Need help with Japanese translation - Is anybody out there?

SMagdalene · Aug 7, 2011

Hey guys! I don't know if this is the right place to post this, but I hope someone on here can help me!

In my current MS, there's a few Japanese characters - more specifically: two brothers. These two sometimes talk to each other in Japanese, and I think it would be a nice touch to actually write out what they say, instead of just going "they said something the MC didn't understand" every time! The only problem is that I don't know any Japanese myself, and therefore, I'd be very happy if someone could help me translate what they say!

It's only two or three lines and they're rather easy, so if any of you guys are fluent in Japanese and think it sounds intersting, I'd be very happy for your help!

-SMag

Alessandra Kelley · Aug 7, 2011

Would it be possible to lay out the lines so people can have a go?

Bear in mind there are probably a lot of different possibilities, depending on who is the elder brother and how casual they are being.

zanzjan · Aug 7, 2011

SMagdalene said:
In my current MS, there's a few Japanese characters - more specifically: two brothers. These two sometimes talk to each other in Japanese, and I think it would be a nice touch to actually write out what they say, instead of just going "they said something the MC didn't understand" every time! The only problem is that I don't know any Japanese myself, and therefore, I'd be very happy if someone could help me translate what they say!

My Japanese is waaaaay too rusty at this point to be much help to anybody, but I believe you're also going to have to give us a sense of the time-period, whether the brothers are adults or not, and roughly their social class, as that will affect the level of politeness of their speech.

-Suzanne

SMagdalene · Aug 7, 2011

Ah, of course! I know Japanese is affected by a lot of different factors.

Here's the exchange:

Makoto: "Big brother? What are you doing?"

Shiro: "Did I wake you, Mako? I didn't meant to. I was just trying to take care of some vermin. Go back to bed; I'll check on you in a moment."

Makoto: "But big brother..."

Fairly straightforward, I hope. Now, regarding all those factors...

Age: Shiro is the older brother - around 21 years old, and Makoto (Mako) is the younger one - about 16 years old.

Relationship: They are really, really close: Shiro has pretty much raised Makoto on his own, so he's kind of like a father-figure, and super-protective.

Social Class: The two of them were actually princes once upon a time, though that's long behind them now. Maybe give them an upper class-touch, but rough around the edges? Does that even make any sense?

Time period: Present day ...ish.

Personalities: Shiro's rather uptight: hostile, sarcastic and witty, though he's got a huge soft spot for his little brother. Makoto had lived a very sheltered life: he's friendly, happy-go-lucky and rather childish.

Situation: In this scene, Shiro has just spoken to (or rather, argued with) the main character for the first time (the vermin he mentions is actually her; as you can imagine, they don't get along). He is tense and rather angry, though he tries to hide it from his brother. He also just wants Makoto to leave, so that he can finish with the MC. Makoto has just woken up - the argument woke him - so he's a little disoriented still.

I don't know how many of these things will actually affect the exchang, since it's so short and all, but I thought, what the heck!

So what do you guys think?

HuntfortheWildborn · Aug 8, 2011

hhm, i dropped japanese a few months ago. but i think youve written the 'engrish' very nicely

Alessandra Kelley · Aug 8, 2011

Hmm. *Cough* It's about 20 years since I studied Japanese,

And I'm away from my reference materials, but ...

My big brother is "ani" at least.

kaitie · Aug 8, 2011

SMagdalene said:
Ah, of course! I know Japanese is affected by a lot of different factors.

Here's the exchange:

Makoto: "Big brother? What are you doing?"

Niisan, nani yatterunda? (see note at bottom)

Shiro: "Did I wake you, Mako? I didn't meant to. I was just trying to take care of some vermin. Go back to bed; I'll check on you in a moment."

Gomen ne, Ma-kun. Okoshichatta. kono ko wo oiharaou toshite iru dake da yo. Mata neyou. boku ato de kuru.

Makoto: "But big brother..."

Niisan...

Fairly straightforward, I hope. Now, regarding all those factors...

Age: Shiro is the older brother - around 21 years old, and Makoto (Mako) is the younger one - about 16 years old.

Relationship: They are really, really close: Shiro has pretty much raised Makoto on his own, so he's kind of like a father-figure, and super-protective.

Social Class: The two of them were actually princes once upon a time, though that's long behind them now. Maybe give them an upper class-touch, but rough around the edges? Does that even make any sense?

Time period: Present day ...ish.

Personalities: Shiro's rather uptight: hostile, sarcastic and witty, though he's got a huge soft spot for his little brother. Makoto had lived a very sheltered life: he's friendly, happy-go-lucky and rather childish.

Situation: In this scene, Shiro has just spoken to (or rather, argued with) the main character for the first time (the vermin he mentions is actually her; as you can imagine, they don't get along). He is tense and rather angry, though he tries to hide it from his brother. He also just wants Makoto to leave, so that he can finish with the MC. Makoto has just woken up - the argument woke him - so he's a little disoriented still.

I don't know how many of these things will actually affect the exchang, since it's so short and all, but I thought, what the heck!

So what do you guys think?

Anyway, my Japanese isn't perfect, but that sounds right to my ears. And considering my Japanese tends to sound very younger boyish, it's probably actually helpful in this situation.

I left off the "I didn't mean to" because that felt implied in my head and it seemed unnatural for it to be said. I could give you that one, too, but it sounded odd.

There are other people around here with better Japanese than me who will correct me if I'm wrong (and it always seems there are fifty billion ways to say something lol), but hopefully this helps. I'd say that for your purposes it would work, in any case.

ETA: The more I think about it, the more I think the "what are you doing" should be "nani yatteru no?" It sounds a little girlier, weaker, and I think that's what you're going for.

kaitie · Aug 8, 2011

Second thought on nicknames: Makoto would probably be shorted to "Ma-kun" by family. Mako sounds like a girl's name. Now, if he's a major bully who would intentionally call his brother by a girly sounding name to be mean, you can leave it, but he'd probably either just say Makoto, Makoto-kun, or Ma-kun. Ma-kun sounds best to me because it sounds the most intimate and has a feel of something you'd call a child.

SMagdalene · Aug 14, 2011

Hey, thank you so much for the help! I really appreciate it!

FrederickCross · Aug 14, 2011

Makoto doesn't seem to be used by girls and I know it's shortened to Mako. So, not a girl's name either

As for "big brother", what a younger brother would call an elder brother, it's "aniki".

Need help with Japanese translation - Is anybody out there?

SMagdalene

Alessandra Kelley

Sophipygian

zanzjan

killin' all teh werds

SMagdalene

HuntfortheWildborn

Alessandra Kelley

Sophipygian

kaitie

With great power comes

kaitie

With great power comes

SMagdalene

FrederickCross