Quick resume help? (two blurbs) (sending this around noon today, EST)

Fenika

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:D

You folks are always so helpful. I have two changes to my resume and I want to make them stronger and more action verby. Any suggestions?

1:

Summary:
Supervisory Public Health Veterinarian with diverse background bringing knowledge of gross pathology and varied species care, along with strong teamwork and leadership skills to the food safety industry. I am seeking a position which will allow me to expand my food safety knowledge and career, while at the same time being closer to my family.


2 (current job description. This is still past tense, no?)
<Title/employer/location/ date to present>

Conducted supervisor and inspection duties in [type] HIMP plant. Conducted IPPS, managed employee issues, addressed GCP concerns, and coordinated with all members of the food safety team to ensure completion of the agency mission.


Yes, I know half of that is code, but the person reviewing my resume will know the codes. [] is there to keep a detail off the interwebz.
 

Fenika

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Well, I was all ready to kick this baby out the door, but it can wait until tonight. Any of you wonderful folks want to offer suggestions still? :D
 

Pyekett

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Translated.
Summary:
Supervisory Public Health Veterinarian (Is this a specific job title (PHV)? If not, then it should not be capitalized) with (a) diverse background (consider putting a comma here, since it isn't the background that brings knowledge) bringing knowledge of gross pathology and varied species care, (especially with the prior comma, I think you could lose this one--it isn't needed and just breaks up the flow of thought) along with strong teamwork and leadership skills to the food safety industry. I am seeking a position which will allow me to expand my food safety knowledge and career, while at the same time being closer to my family.

The last sentence may be worth revising. I am assuming from your username that you are female, and unfortunately (and possibly illegally) mention of family concerns might raise a red flag as to your priorities and potential non-work obligations. You can get to the same place without as much potential concern by something like "I am seeking a position which will allow me to expand my food safety knowledge and career in Topeka, Kansas (or wherever)."

Probably you'd then get asked about why you want to move to Topeka in an interview setting, but it's easier to deal with personal details more matter-of-factly at that setting. The interviewer will have a sense of how you comport yourself professionally already, given the meeting, and it's easier to say something like "I grew up here and look forward to returning to my roots" rather than have that person assume the worst, such as "I am returning to provide fulltime hospice care for my elderly parents while trying to raise two children and somehow fulfill the requirements of a fulltime job."

Mind you, there is nothing wrong with the latter if that's the case, but whatever it is may be assumed to be a potential distraction just from the mention of "family." It's my opinion that this level of detail is your own business at this point, until and unless it affects your work. I don't see an ethical requirement to divulge such detail anyway, and averting that line of thought only helps. Often people reviewing resumes have a stack and will look for reasons to reject, whether well thought out or not and whether fair or not. You want to get to the interview. Like a successful query, eh?

2 (current job description. This is still past tense, no?) I think so
<Title/employer/location/ date to present>

Conducted supervisor and inspection duties in [type] HIMP plant. Conducted IPPS, managed employee issues, addressed GCP concerns, and coordinated with all members of the food safety team to ensure completion of the agency mission.

My only general comments would be that (1) I don't see how a veterinary background links necessarily with food safety, although this may be obvious to someone in the field--if not, though, might be worth a few words to spell out the link, (2) is there a way to put more detail in the latter part (i.e., number of people supervised, etc.)?, and (3) I tend to like bullet points rather than paragraphs, though that's a matter of personal style.

Good luck with your job search.
 
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Fenika

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Thanks, Pyekett, that's all helpful :) PHV (or SPHV) is the title. And ah, see, I was thinking the whole family thing was a who cares at best. A 'oh shit, burn this one' at worst is not a good thing. :D

I added mention of who I'm supervising now to the cover letter, cheers for that. And also, vets have a great deal to do with food safety and that little USDA inspected and passed stamp on meat and things that sometimes pass for meat like hot dogs :D

With small changes:

[FONT=&quot]Supervisory Public Health Veterinarian with a diverse background, bringing knowledge of gross pathology and varied species care along with strong teamwork and leadership skills to the food safety industry. I am seeking a position which will allow me to expand my food safety knowledge and career.[/FONT]
 

Pyekett

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Well, sounds great to me. Again, best wishes in all your endeavors. I find job applications more stressful than moving--I like to get my professional butt in a seat and dig in, though I'll happily live out of a camper. But life goes its own way, and this and that, so changes have happened despite my best efforts.

I hope this is a time of excitement and growth for you as much as possible, with as little hassle as there may be.
 

Fenika

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Thank ye folks, particularly for the useful advice on lips... ;)

Alright, time to put these materials together and kick them out the door. Worse they can do is never call me while I sit here on night shift, wasting away to nothing as my circadian rhythm disruptions screw up the rest of my body and my weight continues to drop and my blood sugar levels continue to jump around and cause adrenal rushes. Yay?

*crosses fingers*
 

Kateness

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Thank ye folks, particularly for the useful advice on lips... ;)

Alright, time to put these materials together and kick them out the door. Worse they can do is never call me while I sit here on night shift, wasting away to nothing as my circadian rhythm disruptions screw up the rest of my body and my weight continues to drop and my blood sugar levels continue to jump around and cause adrenal rushes. Yay?

*crosses fingers*

We both picked great jobs, didn't we?
 

Fenika

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Mine's not too dire excepting the hours and that it has almost nothing to do with vet stuff (that's specific to this job and a few other similar plants in the US). Were I to work an afternoon shift, even until midnight, it wouldn't be so sucky. Just kinda lame.

Oh, and the proximity to psychotic assaulting landladies is a downer and was not mentioned when I relocated. x.x