So close, but still so far away, or, why I'm learning to hate the "nice" rejections.

Manxom Vroom · Nov 29, 2007

For the past 18 months I've felt like I'm on the verge of making a breakthrough. I've had many requests for partials, a few for fulls...but the answer is always "no." One agent said, "this just doesn't sing." Others say they like my ideas and find my writing engaging, but they're not going to take me on. "I do hope you'll continue with this" another said.

WTF?????!!!!!???

I'm long past the point of being encouraged by this. In the past 11 years I've finished five novels, each one better than the last, but I feel like I'm at the end of my rope. I'm losing faith in myself, and my persistence is just about all gone. I'm sorely tempted to write back to those few agents who are currently sitting on my work, and asking them to remove me from their slush pile. That tiny, little spark of hope that has sustained me through all these years is starting to burn. It hurts. It just frelling hurts, and I'm sick of it. I've been chasing this dream for my entire life, but I'm afraid that I'm just not quite good enough to make the final cut, that I don't have the mental toughness to keep going against all odds.

I've quit twice before, but I eventually came back to this futile quest I'm on. I'm ready to quit for a third time, hoping that this one is the charm. This dream of being published is quickly becoming an albatross around my neck. To be this close and constantly told no, to see so many others get the nod while I'm left out in the cold...this is torture. I feel like a donkey chasing after a carrot dangling before me, a carrot that I will never, ever taste. I'm ready to say frak that carrot, I've had it.

Anybody else feel this way? These aren't your garden variety rejection blues I'm talking about. This is the black pit of total despair I'm looking at.

joyce · Nov 29, 2007

Wow you are feeling pretty bad. I've only taken my writing seriously for the past 1.5 years, so the rejections haven't killed every ounce of me as of yet. I've been writing for years and thought I might perhaps try to get published. I got bites from agents with nothing ever panning out. I know at times I wonder why in the hell I'm trying to do this, but something in me won't let me quit. Perhaps take a break for a bit, then come back to your writing. I know when I feel that way, I step back for a moment, catch my breath and soon I'm back at it again. From what I've learned on this board, it seems like quite a few people have been trying to get published for years now. You are not alone in your quest. I do hope you feel better and don't give up on yourself or your writing.

clara bow · Nov 29, 2007

I've only been at this half as long as you (and boy, do I salute your efforts!), but the longer it takes, the more I understand the phrase "knife twisting in the heart" and I can see that you do, too.

If you want to quit, that's okay. Go enjoy some other part of being alive...one that won't break your spirit the way the publishing industry can.

ALLWritety · Nov 29, 2007

See my post in coffee House of pain!

Maybe it is time for a new "hobby"
Water Skiing?
Mountain climbing?
Arm Wrestling?
Take up a new language???

Jeff I wish i could give you the right words but other than i know all about the carrot. (for something other than writing!)
We are with you no matter what you decide.

Kevvers

Manxom Vroom · Nov 29, 2007

Thank you, one and all. Today was not a good day for me, and I needed to vent, and to find a little sympathy. I don't know what I'm going to do in the long run with my writing...there is an agent who has my full right now, and this is the second time she's looking at it. I rewrote it back in the spring and she agreed to look at the rewrite, and I KNOW that that's good. I'm just terrified that she's going to reject me again.

In the short run, I'm going to make an appointment to see my psychotherapist, and make sure that my Prozac prescription is up to date!

MRasey · Nov 30, 2007

Sometimes I think when we get this close that it means yes, we can write well enough to be published, but perhaps we're not writing the most marketable story?

I dunno, but I was pondering that last night. We not only have to be able to write, it has to be saleable. Getting those two to coexist in one project seems to be the hard bit.

M

popmuze · Nov 30, 2007

Manxom Vroom said:
In the past 11 years I've finished five novels, each one better than the last

This in itself is an accomplishment. But I think the best way to get past negative feelings is by looking at cold hard facts. What besides your own opinion makes you feel each novel is better than the last? You can't depend on the cliches of agents or the platitudes of friends.
Have you enjoyed writing each novel more than the last one? Maybe there's one particular thing holding you back from scoring a publishable book? Maybe the ideas aren't fully formulated. It's frustrating to know that one hour with an experienced editor would probably be all you'd need to address your reality (if you were willing to believe that editor). I myself am not of the opinion that it's all a matter of taste.
Having said all this, even if someone told you your problem was a lack of talent, I doubt if you really have a choice in the matter. Writers write; it's what they do.
Take some time off, sure, but really investigate how to learn where your writing actually stands and how to continue to make it better.

