Significant Others as Beta Readers, Critters, etc

My husband was acting as my beta. He's an avid reader and does way too much technical writing at work. As far as grammar and puncuation go, he's spot on. Most of his suggestions are quite good, and I actually do make most changes he mentions.

The problem occurred a couple months ago when we were fighting about something completely unrelated to my writing (can't even remember what). He decides to bring my writing into it, calling one of my plot twists (my favorite btw) stupid and says it should be rewritten. I ended up calling every single one of my other readers to ask their opinion on said plot twist. He was the only one that didn't like it. Funny thing was, he couldn't handle it if I didn't take one of his suggestions...go figure.

That was the end of him acting as beta in order to preserve our marriage. He isn't the audience that I write for, and he has trouble seeing beyond that. He still checks my work periodically for typos but that's about it.

My mother-in-law is now my storyline/plot beta. It's been working out great. How strange is that?!

My SO is a professional technical writer, too, so I feel like I'd be sort of crazy to not have him look over my final draft. He's also an avid reader and he dabbles in writing some of his own stuff. I think he'd be able to give me a valuable critique.

I haven't actually given him anything, yet. But... I haven't really let anyone read it, aside from some snippets I've run past a couple of friends, which I don't think are enough to pass judgement on whether I might actually be publishable. I'm untested, I guess. And I don't want that first test to be with him.

I think finding out I suck too much to write would be better coming from relative strangers, rather than friends and family. Also, those strangers are likely to be other writers, more aware of the market, and better suited to give me that kind of "Gatekeeper" litmus test. If I suck, I suck. If they think it passes muster but needs work, then I can live with that. And that's the opinion that's going to matter more to me on a craft level. My SO might not think I can write... or he might not be well versed in MG... or he might only like people who write like John Green (and I do not). And if he's the first one who says it, it might paralyze me emotionally.

But if I've already decided, "Yeah, I can write reasonably well," based on feedback from crit partners in writing groups and from AW, then I can be confident that his opinion on whether I can write is just that--a personal opinion.

I can live with him being of the opinion that I can't write, as long as I don't feel like it's actual truth. I don't think that will destroy our relationship. I mean, I don't like the way he drives, but I still ride with him.

cymberle said:

Funny thing was, he couldn't handle it if I didn't take one of his suggestions...go figure.

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Ha! Mr Putputt is a little bit like that. He gets a bit grumpy if I don't take his suggestion...but check out rule #6 of this great post on receiving critiques. I agree with the author about not letting your beta reader read your MS again after they've critiqued it. That way lies frustration and butthurt-ness.

My husband critiques my work all the time, but he's has a degree in English Secondary Education, has done a LOT of writing, won some awards (years ago; he's a little rusty), etc. He always offers great advice and I respect his opinion so much. I don't know what I would do if he wasn't around to help me out.

Oh I'll add its extremely important for a critique to be familiar with the genre I'm trying to write.

I had to BEG my boyfriend to read my book. He eventually did but could only give me good advice after his aunt also read it and he just mimed everything she said. He reads occasionally but not like I do, and he definitely doesn't read anything in the genre I write. I love him to death, but he is not a good beta reader

My boyfriend would crit/beta read my work if I'd let him. The thing is he's a writer himself, and a reviewer, so he's really harsh on stuff. And while, yes, I know critiques and constructive criticism are definitely needed, for some reason I'm incredibly sensitive to what he thinks.

crunchyblanket said:

I give him a blue highlighter and ask him to mark the points at which he starts to get bored.

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This is a good tip.

When I ask my wife to read my next revision, I'd like to give her some direction so she doesn't feel like she's unnecessarily shredding my work.

Anyone else have tips they specifically ask of their significant others?

MythMonger said:

Anyone else have tips they specifically ask of their significant others?

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This is what I ask my partner, who has stubbornly ignored my obviously wise, incontrovertible, and excellent instructions both times she read my MS.

1. Read my MS at the same pace you would for a published book--to simulate the condition of a normal reader. Focusing on the tree is very different from viewing the forest. The commercial audience is not reading a book to do line-edits; it reads to enjoy. Getting bogged down distorts a reader's intuitive feel for the storytelling. I want to get the story right before I fine tune it. Nevertheless, my partner gets all compulsive and starts to make detailed edits (e.g. rewrite my sentences).

2. In the margin, put a plus (+) next to what you like, and put a minus (-) next to what you dislike. This won't slow you down. When I revise, I'll know what's good so I don't delete it and what's bad so I can take it out. She's better at complying with this.

Goldbirch said:

I did this, too!

Works well for us in general, though it's had a few rough patches. She has an uncanny ability to tell where I'm trying to go with a piece, and to point out the parts that aren't getting me there.

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Hee! We're keeping it in-house.