she achieve what she wants.
What stands in her way...
Who is trying to stop her...
What happens if she fails...

All the other stuff is fluff and may or may not be important. Car chases in a book don't go over as well as they do on screen.

From the sounds of your rambling take of the story, you're putting too much of others writers marbles in your bag and nothing is yours. Or so it seems...

CatharsisChild · Jun 21, 2011

Who is the MC... Eva Elliot, obviously.
What does she want... She wants to be a complete human being again. She's spiritually numb, like a Bret Easton Ellis protagonist.
How will she achieve what she wants. Self-searching.
What stands in her way... Her fragile mental stability.
Who is trying to stop her... Herself.
What happens if she fails... She'll be stuck where she is, a shell.

thothguard51 · Jun 21, 2011

Well, based on your answers, what the hell is a car chase even doing in this story?

You have a character that is both the protagonist and antagonist so its a man against self story arc. But so far, you haven't given this reader anything of interest.

Why would I want to read this or care about a character who does not care about herself?

CatharsisChild · Jun 21, 2011

Well, based on your answers, what the hell is a car chase even doing in this story?
It's a long, weird story.

You have a character that is both the protagonist and antagonist so its a man against self story arc. But so far, you haven't given this reader anything of interest.
It's just a plot description, dude. You want me to spoil the whole thing?

Why would I want to read this or care about a character who does not care about herself?
This book is quite cynical and pessimistic in tone. A major theme is self-destruction and the subsequent potential for rebirth from such an experience.

powerskris · Jun 21, 2011

It is an intriguing title and there were certainly elements of the what you described that I found really interesting. I say take it on the road and see where it goes.

thothguard51 · Jun 21, 2011

You want me to spoil the whole thing?

Spoil what? An idea? Ideas are dime a dozen. It's execution that matters.

You present a half baked rambling idea. My job is to question you to draw more out and then comment on any plot fails I see. As is, I can't do my job because your job is lacking... IMHO of course.

Just run with it and then put something up in SYW. And if your afraid someone will steal your idea then you are in the wrong place.

CaroGirl · Jun 21, 2011

Honestly? It sounds like a great story to me. Definitely write it and see where the story takes you. You have some fabulous and original (and weird!) ideas. You might be surprised at how the story turns out.

Go for it!

atombaby · Jun 21, 2011

Mind games and cults are always interesting, as well as mega corporations and insanity. Stick with your theme(s) and I'll look forward to seeing a sample in the SYW threads!

brainstorm77 · Jun 21, 2011

Write it and worry about the rest later.

mccardey · Jun 21, 2011

It sounds really promising - so go and write it!

Good luck

CatharsisChild · Jun 21, 2011

I'm really sorry. I tend to think in a non-linear, flood-like manner, possibly due to my Asperger's or the fact that I drank one soda too many today. I've just been really excited that I finally came up with an outline for this chaotic story. Also, I'm seventeen, so don't expect anything earth-shattering. I'm just starting out. I should really practice first, though, before I sit down. The thing is, I'm easily distracted. I once wrote three chapter worth of RE once, but I deleted it. Felt that it wasn't good enough. I have very high standards for myself, and I want that to show through my work.

One way, for me, of looking at RE is that its an attack on perfectionism. Perfect genes, perfect looks, perfect cars, perfect sex, perfect tech... we're so obsessed with being at the top that we lose sight of our humanity, our flaws. You could say that its self-satire, a middle-finger from myself to my inner critic. The inner critic of the story is Alter-Eva, a kind of Tyler Durden to Eva's Jack. She's the id and super-ego combined in Eva's mind to serve as a kind of balanced self. Alter-Eva says that she's everything Eva wants to be, and everything she doesn't want to be. Throughout the story, Eva is taunted by it. In her zeal to find balance, Eva drives herself to an even more gloomy existence than the one she was in at the beginning of the story, when she was popping Valium, "running" and spiking the food and drinks of the clientele at Takeshi's.

A bit more about the story, if I was being vague... Like I said, augmentation, or "redesigning", is the scene. People, for every conceivable reason, are being outfitted with cybernetic implants, strengthened through gene therapy, or having radical "personality surgery" through state-of-the-art psychoanalysis. A key inspiration for RE was my concern about the effects such things would have on our humanity. Would it be a boon or another superficial means of comfort in a time of nothingness? Eva is a cynical anti-heroine, an archetype quite common in noir; she's tired not only with her life, but with the society she was born in. Thoth, you said something about not being able to care for Eva because of her self-loathing, right? Well, deep down inside, there's a part that drives her to live, to be a real human being again. It's buried under the rubble, fingers sticking out.