Twizzle · Nov 30, 2007

Manxom Vroom said:
This dream of being published is quickly becoming an albatross around my neck. quote]

maybe it's your dream and not you. I'm just curious, what will change if you get published? why will things be so much better?

ink wench · Nov 30, 2007

You've accomplished a lot, remember that. Just getting partial and full requests puts you ahead of many people. And, naturally, rejections on those sting that much more. I'm getting ready to start querying again, and just the anticipation of the negativity is killing me. I want to throw up my hands and announce, "it's a crapshoot, so why bother" but I will do it. Are we masochists or dreamers? I dunno. Probably a bit of both. My only advice is, when it stops being fun, stop doing it. At least take a break. And wine always helps. Good luck!

C.bronco · Nov 30, 2007

Manxom Vroom said:
Anybody else feel this way? These aren't your garden variety rejection blues I'm talking about. This is the black pit of total despair I'm looking at.

Yes, I did here: http://cynthia-bronco.blogspot.com/search?q=ms+in+a+bottle

But afterwards, I went to a Nascar race, and then recovered nicely. Since then I've been cleaving merrily to my delusions.

DeadlyAccurate · Nov 30, 2007

Manxom Vroom said:
Anybody else feel this way? These aren't your garden variety rejection blues I'm talking about. This is the black pit of total despair I'm looking at.

Yes, and very recently. I had to finally take a step back and say to myself, "Yes, I want to get published, and yes, I'll keep trying, but it's the writing I should focus on enjoying." For my own sanity I had to make the conscious decision to make being published secondary to the enjoyment of writing, because really, that's the only part I have any real control over. This thought process is still a work-in-progress, but it's better for me on the whole.

cate townsend · Dec 12, 2007

Manxom Vroom said:
Anybody else feel this way? These aren't your garden variety rejection blues I'm talking about. This is the black pit of total despair I'm looking at.

Vroom, I wish I had something super encouraging to say that would take away your frustrations. But the only thing that has helped me in this process is to think, every "no" is one step closer to a "yes". You never know where you are on this crazy ladder; that's the hard part. But that's the way it is, and you'll eventually get there.

windyrdg · Dec 12, 2007

It's not unheard of for an author's debut novel to be the fifth or sixth one they wrote. You remember the joke about the guy who asks how to get to Carnegie Hall. A man replies, "Practice, buddy. Practice."
Same thing. You wouldn't expect to become a virtuoso on the autoharp overnight, would you?

Keep on keepin' on. Think how good it'll feel when your first book is published.

rwam · Dec 12, 2007

The thing that makes this so hard is we spend so much time, sacrificing so much in the process (hey, I have 2 kids so I know!), that it's very easy to fall into the trap of believing it's all been a waste if we don't validate it all by.....getting published.

Truth is, for SOME of us it really is a waste if we're not published. For SOME of us, it isn't a waste if we're not published. We each have different reasons and motivations for writing.

For those of us (and I'm not necessarily including myself) who actually are GIFTED at writing, I suspect that it's only when we stop worrying about getting published that we can truly focus on creating something beautiful....and when this happens, guess what? Getting published gets a whole lot easier.

So close, but still so far away, or, why I'm learning to hate the "nice" rejections.

Manxom Vroom

A proper fool

joyce

I'm really shy...

clara bow

Li'l Rug Bug

ALLWritety

One Step closer, I hope!

Manxom Vroom

A proper fool

MRasey

popmuze

Last of a Dying Breed

Twizzle

Cluck that.

ink wench

ray of motherf#%&ing sunshine

C.bronco

I have plans...

DeadlyAccurate

Absolutely Fazed

cate townsend

windyrdg

New kid, be gentle!

rwam