The Dastardly Dungeon of Deliciously Devious Drinks

Morning Cantina. I'm not quite sure how I feel this morning. Less tired than the past couple mornings I guess, but there's some underlying stress too. My mom said that last night while I was showering my dad was going on again about how I will have to get a master's degree in teaching at some point and he doesn't understand why I don't want to do that, and then proceeded to say that my MOM also will have to get one. She's used to arguing with him about trying to pressure me to get a master's but then he comes up and says she needs one too? What the heck even? To say the least her head about spun around and told him that wasn't happening for her any more than it's happening for me because 1. Neither of us want or need it and 2. We can't pay for that. The thing that drives me insane about this stuff is that my dad always says these kind of things behind my back when I'm out of the room and can't hear. My mom tells him to ask me why I feel the way I do to which he responds that I don't tell him anything, but um...excuse me? I don't tell him things because HE NEVER ASKS ME. I only know these conversations are going on because my mom tells me just in case he does come up and say anything so I have some forewarning, but honestly I almost wish she wouldn't tell me because just knowing he's back on these irrational tangents upsets me and makes me so angry and stressed that I feel the need to rant like this and I'm honestly at a point where if he does come up and say something I don't think I'll be able to keep my cool. If y'all knew me in RL that's saying something because I don't explode on people but when I think about this stuff all I can picture myself doing is bursting into tears or shouting about how I'm not going to be controlled by his irrational anxieties and I'm certainly not throwing away four or more years working my freaking butt off for a degree I don't want or need. If he does ever start pushing me I'm basically going to have to say that anyway, but somehow I don't think it will be received as well if I scream it. Crying will probably work wonders, but the basic point of this rant is that I'm just plain sick of this coming up again and again and if he ever says anything to my face, it's over. He's getting a piece of my mind.


In better news the front steps are almost done but darn it all they've got thwir car radio blaring and my dad's getting annoyed. Can't say I care for it either. Will try to do words nonetheless.

Maggie Maxwell said:

Maybe look up the game/app Habitica. It's a to do list app that levels you up as you mark things off, and you get armor and pets and mounts and quests. It's pretty fun as well as a good way to track daily and weekly to-dos without being a huge time sink.

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And downloaded. Same screen name as here and I created a party called "AW Cantineros" for To-Do epicness. If you wanna party, lemme know.

Rel, blood is thicker than water, but not always better. The Cantina is a safe place for venting if you need it.



Morning, gang.

Whut up?

Rel, that sounds incredibly frustrating, especially for someone as obviously empathetic as you. I don't have any sage words of advice, as thankfully I no longer have such people in my life. I can just offer hugs and chocolate, and a sympathetic ear whenever you need it. And a small laugh about a fictional husband now and then!

Just got back from the vet (3 inoculated kitties! yay!) and found out Spartapuss has to have some teeth pulled. He's only 3.

Morning all. I survived my first work night! Not as sore as I thought I'd be. I do need to stretch out my left side as I've got a bit of stiffness in that hip but I'm not really hurting today.

Rel. Your relationship with your sister is frustrating and let me give you some advice. Walk away. When she's not wanting to listen, just turn around and go somewhere else. To your room, outside where ever and don't continue to speak with her. Don't let her get under your skin like that. Either she's deliberately provoking you to destabilize you or she's not paying attention and has no empathy.
You need to change your behavior about her. Right now, she's in control of how you react. By walking away, you are in control of the situation. Hopefully, she'll get the hint that either she needs to reflect on her own behavior or become more empathetic about other people.
Fortunately, you have a brother that recognizes the issue and supports you, so you'll have someone who will defend you. Siblings can suck. Believe me I know.

Even more mega huggles for Rel!

And Effbubbles huggles, too!

ION:
I am told by a new walk-in therapist I tried at my local hospital that I gotta stop with all the therapy (not necessarily literally) and start getting 'out there' finding something to do and going and doing it. You know, like, making friends and being social and possibly *gaspeth* working/volunteering. She also said I was good conversation and actually even called me a pleasure to meet! She was a bit on the aggressive side though... like, she wasted no time making ME think and come to conclusions that are uncomfortable but probably also true... Apparently expanding one's comfort zone is a healthy and safe activity when done right and with baby steps. Who knew??? :O

Damoclian said:

Apparently expanding one's comfort zone is a healthy and safe activity when done right and with baby steps.