I developed a chart of layers for Eva's personality. The innermost core is the lost person. Above that, the shell. Above that is what I call the Deck (combination of a private "dick" and Deckard from a certain 80's sci-fi film), the hardboiled Marlowe-type whose cynicism acts as a protective barrier. After that is the Supergirl: free-spirited, arrogant, adventurous. The kind of person every average Joe or Jane would like to be if they were given great power.

That's all I can write for now. I need to give my fingers a rest.

atombaby · Jun 21, 2011

CatharsisChild said:
That's all I can write for now. I need to give my fingers a rest.

No need to apologize, Connor, as I'm sure that explaining so much of your story to us strangers helped yourself get an even better view of your story and Eva. You have some good concepts and practice is key. Just write and write. I cringed when I read that you deleted what you had worked on, but even that practice has helped you progress as a writer. Start your story and never stop till you write "the end." Worry about everything else after that.

mccardey · Jun 21, 2011

Oh, don't apologise! "Go on and write it" is the sort of bolstering support people give around here (because writing can be hard work, after all!). I meant it nicely, not bossily. I think your ideas are very engaging - I'd like to see how they turn out.

Best of luck!

PS: as atom says - don't delete things. Just put them into a separate folder. I learned that the hard way, myself

CatharsisChild · Jun 21, 2011

Thanks.

You know, it would be funny to see Molly Ringwald, clad in Ray-Ban Wayfarers, a green version of Deckard's jacket, and torn blue jeans, smoking a "cig" and walking in slow motion down a neon-lit alley as steam shoots from manholes, heavy rain tumbles down, and she's narrating in a Rorschach-type voice while Gary Numan plays on the soundtrack.

"It always rains in Janus City. Figure it out."

thothguard51 · Jun 21, 2011

C/Child,

You just gave more info than in the first post, IMHO. Great, now I know your character has a personality and is not a cardboard cut out from 50 other SF books and films of similar story lines.

As to the original questions I asked, those are basic plot points that as you write your story you'll want to SHOW the readers. That is why I put them there, to help you along.

I'm not much of a hand holder, but more of a pusher. If you stick around I will push you to be the best you can be, just as others have pushed me.

Good luck and when you get 50 post, post something in the SYW to test out your style or storyline...

quicksand · Jun 21, 2011

I like it.

But the best thing about it is that you're excited about the idea. That's the key. That's the hook. Now go and write it, take risks, and find out how it all expands into a complete novel.

You may not stay at this level of enthusiasm for the entire process, but that's okay. It's certainly a good enough idea to kick-start.

shelleyo · Jun 21, 2011

CatharsisChild,

It sounds like a romping, rollicking idea that you're going to have a lot of fun writing.

I know some people always take their ideas and run them through others for feedback--I can't operate that way. When I'm in the idea stage, I'm in my element. I'm having fun, I'm excited, and the last thing I want or need is someone criticizing or even just scrutinizing my ideas before I've even gotten started. I don't think you thrive that way either, given your post.

Write your story. Enjoy it. Then revise it, and get feedback if you can handle the criticism. I've always thought that pulling back the curtains on your raw ideas is like inviting someone to piss in your corn flakes. No matter how well meaning the criticism--and all of it won't be well-meaning, as you'll encounter some people who don't give a shit--it means little when the whole story isn't there, fully-fleshed out, to critique. I can't adequately critique a whole story based on the first few pages, let alone the raw, not yet fully-formed idea.

Try writing the story, then wondering what other people think. Best of luck!

Shelley

Ria13 · Jun 22, 2011

all right. I tried to critique some specific aspects of the story, but failed because of botheration with the quotes fields.

some suggestions: watch Serial Experiments lain as well if you like NGE (and I consider myself a huge fan of NGE).

the bit about her getting shanghaied into Catharsis... I don't like that. it makes the themes of the story ran moot and the relationship with the protagonist and to the story rather bathetic. as well, she lives in a society where people commonly opt for "redesigning" if they can afford it. so I would make it so that she won (by chance or otherwise) "the works". the extra-size pizza with everything on it.

