Ah, the financial life of a writer

Long ago, a producer paid $10 to option one of my screenplays-- and my agent actually took her $1 cut and sent me a check for $9... which bounced. (My fault-- I let the check sit around for a long time because it amused me.)

Today I got this note:

"Good news. Your book with {ghostwriting client} has earned royalties; however, it is for .79 . Would you like for us to send a check or hold until the next royalty period?"

I am sorely tempted to make them pay the 42 cents in postage to mail me my check, so I can pay $2 in gas to drive to the bank and deposit it!

Storygirl, did you just make up the terms "pubbies" and "unpubbies"? Those are my new favorite terms.

Yup, us pubbies use emerald toothpicks and six-ply toilet paper.

Know what's funny? I just made a similar distinction to a friend of mine who landed on the NYT bestseller list last week. I told him I'd just seen his book at Kmart, and he responded, "What were you doing in Kmart? No one shops there anymore." Here's an excerpt of the e-mail I sent him back: "You've lost touch with the common man. You're over there in NYT List Kingdom and you probably shop at Bloomingdale's now and have your butler buy your groceries. We unbestselling authors still shop at Kmart."

Now I see there's a tiered system, though.

Unpubbies: Eat mudpies, have holes in socks, have 12" black and white televisions that are not cable ready, lack plumbing

Pubbies: Can buy water snails, nearly all of a paperbook book, and sometimes candy bars

Bestsellies: Can buy terrariums for their water snails and expensive microphones to amplify the slooshing