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That's how I got into beekeeping.

I haz purty new steps, you guys! Lookit, lookit, lookit! ----> https://www.instagram.com/p/BVasmYDBdQN/

Took two days longer than they originally said, but the guy in charge apparently is known for being meticulous. He takes pride in his work and wants to get it right the first time His boss said he's never gotten any complaints aboit him and I see why. We've been up and down the steps multiple times and they are SO MUCH STURDIER than the old ones. I didn't even realize how much the old ones moved until I walked on the new ones. Part of the reason for that is that the supports for the new steps are set on concrete blocks buried deep into the ground. The old ones, as the workers discovered when they disassembled them. Were set on some kind of cardboard and hardly buried 3 inches down. You read that right. The workers said they've never seen anything like it and the only way it could have passed inspection is if the original builders of our house pulled some strings and money exchanged hands somewhere. We're truly lucky the old steps (just barely) lasted these 20 years. So. Glad we got someone better this time. The back deck gets done on Monday.

Quiet Cantina has been very quiet. Everyone enjoying outdoor activities or something? Wish I could, but it's hit that time of year where the humidity is so high stepping out the front door feels like stepping into a wall of water. Will do words today, I guess. I finished the not-really-a-prologue for the Snow White retelling (it's not going in the story, I just wanted the background written down for reference) and started my Character bio doc. Once I've gotten as much as I know about the characters I have written down, I'll start an outline. I feel like this is going pretty well, and I iz happy.

Hope quiet people who are quiet are okay.

- - - Updated - - -

Oh oh oh, almost forgot, I also started watching North and South last night. It's good, I likes it. Richard Armitage

Okay, Cantina: The time has come to talk about plots and plans and nefarious schemes, cabbages and kings. I need tha people who outline to tell me how they outline in exhaustive detail when convenience strikes, because I need to learn, and if not through others' experiences, is goin' to take a while! Help me Obi Wan Cantinobi, you're my only hope.

Damoclian said:

Okay, Cantina: The time has come to talk about plots and plans and nefarious schemes, cabbages and kings. I need tha people who outline to tell me how they outline in exhaustive detail when convenience strikes, because I need to learn, and if not through others' experiences, is goin' to take a while! Help me Obi Wan Cantinobi, you're my only hope.

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I typically use the snowflake method. At least to some degree. Last time I didn't do the extended multi-page outline part, or the full-page character sketches. I think I'm going to not skip that stuff on the one I'm outlining now. I'm having to do way too much revising/rewriting without those steps.

JJ, I have looked into the Snowflake method, it scares me. I will consider it, though.

ION: ANYONE doing Camp NaNo in July, iff'n you're interested in an AW cabin, I done made one and there are spots available for any who seek them. Drop me a rep or PM with your Camp Username if interested. There's a thread in the NaNoWriMo and Beyond forum that I made for this as well, where I will keep people posted. Thought I'd post here too because friendship and also some o' y'all do the thing too.

Damoclian said:

Okay, Cantina: The time has come to talk about plots and plans and nefarious schemes, cabbages and kings. I need tha people who outline to tell me how they outline in exhaustive detail when convenience strikes, because I need to learn, and if not through others' experiences, is goin' to take a while! Help me Obi Wan Cantinobi, you're my only hope.

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JJ Litke said:

I typically use the snowflake method. At least to some degree. Last time I didn't do the extended multi-page outline part, or the full-page character sketches. I think I'm going to not skip that stuff on the one I'm outlining now. I'm having to do way too much revising/rewriting without those steps.

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Huh. I think I do something that resembles the Snowflake method (without realizing it because I hadn't read about it before now), but do it in a way that is more intuitive to me because I does things in the order I wants and in the order that is natural to *me*.

