Oh, man, I can't believe I said THAT in a post!

Mr Flibble · Nov 29, 2009

scarletpeaches said:
A female friend once told me that I'm single because I scare men, I'm too intelligent and that I should let men know I need them.

You only scare off the crap men. :tongue

It don't make no never mind to me if a poster is male or female though.

scarletpeaches · Nov 29, 2009

IdiotsRUs said:
You only scare off the crap men.

It don't make no never mind to me if a poster is male or female though.

If I were a nice person I'd say thank you for the compliment.

But I'm not, so I can't and you'll just have to live with it.

PS: Douchenozzle. :tongue

Cassiopeia · Nov 29, 2009

Medievalist said:
There's a phenomenon online, and yes, it's very much present here on AW, where women who are direct and specific are told that their "tone" is unacceptable.

I'm not talking about wanton malice, or being cruel. I'm not talking about, for instance, saying "your writing is shitty, and no one will ever publish you." Those are not acceptable, or even common, on AW.

When people assumed that medievalist=male, they were far more willing to tolerate me making an assertion of fact, than when they realized I was female. (And it's not like I hid it, for crying out loud; my name is on every post I've made.)

There are cultural assumptions that if you're female you should be "nice," that there are different standards for men and women.

I think it also goes beyond being female as well. I've learned that some people come to expect certain things from online persona and even get offended when someone who they consider is nice, steps outside the box to be blunt and perhaps even confrontational.

I have been known to get reps that are just shocked at my "behaviour" and they thought I was "nicer than that". Well, I can't be "nice" all the time and not compromise my own voice. Sometimes I will be blunt and do nothing to sugarcoat what I've to say.

I find it confining and frustrating to be pigeon-holed into someone's idea who who they think I am.

Ken · Nov 29, 2009

... you may have something of a point with that sexism thing. It's far less prevalent than in the past, though, do to all the achievements women have made and great contributions to society. No sane man can be impervious to that.

Still, sexism lingers on to a degree. Got a bit of it myself, I fear, from watching The Honeymooners in part throughout my youth. Women should never let that hold them back, though. If guys don't care for intelligent women or if there is a general tendency in that direction that is our problem; not yours. Don't cave into it for a second. Be the best you can be and never try to cater to some stupid desire of the sort.

// End lecture.

Mr Flibble · Nov 29, 2009

scarletpeaches said:
PS: Douchenozzle.

Arsewipe

Cassiopeia said:
I have been known to get reps that are just shocked at my "behaviour" and they thought I was "nicer than that". Well, I can't be "nice" all the time and not compromise my own voice. Sometimes I will be blunt and do nothing to sugarcoat what I've to say.

I find it confining and frustrating to be pigeon-holed into someone's idea who who they think I am.

Oh yeah, I've had those. I was thinking of printing them and framing them lol.

MacAllister · Nov 29, 2009

Weird.

No one ever tells me they thought I was "nicer than that."

Wayne K · Nov 29, 2009

Strangely enough no one has ever sent me a "I thought you were nicer than that" rep.

Hmm.

Mr Flibble · Nov 29, 2009

When I got one, I could only assume I'm not the only one with delusions.

BtW: DH - if you're telling me you had a crush on Fun Boy Three I shall lose all respect. We all know that Avon was the man to lust after.

Deleted member 42 · Nov 29, 2009

MacAllister said:
Weird.

No one ever tells me they thought I was "nicer than that."

Some of us are more closely associated with modal conditional auxiliaries than others.

scarletpeaches · Nov 29, 2009

Adam Ant!

Jeez, he was gorgeous before he went batshit. Bit like Joaquin Phoenix in that regard.

Mr Flibble · Nov 29, 2009

I remember having to persuade my Dad Adam Ant was a guy. *drools* I also remember the craze for tippex across the nose at school lol

kuwisdelu · Nov 29, 2009

I prefer intelligence in both sexes.

BenPanced · Nov 29, 2009

Medievalist said:
There's a phenomenon online, and yes, it's very much present here on AW, where women who are direct and specific are told that their "tone" is unacceptable.

I'm not talking about wanton malice, or being cruel. I'm not talking about, for instance, saying "your writing is shitty, and no one will ever publish you." Those are not acceptable, or even common, on AW.

When people assumed that medievalist=male, they were far more willing to tolerate me making an assertion of fact, than when they realized I was female. (And it's not like I hid it, for crying out loud; my name is on every post I've made.)

There are cultural assumptions that if you're female you should be "nice," that there are different standards for men and women.

Girls use teh intarwebz?

:ROFL:

Next you'll tell me they own Xbox systems! Ye're a stone riot!

Deleted member 42 · Nov 29, 2009

scarletpeaches said:
A female friend once told me that I'm single because I scare men, I'm too intelligent and that I should let men know I need them.

So I asked, "Would you tell a man to be so needy, or advise them to temper their personality?"

Here's a case in point. I just received a PM from a relatively new member in which he chastises me as "a young woman like yourself," for referring to Robert de Boron's Arthurian literature in the thirteenth century as Arthurian fan fic.

He asks "what right do you have to dismiss great literature" etc. etc.

Now, I'm not going to respond--but the thing is, he's starting from the assumptions that:

1. I am "young"--I'm not. I'm ancient. Middle-aged, anyway.

2. That he knows more about medieval Arthurian literature because, as he says, he's read and liked Malory.

3. That as an "older male" he has a right to chastise me--and he is aware that he is chastising me because he says he didn't want to correct me publicly (which actually is kind and thoughtful).

