Spoilers in a Query?

Bluetrane said:

Okay, so I've been beating my heading against the query wall for a month now, trying to craft the perfect, elusive collection of words to distill the meaning of my novel. It's not a mystery or a thriller, but there are important plot turns that feel wrong to give away in the query. The challenge is if I don't, my query comes off feeling flat. My book is a lit-fic, largely character driven thing, so it's really hard to make it sound like a movie trailer... "In a world..."

Any words of wisdom on how best to approach a query for this type of novel where there are no car chases or dragons to slay?

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First, not every query needs to be "In a world..." Hardly. Agents know some books, especially more literary books, will not have an "In a world..." query. But, what you do need to do is have a clear and concise pitch of an interesting story. An agent that would be a good fit for a character driven literary novel isn't looking for car chases or dragons. That agent knows a good pitch for a literary book when she sees one. So, you need to stop trying to pitch your novel like a high concept commercial novel, if that isn't what it is.

And whether to include the twists or not is really your decision to make (helpful, aren't I?).

Some people will tell you never give away the "twists" in a query. Others will tell you to always give away the "twists" in a query. Still others, like me, will say it depends on the book, and the query.

I gave my "twist" away, because otherwise I felt the query would look like a pitch for something that has been done before. And I felt that twist was important to include. The twist is what I thought set it apart. So I included the twist. I had decent results.

But others have had good success with leaving out the twists.

My suggestion is, if the story looks flat or boring or same-old, same-old without the twist, then by all means, mention the twist. But if you can pitch an interesting plot without the twist, then it's up to you.

~suki

You give away the points that will move the plot forward. It isn't about what you feel wrong about - you must give the agent enough information to know what is happening in the book.

Also, maybe start with your character since you say its a character driven book. Instead of "In a world," maybe start with your character's name and what she wants, why she can't get it, and how she eventually does get it.

I gave away some of the twists in my story and even hinted at the ending (the setting, not exactly what happens) because it was more important for me to get the agent's interest than to worry about whether I was ruining the suspense. I wouldn't tell a regular reader all these things, I'd just say, read it, I think you'll enjoy it.

In my early queries that left out a lot of detail, I didn't get so many requests for partials/fulls. But since I've added some mini-spoilers, I've gotten more requests. I think a greater level of detail regarding plot turns shows an agent that you can handle story structure (I think!). At least, it shows you have imagination. Better than keeping things too vague, in my opinion.

Go look at Queryshark (queryshark.blogspot.com)

Pick one character for the query and tell his/her story. Mention the others only insofar as they affect the first character and serve to make the first character's life more difficult.

Pitching lit-fic is hard enough. Don't make it more of a challenge by trying to tell THREE stories instead of one. Prove that you've got ONE story (the most main character's story), and let the agent be pleasantly surprised to find out that there's even more to the story than the query promises.

It might help to remember what the purpose of a query letter is: it is to make an agent want to request a partial or full manuscript.

That's not the same thing as enticing a regular reader into reading your book.

It sounds to me as if you're trying to do the latter rather than the former. While it can certainly be helpful to leave the agent dying to know 'what happens next', it's even better to leave an agent feeling like there's a good possibility that the book will be marketable so that they want to ask for pages.

Bearing that in mind might help you choose the best way to structure your query.

I personally include little more than the story setup and main characters' emotional motivations in the query. I leave the plot stuff for the synopsis. And when asked for a partial (as opposed to a full), I try hard to cut off at a tension point. THAT'S when I want to leave the agent dying to know 'what happens next'.

Terie said:

It might help to remember what the purpose of a query letter is: it is to make an agent want to request a partial or full manuscript.

That's not the same thing as enticing a regular reader into reading your book.

It sounds to me as if you're trying to do the latter rather than the former. While it can certainly be helpful to leave the agent dying to know 'what happens next', it's even better to leave an agent feeling like there's a good possibility that the book will be marketable so that they want to ask for pages.

Bearing that in mind might help you choose the best way to structure your query.

I personally include little more than the story setup and main characters' emotional motivations in the query. I leave the plot stuff for the synopsis. And when asked for a partial (as opposed to a full), I try hard to cut off at a tension point. THAT'S when I want to leave the agent dying to know 'what happens next'.

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You may get more requests by making the query vague, but you might also draw in agents that are not right for your story. The again, they might like the way you are going with it even though they expected something different...

I'm having this problem right now--should I leave my rather successful pitch as-is (not including major twists the story takes later that may not be typical for the kind of story I'm pitching) as I keep searching for an agent, or should I include the twists--close to ending--so the right agent asks to read it instead of ones who look for a more cookie-cutter approach? I think you should do both--that's what I will do--some with "spoilers" and some that sound more like a bookflap.

Last, I definitely think you should focus on one character in your query even if there are more important ones.

I didn't mean to imply that one should be vague, nor that every query should be like mine.

I just don't think a writer should be worried about 'spoilers' in a query. If revealing a spoiler would be most effective for the job at hand -- that is, to get the agent to request pages -- then one should by all means do it. Agents aren't reading queries to find personal reading material; they're doing it to find marketable manuscripts. Writing a query letter is fundamentally different from writing jacket copy, so different principles apply.

Terie said:

If revealing a spoiler would be most effective for the job at hand -- that is, to get the agent to request pages -- then one should by all means do it. Agents aren't reading queries to find personal reading material; they're doing it to find marketable manuscripts.

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Well said, Terie.