I hadn't read this article before and I noticed in Step 7 he says if you're unpublished you'll have to write the whole novel before you sell it and then seems to assume that unpublished readers of the article will think this is unfair. Er...um...not this unpublished reader. Why on earth would I want to sell an idea for a novel that I haven't written yet and don't even know if it will work out in the end? Why would I want that kind of pressure on me? I'll happily write my whole novel before selling it so I don't feel like I'm writing with a bunch of expectant people looking over my shoulder to see how fast I'm going, and I think that's perfectly fair, thank you very much Mr. Article Writer Man!!!

Damoclian said:

ION: ANYONE doing Camp NaNo in July, iff'n you're interested in an AW cabin, I done made one and there are spots available for any who seek them. Drop me a rep or PM with your Camp Username if interested. There's a thread in the NaNoWriMo and Beyond forum that I made for this as well, where I will keep people posted. Thought I'd post here too because friendship and also some o' y'all do the thing too.

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I already got my cabin with a bunch of my Goodreads writer buddies I get along with really well. Figured I'd get one early instead of waiting until 3 days after Camp started this time...

Effby: A lot of folks (especially non-writers) think that novels are sold on-spec. (An outline and a few sample chapters.) Even a lot of beginning writers seem to think that because their first few chapters seem so amazing that surely a publisher would want to pay them to write the rest of it.

(Authors with an established record of finishing novels that sell, especially when continuing a series, can sell new books via a proposal, but it's almost unheard of these days for debut authors to do so. Or even established authors with lower sales numbers.) You should also remember that there are plenty of folks who think that "editing" a first draft means running spell-check on it. I've had a rather surprising number of folks who are very surprised that I don't send my ideas to a publisher and get paid to write them.

Dammy: When I outline in detail (which I don't do all the time - just depends on the project) I usually start with the index card method. (There's more detail in the Learn Writing With Uncle Jim thread if you search for it, but basically - one plot point/beat per index card. Add in new ones as you go. Move them around as necessary. Once satisfied, number the corners so you can put them back in order if you drop them.) Then, once I have my cards and my plot done, I'll start sketching out each major scene/plot point in a computer document. It won't necessarily be every scene, but I'll write down any snippets of scenes I already have in my head, and more detailed synopses for individual chapters/notes on worldbuilding etc. I then save that as a second doc named Awesome Novel ROUGH and start writing the story - deleting the bits of the outline that pertain to the bits I'm writing as I get them finished. (Note that the original outline stays saved in the first doc in case I delete something by accident.)

*peers out from the smibbles*

Some personal stress continues due to "things", but decided on a whim to drive down to my parents last night and have dinner with them, then took my mom out for ice cream at sunset. It was an excellent idea and I feel so much better going into my long weekend. I haz a to-do list for this weekend that involves making a boatload of new jewelry (woot - that art fair I used to participate in is back on every Thursday this summer, so it's excellent motivation), doing some cleaning around the home while the hubby is gone covering a race so everything is decluttered and helps create a more restful atmosphere, reading (continued Patricia Briggs binge), and writing (which I am currently about to embark on for a while this afternoon). Oh, and filling out my timesheet and approving my employees' if my work server will come back up. I am currently locked out :/ (Sigh)

Maybe go to Wonder Woman if I can connive my brother and sister-in-law into it. They wanted to wait till the crazy crowds died down.

Anyway, sitting here, sipping tea and poking at my plot bunnies to see whether I'm writing more pirates, werewolves, or revising my dark Red Riding Hood novella. Ha! Of course, the ideas I keep getting right now are none of the above...stupid Jane/Az world portal fantasy series that IS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE WRITTEN YET. *glares at plot bunny twitching its tail much too innocently*

Damoclian said:

Okay, Cantina: The time has come to talk about plots and plans and nefarious schemes, cabbages and kings. I need tha people who outline to tell me how they outline in exhaustive detail when convenience strikes, because I need to learn, and if not through others' experiences, is goin' to take a while! Help me Obi Wan Cantinobi, you're my only hope.

