I Bid You a Fair and Hearty Welcome Amusing Muse,
You seem like an extremely friendly fellow whose just been handed over, over, and over again a battered and bruised stick in life. One thing to consider is that things can always be worse, and as such they can always get better. You've stated that you've written twelve books, and as such that is quite a feet, but from reading your numerous responses to the generous replies you have been getting it seems that you are not quite satisfied or content with your writing. Perhaps the reason may be that you know that you are capable of doing better. You feel it but your written words do not express such ability. And so you feel tormented, down, and in poor spirits. But writing, as with any act, job, or duty, is not a simple task, it requires dedication, skill, and practice.
A toddler can write, but is he good? A critically acclaimed writer can write exceptionally, according to critics, but will everyone appreciate his or her work? No. You've tried for two years to get your novels published but you were unsuccessful? Why was that the case? That is what you have to find out and to answer in order to improve your chances of being published. Are your words truly worthy to be published? Will they inspire others? Is your reason for writing honorable? Will you be embarrassed by your books mediocrity when you know you've could have done better? Was your work ready to be published? Would you rather have a three book series that you are proud of, that you've poured your heart and soul into or a set of thirty that produce a decent wage but you write under a pen name due to its laughable content?
I am not trying to be disheartening, I am simply trying to illustrate that what you put into your work is what you will get out of it. I too am a college graduate, one who majored in political science and public administration. I was to go to Law School this fall but I procrastinated. I've given up that opportunity and postponed that life because it was not what I truly desired. Unlike you it seems that I've had a relatively decent life. So why did I give up that path of mine you may ask, a path to guaranteed success, a certain and healthy wage, respect and a sense of satisfaction that I've made my parents, brothers, and friends proud? Because let's just say I'm a little wacky in the head, a healthy kind of wacky.
I discovered Absolute Write last December, and ever since then I've said 'tis nice knowing ya' to a future that had been scribed to me ever since I was but a child. Ever since then I've made a commitment, that I won't write crap and that I won't disgrace my opportunities and my so far blissful life. I've revised and edited a story that I had written throughout my college journey. For the past eight months I've been living like an indoor deranged social hermit, getting the ever so delightful sun once every five days when I tend to the yard. I rarely go out unless for writing supplies, and as such the last time I filled my car with gas was last October. I spend hours increasing the size of my pupils as I stare blindly at a paragraph that doesn't want to budge. I spin around in my chair wheeling for minutes forcing ideas to work in my pulsating head. My room is dressed with tissues, napkins, paper, note cards, boxes, what ever I've written on when an idea surged within my focused mind.
I say to my self that perhaps I could have finished the novel four months ago. Perhaps it would've been good enough. But why haven't I finished it? Procrastination, an enjoyment of being a strain on the economy, the beauty of loading up Microsoft word, fear of rejection...? The reason; I know the difference between the best of my ability and a half-hearted attempt at writing an acceptable story. Until I am finished and received well deserved rejection from both betas and agents I can not say 'At least I tried,' 'I did my utmost best,' 'I'm satisfied.'
With the tirade of problems you've had with life Amusing Muse it seems that you do not have much time to devote to writing as many other writers do. A suggestion that I will send to you is to write in the morning or evening. Or you could set up a schedule and perhaps allocate certain portions of your day to idea creation, revisiting yesterdays work, and writing your previous planned thoughts. After you've set up an allocated amount of time for your writing figure out why your old writing isn't working. Is it dry? Has the interpretation of your idea been done before? Too many plot points? Uninteresting, flat, un-compassionate, stereotypical character development...? Is it time to move on to another idea? Does your previous work, the twelve books, represent the best of your ability and your current state of mind?
I do apologize if I am bordering on the lines of annoyance, like an irritating fly, but I am simply trying to give you another perspective to your discouragement. And with that I wish you the best of luck as a fellow Fantasy writer! Hopefully we'll both get published sooner rather than later...
Disclaimer: As noted by my post count I do not post here that often but I do visit AW everyday. I do not claim to have 'Truth' and absolute knowledge but a perspective of a caring soul. Do be gentle if you disagree with my reply Amusing Muse.