The Onion on the life of a modern writer

Oh, the pain!

I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

As usual, the Onion is a riot!

This is my worst nightmare.

The Onion is blocked by my corporate Net Nanny. Apparently, humor does not advance the corporate mission. Oddly, YouTube is okay.

I love The Onion.

On a side note, last winter Tami Hoag was doing a tour to promote her new book Deeper Than the Dead. The local stop was at a bookstore a block from my house. I talked one of the employees a few days before the event about it, and she said they were expecting a pretty decent crowd. The last time Tami Hoag was there, somewhere around 30 or 40 people showed up, so they were making sure there were extra chairs, etc. The day of the signing it snowed. Barely. A dusting maybe, but everyone in this city freaks out over any snow at all. So I went up to the bookstore at the appointed time. I was the only one who showed up. The only one. And, while I felt kind of bad for her, because the snow was definitely not enough to keep people away, it was pretty cool to just sit down and talk to Tami Hoag for an hour or so.

I've only been to two book readings, and both were very well attended (one of them was even in a big lecture hall! The author wasn't some kind of famous rockstar, either, although she's so awesome she deserves to be.) This was really funny, though. I love The Onion.

Grrarrgh said:

I love The Onion.

On a side note, last winter Tami Hoag was doing a tour to promote her new book Deeper Than the Dead. The local stop was at a bookstore a block from my house. I talked one of the employees a few days before the event about it, and she said they were expecting a pretty decent crowd. The last time Tami Hoag was there, somewhere around 30 or 40 people showed up, so they were making sure there were extra chairs, etc. The day of the signing it snowed. Barely. A dusting maybe, but everyone in this city freaks out over any snow at all. So I went up to the bookstore at the appointed time. I was the only one who showed up. The only one. And, while I felt kind of bad for her, because the snow was definitely not enough to keep people away, it was pretty cool to just sit down and talk to Tami Hoag for an hour or so.

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Let me guess. Seattle?

The saddest thing I ever saw was the swarm that showed up for a Glen Beck signing, while a local writer sat ignored at a folding table in an obscure corner.

I'm thinking that doing readings/signings when you're not already well-known is only for the tough and plucky. I like the idea of podcasts and call-ins to reading groups much better. The reading group call-ins could be particularly fun, since (one hopes) you'd be talking to people who'd already read the book.

Still, if I set up a reading, I'd just be sure to show up with very low expectations. Lower than Massey's. Like, no one will show up, but I'll then be allowed to go to the coffee shop and drown my sorrows in as many damn caramel lattes as I want. Line 'em up, barista!

I went to a reading at a library last Sunday. I'd never read the books but I had the day off and a friend who writes fantasy went with me. Probably 20 people were there, and the library had provided coffee, juice, a fruit tray and muffins. Nice. I don't know if it was a bigger or smaller crowd than she'd anticipated, but she seemed to have fun.

The author was Devon Monk, who lives in Salem, Oregon, about an hour away. Everyone else there seemed to be a fan, asking about "why so-and-so had done this, and will he ever get together with her" kind of stuff. My friend and I asked her about her writing habits, and her road to agenting/publication. She seemed to appreciate something other than "Squeal!"

It was about 2 hours. She sold/signed books afterward and it was enjoyable. I thought I recognized one of her books covers from seeing it here, but maybe I'm wrong. I didn't ask if she's an AW member. She has a nine-book urban fantasy series and has also written a steampunk novel.

Last fall I went to a reading from AWer Jamie Ford. A little bookshop, big crowd. Mostly women. Maybe 50 or more? I imagine that would be very gratifying for a writer, to fill a bookstore, even a small one.

Hilarious.

Okay, I have to tell this story even though it's not about writing. I lived in London for about four months when I was younger, so on Sundays I would just go try out different churches. I show up one Sunday at this very formal place (Church of England?) where it says they have two services, say 9 and 11. Well, the 9 is just letting out, so I wait around and then go in when it's ten minutes to 11. The sanctuary is completely vacant, so I finally grab someone on their way out and ask if there's an 11 AM. She says yes, but it's in the basement. So I head down.

And I am the ONLY attendant. This poor young priest is just about to pack his bags and go home, and I walk in, and he's got to perform the entire service, JUST FOR ME.

It was actually quite nice.

The sadest reading I ever went to was by Alison Croggon. It started off seeming like it was going to be a great group of about 25 or so, since a teacher had brought her class in. Not bad for the middle of a work day.

Then Ms. Croggon asked who'd read her lastest book so she could warn for spoilers. Only the teacher and I had. Then she asked who'd read the third book in the series. Again, only the teacher and I had. You could see the horrible moment when it clicked that only two of the twenty five people in the room were fans instead of just getting out of lessons.

Ms. Croggon did a great job anyway and she willingly signed all four of the books I'd brought with me after her talk. Then she and (I suspect, although it was never confirmed) her agent spent a good 15 minutes or so chatting about writing over peices of watermelon. And later she thanked me for attending on her blog. The whole thing made me really glad I'd skipped a university class to go.

Libbie said:

Let me guess. Seattle?

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Minneapolis.

I love the Onion

In undergrad, a very well-known former presidential candidate was friends with my professor, so he gave a lot of lectures in the little school library. Except there was no advertising, so I was always one of 2-3 people there to listen! Ouch!

(OTOH, I always personally enjoyed how that worked out. We got to chat with him about all kinds of issues.)

If I ever got to do a book signing I'd bring a good board game with me. After the three people ask me to sign their books, hell we've got the space for two hours who wants to play Twister??

Phaeal said:

The saddest thing I ever saw was the swarm that showed up for a Glen Beck signing, while a local writer sat ignored at a folding table in an obscure corner.

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Scheduling the local writer at the same time was the mistake. The most pure voice in the choir will be drowned out by the over-zealous tuba player.

I'm not sure I could do a reading. I give presentations for business all the time, sometimes for audiences of over 200 people, so it isn't the talking thing I have a problem with. Ah, well, I could only hope to attract a huge crowd of 7 at a reading.

I heard that Gaiman had a signing once that wasn't well-advertised, so he ending up...basically drawing with crayons with the shop-owner's daughter for most of the time. -_-

Minneapolis? And a little snow deterred them - from Tami Hoag? Wow - I grew up there. I guess we were tougher.

I just went to a book signing last Saturday in a little Oregon town near my home. I didn't expect to sell a lot of books - I'm basically trying to get known in the area as we've only lived here less than a year. I felt bad because a couple of people wanted to buy my books - but they couldn't afford them! We're talking $5.00 or $10.00. This is a very depressed area and I felt so sad that people couldn't afford to buy books! I told them to go to the library and read mine for free. I'd rather have people read my work than make a few bucks.

Carlene

That is quite funny