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Hmm. Again, I'm a plotser, Dammy, so I'm not sure my method would be good for you. I use OneNote and furiously write down my plot ideas as I get them. I also stick links and pertinent info from my research in there, character notes, and major plot points as I get them (often while I'm writing out the first third of the novel). Even little bits of scenes as they come to me (then I stick them in my draft document later when I'm ready to start fleshing them out, or I get to that relevant point in the plot). One thing that helps me personally is that once I get a good idea for the novel, I need to know the end game before I get too serious about the project. Otherwise, I'd spend a lot of time flailing and having to rewrite, I suspect. Knowing the beginning and the end is key - I can fill in the blanks in the middle, and often I'm...flexible about what happens in the middle because I like to be surprised by my characters.

Anyway, that's probably not much help. It's Saturday, so Winks rambles...

JJ Litke said:

I typically use the snowflake method. At least to some degree. Last time I didn't do the extended multi-page outline part, or the full-page character sketches. I think I'm going to not skip that stuff on the one I'm outlining now. I'm having to do way too much revising/rewriting without those steps.

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I like the snowflake method because it addresses the common problem of writing your way into a story. Which is to say, most people have to write a bit before they figure out who the character is, and what world he/she lives in, and what is ultimately at stake. This is especially true for pantsers, like myself. And while this developmental stage is an important part of the creative process, the reader doesn't want to see the amusement park being built--they just want to go to the park already!
For this reason, I feel like step one of the snowflake method is good even if you write with another method.

Aggy B. said:

When I outline in detail (which I don't do all the time - just depends on the project) I usually start with the index card method. (There's more detail in the Learn Writing With Uncle Jim thread if you search for it, but basically - one plot point/beat per index card. Add in new ones as you go. Move them around as necessary. Once satisfied, number the corners so you can put them back in order if you drop them.) Then, once I have my cards and my plot done, I'll start sketching out each major scene/plot point in a computer document.

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Well, I hadn't heard about this before, but this makes Scrivener make a lot more sense! I was wondering why they give you a bulletin board full of note cards, that you fill in as you go. Thanks, Aggy, I'll have to give this method a try--my software supports it.

tiddlywinks said:

Hmm. Again, I'm a plotser, Dammy, so I'm not sure my method would be good for you. I use OneNote and furiously write down my plot ideas as I get them. I also stick links and pertinent info from my research in there, character notes, and major plot points as I get them (often while I'm writing out the first third of the novel). Even little bits of scenes as they come to me (then I stick them in my draft document later when I'm ready to start fleshing them out, or I get to that relevant point in the plot). One thing that helps me personally is that once I get a good idea for the novel, I need to know the end game before I get too serious about the project. Otherwise, I'd spend a lot of time flailing and having to rewrite, I suspect. Knowing the beginning and the end is key - I can fill in the blanks in the middle, and often I'm...flexible about what happens in the middle because I like to be surprised by my characters.

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Huh, I had the Winks pegged as a pantser! Is this why you're always hoarding plot bunnies?

Anyway, I think it's important to remember that rewriting is kind of an inevitability. Even the best laid plots can go awry and all that. There's not one method where things can't go terribly wrong--only experience, and knowing how your own writing process works, can help you avoid those pitfalls.

greendragon said:

Ugh. That's even worse. At least I CAN make the decision to sell and (eventually, hopefully, someday, be rid of my own giant millstone) get it done.

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Well, the situation being what it is the house co-owner can either buy us out or sell with us but he can't keep us tied to it. Unfortunately you just know he still will make you do all the work, running around, eat the costs, and everything else while him telling all and sundry how egoistic you are for inconveniencing him so.

Aggy B. said:

Now more emails. BUT... I did get my copy of the first collected volume of Valerian and Loreline. Very excited but also trying to savor it so I haven't opened it yet. Probably once I get these emails sent.

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Oooh, the comic book? You're in for a treat!

Religion0 said:

I do overreact when I explode at her, and it's in part learned behaviour; being with her makes me explode. I expect to explode, thus I am ready to explode. We could probably figure something out if she would just be willing to bend, but she isn't, and as it stands, our relationship is somewhere very close to abusive.