He doesn't have a right to chastise me, frankly, based on age or sex.

He might have one, based on knowledge.

But honestly? It's pretty unlikely, even on AW, that he would know more about this particular niche. (I'm not just being self-aggrandizing; I really am a medievalist, and my dissertation is Arthurian and Celtic).

But he knows I'm female. And that sort of starts his bizarre train of false assumptions.

KTC · Nov 29, 2009

too much thinking in this thread. i own my nastiness. and my sappiness. and my periodic bitchiness. take it or leave it. i'm not going to be examining it any time soon.

Fran · Nov 29, 2009

I try to be nice in public, but my boy's going to get a PM tomorrow that'll set his hair on fire.

KellyAssauer · Nov 29, 2009

Great there goes my Sunday night, not that I had plans mind ya, but now I gotta go send a ton of peeps a "Thought you were nicer than that" rep...
It being the holidays and all.

Wayne K · Nov 29, 2009

Medievalist said:
Here's a case in point. I just received a PM from a relatively new member in which he chastises me as "a young woman like yourself," for referring to Robert de Boron's Arthurian literature in the thirteenth century as Arthurian fan fic.

He asks "what right do you have to dismiss great literature" etc. etc.

Now, I'm not going to respond--but the thing is, he's starting from the assumptions that:

1. I am "young"--I'm not. I'm ancient. Middle-aged, anyway.

2. That he knows more about medieval Arthurian literature because, as he says, he's read and liked Malory.

3. That as an "older male" he has a right to chastise me--and he is aware that he is chastising me because he says he didn't want to correct me publicly (which actually is kind and thoughtful).

He doesn't have a right to chastise me, frankly, based on age or sex.

He might have one, based on knowledge.

But honestly? It's pretty unlikely, even on AW, that he would know more about this particular niche. (I'm not just being self-aggrandizing; I really am a medievalist, and my dissertation is Arthurian and Celtic).

But he knows I'm female. And that sort of starts his bizarre train of false assumptions.

I can't believe there are people who still think like this.

KTC · Nov 29, 2009

what i hate is all the rep comments saying how nice i am. some people just don't get me.

Slushie · Nov 29, 2009

Medievalist said:
Here's a case in point. I just received a PM from a relatively new member in which he chastises me as "a young woman like yourself," for referring to Robert de Boron's Arthurian literature in the thirteenth century as Arthurian fan fic.

He asks "what right do you have to dismiss great literature" etc. etc.

Now, I'm not going to respond--but the thing is, he's starting from the assumptions that:

1. I am "young"--I'm not. I'm ancient. Middle-aged, anyway.

2. That he knows more about medieval Arthurian literature because, as he says, he's read and liked Malory.

3. That as an "older male" he has a right to chastise me--and he is aware that he is chastising me because he says he didn't want to correct me publicly (which actually is kind and thoughtful).

He doesn't have a right to chastise me, frankly, based on age or sex.

He might have one, based on knowledge.

But honestly? It's pretty unlikely, even on AW, that he would know more about this particular niche. (I'm not just being self-aggrandizing; I really am a medievalist, and my dissertation is Arthurian and Celtic).

But he knows I'm female. And that sort of starts his bizarre train of false assumptions.

See, this is the beauty of me being a new member: people look right over my posts. I know exactly which thread you're talking about and I posted right below yours. Something about:

Did he write it in second person present, too? (something like that)

If the person that you describe was insulted by your reference to fan fic, and sent you a soapbox PM, I can only assume he'd felt the same about my reply. Maybe he didn't do likewise to me cus I'm new...and a young male, thus more 'socially acceptable' to make sarcastic comments? Maybe? Sounds ridiculous, but people can be weird. Seriously.

*shrugs*

People just over-react and I don't think I'll ever understand it.

scarletpeaches · Nov 29, 2009

I know there are people who would read Medi's posts and think she's the soapboxing one, but believe you me, when you hear every day that you should be sugar and spice and all things nice, temper your personality, not be a bitch, a ballbreaker, wear a little makeup, tell men you need them, act a certain way to catch a husband, just be a little less...

Well. Try hearing that because of what you have between your legs every. Fucking. Day.

Wayne K · Nov 29, 2009

The reason I hate Medi is that she always makes me look things up.

I hates the smart ones.

ETA:

Fran · Nov 29, 2009

scarletpeaches said:
I know there are people who would read Medi's posts and think she's the soapboxing one, but believe you me, when you hear every day that you should be sugar and spice and all things nice, temper your personality, not be a bitch, a ballbreaker, wear a little makeup, tell men you need them, act a certain way to catch a husband, just be a little less...

I get that too. I get told my intelligence intimidates them, when they should be far more worried about my chainsaw and flamethrower. :evil

Slushie · Nov 29, 2009

Fran said:
I get that too. I get told my intelligence intimidates them, when they should be far more worried about my chainsaw and flamethrower.

I think it comes from an alpha male mentality. Power. Dominance. An intelligent woman is--subconsciously--seen as a threat to his autonomy and control. I'm not a femininst, but I think that mindset is retarded and neanderthalish.

Painting in a broad brush I am.

scarletpeaches · Nov 29, 2009

You wouldn't believe how many times I've heard that from men who do a flip-reverse when we're involved.

Oh now you expect me to be the little woman at home, huh? Don't let the door hit you on the arse on the way out.

Oh, man, I can't believe I said THAT in a post!

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