Eva doing terrible things to herself matters more and has more relevance than "didn't want to do do it but they made me". I would also make her transformation cumulative and gradual as that would seems to me more credible and more engaging.

you could develop some good tension by pitting one part of Eva ("I want this to continue") versus another ("I want this to stop") while the reader says, "I want this to continue while I delight in imagining what it would feel like to develop superpowers".

lastly (though this may cause controversy), psychoanalysis doesn't work in real life. so it wouldn't work in the future. (you could have some sort of substitute -- borrowed idea -- of a VR game where you specifically combat your own physical or psychological fears. you fear spiders? now in the VR game you have spiders to deal with. you get the idea.)

AceTachyon · Jun 22, 2011

As I've said in other threads much like this one: Write it, write it, write it.

Worry about everything else when you've finished.

Run with the idea. Write the story.

Period.

Shadowflame · Jun 22, 2011

I agree with the others. Write Write Write.
That is the only way to get the story going. Don't worry about if you have it perfect. That is what drafts are for. You will learn more about the story as you do. Make some notes on ideas you want to go back to but keep going.

and keep us updated on how things are going.
Good LUCK!

CatharsisChild · Jun 22, 2011

...the bit about her getting shanghaied into Catharsis... I don't like that. it makes the themes of the story ran moot and the relationship with the protagonist and to the story rather bathetic. as well, she lives in a society where people commonly opt for "redesigning" if they can afford it. so I would make it so that she won (by chance or otherwise) "the works". the extra-size pizza with everything on it.

The blackmail thing could be something more on the lines of psychological manipulation (playing on Eva's wants and needs) rather than threatening to expose an illegal activity. Klaus Krieger, the Aryan-looking mastermind behind Catharsis, knows how people's minds work, and uses that ability to his advantage. He can tell Eva wants it. Basically, the red pill-blue pill options: Escape your life or continue on with it.

Another interpretation of Eva is that she's so jaded and bored that she searches for a means of thrillseeking, regardless of the personal or interpersonal risks. Alex DeLarge as the everyman.

Eva doing terrible things to herself matters more and has more relevance than "didn't want to do do it but they made me". I would also make her transformation cumulative and gradual as that would seems to me more credible and more engaging.

you could develop some good tension by pitting one part of Eva ("I want this to continue") versus another ("I want this to stop") while the reader says, "I want this to continue while I delight in imagining what it would feel like to develop superpowers".

lastly (though this may cause controversy), psychoanalysis doesn't work in real life. so it wouldn't work in the future. (you could have some sort of substitute -- borrowed idea -- of a VR game where you specifically combat your own physical or psychological fears. you fear spiders? now in the VR game you have spiders to deal with. you get the idea.)

One concept would've had the Corporation encouraging Eva to go through a series of trials throughout Janus City based on her psych profile to see if she's committed to being fully redesigned, but it makes the story more of a thriller than it needs to be.

I feel that by writing about my story, I can open up some creative pores. Writing is my exercise.

AceTachyon · Jun 22, 2011

CatharsisChild said:
I feel that by writing about my story, I can open up some creative pores. Writing is my exercise.

Seriously, CathasisChild.

Don't write about your story.

Write the actual story.

From beginning all the way to the end.

Now go.

CatharsisChild · Jun 22, 2011

Just wrote a page in a 3-subject notebook that I'm devoting to my first draft. Not sure if I could post it here, or if I should.

MJNL · Jun 22, 2011

Nope, not here. But you can post it in the Share Your Work sub-forums when you hit 50 posts.

Redesigning Eva

CatharsisChild

thothguard51

A Gentleman of a refined age...

CatharsisChild

thothguard51

A Gentleman of a refined age...

CatharsisChild

powerskris

thothguard51

A Gentleman of a refined age...

CaroGirl

Living the dream

atombaby

nice & cynical

brainstorm77

practical experience, FTW

mccardey

CatharsisChild

atombaby

nice & cynical

mccardey

CatharsisChild

thothguard51

A Gentleman of a refined age...

quicksand

Exactly the same size in real life

shelleyo

Just another face in a red jumpsuit

Ria13

AceTachyon

Odd person

Shadowflame

Gametrovert

CatharsisChild

AceTachyon

Odd person

CatharsisChild

MJNL

A Little Lost