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You know, it's okay not to get along with siblings. Sometimes you just don't gell with people, regardless of any bloodrelation you have with them. Sharing blood won't make people magically get along, no matter what children books say. My sis did us a favour by being the first to move out but all these years afterwards we can not be under he same roof for more than a day or two before we fight. We're just incompatible for long. From my point of view my sister has annoyingly always been so, so convinced of her being right on pretty much everything and I always caved for the peace when I was younger. And when I stopped doing that, well... here we are. As far as I'm concerned the ball is in her court, as she's equally convinced she's in the right, neither of us are willing to bend. For her it's a part of her personality, for me it's an acquired defense mechanism. So, being small-doses-siblings is pretty much the only solution for us.

But Shadowflame is right, walking away is so useful in that moment. When I discovered I could just end an unwinnable argument by walking away, that gave me so much power. (It also helped that my sister absolutely hated it, but had little defense. It nixed any 'victory' feeling she might have had when I conceded the argument and said 'Fine, have it your way.' and walked away. Maybe not my finest moment, but hey, tadpole me was not above some vindictiveness.) It also meant I was less stressed out because I walked away before reaching the end of my tether and going into full rage. And there was always something in my room with which I could calm down. Maybe worth to give it a shot.

Right, right. I think I'm about done crying and venting now. *wipes nose on smibble* I need to go get my puppy now, then stay up till one in the morning watching nature documentaries and composing a plea to Netflix to please give us more nature documentaries in Denmark. They're blastedly difficult to get on DVD or blu-ray or I would just buy the ones I know I like. Why is that? Am I the only one who finds nature documentaries therapeutic? I watch them more than 80% for therapy purposes. Seems like they expect people to just watch it once when it's on TV, maybe as a rerun, then maybe on some streaming service, which is strange because they often cost a fortune to produce.

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Ohyesthissomuch. Attenborough is my god in that respect. His Fabulous Frogs documentary is my habitual comfort watching. And I love the BBC's for their re-run schedules.

Damoclian said:

Apparently expanding one's comfort zone is a healthy and safe activity when done right and with baby steps. Who knew??? :O

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CobraMisfit said:

That's how I got into beekeeping.

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For some reason this sequence made so much sense to me because, well, bees do have small feet...

E.F.B. said:

I haz purty new steps, you guys! Lookit, lookit, lookit! ----> https://www.instagram.com/p/BVasmYDBdQN/

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Whoo-ooo, sturdy lookin'!

The old ones, as the workers discovered when they disassembled them. Were set on some kind of cardboard and hardly buried 3 inches down. You read that right. The workers said they've never seen anything like it and the only way it could have passed inspection is if the original builders of our house pulled some strings and money exchanged hands somewhere.

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Heh, that so takes me back. My grandad worked in construction and the stories he tells... I love him to bits but he's never building my house without strict supervision!

A few years ago we had problems with the shower drain, clogging up in unexpected ways and moments. (We later found a tree had wormed its way into the buried drain but that's not the end of the story.) What we also found out, as we dug up the whole driveway to expose the blokkage, was that the shower drain had never been attached to the main drain in the first place, the water just ran from the end of the pipe into the ground, just a few feet away from the actual main drain.

Since my family had installed the drain themselves when I was a toddler, dad decided to look up old photos as he takes photos from every construction around the house. We found a picture, when most of the new drain was in ther ground, of my grandad and the neighbour (who helped with the install) with their backs to the camera peering in an overflow hole next to the house. Seems innocuous enough but upon figuring out that overflow hole is exactly where the shower drain exits the house... Yes, this was a picture of the exact moment my grandad and neighbour discovered they had forgotten to attach the shower drain to the main drain and decided it wasn't worth the trouble and not to tell my dad either. And so thirty years of shower water ran into the driveway ground.

Damoclian said:

JJ, I have looked into the Snowflake method, it scares me. I will consider it, though.

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But, but, it starts with one sentence! You don't have to do every step. A lot of people I've seen talking about it adapt it as it works for them. You don't have to follow the whole thing slavishly if you don't want to. It can coordinate well into other systems like the index card thingie Aggy mentioned.

And the thing about the Snowflake Method is that you can read through it and think about how you might answer some of the questions and write it all out and even if you don't *do* it, it gets the wheels turning.

Aggy B. said:

I usually start with the index card method.

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I do this in Scriver, usually after jotting several longhand notebook pages of ideas. In the end, it sort of is the snowflake method, but like Tiddly, I'm collecting links and rescources. I spent months outlining before starting writing my current WIP (because I outlined it as a trilogy and wanted to sort all those ideas). I recently found the hard notebook with those original ideas and my book has now evolved so much, I don't even know if those bk 2 and 3 outlines will work anymore. :/ Though I still refrence that original scriver file a lot, I had wonder if I needed that much outlining, since the draft is growing so much now that it's underway. At some point, I think it turned to a lot of pinterest-type procrastionation, so beware of that too. My last draft I didn't bother outlining as much (maybe one month), but I haven't started editing that one yet either...

griffins said:

Huh, I had the Winks pegged as a pantser! Is this why you're always hoarding plot bunnies?

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Well, that's why I said "plotser" - little of column A, little of column B...sometimes depends on the story. Short stories, I'm definitely a pantser. Novels...bit of a pantser as I get started, but I often start plotting along side as I jump around from major pivotal scene to scene. And I hoard plot bunnies because I often have storylines that pop in my head and I'm like "NOT NOW!" So I furiously write down what I know, even sometimes write the first chapter if it's there, then lock it in the pit with the other growling plot bunnies.

My first fantasy novel, which requires very serious editing, was total pantsing. -.-

I pants along when it comes to figuring out my characters, I guess?

Winks = fickle fiend


ETA: And to Mary's point, don't even get me started on Pinterest plot bunnies. Those are the stuff of nightmares. In a good way. But man oh man, I am NOT without ideas...and Pinterest bunnies only require a teeny tiny drop of water before they become snarling fiends. Those are my secret bunnies that I'm too scared to put out in the sunlight yet.

I'm an outliner in the way Winks is, more or less. Basically, I'll open a .txt document, and type up anything at all that comes to me about the new story idea. There's always a few different sections: Characters, Plot, Worldbuilding are the main ones. But yeah - just jumping back and forth wherever I get a new idea that seems to work with the story. At some point, usually around the 2k word mark, I'll have enough there that I can start writing the first draft. (Well, depends on the length of the piece... My 10k word thesis story had about 2k words of notes. Maybe 4k of notes for a novel? Because yeah, at some point the only things left to add beyond a novella (to turn it into a novel) is more plot points.)

It works well enough for me. I think the important part is to just get every major "type" of detail down - characters, plot, worldbuilding, relationships, magic system - whatever.

CobraMisfit said:

Rel, blood is thicker than water, but not always better. The Cantina is a safe place for venting if you need it.

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The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb. I see your saying and raise you the original version.

Shadowflame said:

Rel. Your relationship with your sister is frustrating and let me give you some advice. Walk away. When she's not wanting to listen, just turn around and go somewhere else. To your room, outside where ever and don't continue to speak with her. Don't let her get under your skin like that. Either she's deliberately provoking you to destabilize you or she's not paying attention and has no empathy.
You need to change your behavior about her. Right now, she's in control of how you react. By walking away, you are in control of the situation. Hopefully, she'll get the hint that either she needs to reflect on her own behavior or become more empathetic about other people.
Fortunately, you have a brother that recognizes the issue and supports you, so you'll have someone who will defend you. Siblings can suck. Believe me I know.

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She's in my room most of the time, though, I once walked out and ended up being unable to go back into my room because she'd made herself comfortable there. I think you might be assigning her some malicious intent she's not capable of. She just immensely socially stupid, but refuses to acknowledge this fact when confronted with it. Worth noting here, we're half-sisters and she's 24 years my senior, if she hasn't changed before this, she probably won't change after.

Damoclian said:

Even more mega huggles for Rel!

And Effbubbles huggles, too!

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Huggles all around.

ION:
I am told by a new walk-in therapist I tried at my local hospital that I gotta stop with all the therapy (not necessarily literally) and start getting 'out there' finding something to do and going and doing it. You know, like, making friends and being social and possibly *gaspeth* working/volunteering. She also said I was good conversation and actually even called me a pleasure to meet! She was a bit on the aggressive side though... like, she wasted no time making ME think and come to conclusions that are uncomfortable but probably also true... Apparently expanding one's comfort zone is a healthy and safe activity when done right and with baby steps. Who knew??? :O

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Sounds like a good therapist.

Damoclian said:

Okay, Cantina: The time has come to talk about plots and plans and nefarious schemes, cabbages and kings. I need tha people who outline to tell me how they outline in exhaustive detail when convenience strikes, because I need to learn, and if not through others' experiences, is goin' to take a while! Help me Obi Wan Cantinobi, you're my only hope.

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*snert* Obi Wan Cantinobi...

Friendly Frog said:

You know, it's okay not to get along with siblings. Sometimes you just don't gell with people, regardless of any bloodrelation you have with them. Sharing blood won't make people magically get along, no matter what children books say. My sis did us a favour by being the first to move out but all these years afterwards we can not be under he same roof for more than a day or two before we fight. We're just incompatible for long. From my point of view my sister has annoyingly always been so, so convinced of her being right on pretty much everything and I always caved for the peace when I was younger. And when I stopped doing that, well... here we are. As far as I'm concerned the ball is in her court, as she's equally convinced she's in the right, neither of us are willing to bend. For her it's a part of her personality, for me it's an acquired defense mechanism. So, being small-doses-siblings is pretty much the only solution for us.

But Shadowflame is right, walking away is so useful in that moment. When I discovered I could just end an unwinnable argument by walking away, that gave me so much power. (It also helped that my sister absolutely hated it, but had little defense. It nixed any 'victory' feeling she might have had when I conceded the argument and said 'Fine, have it your way.' and walked away. Maybe not my finest moment, but hey, tadpole me was not above some vindictiveness.) It also meant I was less stressed out because I walked away before reaching the end of my tether and going into full rage. And there was always something in my room with which I could calm down. Maybe worth to give it a shot.

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We are already short-exposure siblings at the moment, and I can't be with her for more than a couple of hours without snapping anymore. I have before tried walking away only to have her follow me. I'm not sure she gets the message that the conversation is over if I don't explode. I've tried all levels of politeness to get her to just stop talking from saying "Let's agree to disagree, then." to "Okay, you're right, whatever, let's move on to a different topic." to "Hey, something else entirely!" to covering my ears to "Shush! Quiet!" and then ending up at explosion. I think I went through all of those during one conversation recently.

Ohyesthissomuch. Attenborough is my god in that respect. His Fabulous Frogs documentary is my habitual comfort watching. And I love the BBC's for their re-run schedules.

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I don't get BBC... And when I did, all I saw on their reruns was Top Gear, Eastenders and QI. QI is good, but I could only watch the same episode so many times.

Heh, that so takes me back. My grandad worked in construction and the stories he tells... I love him to bits but he's never building my house without strict supervision!

A few years ago we had problems with the shower drain, clogging up in unexpected ways and moments. (We later found a tree had wormed its way into the buried drain but that's not the end of the story.) What we also found out, as we dug up the whole driveway to expose the blokkage, was that the shower drain had never been attached to the main drain in the first place, the water just ran from the end of the pipe into the ground, just a few feet away from the actual main drain.

Since my family had installed the drain themselves when I was a toddler, dad decided to look up old photos as he takes photos from every construction around the house. We found a picture, when most of the new drain was in ther ground, of my grandad and the neighbour (who helped with the install) with their backs to the camera peering in an overflow hole next to the house. Seems innocuous enough but upon figuring out that overflow hole is exactly where the shower drain exits the house... Yes, this was a picture of the exact moment my grandad and neighbour discovered they had forgotten to attach the shower drain to the main drain and decided it wasn't worth the trouble and not to tell my dad either. And so thirty years of shower water ran into the driveway ground.

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I am not letting your granddad or neighbour work on my house, either.

trying to read large print books because I MISS BOOKS SO MUCH. unfortunately, there were slim pickings. got one called Humans Bow Down that looked promising

CobraMisfit said:

And downloaded. Same screen name as here and I created a party called "AW Cantineros" for To-Do epicness. If you wanna party, lemme know.

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I used to use that app! pretty useful. not great for my OCD, in the end, but most people I know love it

E.F.B. said:

He's getting a piece of my mind.

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I'm going through family issues, myself sorry you have to deal with that

Woof, you guys. Just. Woof!